TRUTHBOMB

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Late last year, someone began tweeting as Armond White. This impersonator tapped into the imagined id of our infamous film critic, commenting on office politics, other critics and newspapers. It’s been a wild read: He dropped #TRUTHBOMBS like no one else, and we’ve collected some of our favorites for all of you who don’t follow Twitter. Thanks, Fake Armond White. My favorite part of THE ZOOKEEPER all-media? Not knowing where the critics ended and the animals began. #TRUTHBOMB July 7 

…oh wait, THAT’S the Ortega Jerry’s always talking about. Kept thinking he was nuts and a jar of salsa was stealing our advertising money. June 29 24 more hours until the Village Voice finally falls before the New York Press. We’re celebrating at the Press office/tent with wine product! June 29 BABIES’ #describehobermanspeniswithamovie June 16

Asked Portwood why someone named @3xchair was pretending to be me. Jerry responded as usual: sobs and soft whimpers. June 14 Portwood finally admitted that there is no Rathe. It’s just him putting on a mustache and speaking in exaggerated British tones. #KNEWITBOMB June 13

SUPER 8 #spielbergporntitles June 9 Some days, the best thing in life is a delicious ice cream cone. Especially after stealing it from a crying child. #THELITTLETHINGSBOMB May 3 LEBANON, PA: It’s like JUNO. Except without the annoying dialog and done well. So, really, it isn’t at all like JUNO. Apr 29 Thing I’m gonna miss the most about #Tribeca? Having a reason to go to the Chelsea Clearview aside from "Crap! This isn’t Cinema Village!" Apr 28

Huh. Asked Portwood if I could head to Cannes this year over the phone. Heard a loud thud and then nothing. Then told him J/K! Apr 14 On a whim, I even took that train that goes from 8th Ave to 1st ave and then descends into irony. TONIGHT IT DIDN’T. #CROSSTOWNBOMB Mar 10

LOVELESS and NOW & LATER: Only thing these films proved: I like Mike & Ike’s. Feb 18 Mind you, "entire office" translates to the 6×6 room where the Press is glued together every Tuesday night. WHICH HE DOES BY HAND. Feb 4 #FOLLOWFRIDAY my editor @jerryportwood. If we get him past 500 followers today, he’ll buy cupcakes for the entire office. Feb 4 It is time to drop #REVIEWBOMBS as fast as wi-fi drops at a major film festival in Park City, Utah that promotes pseudo-independent film Jan 21

P.S. NOTE HOW I AM STANDING NEXT TO ANNETTE BENNING AND POSING LIKE A BOSS WHILE SHE DOES NOT CRY. #SUCKITJOHNCOOK #BENEDIKTBOMB Jan 17 YOU RIDE THE M79 FOR TWO HOURS AND YOU TRY NOT MAKING ANETTE BENNING CRY. Jan 11

Really. Why do film blogs sound so strange? Culture Turkey? Slash Food? Gordon and the Fish Sticks? Spout? Movie Lime? Dec 30 Just got word from Portwood: the NY Press office/tent/shelter is still standing. But we lost all of our archives so Jerry could heat beans. Dec 28 Besides–Kirsten Dunst is like a dainty pastry with toothpick legs…oh…my. Yes, that sounds delightful right now. Mm. Filled with air. Dec 1 Portwood just called. Mentioned something about me being on a tumbling bender? Christ, Jerry. I’m not Schwarzbaum at a breakfast meeting! Nov 30

BURLESQUE I said it before and I’ll say it again: WE NEED MORE REMAKES OF COYOTE UGLY WITH ACTUAL WOLVES. This came close. Nov 26

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