Although Barry Bonds has stolen most of the headlines today for his illegal activities, the New York Yankees have a criminal of their own. Derek Jeter, a.k.a. Mr. Perfect, apparently isn’t so perfect after all. According to the government, the Yankees’ captain owes the state of New York million of dollars for claiming on his tax returns that he lives in Florida when he actually resides in New York. Florida doesn’t have to pay income taxes, so Jeter hasn’t paid a cent. Apparently, that “C” on his uniform stands for “Cheater” or “Cheapskate.”
Aside form their off-the-field problems, the Yankees have plenty of on-the-field issues to worry about too. Hall-of-Fame closer Mariano Rivera has rejected their absurd three-year, $45-million offer. The contract would have made Rivera that highest-paid reliever in baseball by far until he’s 40, which made about as much sense as cheating on your taxes when you have hundreds of millions of dollars. The only thing dumber than the offer was Rivera’s rejection of it—he wants a fourth year guaranteed—proving that A-Rod isn’t the only Pinstriper with a lower IQ than an autistic monkey.
Speaking of A-Rod, the Yankees and the image-conscious slugger have reached an agreement to bring Rodriguez back to New York. It will be for ten years and $275 million, the largest contract in the history of baseball, with massive incentives for setting the home run record. Between this, the Posada deal and Rivera’s offer, New York has now spent enough money this offseason to officially purchase a small country, which might not be such a bad idea. Their players could live there without paying taxes, and they wouldn’t have to get in trouble with the government.