Bash Compactor: Sinners and Saints

Anticlimactic” was the theme of the evening at a Saturday night Christmas party thrown by [The Saint At Large] at Pachita.

I arrived to find an empty dance floor and nobody under 30. Christmas-themed decorations went along with a lot of white confetti (snow or blow?) and go-go elves wearing fake ears and pilgrim-style collars, apparently hand sewn by drag diva Epiphany.

“You look familiar,” I said to the leather jock-wearing go-go boy hanging around the tranny seamstress. “Were you at the Oktoberfist party at the Woodshop?” I said loudly, trying to attract her attention. He responded by placing my hand on his crotch.

Squealing when she got that I was with the New York Press, Epiphany showered praise on me. “Oh, my God, this guy is an author,” she informed her companion. The dancer shoved my hand inside of his jock.

“He’s jerking me off right now,” he shot back.

She was also chatting with porn stud Ben Andrews and getting bubbly hellos from giddy go-gos Shane Mercado of YouTube “Single Ladies” fame and Sid, who told me they go wherever sexy promoter [Vance Garrett] tells them to. Short and sweet with a cleft in his chin, Vance wished me a merry evening but bestowed no drink tickets. For shame!

Running outside for a smoke, I passed scary drag expert Acid Betty, who wore a long headpiece that made her look like a stylized cast member of Alien. Also just arriving was Kevin Aviance covered in a skintight green jumpsuit and eye makeup that pulled together a look reminiscent of Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy. He posed for multiple erotic photos with a black Santa Claus (the regular doorman from Eastern Bloc).

I was yawning on a couch when I spotted a jolly Latino gentleman voguing near some exclusive-looking scene queens. Asked for his name, he simply pointed at a striking transsexual who identified herself as Carmen Xtravaganza, mother of the House of Xtravaganza. Her scrutinizing glare—and Albert Xtravaganza, the heavyweight runway boy—were the best part of my evening.