The Funniest Dad On The Block

(this interview originally appeared in the June 2008 issue of New York Family.)

In the world of comedy writing, Ben Karlin has a dream resume. Up to a year and half ago, he was the executive producer of not only the “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart,” but also “The Colbert Report.” Since then he’s been immersed in developing projects for HBO, a movie script just sold to Miramax, and a new book, “Things I’ve Learned From Women Who’ve Dumped Me,” an anthology of essays which he edited—and which is much more poignant than it sounds (though still very funny). 

In collaboration with his beloved wife, Paola, Karlin has also begun another very special project: He’s become a dad. His beautiful boy, Theo, recently turned one. As with many new parents, the first year for Ben and Paola, who live in Fort Greene, was not exactly a laugh a minute, but it was also filled with great love and humor. To find out more about how the parenting project is going, we sat down with Karlin at his Brooklyn-based production company, Superego Industries.

When you found out you were going to be a dad, did you read anything to prepare? Maybe brush up on “Green Eggs and Ham” or read your friend Neal Pollack’s “Alternadad?”

We got the usual battery of books that you’re supposed to read, but even though it was real and tangible, it seemed so theoretical that it was hard for me to read. I prefer asking people. My favorite thing is canvassing my friends because they’ve actually dealt with it. For some reason you feel like your friends are more normal than the doctors who write those kinds of books. You read something like the Ferber book and you think ‘People don’t really do it like this, do they?’ And you call [your friends] and everyone is like, ‘We did it a little bit,’ and I thought, ‘Ok, an answer from an actual person.’ I like to gather information from a variety of sources, and when it starts coming back consistent, I do that.

Did you always envision that you’d be a dad? Was that the plan?

No! [Laughs.] I’m not going to say it was never the plan, but I never had a strong picture of myself as an adult, and I still have a hard time seeing myself as an adult, but apparently I am one, because I have insurance.

What has surprised you most about fatherhood?

I think the intensity of the bond between the mother and the child is really shocking. It’s so primal you can’t believe it. As a father, it’s kind of a weird thing to observe because you’re like ‘Hey, I’m over here!’ At some point, the baby is going to be passed off to me and we’re going to do “boy” things together, like if he wants to play sports and do other father-son bonding things. So when he embraces his “boy-ness” he’ll be passed off to me like a baton in a relay race.

What is the coolest part about being a dad?

I think what’s been most exciting has probably been witnessing someone awaken to the world. The other day my son discovered his hands work. You can’t really think of a time in your life when you didn’t realize what your hands did, but there was a time! And the only people who probably saw you discover that you could grab things were your parents. The other day he learned how to clap. I don’t think I’ve ever been that happy in my life as he was when he realized he could put his hands together.

Moms talk about “mommy” stuff all the time. What kinds of things do you talk about with other dads?

Flight instinct mainly. It’s all about flight instinct. My friends never told me how hard it was going to be. They said it was hard, but usually when you talk to them they’re not three months into it—they’re a couple years into it—and then they’re loving life and saying, ‘My kid is so cool.’ Nobody ever said that the first year, especially that first six months, is kind of the toughest thing you might ever go through.

What is a funny moment you’ve had with your son?

I would say the entire first six months of his life. I’m actually a little worried because we haven’t had any kind of midnight runs to the emergency room like ‘Oh my God, what did he eat?’ I’m worried that we haven’t had any calamities yet. Actually, there was that time I left him in a cab...

How has your social life changed since Theo was born? 

I would say...as much as a social life can possibly change. I spend so much more time at home, and the lack of sleep saps you of your will and energy to go out to begin with. Living in New York City, there is an infinite buffet of things to do and places to go, and you have to curtail that massively. The good thing is that New York is an eternal city, so when [my wife and I] are ready to get back out there it’s going to be waiting for us. Although I’ve definitely enjoyed certain things at home that I’ve never done before—like I can’t even remember multiple weekend nights at home just cooking with my wife, and it’s actually been quite nice.

How are you similar or different from the kind of father your dad was? I heard he was an ad exec with the Dunkin Donuts account and your popularity was based on bribing kids with free donuts. How are you going to top that?

I will not be bringing home free donuts. I do remember my dad being the guy who taught me how to play catch and took me to my first baseball game, and when you’re a little boy those are the types of basic things that mean a lot before you start developing your eccentricities that make you who you are. My dad was a really good dad, so I can’t say what I would do differently besides the donut thing.

What have you learned so far as a parent?

One important thing is how you relate to time.  I like to do things and then be done with them. I like to sit and play, then go read, pay bills, watch television, go to sleep and do that all in a set amount of time. But when you’re hanging out with your baby, you have to hang out until he’s tired. Then you get up and say, ‘I thought that was going to take 20 minutes; it took 80.’ So I’ve had to learn how to be patient in a different way—to slow down and find joy in these weird, small moments, and when you do slow down it’s actually quite beautiful to observe.

What is the best parenting advice you’ve ever gotten?

I haven’t had a chance to use this advice yet, but it was something someone told me before Theo was born, which is that you always have to remember the child is born into your world, you’re not born into his, so don’t be embarrassed by the things your kids do. Just let the baby be the baby. You don’t have to project your stuff onto him. Like if he stands up in the middle of a room and farts, I mean that’s what babies do. I’m not going to apologize.

Do you tell your son jokes? He’s one, so I’m sure he’s aching for a good comedy routine.

All the jokes I tell him are very arch and ironic. When I’m reading him books [about things] like, ‘Do things with Daddy! Let’s find Daddy’s tools—and let’s build a dog house!’ I say, ‘Daddy doesn’t have tools. Daddy has a computer and Daddy wouldn’t know how to build a dog house if you put a gun to his head.’

I bet he enjoys that. So let’s talk about your book. What prompted you to put together this anthology about heartbreak?

Well, I edited the book. It’s not a book that I wrote from start to finish, even though I probably have a novella of things I’ve learned from women who dumped me. But the idea was to do it as an anthology. I was interested in an introspection from the male point of view that wasn’t new age-y or saccharine. I didn’t want it to be overly sweet lessons. I wanted it to be funny and true.

Why is the book, “Things I’ve Learned From Women Who Dumped Me” and not “Things I’ve Learned From Women”? Besides being a long title, why did you pick the dumping aspect as your focus?

I think it’s funnier. I wanted to have a funny title, but I also think I wanted it to be very clear that the stories are coming from the point of view of people whose relationships ended that they weren’t in control of. Because ultimately, the book is about how you deal with rejection—whether it’s being rejected from a huge relationship or just a crush that isn’t returned, that to me doesn’t matter. What matters is that feeling of putting yourself out there and [those feelings] not being returned. Sometimes it makes you feel bitter or mad or shut down, so I was just curious to see how people reacted.

How did you get the idea for your mom to write the foreword?

The idea was, ‘Who is the least objective person I can get to do this?’ And it’s a mother. A mother has no objection whatsoever. They think everything their children do is wonderful. Parents think their children are flawless. I thought it would be funny to have a mom, and it had to be my mom because it wouldn’t make sense if it was just some random mom. She wrote it. I give her all the credit. I presented the idea, told her what I was looking for, and she wrote a draft that was pretty close to what actually ended up in the book. I am not a good enough writer to write in the Jewish mom voice.

In your career, you went from fake news to deeply personal topics like breakups. That’s quite a shift—what brought that on? Was it a natural progression?

I think it was. It’s the curiosity of exploring the places in your life you haven’t really illuminated yet, and for better and for worse, my natural instinct is to do that through comedy. It’s a natural first step—to do something that is personal—and the next thing I’m working on is a movie about children of divorce. My parents are divorced, but it’s not autobiographical at all. To me, that’s a good middle ground. It’s not my own personal history, but it is informed by something personal.

Do you think it’s different to have work about your personal life critiqued versus when “The Daily Show” is criticized?

The difference is when you’re doing personal work about yourself you open yourself up to [a certain] type of scrutiny—valid and otherwise. With “The Daily Show,” they’ll say it’s either funny or not funny or they’ll criticize the politics—that’s not a personal attack. But when you write something personal and someone says you’re a terrible person...[Laughs]

Why did you leave “The Daily Show” and “The Colbert Report”? Did it have anything to do with having a family and starting a new chapter of your life?

I think it wasn’t overtly stated that way, but it’s all part of that whole ‘moving on’ thing that you get, that itch. I’ve never been the type of person to just be happy with what they have, which is kind of a bad thing, but also it can be a good thing. It can push you to explore new parts of your life and the world. I just felt like I had basically achieved everything I wanted to with Jon [Stewart] in that world. People looking from outside can’t understand why someone would leave a good job with a lot of prestige. But you have to go to work every day. It doesn’t matter how sexy or cool people think what you do is—if you feel like you’re just done [with the job], nothing is going to make that better. I had a lot of other stuff I wanted to do.

What is your company, Superego Industries, working on at the moment?

We’ve turned “Things I’ve Learned From Women Who Dumped Me,” into a live show, and we’re editing that as a presentation for HBO, like a comedy variety show about failed relationships. And we have a television show about a UFO alien death cult in Wisconsin. That is not a reality show—I should mention that. We did another show about a man who attempts to become the richest man in the universe. Then we have a movie about the mystery surrounding the world’s most expensive bottle of wine. Try to put that in a category.

How did you and your family decide to live in Fort Greene? Why Brooklyn versus Manhattan?

We actually own a place in Manhattan, which we rent out, but we chose to live in Brooklyn for classic reasons like more greenery, having a backyard, the ease of having a car, and cost-wise there is no comparison. So it just seemed like Brooklyn was a mellower place to have a kid.

Is Fort Greene a kid-friendly place?

I think Fort Greene is incredibly kid-friendly. The main park, if there was just that, would be great, but the fact that there is a park right there on Dekalb and a park on Adelphi—literally there are a half-dozen parks within a 10-minute walk, and they’re really good parks. There are always a lot of other kids there. Plus, the Farmer’s Market on Saturday is always a kid-fest too. And as far as restaurants, it’s not really a fancy pants neighborhood, so nobody is going to do a double take if you walk in somewhere with a kid.

What do you see as the pros and cons to raising kids in the city?

I grew up in the suburbs and, personally, I can’t imagine raising kids in the suburbs. I mean, I know people do it, but for me the city is a vibrant, exciting place where there is so much going on, so much stimulation, and there is a diversity of humanity here reflective of the planet, maybe less so than in the past, but still. I like to think that our child will be a child of the world, and New York is a place where the world meets and interacts and comes together with art, culture and everything. And I’m hoping that at an early age that will be fused into [my son’s] DNA and he’ll be all the more interesting and curious about the world as a result. That’s the gamble. It’s obviously not an easy place to raise a child given the amount of space and transportation, but that’s why we do it. Also, I support congestion pricing.

Is there anything else you would like to tell our readers?

Have I mentioned that I support congestion pricing?

Let’s say you could travel back in time and give Ben-From-Last-Year parenting advice. What would it be?

Hang in there. It gets easier.