Quick-Change Robbery
Resting on a park bench is normally a stress-free activity, but a 36-year-old Upper West Side resident felt otherwise last Monday night. She was sitting on a bench outside Central Park, near West 61st Street, when a young man grabbed her purse and fled west. A witness saw the suspect dash into a parking garage on West 65th Street, switch to a different shirt, ditch the bag and keep the contents before running out of sight. The victim cancelled her credit cards and didn’t lose anything of value.

Sticky Pretty Fingers
Last Tuesday at around 12:45 a.m., an employee at a Duane Reade on Amsterdam Avenue watched as a very specific robbery unfolded. A woman, described as black, 130 pounds, 5-foot-4 with a short ponytail, walked over to the cosmetics aisle carrying a brown purse. She then loaded her bag with 261 bottles of O.P.I. brand nail polish worth a total of $2,218. After she cleaned out the shelf, she sauntered past the cash registers and right out the door.

Picture Perfect Crime
A local man was dismayed to find that his apartment had been burglarized in the hour-and-15-minute window he was gone last Thursday. The victim left his home on West 64th Street at 10:30 a.m. and came back at 11:45 a.m. to a kicked-in window fan. The unknown burglar stole $6,150 worth of camera and computer equipment, including a $2,000 Canon camera, a $1,700 lens, a $1,250 iMac and flashes, filters and memory cards.

Gang-Up on the Train
A bumbling group of 15-year-olds were arrested for grand larceny last Thursday afternoon when they were caught stealing an iPhone from a woman on the C train. The 30-year-old victim was sitting on the uptown train at about 2 p.m. and the five kids, four boys and one girl, were standing near her. When the train pulled into the 72nd Street station, one of the boys snatched the woman’s phone and they all fled. The victim identified them all when police found them a short time later, and the phone was recovered from the girl’s purse. She said that one of the boys had grabbed it, but the whole group was arrested.

Shady Withdrawals
An employee at a Chase bank branch thwarted a fraudster from stealing from her elderly victim for a second time in one day. The swindler had possession of her 84-year-old target’s social security number and had forged an ID, entering an uptown branch of Chase and withdrawing $3,500 from the woman’s checking account. But when she went to another nearby branch to try and withdraw $4,000 from the woman’s savings account, the bank teller grew suspicious and denied the request. The bank then informed their customer that she had been robbed and closed down both accounts to prevent it from happening again. Police are still searching for the thief.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Fourth of July holiday. I spent the day at the beach because it was much too hot to stay in my apartment all day and watch my cats, who pant and generally look even hotter than I feel. It is guilty escapism with a holiday twist.
For this edition of Lights On, we see the Duane Reade presence expanding in Lower Manhattan, while a nightclub replaces a nightclub and several well-known names move to new homes. As usual, if you see any new retailers or spot changes to a long-time establishment, please email me at tre@downtownny.com and I’ll check them out.

Openings

Duane Reade
100 Broadway (betw. Pine & Wall Sts.), 212-227-2186
The newest Duane Reade feels a bit more like a department store than a pharmacy. The two-level space features several Duane Reade staples, such as the Up: Market brand, with a few extras. There’s a café with a selection of coffee and breakfast items, a self-serve frozen yogurt bar, salad bar, selection of soups and a wide variety of grab-and-go options such as wraps and sandwiches. The bottom floor is devoted to fresh food options, while the upper floor contains the pharmacy, beauty section, a large selection of greeting cards from Papyrus and a lovely view of the Trinity churchyard.

Quest
27 Park Pl. (betw. Broadway & Church St.), 718-300-9647
Replacing Club Remix is Quest, just a couple of hops from City Hall, in case anyone there needs a refreshment break from running the city. They’re advertising “Escape After Work Thursdays” featuring DJs, drink specials and food deals.

Moves

NYC Opera
Moved to a larger permanent space in the same building, Ste. 1010 at 75 Broad St.

Downtown Florist
Moved from 125 Church St. to 25 Murray St.

Closures

Eastern Newsstand
Lobby of 120 Broadway

Club Remix
27 Park Pl.

Street Fight
A Friday morning dispute between two men—a driver and a pedestrian—quickly escalated into violence, until both men were arrested. A 38-year-old man told police that a 48-year-old man’s car nearly hit him as he was crossing the street. As retaliation, the pedestrian began punching the driver’s car. This offense prompted the driver to jump out of his car and spit in the pedestrian’s face, police said. In a second moment of revenge, the other man hurled a punch at the driver’s face. The driver said he suffered a scrape on his face, and the pedestrian reported blood coming out of his nose.

Funny Money Tries at Bloomie’s
Counterfeit cash almost made the rounds at Bloomingdale’s last week, police said. In the first incident, which took place at 7:30 p.m. on Wednesday, two young women and one young man, all in their late teens, attempted to pay for dresses, shirts, jeans and a bathing suit with fake bills. The cashier notified store security officers, who found a bag containing marijuana in the teens’ possession. All three were arrested.

In the second incident, which took place on Thursday just after 8 p.m., security spotted a 25-year-old man buying merchandise with counterfeit $100 bills. He attempted to leave the store with jackets, jeans, shorts and two T-shirts totaling $933 when security stopped him and he was arrested on the scene.

Skin Care Swipes
A 34-year-old woman and a 50-year-old man must have been serious about skin care, because they snatched a Rosaliac anti-redness moisturizer and a L’Oreal double-lifting cream from the Duane Reade on Third Avenue between East 73rd and 74th streets just after 4 p.m. on Thursday. One employee noticed the woman snatch the items from the shelf and place them inside a towel, and she informed her co-worker of the crime. The two employees ran outside to try to stop the woman and reclaim the products. In an attempt to hold on to the stolen creams, one of the culprits sprayed an unknown substance at the employees. The man fled the scene, but the woman was arrested, and both skin care products, totaling $55, were recovered. One of the employees was taken to the hospital.

Woman Mugged
A 28-year-old woman was walking home along East 82nd Street near Third Avenue at 3:15 a.m. on Wednesday when a man asked her what appeared to be an innocent question: “What time is it?” After the woman responded, the man grabbed her purse and dragged her from the sidewalk into the street. When the strap broke on the woman’s purse, the man started running eastbound. Hoping to retrieve her bag, the woman ran after him, prompting the man to toss the woman’s wallet on the ground. The bag, still in the man’s possession, contained three debit cards, $80 in cash and a New York State driver’s license.

Cleaned Out
An unattended laundromat was the target of a burglary this weekend. An employee of Kelly Cleaners, at 253 E. 77th St., told police that someone entered the store through the unlocked front door on Saturday evening, taking $300 in cash and $75 in credit slips. There were no witnesses around and there are no cameras to provide further details.

Dining Duck-Out
One 16-year-old faced the consequences for trying to dine for free. He was arrested after he fled Blockheads Burritos at First Avenue and 74th Street after midnight on Sunday without paying the bill, police said. The teen was also carrying a forged Connecticut driver’s license.

Watch Out
When a 43-year-old man exited a taxi on the northwest corner of Madison Avenue and East 78th Street on Friday night, a man confronted him, saying, “Give me your watch or we’ll cut you.” Suddenly, the offender, along with another suspect, grabbed the man’s arms. The man handed over his $4,000 silver Concord watch to the first robber, who rifled through the man’s pockets and removed his $400 iPhone and a MasterCard from his wallet, police said. The two culprits then threw the man to the ground, causing abrasions to his back and his limbs, before fleeing on foot northbound on Madison Avenue.

Bar Attack
A 22-year-old man told police that he was sitting at the bar at Iggy’s Karaoke Lounge and Grill on Second Avenue between 74th and 75th streets at 1:30 a.m. on Friday when someone asked him, “What are you looking at?” The perp, who was wearing black jeans and a red T-shirt, then punched the man in the face about 12 times and left the bar, the man told police. The man suffered bruising and swelling to his face, for which he was treated at New York Hospital.

Nail Polish Hoarders
Two nail polish robberies, both at Duane Reade stores in the early hours of the morning, struck the Upper East Side on Saturday. The first incident took place at the 1191 2nd Ave. store after 1 a.m., when a man and woman entered the store and snatched about $1,415 worth of OPI and Essie nail polish from the shelf, stuffed it in their bags and fled.

The second incident occurred after 2 a.m. at the 1279 3rd Ave. location, where police reported that a man and woman filled their bags with $1,124 worth of nail polish before escaping the store. The description of the man is the same in both incidents—he was wearing a red baseball hat, blue jeans, a gray T-shirt and red sneakers.

Restaurant Robbery
When two men in their early thirties walked in to a restaurant on East 77th Street on Friday at 8:15 p.m., a confrontation immediately broke out. The men walked down to the restaurant’s basement, where a store employee was putting money in the safe. One of the men, who was holding a gun, called out, “Give me everything. Bag it up for me.” The employee then put the money—$3,500 in cash—in a green nylon bag. The second man pointed his gun at the employee and a dishwasher, saying, “Don’t be a hero. Stay on the floor.” The robbers then walked up the restaurant’s stairs, and one of the men snatched the employee’s $500 iPhone on his way out.

Deodorant Snatch
A fortysomething man must have been in desperate need of deodorant on Monday, because he snatched $35 worth of it from the Duane Reade at 773 Lexington Avenue that evening. A store employee noticed the man, clad in a red polo shirt and khakis, wielding a pocket knife to guard the deodorants he had grabbed. The man ran out of the store, heading southbound on Lexington Avenue.

Stolen on the Stoop
A 46-year-old man was sitting on his East 89th Street stoop on Saturday at 7:20 p.m. when two men approached him, looking to grab the wad of cash he had in his possession. One of the men asked him for change, and then the two pushed him into the entrance of his building. The man told police that the culprits pressed something against his back, but he said that he did not see a gun. The men left with $40,000 of the man’s cash in their possession, as well as his oxycodone medication.

Breaking Glass
When a group of culprits failed to force a metal plate through the lock of a dry cleaner’s front door on East 78th Street on Thursday at 10 p.m., they broke the establishment’s glass window. They then snatched $50 from the store’s register and left. The door also sustained damage.

The May 17 New York Times City Room blog post “A Target Older Than the Jokes at Her Roast” dismissed anyone “easily offended” by Friar’s Club roast jokes. The “older” target was Betty White, “still going strong” at age 90.

But you don’t have to be easily offended to object to jibes about the many vicissitudes of old age that cause so much—often untold—hardship, above all the brain failures that cripple both body and mind and strokes where the mind is painfully aware of a helpless body. My dear cousins, Virginia and Paul, recently departed this life after prolonged suffering from respectively, a stroke and brain failure.

And jokes about countless debilitating developments make elders ashamed, even of using a cane or wrinkles, hair loss and other superficials—forget walkers, hearing aids, dentures and incontinence. “But White is known to get as down and dirty as anyone…and chided the attacks as being too tame.” The “attacks” derided all the above.

These awful ailments need to be cried about—and cried OUT about, for infinitely more empathic understanding and all-out passion to find effective treatment and cures. If only White would include human elders in her animal activist work.

And let’s lament the’s benefit concert’s small audience in the Heavenly Rest Church chapel last Saturday afternoon while multitudes cycled, jogged, scootered and strolled right by on their way to Central Park. Blame physical obsession and spiritual indifference, perhaps?

The latter also endangers the Christian Science Church on East 63rd Street I only learned of because the CEO of Our Town and The West Side Spirit, Tom Allon, has spent most of his adult life providing community news “we need to live by.” So on your 50th birthday, Tom, we wholeheartedly wish for whatever you and your family need most! And, of course, scowl, not laugh at any ageist joke and card in response to your half-century of living.

Join the protest against toxic environments such as those created by Duane Reade’s new zigzagging aisles and lowered claustrophobic ceilings exuding blinding fluorescent lights, which had civic activist Ellie Sankey so stressed she chose a graduation instead of a birthday card and “couldn’t wait to get out of there!” To quote Russell Baker, “Progress strikes again!”

dewingbetter@aol.com

Eyewear Raid
Last Wednesday around noon, a group of five men swarmed a Sunglass Hut store on Broadway, working together to steal 17 pairs of frames before the store employee could do anything to stop them. The quintet made off with pricey models from Prada, Burberry, Gucci and a slew of Ray-Bans, worth a total of $3,435.

A Deathly Raid
When a 74-year-old man was taken to the hospital from his home by paramedics in December, he asked them to make sure to lock his apartment when they left. But when his friend checked on the apartment for the still hospital-bound man, he discovered the door unlocked. The victim instructed his friend to search the apartment to see if anything was missing. Unfortunately, that was the case; the thief got away with a gauntlet of depressing items, including $600 the man had been saving for funeral costs as well as a $500 burial suit. The total ghastly haul was worth $1,340.

Bad Luck at Local Hotel
In two separate unrelated incidents last week, guests of a popular Upper West Side hotel were robbed when they weren’t in their rooms. In the first case, a woman visiting from the Comoros Islands (a small cluster off the southeastern coast of Africa) came back to her room after going out to discover a bag of jewelry that had been in her luggage was missing. The bag contained eight items worth a total of $1,225, including an opal necklace with a gold chain and a pair of emerald earrings. The next day, security cameras caught an unknown perpetrator entering the room of a man from Scarsdale and taking $5,784 worth of computer equipment and personal items, including a MacBook Pro, a passport, expensive sunglasses and a $849 copy of Photoshop and Final Cut Pro software.

Drugged Out Drugstore Robbery

Three men were arrested after they teamed up to rob a Duane Reade on Columbus Avenue last Thursday at 1:30 p.m. The trio grabbed $2,574 worth of merchandise, including Mucinex, Crest Whitestrips, Prilosec and several allergy meds, and strolled past the open registers without even a glance back. When the store employees called the cops and the three were apprehended, police found a crack pipe in one of the men’s front pockets, as well as other drug paraphernalia in a red duffle bag they were carrying.

Kid Escapes Mugging
Another potential victim of a grab-and-go iPhone theft was able to thwart his would-be attacker last week. The perp approached the 12-year-old victim on the street and asked for the time. The victim checked his iPhone, told him the time and put it back in his pocket, but the man followed him for several blocks on West 77th Street as the kid walked to school. At one point, the impatient thief grabbed the boy’s sweater, and when the kid asked if he was about to be mugged, the perp told him, “Yes, I’m going to mug you.” He wasn’t as prescient as he thought, however; the kid squirmed free and made a dash for his teacher, who was able to confirm the story to police.

Last Thursday evening, a 24-yearold woman entered a barbecue joint on West 72nd Street and ordered a meal  with drinks, totaling $79.20. When the bill was presented, however, instead of paying up, the customer decided to walk out. A restaurant employee chased the check-skipper and caught up with her at the corner of West 72nd and Columbus. When he confronted her, she whacked him over the head with her umbrella and then bit him in the chest hard enough to cause injury. The good news is that this attack happened in full view of police officers, who were able to apprehend the nasty diner and arrest her for felonious assault.

Criminal Cinderella

A police officer responding to a call of a larceny in progress last Sunday ran straight into the perpetrator as he was fleeing the Game Stop location on Broadway that had called in the crime. The suspect flailed his arms and tried to escape but was ultimately arrested—but not before running around the neighborhood and leaving a trail in his wake. Three witnesses said that they saw the man as he ran straight into their group, knocking one woman to the ground and then removing a black iPad-like device from his jacket and tossing it to the ground. The girl’s boyfriend chased the man to another street, where he hid underneath a parked van and was spotted by a nearby food vendor. The suspect then dashed out, leaving one of his blue sneakers behind, and eventually was caught. The store employee identified the man (without the aid of his missing shoe) as someone who had been fidgeting with the device, which was tethered to a stand inside the store, before making some loud noises and tearing it off. The tablet was a specially configured store demo worth $10,887, according to the employee.

Arranged Assault

A plan to attack and steal an electronic tablet device was thwarted by a pair of cautious friends last week. A man attempting to sell his tablet had heard from a prospective buyer and arranged to meet him in the lobby of his building on West 61st Street. The seller brought a pal along with him, which was good thinking—when he arrived, the supposed purchaser assaulted him, beating him and snatching the tablet. The friend grabbed the suspect and the two were able to hold him until police arrived and made an arrest.

Closet Thieves

A 68-year-old woman came to police to report what she suspects to be gradual theft by several home health aides from her wardrobe. The woman said that over the course of several months, many items have gone missing, including several hooded jackets, designer sweaters worth $1,200, expensive Lord & Taylor nightgowns, a bottle of Dior perfume and some household supplies.

Vehicle Thefts Abound

While grand larceny auto isn’t usually a frequent crime on the Upper West Side, there was a slight uptick last week in reported stolen vehicles. Victims reported, in separate incidents, three cars, two pricey scooters and one motorcycle missing from neighborhood streets recently.

Nail Polish Plot

A 50-year-old man whom employees recognized was acting suspiciously at a local Duane Reade last week. He had a white plastic shopping bag and began sweeping five displays of Sally Hansen nail polish into it. When employees confronted the man, he left without paying for the polish, which was worth a grand total of $1,486, according to the store.

Home Invasion
Last Thursday night, a masked man pushed his way into an apartment on West 81st Street, brandishing what appeared to be a silver weapon to the startled male victim who answered the door. The suspect, who police said is known only as “Anthony,” told his male victim to shut up and get on the ground, then went into the living room where a woman was sleeping and told her to get on the ground as well. When she got onto her knees, he hit her in the back of the head and tied her hands. The invader then forced both victims into the bedroom, where he demanded the code to their safe and withdrew $4,700 in cash, then fled the apartment. The suspect is still at large.

Not-So-Friendly Friend
A woman called police last week to report a theft by her one-time Facebook friend. She said that she met the man on the social networking site and had been having a consensual sexual relationship with him. At their most recent tryst at the Comfort Inn Motel on West 71st Street, she asked her companion to fetch a few items from her car. When he did not
return, she checked the vehicle and discovered that her pal had grabbed $3,000 in cash and left her. Sounds like a solid case for de-friending.

Prank Callers
A worker at the Martin Luther King School reported that while she was a work, an unknown person snatched her $600 iPhone out of her bag and made 39 unauthorized calls on the cell phone before she could freeze her account.

Grabby Hands
On Saturday, a 61-year-old woman waited patiently in line at a TD Bank location to make a deposit. The customer in line behind her, a 60-year-old woman, was not so patient, and reached into the victim’s purse to lift $400 in cash. The thief was promptly arrested.

No Saving Seats
A patron of the arts attended an event at Lincoln Center’s Avery Fisher Hall last week and placed her bag on the empty seat next to her. She was so riveted by the evening’s entertainment that she didn’t notice until later that her black Chanel purse, worth $3,000 on its own, was gone. The purse also contained a $1,000 Gucci wallet, a $499 iPhone, a $200 Blackberry and $400 in cash, as well as credit cards.

Angel Assault
Last Wednesday, scared residents of the Amsterdam Houses NYCHA development called police as a man high on the drug known as angel dust terrorized everyone who walked through the lobby. The crazed man threatened anyone who passed, including kids, and refused to leave. When police arrived, they tried to subdue the man, but he was able to
punch one of the officers square in the face, breaking his glasses and giving him
a nasty laceration. The man continued flailing his arms and contorting his body
to avoid the handcuffs that police eventually slapped on him, and they discovered two bags of the illegal drug in his pockets. The man was arrested and brought to Roosevelt Hospital for treatment.

Baby as Decoy
A couple walked into a Duane Reade last Thursday pushing a baby stroller, a normal sight until an employee noticed that they were stashing several varieties of Crest White Strips under the carriage. They were able to fit 21 boxes, worth a total of $1,025, into the stroller, then fled the store. Now police are on the lookout for a couple with extremely bright smiles.

Crime Really Doesn’t Pay
Three teenage boys were walking home from school from school last week when three other boys approached them and demanded their money and wallets. When the trio of would-be victims refused and kept walking down Broadway, the thieving threesome followed and managed to grab $2 from one of the boys. Now all three are wanted for robbery, with less than a buck each to show for their misdeeds.

Courtesy of Buzz Bishop

Old Spice Crook
A man was arrested at a local Duane Reade last week after attempting to abscond with a whopping 299 sticks of Old Spice deodorant. (Does anybody sweat that much?) The presumably odoriferous shoplifter also injured an employee who tried to stop him from leaving the store.

Depraved Assault on a Child
Police were alerted last week to the plight of an 8-year-old girl living in the Amsterdam Houses with suspicious injuries on her left hand. When they investigated, officers determined that the girl’s mother had allegedly burned her hand with a fork as punishment for “taking her sister’s tampons.” The mother told cops that her daughter burned herself accidentally while ironing clothes, but her story didn’t jive with the poor girl’s injury and she was arrested on felonious assault charges. The case has been referred to the Special Victims Unit.

Mucous-Free Shoplifter
Last Tuesday at 9:45 a.m., an unknown man waltzed into a local CVS pharmacy and sauntered out with 40 stolen packs of Mucinex, an over-the-counter med meant to combat mucous and coughs. The total haul is worth $1,150, so the thief most likely intends either to get some crystal-clear nasal passages or make a hefty profit reselling the drug on the street.

Bad Boyfriend
A 37-year-old woman called the police after her live-in boyfriend took his alcoholic rage out on her. The woman reported that her drunken mate got angry and attempted to strangle her, then slammed her against a wall and held her there so she couldn’t escape his grasp. He eventually let go and ran off, allowing the victim a chance to call for help.

False Phone Friends
When checking her most recent cell phone bill, a local woman noticed a few extraneous charges—namely that two iPhones had been purchased with her account and a stranger had been added as an “authorized user,” enabling him to change her plan to accommodate the two new phone lines.

Don’t Tempt Thieves
Most criminals can’t resist an easy target, as a local man discovered last week when he placed his wallet on the inside window ledge of his ground-floor apartment on West 78th Street. An unknown person spotted it, and snagged the wallet, attempting four credit card purchases with the stolen loot.