OkCupid veterans flock to Housing Works Bookstore Cafe to swap horror stories

Studies everywhere are examining the same panic-inducing question—will online dating, with its guaranteed ability to let you endlessly shop around and tailor your perfect mate, ruin relationships forever?

Last week’s OkCupid Show (Stories of Love, Sex and the Internet) at the Housing Works Bookstore Cafe in Soho wasn’t able to answer that exact question, but it certainly offered up some interesting case studies and shed a little light on what it’s like to date in the OkCupid age.

Event co-host and comedian Adam Jacobson relayed to a packed house his own experience—an all-too-familiar scenario. At some point in your dating life you fall into a lull, he explained, one where you make a habit of going on two to three dates with friends-of-friends you meet at parties, only to watch things awkwardly peter out. You bump into them here or there, quickly accumulating a list of places you have to avoid for your own social and emotional well-being.

Eventually Jacobson, like millions of other Americans, joined the dating site OkCupid. Around this time he was approached by friends, each of whom had a barrage of stories to share about their own experiences. Dating sites, Jacobson learned, apparently make some people act a little cuckoo.

“Everyone had a crazy OkCupid story,” he said. “I decided we had to put together this show.” (Some of these stories, while entertaining, are not newspaper appropriate.)

Jacobson explained a phenomenon of online dating he saw emerge during the course of his site usage; it allows people to become less invested in their relationships. One woman he dated simply disappeared for four months, while another broke up with him via tersely worded text message.

Comedian Charla Lauriston said she’s been using online dating sites for the past five years.

“I assumed I was the kind of person who had to,” she said, explaining she had long been an identical twin to one of the “popular girls” in school, while her own memories involve time spent alone in the corner reading the sci-fi fantasy novel Ender’s Game. (On OkCupid, you have the option of searching for keywords, allowing you to find profiles of those who share your exact literary interests, for instance.)

Lauriston started out with the site eHarmony, but was humiliated when after a long dry stretch, a site representative called to inquire about the lack of activity on her account.

She then moved on to OkCupid, which offers its services for free and permits its users to slip through the cracks as they wish.

“If you’ve been on OkCupid, these are not weird at all,” Lauriston said, of her own dating escapades, which included a man who urinated in her Prius and another who “shamed her” for eating fried chicken in front of white people at a restaurant.

Surely these tales resonate with many; the evening brought to light several points about the online dating experience. First, a paradox: while in some ways online dating seems to force people to hold out longer with an incompatible match than they otherwise might, it also encourages less investment with the ability to peruse seemingly infinite other opportunities.

One storyteller speculated OkCupid actively tries to steer people away from their “best matches” because it would hurt the site’s membership. Ryan O’Connell, the editor of Thought Catalog, said OkCupid gives its users instant self-esteem boosts and makes people “immediately open.”

No matter what happens, one thing remains true: Using OkCupid guarantees there will be adventure.

Had it not been for OkCupid, Jacobson conceded he would not have had some of the most exciting times of his life, nor met his current long-term girlfriend.

Some discussed yet another phenomenon which arises with OkCupid use—small niches of people who have dated the same users will band together, hash things out, and often forge unforgettable friendships.

“You keep hoping it will work out,” explained comedy writer Michelle Markowitz, “but ultimately you do it for these weird experiences.”

Shun the conventional dates this Feb. 14

Whether you’ve been with your significant other for a while or you’re spending Valentine’s Day with someone you just met on the train—or even if you’re single but ready to mingle—you don’t want to go on the same old boring dates year after year. If you’re into committing a charitable act, being spontaneous, devouring sweet treats or doing all three, Our Town has the hookups to guarantee your Valentine’s Day—and week—is as saucy and unconventional as possible.

Donate Blood
What’s sexier than banding together to save lives? What’s more straight-from-the-heart than your own blood? Especially after Hurricane Sandy, which has driven the demand for blood in the city higher than ever. Visit the New York Blood Center’s website to schedule a blood donation or find a drive in your area. If you’re a little woozy post-donation, you can cling to one another as you sip from paper cups of apple juice and nibble on cookies.
nybloodcenter.org

Cupid’s Undie Run
If you want to bond this Valentine’s Day weekend without your clothes on, consider Cupid’s (one-mile) Undie Run through Chelsea and the Meatpacking District. The run will take place Feb. 9 at 2:30 p.m. and includes a post-run celebration at the Brass Monkey bar. All proceeds from the event benefit the Children’s Tumor Foundation. Who ever said stripping down couldn’t be charitable in more ways than one? cupidsundierun.com/NYC

Craigslist It Up
If you and your other half want to spice things up this year, consider posting a “missed connection,” “casual encounter” or personal ad to each other on Craigslist. Be smart with this one; while it’s always fun to be spontaneous and a bit exhibitionistic, remember Craigslist is a public forum and whatever you post is definitely not for your eyes only. craigslist.com

Literary Speed-Dating
If you’re a part of that “still looking for a date” crowd—and maybe just a little bit nerdy—the Housing Works Bookstore Cafe in Soho has just the event for you. On Feb. 13 at 7 p.m., the bookstore will be hosting “literary speed-dating” for those who would “rather be judged by their book cover.” While the event is currently sold out, it’s still possible to get on the waiting list, and the bookstore guarantees more similar, coveted events in the future for those who sign up.
126 Crosby St.; housingworks.org/bookstore

The OkCupid Show
Want to learn what not to do this Valentine’s Day? The Housing Works Bookstore Cafe is also hosting a night of dating-horror-storytelling with writers from big-name magazines sharing stories on Feb. 7 at 7 p.m. Consider this a primer on how to behave this V-Day whether you’re meeting someone from the Internet or not.

Gelato Workshop
If you just want to get straight to the sweet stuff this holiday, consider a gelato/sorbet workshop class with your date at Mia Chef Gelateria in Murray Hill. The gelateria hosts 14 different evening classes all through February where expert artisans teach the ancient art of gelato-making. Bring home the fruits of your labor to spoon feed each other while you cuddle up on the love seat in front of your favorite romantic flick.
gelatomia.com

Beginner Salsa Classes
Get intimate with that special someone on this year’s day of love by engaging in a little spicy salsa action (no, not the eating kind). Baila Tango in Midtown West hosts $20 beginner salsa classes for four evening dates in February. Learn the basics from an expert and wow your date on the dance floor with your new moves … or giggle flirtatiously as you stumble over each other’s feet and collapse clumsily into each other’s arms.
bailatango.com

Wednesday, Mar. 28, Michael Sappol, Zoe Beloff and Sport Murphy educated a keen audience at The Housing Works Bookstore Café on topics as obscure as dentists’ hand silhouettes, plastic surgery reconstruction circa the 1900s and malaria pinup calendars from the 1940s. Why, you ask?

These subjects are only a few selections from Blast Books’ latest publication, Hidden Treasure. The new book showcases some of the most perplexing objects from the National Library of Medicine, the world’s largest medical library.

On Thursday, November 10 in Zuccotti park there will be a lull in the drum circles and guitar playing around 3 p.m.  Occupy Wall Street, in coordination with the Housingworks Bookstore Cafe, has organized a live group reading of Melville’s short story, Bartleby the Scrivener.

Little did Mellville know that his short stories would provide fodder for a movement that occured a century and a half after the original story was published.  However, the story could not be better suited to the cause.  The narrator, a Wall Street lawyer is confronted with an impertinent employee who’s mantra becomes “I would prefer not to.”  The lawyer quickly finds that “nothing so aggravates an earnest person as a passive resistance.”

The Occupiers will take turns reading from the short story and have invited the general public to join in.  They have also intentionally placed the event in the middle of the work day.

Occupy has permeated far and wide.  It was only a matter of time before they came for you, Melville.

World Cup 2010: The Indispensable Guide to Soccer and Geopolitics
World Cup fever hits June 11. If you’re going to pretend like you know what you’re talking about for the only month every four years that Americans care about soccer, you better do your research. Join Stephen and Harrison Stark as they discuss their book World Cup 2010, which lays out the premise that soccer is the window to a nation’s soul.
June 9, The Strand, 828 Broadway (at E. 12th St.), 212-473-1452; 7, Free.

The Daily Show’s Samantha Bee comes to Bryant Park.

Word for Word Series
With an event nearly every other day this summer, the Word for Word series in Bryant Park has something for everyone. Highlights include funny woman Samantha Bee (June 9), mean girl publicist Kelly Cutrone (June 16), sex master Dr. Ruth (June 30) and bad-ass war journalist and screenwriter Sebastian Junger (July 14). It’s the perfect storm of speakers.
Wednesdays, Bryant Park, enter park at W. 41st St. and 6th Ave., 212-768-4242; 12:30, Free.

Madison Square Reads
Throughout the summer, well-known writers will give free outdoor readings in Madison Square Park—right next to Shake Shack! You could read the entire book while on line! July 15, Craig Nelson (not the dude from Coach) reads from Rocket Men: The Epic Story of The First Men on The Moon. There’s also a number of food writers, then the stage hosts David Gates, Tracy Daugherty, Emily Barton and Stacey D’Erasmo July 22, to honor short fiction writer Donald Barthelme.
Thursday evenings, Madison Square Park’s Farragut Monument, enter park at E. 23rd St. and Madison Ave., www.madisonsquarepark.org; 6:30, Free.

McNally Jackson Fiction Book Club
Trend-shattering successful independent bookstore McNally Jackson is never short on interesting writers attempting to educate the fashionable illiterates of Nolita. The store also hosts plenty of readings and the summer kicks off with a bang—or just a dude with bangs—when Simon Rich visits June 2. Check back on the website for future updates.
One Monday per month, McNally Jackson, 52 Prince St. (betw. Lafayette & Mulberry Sts.), 212-274-1160, www.mcnallyjackson.com; 7, Free.

Housing Works Bookstore Café
The non-profit has its once a year Open Air Street Fair June 5, where it opens up the secret basement vault and unloads thousands of books for a dollar each on Crosby Street. Award-winning Netherland author Joseph O’Neill stops by June 10. For those of you whose psychiatric needs aren’t being met (i.e. all of you), there will be a July 27 event that’s described as “speed-dating but with shrinks” to celebrate the paperback release of our pal Sue Shapiro’s Speed Shrinking.
Housing Works Bookstore Cafe, 126 Crosby St. (betw. E. Houston & Prince Sts.), 212-334-3324, www.housingworks.org; Free.

Bloomsday on Broadway
For the past 28 years, Symphony Space co-founder Isaiah Sheffer has hosted a marathon staging of scenes from James Joyce’s Ulysses, enlisting a lot of big-name celebrities to bring the story of a day in the life of Dublin anti-hero Leopold Bloom to life. Performances have been known to go on for seven hours, so be prepared for a lot of Joyce. Whatever the length, $25 is a good price for what has become a New York institution.
June 16, Symphony Space, 2537 Broadway (betw. W. 95th & W. 96th Sts.), 212-864-5400; 7 $25.