We Want Six Trains an Hour!; Dr. Ducky Doolittle's Swan Song; "More Fresh Meat" at K. Foster Gallery; Free Coffee at Chelsea Piers

We're not even talking about the B, N and C?trains that you don't mess with after 1 a.m. We're talking about the IRT lines, which go at a clip of three per hour postmidnight, barely accommodating weekend clubgoers and listless folks from Tribeca and the Lower East Side. You ever sauntered onto a train at 2:30 to find no seats and some guy freaking out on a keyboard? Let's fix this crap. New York needs Six Trains an Hour.

I called up the mayoral candidates to find where they stand on Six Trains an Hour. Couldn't talk to Republican Bloomberg, because he isn't running just yet, but I did catch Democrats Mark Green, Fernando Ferrer and Peter Vallone. Of these, Green is the only one who even halfway has his act together; he boasts an actual office that takes calls, keeps records of quotes and maintains a website . The other guys are like indie candidates.

"Mark has called specifically for increasing off-hour service, and extending what are called the 'shoulders' of the rush hour," says hired throat Steve Sigmund. "Rush hour is currently just from 4 to 6:30; it needs to be longer. On March 25, 2001, you know, Mark called for a subway rider's bill of rights."

You have to hand it to Democrats; they'd pass a Kids who Play Quake Bill of Rights if it came up. But, in any case: Six Trains an Hour. None of the candidates is quite attuned to it, but Mark Green seems most likely to make it a reality, and if you don't want to wait for him, call the MTA customer relations hotline (718-330-3322) to demand more late-night service.

...Dr. Ducky Doolittle is having her last night at Barmacy (538 E. 14th St., betw. Aves. A&B, 228-2240) this Wednesday; she's going out with a "Sex In Space" show/birthday party. For those who haven't seen Ducky at Barmacy or run across her on the Internet, cable or writing in Jalouse, she's a multimedia powerhouse and performance-art sex expert who brings scores of people to her weekly educational shows. But anyway, fornication in space?you've seen Moonraker, right? Can this happen?

"You have to wear a diaper in space, so you would have to have a diaper fetish to enjoy it," Ducky says. "If you look at the design of a typical astronaut suit, they all have a diaper. I just don't think sex is feasible.

"The thing is," Ducky brightens up, "they put chimps in space, and you can't control chimp behavior?they jerk off all the time. So they must have footage of chimps jerking off in space."

The show at Barmacy begins at midnight; it costs $3 to get in, free before 10 p.m. Expect the regular collection of weirdoes, split 50-50 male-female, and wear any sort of space suit to get in free.

...A nice thing about young, up-and-coming sculptors?they aren't that young. It takes them four years to get their bachelors; then they leave school and establish themselves digging ditches in the art world; then they go back for a two-year MFA, and when they come out of the whole process, they're around 30. So they won't make you feel old at the opening party for "More Fresh Meat," this Saturday at the Kim Foster Gallery (529 W. 20th St., betw. 10th & 11th Aves., 229-0044).

"More Fresh Meat" reprises the Fresh Meat show that debuted two years ago at Kim Foster. The "Fresh Meat" artists (there are nine) have all recently graduated the School of the Arts at Virginia Commonwealth University, which accepts about seven out of 1000 applicants every year.

"A lot of these kids have already won grants at this point," says Foster. "Right now the competition is so steep, but coming out of VCU they have an upper hand."

Highlights include Genevieve Paterson, who takes dog and human hair, weaves it and adds papier-mache to make portraits. Think, you could get a sculpture of your face using your hair, take a picture of it and put it on a t-shirt! Also, according to Kim Foster:

"The last ["Fresh Meat"] that we had was packed. It was about 1000 people and we served beer."

Free beer?

"Hell yeah." Party starts at 6 p.m. Show runs until June 30.

...If you start at "More Fresh Meat" and go out in Chelsea on Saturday night, do take advantage of some free coffee the next morning. Over at Chelsea Piers (Pier 60, 23rd St. & Hudson River, 336-6000), starting at 7 a.m. on Sunday, Dunkin' Donuts' Rocket Man is hanging out with his RocketMobile giving away free coffee to all comers.

Rocket Man is, loosely, a guy in a suit with a tank full of coffee strapped to his back, and a nozzle. He's not the exclusive property of Dunkin' Donuts; in fact, at www.rocketman.com you can see the Rocket Man concept applied around the world. There are pictures of tanked men distributing beer at a Mexican soccer stadium, doling out Slush Puppies at a baseball game and serving children at what looks like a Lipton festival in Germany. For only $99, you, too, can purchase the Rocket Man Mini Pak and keep yourself saturated with your favorite liquids at all times. Seriously: if you show up at a party with a backpack full of caramel frappuccino, you aren't leaving alone.

...Mini-blurbs from a Thursday on the Lower East Side: Started at the New York Press Summer Guide party at the Puck Bldg. (295 Lafayette St. at Houston St., 274-8900), which I got to rather late. It was clear that people had been milling in off the street, which didn't change the atmosphere at all, really.

Proximity to underage females who neglected to bring ID limited my options. I spent some time at the Swift Hibernian Lounge (34 E. 4th St., betw. Bowery & Lafayette St., 260-3600), which has tall ceilings, a great ventilation system and some genuine losers: the 30+ guy next to me demonstrated how his cellphone had caller ID and hit on my friend so shoddily that she claimed me as her boyfriend for safety.

Ended up at Blue & Gold Tavern (79 E. 7th St., betw. 1st & 2nd Aves., 473-8918), which doesn't have tall ceilings or good ventilation, but is still one of the more lenient places for carding. Witnessed someone get busted smoking pot in the bathroom.

Blue & Gold bouncer: "Hey man, don't smoke pot in the bathroom."

Pot-smoking hooligan: "Man, that was a cigarette."

Bouncer: "Then how come it smells like that?"

Hooligan: "I don't know, there were three other guys in my stall."