by Kristine Keller

These days, when a flame sputters and fades out, we’ve got an armful of friends ready to peel us off the floor with the margarita blender, limes and coconuts. You’ll do the proverbial dance around the blender while Jose Cuervo wafts through the air and spend the night yelling aspersions aimed at the opposite sex. Your army of comforting friends succors you with “you deserve better!” and “you do you tonight!” over the humming of the blender. You then delete said flame from your phone, take down the pictures of the two of you basking in La Esquina Park last summer and do your best to forget. But just when you think your heart can’t break into any more pieces, another memory seeps through and you grab your chest in disbelief that it’s happening again. Another perilous pang from the omnipotent organ that oxygenates us, protects us and makes us feel alive and in ruin at the same time.

For most of us, situations like this are fleeting. Most make a full recovery from those stumbles in the capricious dance of love and life, but for 5 percent of the population affected by a condition called limerence, heartbreak feels like an indefinite December night pierced by the strings of Joni Mitchell’s Blue album. Psychologists characterize this unique ailment as an involuntary and incessant state of compulsory and unrequited longing for another person. Usually both parties remain dejected for a period of time after a flame-out, but when one half of the couple moves on and the other remains in a state of constant longing and obsessive thoughts and feelings, limerence has the ability to take a serious toll on one’s already heavy heart.

During one’s initial descent into attraction, it’s healthy and quite fun to feel life’s natural euphoric high and the ascent of pleasure-activating hormones like dopamine and oxytocin. You’ll nod and smile while friends tell stories about their day, while the only thing you can think about is his mouth on yours or her bare back in your bed. You’ll shrug off the busy deadlines or running late to the subway only to find the doors shut in your face; these annoyances don’t matter when you’ve got someone waiting for you at the end of the day. Naturally, you want these honeymoon feelings to last forever, but for our productivity and sanity, we actually need these reward-seeking hormones to dissipate. And thankfully they do, after six to twenty-four months.

For those who suffer from limerence, however, these intense feelings never ebb. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. But what these universal idioms surrounding love neglect to mention is what can happen when separation causes one’s heart to desire too much. Patients who suffer from limerence describe their thoughts and feelings as obsessive and compulsive; it shouldn’t come as much of a surprise, then, that one of the only medications to treat those suffering from limerence, Lexapro, is the same one used to treat obsessive-compulsive disorder. Lexapro, a type of antidepressant, thaws the part of the brain that is responsible for the obsessive thoughts. Patients report difficulty concentrating, constant rehearsal and replay of shared interactions, and loss of control over one’s actions.

Although research on this condition is nascent, medication and cognitive behavioral therapy are providing promising results. Leading experts on limerence suggest that patients don’t ever forget the breakup entirely, but that if taken care of properly, symptoms can decrease after a few years. But, future empirical research and brain-imaging techniques are currently under way to yield a more comprehensive understanding of this evolving condition. What we do know is that a bad breakup or unrequited love can trigger the onset and that it can happen to anyone—limerent individuals can be found in all age groups, both genders and the full range of socioeconomic classes. So, if all it takes is a chant to “put the lime in the coconut” to get you over your heartbreak hump, then you’ve found your silver lining, and it’s looking more like a bubbling gold on the rocks.

Kristine received her master’s in psychology from NYU. She currently works at Vanity Fair. E-mail her at StreetshrinkNYC@gmail.com for questions.

Kristine Keller

I am rational. I am a woman of reason. I operate in life under a series of principles ardently rooted in reality. When a rainbow’s colors paint the sky, there’s no luck or gold for me, only tiny water droplets in the air reflecting light as the sun shines behind me at the right angle. A shooting star is merely a meteor splattered across the sky, not the force that will cause me to Freaky Friday-life-swap with Jessica Biel. And yet, I’m a slave to superstition. If I’m wearing what I’ve dubbed my good luck bangle, I’ll make myself believe I’ll be discovered while eating Belgian fries at Pommes Frites and subsequently cast in a Quentin Tarantino movie … or, at the very least, as an extra who can snack at the craft services table. That’s how destiny unfurled for Gisele, they say. Just luck of the jewels.

And when I inevitably lose that bangle, my good luck earring (just the right one) will have to act as my new fortune supplier. Wearing these items certainly can’t be the cause of good fortune hitherto experienced, but the idea of facing the world without a talisman makes me feel like I’m in that nightmare where I’m on the 6 train. Naked. Next to Jay-Z. On a day he decides to freestyle-rap about his fellow subway passengers.

So, what is it about superstition that takes firm hold of this scientific being? During my journey on the supernatural stair-master, I visited a place where dreams are discovered and materialized. Where superstition is housed and nurtured. And I don’t mean Broadway’s revival of Ghost. I’m talking about a place down with the tarot cards and up with the spirits: downtown’s finest psychic. With the new year hitting soon, my craving for life’s answers has left me salivating more than Pavlov’s dog. I don’t care about the “why” but mull over answers to three meta W’s—what will I accomplish, who will be the important players in my life, and when, when, when does it all happen? A psychic offers us that quick fix, like a shot of hope in our insatiably inquisitive veins.

When I entered behind the prophet’s swanky beaded curtain, I was greeted with one sentence: “I can feel your energy from the streets!” But, I’d have to soft-pedal that energy and eagerness, given that I could only ask one magic question. Amid the glow of the iridescent chandelier and tabletop crystal ball, I asked: What will be my greatest accomplishment in 2013?

After a swift shuffle and deal, my psychic’s tarot cards revealed that this would be the year I follow a lifelong dream. I was told the dream exists outside the realm of friendship and family and that if I wanted it to happen, I’d have to open myself up more. Upon leaving I couldn’t help smile at the thrill of uncovering something new and different in 2013. Though always guessing what’s in store for your future is as futile as trying to predict where the subway door will open, there is something to be said about thinking about goals. And whether it’s someone or some good-luck charm that can facilitate realizing your goals and believing they can happen, perhaps there’s room for a science-and-sorcery civil union. In fact, psychological studies have consistently shown that those who engage in good-luck rituals actually perform better in goal-related tasks than those who don’t. Activating superstitions boosts belief in yourself, raising levels of self-efficacy and, as a result, confidence. It might not be that your running shoes are lucky, but if you wholly believe they are, this could be the reason you’re sprinting like Usain Bolt. So, if an everlasting dream really is in my New Year cards, I’ll have to do as my teller of fortune divines and say yes to every opportunity. And with that advice reverberating in my mind, I have no choice but to call the acting class number taped to a Prince Street bulletin. It’s lucky 2013, and anything is possible.

Kristine received her master’s in
psychology from New York University.
She currently works at Vanity Fair.

How Seasonal Affective Disorder could put a damper on the holiday spirit

Like the planets orbit the sun, our lives spin around the seasons. These subdivisions of the year do more than signal us when it’s time to whip out our Mackage coats and begin fireside chats with friends over which artist sings the best “Baby It’s Cold” rendition. They inform us that time is passing and events are moving forward, as is the natural order of things. As New Yorkers, we have an internal hourglass that marks the passing of time until the sand has run out, signaling our earmuffs and legwarmers that winter has arrived! Not one to be late to the party, winter arrives on cue and sashays down Sullivan Street in all her glory while dusting off her snowy skin and casting an opalescent sheen over downtown’s cobblestone streets and awnings.

The red cups brimming with spices and peppermint have returned to ye faithful Starbucks, Broadway has become the mecca for ambling tourists hiding behind maps in search of NYC tchotchkes, and Christmas-tree vendors pepper the once-subdued streets from Nolita to Soho. It’s hard to imagine a downtown without a winter, just as it would be impossible to imagine the harbor without the Statue of Liberty. But for some, winter doesn’t evoke the same jubilation, and getting through the season can feel like navigating a dark labyrinth of gloom and despair.

Those severely impacted by winter’s shorter days and long frigid nights might be at risk for Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Recognized by the Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders 4th Edition (DSM-IV), SAD is described as a subtype of a major depressive episode. During winter’s reign, our brains produce increased levels of the sleep-inducing hormone melatonin. For those affected by SAD, one theory is that a biochemical imbalance of melatonin could lead to a shift in one’s internal hourglass, causing unhealthy behaviors that require medical intervention.

Typical symptoms of SAD include depressed mood, lethargy, lack of interest in activities, social withdrawal and a craving for sweets and carbohydrates. Those affected also spend inordinate amounts of time sleeping and have difficulty leaving their beds. As a result of weight gain and decreased interest in sex and physical contact, SAD sufferers also experience feelings of misery, shame, hopelessness and loss of self-esteem. These symptoms usually occur like clockwork beginning in November or December, peaking during January and February, and dissipating by March or April, depending on how quickly sunlight returns from hibernation. Though anyone can suffer from SAD, an overwhelming majority are young adults and women.

The key to diagnosing SAD is a recurrence of these deleterious symptoms during two successive winters followed by a routine remission in the spring. And while those who suffer from SAD may experience these symptoms at an extreme, there might be a greater number of people at risk for a milder assortment of SAD symptoms categorized as the “winter blues.” For the less-extreme blues, individuals might experience the decreased energy, increased appetite and feelings of sleepiness without feelings of depression and anxiety.

A season that should be welcomed with Bryant Park ice-skating arms thus becomes a dismal march through gray days, but there is some relief. Clinicians and those who have previously been affected by SAD now know when to expect the onset, how long it will last and how to treat it head-on. Special lamps are just one method that has proven helpful. And for downtowners in need of a quick Vitamin D pick-me-up, I suggest long runs along the glistening Hudson River or an idyllic Washington Square Park walk. Though anyone in cold northern cities can feel winter’s burn, downtown New Yorkers are lucky in that we’re surrounded by environmental therapy. Here’s to a healthy and happy winter for all.

By Kristine Keller

It started out like any other weekend. The downtown streets were chockablock with hipsters sporting ironic T-shirts and enduring long waits for a dinner table at Rubirosa. The pulse of downtown throbbed so loudly I could hear it from my fifth-floor walk-up. And then, a flat line. An abrupt horizontal strip on the city’s electrocardiogram. A slow and steady storm by the sweetly deceiving name of Sandy would turn lower Manhattan’s lights black, snatching the city’s voice and unleashing a string of catastrophic events in its wake. Lower Manhattan’s streets looked like a post-apocalyptic universe where the only sounds to be heard were the hushed whispers of trees rustling and the light footsteps of confused residents searching for a candle-lit bodega serving hot coffee.

Though it’s easy to forget a natural disaster’s impact once the shards of broken glass are swept away and refueled taxis frenetically beep their way down Houston again, the stressful aftermath of such an event can leave many feeling beaten and broken. I was young when Hurricane Andrew tore my Miami home away from every side like a film set dismantling after the director calls “cut!” But I’ll never forget the look on my mother’s face when we returned after a safe evacuation only to find our beloved home and possessions destroyed. I’ll always remember her rivulets of tears that formed after finding the water-stained pages of her father’s first published psychology manuscript ripped into shreds. It’s stories like these that have sparked attention from researchers following the stress of a natural disaster. In recent years, research has been devoted to cases of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as a direct result of natural disasters. For those in the hard-hit Northeast and mid-Atlantic, PTSD may be a harrowing consequence.

Nearly two thirds of Americans will experience trauma in their lifespan, and following a natural disaster, PTSD is the most common mental psychopathology experienced. The symptoms of PTSD, as recognized by the Diagnostic Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders (DSM-IV), begin anywhere from right after the traumatic event to months or sometimes years later. For storm victims, symptoms of PTSD might include re-experiencing the traumatic event in the form of memories, dreams or fantasies so vivid, patients might think they are actually reliving the traumatic incident. Those affected might also eschew activities that remind them of the tragedy. This could mean avoiding restaurants visited the night before the storm and abstaining from other activities once deemed pleasurable. Feeling detached, hyper-aroused or unable to concentrate are also salient symptoms of disaster PTSD. Anyone exhibiting PTSD symptoms for longer than one month should visit a trained medical clinician for a fully formed treatment plan.

Psychologists emphasize that those who believe they are capable of overcoming severe stress are more inclined to recover than those who believe they exercise zero control over life’s negative events. Luckily several organizations are working diligently to rebuild storm-torn communities. It will take time to recover, but New Yorkers are known for strength, grit and resilience, and it’s this power that we must be sure to constantly restore.

Kristine Keller received her master’s in psychology from New York University. She currently works at Vanity Fair.

Kristine Keller

By Kristine Keller

Last week I headed to Dean & Deluca, making my daily jaunt for java, until I sensed something wasn’t quite right. I quickly realized my dress was inside-out, revealing every seam and stitch. I call these days a wash. The days you catch every red light and your brain feels like viscous jelly whose working memory can’t hold more than your first and last name.

“I’ll just get some sleep and start fresh tomorrow,” I tell myself. But what if something impedes us from racking up those hours of rest? The time you relinquish consciousness on your cushy pillow is surely one of your inalienable rights. But with every self-evident truth, there lie potential obstacles. In the case of sleep disorders, there are over 80 on the horizon, wreaking havoc on handfuls of tired eyes.

Dysomniatic disorders, like insomnia and narcolepsy, are the most common. These ailments affect a person’s quantity and quality of sleep. Acute insomniacs only suffer from sleepless nights for less than a month, and symptoms are transient. Nearly 40 percent of the population has experienced acute sleeplessness at some point. Chronic insomniacs comprise 10-15 percent of the population and problems sleeping must last longer than one month. To qualify for a diagnosis, one’s sleep disturbance and daytime fatigue must cause significant impairment to one’s life. Other qualifications include significant daytime fatigue, irritability and excessive anxiety about sleeping.

Sleep specialists can typically discern whether the disorder is related to another ailment like depression or stress or if it’s a problem on its own by conducting clinical interviews. For ideal results, the most effective treatment is a combination of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and a process known as sleep hygiene.

With CBT, patients are taught how sleep cycles work and techniques to change negative sleeping attitudes. Patients learn to substitute sweeping statements like “I have to get seven hours of sleep tonight, or I won’t be able to go to work tomorrow” with positive and realistic views like “I can still go to work tomorrow, and I’ll make up for the lack of sleep tomorrow night.”

Sleep hygiene behaviors also help treat insomnia. Patients are taught sleep-promoting behaviors like exercising regularly except three hours before bedtime and going to sleep at the same time each night. Clinicians also say it’s important that sleep isn’t forced—if it’s been longer than 30 minutes and you feel restless, remove yourself from bed and retreat to a different space while undertaking a relaxing activity, like reading, until you can’t keep your eyes open. Since the bedroom often becomes a source of anxiety for insomniacs, doctors also suggest techniques that help soften muscles, like yoga and meditation. Medication should be the last resort for chronic insomniacs, since the problem might persist for years.

And while insomniacs wish they slept a little more, those suffering from narcolepsy would like to sleep less. You know that feeling on Thanksgiving when you feel like you’ve overdosed on turkey tryptophan and you might hunker down at the dining room table? Narcolepsy is like Thanksgiving every day minus the thanks.

These sleepers suffer from excessive daytime sleepiness and periodic sleep attacks and usually loss of muscle consciousness, known as cataplexy. Sudden emotions like laughter or anger precipitate cataplexy, and in these instances you might be mid-argument and lose all feeling in your legs and collapse to the floor. These episodes last nearly 30 seconds and make the diagnosis easier, since cataplexy is unique to narcoleptics.

Those who lack cataplexy make diagnosis trickier, and some of these narcoleptics are often left undiagnosed for years. To find out whether one qualifies, diagnostic testing in a sleep disorder center is necessary. Patients who lack cataplexy but suffer from excessive fatigue to the point where they can’t perform at school or work would perhaps benefit from seeing a sleep specialist. Currently, the best treatments are stimulant medications.

Our bodies need sleep like we need water, which makes finding the right treatment essential. In fact, those who are deprived of sleep for longer than 100 hours experience hallucinations, paranoia and behaviors resembling mental illness. But getting too much shut-eye isn’t productive for one’s social life, either. It’s important to seek help in any capacity so that when the moon rises and it’s a new night, we’re able to attain what this nation stands for: life, liberty and the pursuit of sleep.

Kristine Keller

She found me in a muddled mess on my floor, panic rolling over me like a suitcase with a broken wheel on cobblestone. Pretty soon I was gasping for breath like someone who’s just climbed Mount Kilimanjaro, unprepared for the rarefied air and devoid of an oxygen mask. “What is it, what’s happened?” my roommate shouted. “Those Sarah McLachlan animal cruelty commercials get me every time!” I wailed.

Though it’s tempting to mock me for my mawkish tears, there is a (somewhat) logical explanation for the hysteria: empathy. The ability to put oneself in another’s shoes is considered one of the most fundamental components of moral emotion. In fact, empathetic responses have been observed in those as young as two days of age. Infants have responded to other infants’ distress signals by crying, responding the only way their minuscule selves can to another’s discomfort. With this and other experiments, evolutionary and neuroscience perspectives have supported the notion that a biological predisposition exists for empathetic responses. These reactions begin in infancy and continue into childhood, whereby at 2 or 3 years of age, children routinely respond with genuine concern at the sign of another’s agitation.

These empathetic signals develop into full-blown responses as our cognitive capacity burgeons with age. Eventually, adults form two types of empathy: affective and cognitive. Affective empathy is the ability to directly feel what another is feeling; when you cry, I cry. On the other side of the coin is cognitive empathy, the ability to describe the emotions of another in words. While a normal functioning adult develops a cohesive combination of both, interestingly, those who commit highly aggressive acts and are subject to psychopathic tendencies have a strong deficit in affective empathy, while their cognitive empathy remains intact. These perpetrators have been described as someone who knows the “words” of emotions but fails to learn the “music.” This ability for cognitive empathy also supports why those who rank high on psychopathic clinical checklists are able to speak with confident glibness when detailing the reasons that you’re upset, but are unable to endure this emotion themselves.

Other evidence for empathetic responses has been supported by findings from mirror neuron systems. First observed in rhesus macaque monkeys, mirror neuron findings have been extended and studied in humans. While conclusive explanations are in nascent stages, investigators like Dr. Cecilia Heyes maintain that a special network of neurons exists that fire not only when you yourself grasp an object, like when you pick up a glass of orange juice, but also when you observe another person pick up a glass. In short, our neurons match the observed and executed behaviors of others. This finding has spilled into studies of empathy where our mirror neurons fire when we observe another person scared or crying. Mirror neurons help elucidate why you viscerally share the stress and agony of a player taking a foul shot during a tied basketball game in the fourth quarter. Different theories have been put forth, but proponents of natural selection assert that we inherit mirror neurons because they enable us to understand the intentions of others, an integral ingredient for a steaming hot pot of survival and happiness.

Sometimes a collective chorus of critics share their ideas of what New York is like. They say New Yorkers are cold, unforgiving or quarrelsome. Or that we just don’t have the time and avert eye contact in fear that it might slow us down on the way to our daily hunt of shooting dreams and catching opportunities when they fall prey. But, I’ve observed a lion’s share of empathetic interactions, and I believe the empathetic muscle is one that can be honed and toned. I’ve witnessed many give up their seats on crowded subways to impending mothers with bulbous bellies and elderly New Yorkers whose feet are tired from having pounded the pavement from Washington Square Park to Times Square for so long. I’ve exchanged smiles and tears and knowing glances with those next to me in coffee shops and street corners. And, in a place teeming with strangers who lack a genetic motive to help others through altruistic acts, an explanation is that empathy exists in some form. Empathy is circling us, and if we can exercise and flex it, we’ll all be in better shape.

This past weekend, I sat with two friends, sipping a Bloomberg-approved iced coffee, when a man on the adjoining bench proceeded to ask my friend holding a book on finance if she was enjoying the book and if she indeed worked in finance. Turns out she is and she is.

The conversation spilled over into further self-disclosure when the stranger asked my friend how long she’s lived in the city, what restaurants she likes and about the fragmented stone bracelet on her wrist. Things seemed to be going swimmingly when almost on cue, a tall, svelte glass of woman traipsed forth and kindly asserted herself as the girlfriend of the garrulous gentleman.

As I collected the lower half of my jaw off the ground, the couple departed arm-in-arm amid the other couples red-rovering along the sidewalk. Finance friend collected herself as cool as a cucumber and insouciantly played the interaction off like it was no big thing. But the question reverberates loudly: Was this man truly a financophile or was he dissatisfied with his current squeeze? Carefully executed research would suggest the latter.

Research conducted by Dr. Rowland Miller has found that commitment to one’s current relationship determines whether people are likely to pay attention to alternative suitors. In a well-designed study, psychologists evaluated whether dating, cohabitating and married couples were more inclined to pay attention to alternative suitors based on their satisfaction with their significant others. First, all participants completed comprehensive dating history questionnaires to assess relationship status and evaluate their commitment to and satisfaction with one another. Couples also privately revealed how attracted they were to each other and whether they believed they could realistically date someone better.

Following this, all couples were presented with pictures of attractive females and males, as well as products from advertisements to conceal the true motivation for the study. Participants were asked to familiarize themselves with the images and were given as much time to spend perusing the slides as desired. Next, couples were asked to look at the photos of the opposite-sex targets and were probed on whether they had any interest in meeting them. After two months, the couples were contacted to re-examine their satisfaction with each other and to determine whether they were still together.

As it turns out, attentiveness to alternatives might be an indicator of relationship failure. Remarkably, those who spent more time looking at the photos of the opposite-sex targets and were more interested in meeting them were less likely to be dating the same partner at the follow-up. Those who had indicated that they were less committed at the start of the study also spent more time inspecting the opposite-sex images than the happier couples.

The couples who were more committed and satisfied in their relationships wore protective blinders and showed less of an appetite for seeking attractive alternatives, evidenced by the equal time they spent gazing at the male and female pictures. These couples who spent less time examining the opposite-sex targets were also the couples who were still in exclusive, committed relationships at the follow-up two months later. Couples who believed that their current partner was better than those they could seek elsewhere were also happier and more likely to remain committed to one another.

What are these magical blinders and how can attached men who talk to pretty girls on benches snag a pair? Turns out, the blinders aren’t built in a day. It’s no secret that relationships take work; sometimes couples have to use protective tactics to maximize the good and minimize the bad. Inattentiveness to alternatives is one of those tactics, where couples in committed relationships choose to block out alternative partners in order to focus on the partner they’ve got.

It’s okay to look someone up and down once in a while, maybe even engage in a “what if” scenario, but if you’re almost subway meat because you were staring so hard at the woman across the platform, envisioning her as the mother of your children, it might be time to examine the state of your relationship. And if it’s really that crossword puzzle answer you’re after and the only available stranger around is Kate Upton’s body double, do your honey a favor and call your grandma.

Kristine Keller received her master’s in psychology from New York University. She currently works at Vanity Fair.