Are boys all idiots? I get asked this question a lot. And while I’m always very quick to jump to the defense of boys—they are a complex, emotional bunch after all—I have to say I’m deeply sorry, but yes, yes for the most part, they are all giant idiots (and I don’t mean to say they’re unintelligent or incapable, so bear with me a moment).
So girls, yeah, we’re not completely without fault. We can be crazy, demanding and difficult to appease. But here’s the thing about girls: it’s all tangible. She’s got her period, she’d going to cry and hate you and scoff chocolate. She’s happy, she’s going to spin about and laugh and flick her hair. She’s hungry, she’s going to cry and hate you and scoff chocolate… Wait… OK, you get the picture.
Girls are open books. The only time a girl is difficult is if she has her period or she’s hiding her feelings because she thinks it’s the best thing to do in the interests of the relationship. Because sometimes a girl knows when her feelings and demands are irrational, so she does her best to repress them. Never mind that they always end up boiling to the surface where crying, hating, and eating chocolate will ensue.
I’m gender stereotyping, of course. Not all girls eat chocolate. Some prefer a healthy heaping of carbs or candy. But I digress. Sometimes gender stereotyping is necessary in understanding the differences between men and women, and it doesn’t mean that the binary distinctions are always correct, but they can still be helpful. Women do a lot of atypical things, as do men, but in my experience, when it comes to my relationships and the relationships of the people around me, it’s fairly easy to put people into two very clear, gender specific roles.
And now I’m going to let all the boys in on a little secret—girls aren’t that hard to work out. For instance, if we’ve clearly put effort into our appearance, all you need to do is acknowledge it. A simple, “You look great!” does the trick. Because really (and I think I speak for the vast majority of women here), we don’t really care so much for waxing, makeup-ing and hair straightening. If it were up to us, we’d be more than happy to grow a jungle in our pants and skip the lippy.
We do it for you. We do it because we care, and we only want you to have the very best. And believe it or not, we don’t expect much in return. Just some sort of sign from you that you’ve seen what we’ve done, and are pleased by it. So this is why boys are idiots—the simplest of things, in terms of relationship etiquette, seem to elude them.
If we send you a cute text about missing you or some other bullshit, don’t say something practical about how you’re so tired and work’s a bitch. Or if you do, preface it with a “ditto.” We know WHY we haven’t seen you in a week. And we don’t care. We just want to know that you miss us too. WHAT’S SO HARD ABOUT THAT? Because the thing is, you do miss us. And deep down we know you do. But everyone needs to hear something nice from time to time, so c’mon. Throw us a bone.
Silly boy, do you know how much conflict could be avoided with a simple nod? A simple word or two just so we know we’re appreciated? All those things you think in your head but are too inept to communicate—all those little, tiny, might-seem-irrelevant-to-you things are the key to keeping your woman happy. You don’t have to be an idiot about love anymore, because I’ve told you how easy it is to not be. Don’t worry, it doesn’t emasculate you to say something sweet, and we promise not to tell your friends (although we will tell all of ours, of course). Now make with the compliments and don’t be stingy on the cuddles.
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