THE DEVIL AND A-ROD

"you made me love you, i didn't want to do it, i didn't want to do it." so go the words of an old familiar song. why do we do things we don't want to do? i was on location for a forgotten film staying in a hotel where a convention of baptist evangelicans was infesting the joint. there were a variety of buttons for sale with sayings such as, "jesus loves you," "i am saved" and, my favorite, "the devil made me do it," which i promptly purchased for a mere $3.

there is a fellow known as rod a, or something like that, who is yapping about ingesting or injecting verboten substances when he was a teenager. this rod lad is a baseball player who receives in the region of $2,000 every hour of his present life. in case you don't know this strange game, let me tell you about it. the game has pitchers that never get filled, catchers without the rye, shortstops who are extremely tall, infielders without a field and outfielders who are in the field. a fellow perched on an elevated grave throws a ball and another fellow with a stick attempts to hit it. if he misses, it's called a strike, even though nothing has been struck. again the fellow on the grave hurls the rounded object and an off-duty funeral undertaker nearby explains to the gang in the stands that said rounded object is a ball. as they have ball one, ball two, ball three and ball four, the assembled mob is taught to count, so it's not a wasted day.

because baseball is essential to the economy, as well as the country's spiritual wellbeing, players are venerated and given special status in society. many of them, however, have partaken of substances known as steroids, which give you bulging muscles and endurance, but for some reason they are forbidden to the nation's athletic heroes. the rod a chap says he did have some of this forbidden enhancement, but it was his cousin who made him do it. like the song. i believe it was not his cousin, but the devil who made him do it, as he did not want all that money going to his enemy, god.

i could give an endless list of people the devil has forced into evildoings, but in the final analysis it's all god's fault because they say god created everything, including the devil and all his evil.

in conclusion, 'twas god who made the rod lad do it, so let him enjoy his millions, and let us see if someone will give us millions for hitting a ball with a stick whilst clad in pajamas and sneakers. for that, i would make a pact with satan and his boss, god, for considerably less than the rod a lad. -- check my website malachymccourt.com and read malachy mccourt's history of ireland.