Don’t over think it if you don’t have to.

Recently I’ve been thinking of something I’ve often heard people say when describing the process of engaging with particularly complex or esoteric poetry.

“Let it wash over you.”

What does this mean exactly? It means not trying to understand every word or phrase or how it all fits together. Ultimately, agonizing over details lessens your experience of the work as a whole. Some poetry is better taken in when you let it hit you like a ton of waves and don’t lose your balance struggling to fight back. You might still lose your balance, but you won’t have wasted your energy.

It means not getting bogged down in the minutiae—assuming we can presuppose for our purposes anything in poetry can be considered trifling.

Maybe at some point you will go back and try again, maybe you will reread the poem many times or maybe you will never return to it.

This advice may seem counterintuitive or rudimentary to the seasoned reader, but it’s a worthwhile exercise for people with any level of expertise. Some poetry is simply not written to be deconstructed and what an individual takes away from the experience differs for every person and varies upon every read.

I’ve been thinking about this advice because it’s worth contemplating beyond the realm of the poetic. Sometimes life’s more trivial, nebulous stressors compound our anxiety until, while we can’t put our finger on exactly why, we are overwhelmed by what is beyond our control.

What if we could pass through life treating it a little more like a difficult, at times inaccessible, poem, a poem we don’t understand in full, but with parts that sound pleasing. What if rather than attempting to wield too much control over what happens to us, we let situations wash over us instead. What if we pulled back and watched them roll by, bit by bit?

Just as it’s still possible to appreciate art we do not fully grasp or “understand,” if we cede some of the need for control in our own lives we might be surprised how much is not lost, and even how much can be gained from this altered perspective.

It’s important to play an active role and be present and engaged in our own lives, but it’s also worth realizing when a situation is merely another impenetrable stanza.

Photo via Flickr/byronv2

Sometimes a lady just wants to enjoy a glass of wine, some candlelight, and a little ambient activity without the bother of making plans or, quite frankly, conversation.

Unfortunately, ever since Eve solo-drank her first Appletini and damned us all, visiting even the coziest bar alone and unbothered has become nearly impossible. Until now. So pull up a barstool, swirl your Syrah, and order that charcuterie board – you’re not going anywhere.

How to visit a bar alone and in peace:

1. Be a dude.
2. If Step 1 is within reach, you may stop reading and go directly to your bar of choice. If not, read on.
3. Stop showering. Give it a few days.
4. As for what to wear, where do I begin? You know best what looks worst on you. Wear that.
5. If you’re truly lost – or for some strange reason don’t own unflattering, man-repelling clothes – I’d be happy to lend you some.
6. When entering the bar, go straight to an open seat. Look for one next to a built-in barricade, like a column, or another loud woman.
7. Order two drinks.
8. This makes it look as though you may have company after all. Perhaps he or she is using the facilities. It’s been an hour but perhaps you guys just finished dinner at an Indian restaurant. Perhaps he or she simply suffers from IBS. Regardless, once IBS is out there, no one will be hitting on anything.
9. That second drink also makes it impossible for anyone to buy your next. Even if they do manage to get past your IBS-suffering boyfriend in the bathroom.
10. And if you’re worried about getting drunk and taking advantage of yourself, make the second drink a Shirley Temple.
11. Drain your face of all emotion. Pleasant indifference is your companion for the night.
12. Resist scowling at the guy who keeps trying to make eye contact from across the bar. Your scowl, his invitation.
13. If someone does approach, just start acting really fucking weird.
14. Take any usual filter and drop it in that cute little tea light. Watch it go up in flames and describe how you’re “drifting into smoke and ashes, like the memory of loves lost in labors unfound.”
15. In fact, mention love. A lot. Like, until he leaves.
16. Everyone will expect you to bring a book. They know the trick, and they’ll use it against you. Bring a whole stack of books instead.
17. Inevitably, someone will purse his lips, furrow his brow, and say, “That book any good?”
18. Eh, you’ll say. Don’t think you’d like it. “Try me,” he’ll say.
19. Well, it’s about a girl who goes to a bar to read her book.
20. He’ll smirk and tilt his head at your witty banter – how playful! – but you’ll continue.
21. No one will just let her fucking read, you’ll say. So she finally puts the book down and talks to the man. The two of them leave together. To his place. But then, before he can even slip his key into the lock, comes the climax: she stabs him. Dead.
22. “Bye,” he’ll say. Take care, you’ll say, as you motion for another glass of wine and turn the page.

The Protagonist interviewed several New Yorkers this week with the goal of better understanding the incredibly complex psychology behind the act of subway reading.

Anticipating primarily tales of the embarrassment surrounding reading something too “trashy” or juvenile, or, alternatively, something too pretentious, and how all this is impacted by the omnipresence of e-readers, or even how hard it is to focus on one’s book at all with all these coursing thoughts, I stumbled across a different, more prevalent phenomenon altogether.

While New Yorkers are overwhelmingly most embarrassed to be caught reading the “dorky” stuff, the fact is this: subway reading has gotten too damn sexual.

If it’s not the subway-reading-pickup-game — with book as mere conduit for something much more improper — it’s secret or not-so-secret pornographic reading, a whole universe of secret sex codes, presumptions about others’ sex lives and so on.

Kambri Crews, an author herself, who publicly reads whatever she wants (including Harry Potter) reserves judgment of what others read…for the most part.

“I always notice what others are reading but usually don’t think much of it,” says Crews. “Unless it’s some young kid with fake glasses reading Anna Karenina or something lofty and I think, ‘Yeah, right. Whatever,’ and sprain my eye muscles from rolling them so hard.”

Does anyone show an interest in what she’s reading? “Only men who are looking for action ever comment on what I’m reading,” says Crews.

According to comedian and prolific subway-reader Dan Nainan, “The thought of having to sit on the subway with nothing to do is unacceptable.”

Nainan doesn’t care what people think of his literary choices. “A friend of mine, Steve Chandler, wrote a fantastic book called 100 Ways to Motivate Yourself,” Nainan explains. “One of his tips asks, why should what someone else thinks affect how I feel?”

But then the plot thickens. “I will say that reading Fifty Shades of Grey on the subway has been quite interesting,” says Nainan. “Would you believe that I’ve had a few women start conversations with me about that book? One of these conversations even led to a date.”

Nainan offers an observation: “I see many women reading this book, all of them are reading it on e-readers – I think they are too embarrassed to actually read the physical book itself…some of them glance around furtively to make sure that nobody is seeing them read the book.”

“If a man were looking at pornography on the subway, or anywhere else in public, he would be excoriated,” he says. “Apparently, it’s okay for women to read pornography on the other hand.”

Another subway reader, Emily Glickman, echoes Nainan: “Recently I saw a woman openly reading Fifty Shades of Grey, the physical book, and thought that was a little off.”

Brooklynite Shelley Chapman, who says: “Electronics nowadays emit levels of radiation that can bother [her] after a while,” to explain her support of physical books, is not afraid to advertise her presumptions about others based on what they read.

“If I noticed someone reading a book titled My Baby Daddy Part 3, I’d wonder how in the heck they even managed to read Part 1 and 2,” says Chapman.

“Admittedly, there are a few books depending on the cover illustrations that I won’t as readily read on the train,” she says. “Such as my books on Tantra.”

With all the judgment, it’s no wonder some readers are a little self-conscious. Dustin Nelson remembers reading Nicholson Baker’s House of Holes on the train and feeling “a little weird about [it.]”

“I thought someone was going to see one of the chapter titles sitting next to me, since the chapter titles there are pretty dirty,” Nelson explains. “Maybe they’d think I was coming onto them with my book.”

Hunt Ethridge, on the other hand, isn’t afraid to confess his literary interests aren’t exactly pure: “I subscribe to the Erotica Center on my Kindle and on slow, cold days, I may read something spicy on my way home. That’s when it’s the best!” Others agree they use e-readers if they plan to read something a little personal, like a self-help book.

Hashim Locario, a dating coach and author, has even more aggressive intentions. Locario wrote a book for men called How to Have Sex with 2 Women a Day.

“When I first got the hard copies of the book printed I would read it on the train so people could see what I was reading,” says Locario. “Women would give me strange looks and men would always ask me where I got the book.”

“I actually sold a couple on the train that way,” he says.

Locario adds: “I actually used to pick up girls by approaching them and asking them about what they were reading.”

In fairness, some New Yorkers interviewed also had far more innocent intentions when they sparked up a conversation about books, or approached subway reading in general.

Christina DiRusso says she “love[s] giving out recommendations and always asks for ideas back.”

Bob Madison and his husband often read aloud to each other on the subway.

“This can sometimes raise eyebrows when it’s something like Tik-Tok of Oz,” he explains. “Just a couple of weeks ago we were reading Fer-der-lance, the first Nero Wolfe mystery on the train, and found a bit that was so smartly written and so funny that we were howling all the way to Chambers Street.”

Madison adds: “Then my husband was reading The Gods of Mars, an old adventure novel by Edgar Rice Burroughs, and he read a particularly over-the-top bit to me that I’m sure must’ve raised the eyebrows of anyone listening.”

While using books to pick up dates is far from a new phenomenon, The Protagonist is left wondering if the ubiquity of e-readers puts a damper on the process, or facilitates it further. One thing is for sure, e-readers make it more difficult to form an assumption based on what’s being read, though as some point out — at the very least they do make a statement about someone’s disposable income level.

Whatever the motive, it’s safe to say, when people idly read on the subway, they usually aren’t just idly reading. And the people casually not looking? Well, you know.

Illustration by Brian Taylor

It’s still the early part of the season, the good part, when summer hours kick into effect (for the luckiest among us), before the tourist invasion starts and the city starts to heat up and emit that special odor that’s uniquely New York in August.

There’s no better time to be in the city for those who love culture or the outdoors. Every street corner seems to sing with its own event or festivity, and even the most jaded New Yorker can find something to pique their interest.

Those fortunate enough to live here are in the epicenter of a marathon celebration that runs all the way through the dog days of August.
Inside, we’ve created a handy-dandy guide to the best live concerts, film festivals, theater openings, museum shows, outdoor events, summer reading series and more that will help you plot out the next few months of your life.

So heat up the grill and pour yourself a cold one. We hope you’ll find something that will brighten your summer within these pages.

-Allen Houston, Executive Editor of Manhattan Media

Music
Top 10 Concerts
Reading Summer Film
Film
Best June Events for Kids
Cultural Events & Festivals
Hamptons Events
Celebrity Summer Guide
Out of Town
Summer Reading Series
Theater
Eats & Drinks
Top Food of Summer
Museums
Outdoor
Bike Share
Top Bike Trails
TV Guide

Summer Guide was compiled by Allen Houston, Marissa Maier, Megan Bungeroth, Adam Rathe, Robby Ritaco, Laura Shin, Armond White, Regan Hofmann, Rachel Khona, Angela Barbuti, Sean Creamer, Anam Baig, Andrew Rice, Magdalena Burnham, Doug Strassler, Max Sarinsky, Whitney Casser, Robin Elisabeth Kilmer and Andrew Bartel, Ed Johnson