The Mandate: Help! I hooked up with my friend and he freaked out

Written by The Mandate on . Posted in NY Press Exclusive, Sex & Relationships.


I have had a crush on a friend of a friend for a while now, and he recently (about 2 months ago) broke up with his long-term girlfriend. We got a bit tipsy and hooked up a couple of weeks ago, and I think he’s a bit freaked out. I really like him, am really regretting my inebriated mistakes, and I just don’t know what to do! Is there a shot at something still happening there, or have I screwed it all up?

 

Ahhh the ol’ dip your toe in the water game, eh? Checking to see if maybe the water is warm enough that you can strip your clothes off and swim in bed for an afternoon or two. What is lacking from your question, and is seemingly a telltale sign, is whether or not he has had a crush on you all this time. It’s good that you waited those two months, because if you think he’s freaked out now, I can guarantee you would’ve woken up with a chicken scratch note on your pillow if you had acted any earlier.

 

So, have you screwed it up? No. There is something salvageable here. From the ashes may rise a relationship, or a continuous hook up. Or whatever you want. But right now, back off. Give him space. The reason this hook up happened to begin with, was because at one point you seemed unattainable to him. You were his friend who he could talk to about relationship bull, grab a beer, hang out, etc. And in turn he found out about your love life, which gave room for the maturation of friendliness to sexiness. But in the leap and bound the two of you took, the mystery is gone.

 

GET IT BACK!

 

Be laid back. Don’t let on that you care. Flirt with other dudes. I hate game playing, but in this case it’s the only thing that is going to work. You need to fuck with his head any style you can. If he flirts with a girl, don’t try getting possessive. Don’t make that snide joke that you think is cute, “Hey, which one of us are you going home with tonight? Hahaha, no I’m kidding.” Well it’s not funny. It’s creepy. Just let the shit slide for a while. Either he’ll come to you, or he won’t. If he doesn’t, then in the process of making him jealous, maybe you’ll find yourself a new beau.

 

I’ll tell you straight up though, the girlfriend thing shouldn’t have anything to do with his reaction. I know it takes a while to get over your ex, but two months should be the max (unless he’s hooking up with her behind your back, in which case you need to drop the whole situation because that’s a Western mess). If the hook up happens again, make sure it happens under sober circumstances. Drunken hook ups are what they are, an act of disrespectful lust (awesome), but if you want more, get it done on sober terms.

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