Gov. Andrew Cuomo’s new bill proposal was approved on Monday, and has largely been supported by a population anxious to finally tackle one of the nation’s deepest-rooted and most ignored problems: Bullying. However, disagreements on whether bullies should be brought to court persist. A look at how the French have done it may give us more insight on this delicate issue.

What most observers noted as the most important element of the bill was the emphasis on cyber-bullying. With the internet rapidly spreading to every home and cell phone, new ways of bullying fellow classmates have emerged, notably through the use of Facebook and other social networks. Much attention has recently been drawn to the issue after instances of cyber-bullying led to the suicide of two teenagers in the state of New York last year. In addition, results from a census which surveyed close to 10,000 New York students have shown that 70% of the respondents thought cyber-bullying should be made illegal, reinforcing the need for adapted legislation.

This turn of events may seem strange to some. This reaction is largely based on the notion that cyber-bullying is not as bad as actual, physical playground bullies. At least for the time being, the internet does not allow you to punch, give a wedgie or nipple twist anyone. While it is important not to let the struggle against cyber-bullying distract us from its more ‘traditional’ form, it is true that the psychological damage that can be caused through virtual means is often underestimated.

Very well, you say, but what exactly is cyber-bullying? As it is not possible to physically harm people via your computer (unless it’s a laptop with sharp edges and you throw it on someone), cyber-bullying mostly takes on the form of psychological torture. It can range from something as basic as spreading insults and rumors (for example, creating a hate group on Facebook), to hacking into your schoolmate’s accounts.

Ok, this sounds very annoying, but in a way, pretty harmless as well. While this may be the case for adults, stakes are much higher when children and teenagers are concerned. It sounds cliché, but in high school, reputation matters. If your reputation has been tarnished, you will feel those effects every day. Other children will insult you, make fun of you, or simply ignore you. And it isn’t like the movies, where bullied kids always find a true friend and everything ends alright. In fact, when a kid is being bullied, and deemed ‘unpopular’, other kids will tend to avoid him. Becoming friends with a bullied kid runs the risk of being assimilated to his reputation, and getting bullied in return.

It is this growing sense of isolation that represents the biggest danger of bullying. Having close to no friends and being constantly taunted by your peers, you will probably grow up to have low self-esteem, be socially awkward, and in more extreme cases, give into depression or suicide.

But what probably remains the most vicious aspect of bullying is the powerlessness that it imposes. Bullying victims often find it extremely difficult to break the cycle. In effect, there are three ways to deal with a bully. You can fight back, but this may not always be as easy as it sounds or yield the desired results. You can ignore it, and just keep thinking “In five years they will work for me,” but that takes an incredible amount of resolve. Or you can just tell someone.

Now it would seem as if reporting a bully to a teacher or parent would take care of the problem. However, the punishment received by the bully often pales in comparison to what then happens to the kid who snitched. A child knows that if they tell on a bully, he or she will probably get away with a warning, maybe get grounded for a few days. The victim, on the other hand, is sure to get it much worse than before. This trend is reflected in a recent survey, finding that only 20% of bullied children had reported it, the others being too scared to speak up.

Why isn’t bullying dealt with more efficiently? It seems to me that there is a lack of comprehension surrounding the gravity of the problem. Many adults, and that can include teachers and parents, think of it as simple child’s play. Boys will be boys, you know. And a child seeing this reaction in his parents will probably become increasingly reserved and distant.

In the adults’ defense, it can sometimes be very difficult to differentiate between actual bullying and simple teasing. Kids will always be mean to each other, but drawing the line between playful mockery and recurring bullying is not easy. Especially on the internet, where no physical harm actually comes to the victim.

Considering this last point, there is an aspect of the cyber-bullying bill that has been controversially received. It has been suggested that cyber-bullying should be dealt with in court. Now there are of courses instances where bullying does go too far, and where criminal charges should be considered. But, as pointed out earlier, the line between teasing and bullying can be a thin one.

My fear here is that schools turn into giant panopticons. Do we want our children constantly watching each other, denouncing each other, and living in fear of being arrested? Do we want schools where playful teasing can lead to lawsuits, where the only thing keeping kids in line is the threat of judicial repercussions? I am of course exaggerating, but if we open this Pandora box, who knows where it will lead us.

Facing this difficult question of what to do with cyber-bullies, it could be useful to turn our attention to the other side of the Atlantic. Last year, the French government had to deal with similar issues, having received over 30 complains of internet harassment in less than 6 months. In June 2011, the Education Minister Luc Chatel and the association e-Enfance (“e-Childhood”) signed a convention that outlined responsibilities for both parties in the fight against cyber-bullies.

This convention raised two interesting points that I would like to share with you.

The first is the emphasis on teachers and school principals. They are given the primary responsibility to identify and report cases of cyber-bullying at school, and will be given special formations to help them in this new duty. This is obviously a necessary step if we want to actively act against bullying, and it makes sense to say that teachers are the best placed to observe and act upon these instances.

The second point is perhaps more interesting for our discussion, and addresses the issue of punishment. One of e-Enfance’s main contribution, in the words of their director Jutine Atlan, is their “privileged relationship with Facebook.” This particularly concerns the “report” option of the world’s biggest social network. While it is possible to report abuse on Facebook, this doesn’t always mean that the situation will be given an appropriate response. There as simply too many people reporting each other on Facebook, sometimes even as a means of cyber-bullying. As outlined in the convention, e-Enfance wants to make sure that inappropriate behavior on Facebook will be punished accordingly, e.g, by closing the guilty person’s account.

Now this may not seem like much, but the way I see it, it is an interesting alternative to making cyber-bullying a criminally punishable offence. The idea is simple: If you ask a teenager, ANY teenager, to write down a list of his absolute top five fears, I can guarantee that you will see it up there. Right between “dying a virgin” and “Al Quaida.” There is something much, much worse that can happen to a fourteen year old. In a shaky and terrified handwriting, tarnished by obvious drops of anguished sweat, lies this existential horror, this primal fear shared by every teenager on the planet: “Losing my Facebook account.”

Stopping hate-filled violence and creating a better society

by Bette Dewing
What if your two sons were bullied and, when transferred to a different school, the harassment continued and your request for housing in another district was denied?

Of course you know this happened to a 12-year-old East Harlem boy, Joel Morales. Finally, this beloved son of Lizbeth Babilonia could not take it anymore and hanged himself in the family bathroom.

Would it were an isolated tragedy, but you know it is not, as more and more boys and girls are committing suicide to escape hateful harassment by their peers.

How to overcome this awful epidemic of kids tormenting other kids? Well, we need prime-time, front-page stories and outraged editorials and columns—not only about the resulting tragic suicides but the longtime suffering of the majority of these young victims.

The New York Times ran a story June 1 with three needed visuals. One was Joel’s smiling Facebook photo, which, along with the page’s happy messages, belied what so damaged his life. Another photo showed his grieving half-brother, Richard Salazar, 25, bending over the memorial outside the family home. But the one that needs airing again and again shows Joel’s anguished mother sobbing, “I want my son back! I want my son back!”

Yes, we need these true stories and photos out there in public, but songs may impress even more. One should be titled “I Want my Son Back” and tell the Morales story.

But back to his story; only now do we learn how his tormentors, ages 9-12, came to his door and threw sticks in his face. And how these junior terrorists followed him and a friend to a basketball court, and when the boys retreated to the friend’s house, they waited outside. These are just two of many stories that needed to be told publicly.

Ironically, school authorities knew, the little sociopaths’ families knew, everyone knew—including his grandfather, who offered to help with any problems, but Morales was a shy child.

What may have well triggered his final despair were reported taunts about his father, who committed suicide when Morales was a baby. The family kept this from him, and maybe he found out about it the day before his lifeless body was found, by his mother—can you imagine?

Infinitely more needs to be said (and I will) and done to stop this terrible, wrongful loss of young life and its hate-filled behavior causes. Now most young tormentors just get a slap on the wrist—if that.

No more! And we can overcome, if enough of us try!

dewingbetter@aol.com

In the past year, bullying has become not only a pervasive danger for students to dodge in the hallways but a hot topic of debate in the media, among parents and around dinner tables nationwide. Tragic stories of bullied kids committing suicide show up alongside activists’ best efforts to combat the problem, but still it persists.

Lee Hirsh’s documentary Bully, which follows a handful of kids and families from around the country who have dealt with severe bullying, caused a stir before it was even widely released when the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) refused to grant it the PG-13 rating that would allow it to be shown in schools. Dozens of news stories and a petition half a million signatures strong later, the MPAA relented and will change the rating.

It’s clear that people care about bullying, but the question is, who can stop it?

One former local student and his attorney are asserting that schools are responsible for preventing their students from being subjected to bullying. Eric Giray, a former student of the prestigious Calhoun School on the Upper West Side, recently filed a lawsuit against his alma mater and his alleged former bully, classmate Daniel Dworakowski, centered on an incident that occurred eight years ago. He’s seeking damages of $1.5 million for what his attorney says was a blatant failure on the part of the school to protect Giray as a student there.

“The school was notified over time, several times, that bullying was taking place,” said Ric Cherwin, Giray’s attorney. “The former principal kept on saying, ‘We’ll take care of it, we’ll handle it, don’t take matters into your own hands.’ But the school, in fact, didn’t really do anything.”

According to Cherwin, what began as students taunting Giray with names like “elephant ears” and calling him “gay” escalated to one harrowing incident on which their case rests.

“My client was dramatically singled out by the defendant, who violently pushed him with malice into the bleachers, and he suffered a serious injury: broken nose, 18 stitches and pretty serious psychological trauma,” Cherwin said.

Dworakowski’s mother told the Daily News that the scuffle was just an accident, which is how the school may have characterized it at the time as well. Calhoun could not elaborate on what policies they have in place to prevent and address bullying, either then or now. Several other private schools also declined to comment on their bullying policies.

“We are not able to comment on the matters under litigation, but Calhoun has clear standards regarding bullying and a long record of being sensitive and responsive to the physical, emotional and psychological needs of all of our students,” wrote Calhoun’s head of school, Steve Nelson, in an email.

Giray is now in college and his attorney explained that he and his mother didn’t want to file a lawsuit against the school until he was through the college admissions process—the statute of limitations on this type of personal injury does not begin until the victim turns 18. His case has ignited interest in who’s to blame for bullying, even while schools struggle to keep their classrooms safe and civil places.

For public schools, the city’s Department of Education (DOE) enforces a discipline code that prohibits all forms of bullying and has trained some educators in how to teach respectful interaction to their students.

“We launched Respect for All training programs in 2007, and to date, more than 6,000 teachers, counselors, parent coordinators and other staff members have participated in various components of the Respect for All training program,” said DOE spokesperson Marge Feinberg in an email.

“Each school has a Respect For All liaison that helps ensure schools comply with the regulation and work with the DOE central staff on programs that embrace differences in others.”

According to the DOE, the number of bullying incidents has remained fairly steady over the past 10 years, but experts say many students won’t always report bullying to authority figures and sometimes teachers don’t know the best ways to handle the problem.

“Teachers and school administrations need to be prepared to notice both the child who bullies and the child who is being bullied,” said Nancy Silberkleit, a former educator who has launched her own anti-bullying campaigns. “I have seen, too many times, teachers pushing children away for ‘tattletelling’ instead of encouraging them to come forward and dealing with their concerns.”

Upper West Side Assembly Member Daniel O’Donnell has been working for years to pass legislation that would help teachers become better equipped to handle bullying. Last year, after many years of pushing the bill, the Dignity for All Students Act passed the state Legislature and was signed into law. It will take effect July 1.

“It requires training of professionals; there needs to be somebody onsite who understands that bullying is not just kids being kids,” O’Donnell said. The law also requires localities to report bullying to the state Department of Education so effective strategies can be compared and tracked.

O’Donnell, who said he has faced plenty of bullying himself, finds it especially important to protect kids in an age when bullying is ever-present—kids don’t escape harassment when they leave the school building anymore and can be driven to despair by a particularly pointed Facebook post.

“I think the changes in the culture, the changes in the exposure to information and the ability to immediately communicate without thinking, which is what 13- and 14-year-olds do, creates this explosive environment,” O’Donnell said. Since the Dignity Act passed, he has also authored an amendment that addresses cyberbullying.

He also said that kids are exposed to sex, and are thus defining their own sexual and gender identities, at earlier ages, making young children who identify as gay or somehow different potential targets.

“This was the first time in New York State history that gender identity and expression were written into state laws,” O’Donnell said. “I know all too well that those children who violate gender stereotypes are the first targets.”

While the law will expand the requirements for how teachers and administrators address bullying, some say that it will be difficult to implement if parents and communities don’t also get involved.

“Teachers are overwhelmed with outside requirements to get students through tests and standards,” said Silberkleit. “There is very little time and energy left to deal with the social aspects of the students’ lives. Bullying occurs primarily before and after school.”

Kat Eden, communications director for Education.com, which works on anti-bullying issues, said that according to the results of a nationwide survey they conducted of 1,000 principals, many schools don’t have the resources they’d like to have to combat bullying.

“Principals surveyed reported a lack of resources to prevent and manage bullying—only 38 percent of principals report that they have sufficient resources to effectively implement bullying programs, curriculum and policies in their schools,” Eden said.

O’Donnell acknowledged that that is a particular challenge for many cash-strapped school districts, but insists that changing behavior is mostly a matter of awareness and education for current educators.

“We need to get rid of the idea within school environments that kids will be kids with regard to bullying,” O’Donnell said. “That’s just not OK.”

West Side public and private schools cope with age-old problem

In the past year, bullying has become not only a pervasive danger for students to dodge in the hallways but a hot topic of debate in the media, among parents and around dinner tables nationwide. Tragic stories of bullied kids committing suicide show up alongside activists’ best efforts to combat the problem, but still it persists.

Lee Hirsh’s documentary Bully, which follows a handful of kids and families from around the country who have dealt with severe bullying, caused a stir before it was even widely released when the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) refused to grant it the PG-13 rating that would allow it to be shown in schools. Dozens of news stories and a petition half a million signatures strong later, the MPAA relented and will change the rating.

It’s clear that people care about bullying, but the question is, who can stop it?

One former local student and his attorney are asserting that schools are responsible for preventing their students from being subjected to bullying. Eric Giray, a former student of the prestigious Calhoun School on the Upper West Side, recently filed a lawsuit against his alma mater and his alleged former bully, classmate Daniel Dworakowski, centered on an incident that occurred eight years ago. He’s seeking damages of $1.5 million for what his attorney says was a blatant failure on the part of the school to protect Giray as a student there.

“The school was notified over time, several times, that bullying was taking place,” said Ric Cherwin, Giray’s attorney. “The former principal kept on saying, ‘We’ll take care of it, we’ll handle it, don’t take matters into your own hands.’ But the school, in fact, didn’t really do anything.”

According to Cherwin, what began as students taunting Giray with names like “elephant ears” and calling him “gay” escalated to one harrowing incident on which their case rests.

“My client was dramatically singled out by the defendant, who violently pushed him with malice into the bleachers, and he suffered a serious injury: broken nose, 18 stitches and pretty serious psychological trauma,” Cherwin said.

Dworakowski’s mother told the Daily News that the scuffle was just an accident, which is how the school may have characterized it at the time as well. Calhoun could not elaborate on what policies they have in place to prevent and address bullying, either then or now. Several other private schools also declined to comment on their bullying policies.

“We are not able to comment on the matters under litigation, but Calhoun has clear standards regarding bullying and a long record of being sensitive and responsive to the physical, emotional and psychological needs of all of our students,” wrote Calhoun’s head of school, Steve Nelson, in an email.

Giray is now in college and his attorney explained that he and his mother didn’t want to file a lawsuit against the school until he was through the college admissions process—the statute of limitations on this type of personal injury does not begin until the victim turns 18. His case has ignited interest in who’s to blame for bullying, even while schools struggle to keep their classrooms safe and civil places.

For public schools, the city’s Department of Education (DOE) enforces a discipline code that prohibits all forms of bullying and has trained some educators in how to teach respectful interaction to their students.

“We launched Respect for All training programs in 2007, and to date, more than 6,000 teachers, counselors, parent coordinators and other staff members have participated in various components of the Respect for All training program,” said DOE spokesperson Marge Feinberg in an email. “Each school has a Respect For All liaison that helps ensure schools comply with the regulation and work with the DOE central staff on programs that embrace differences in others.”

According to the DOE, the number of bullying incidents has remained fairly steady over the past 10 years, but experts say many students won’t always report bullying to authority figures and sometimes teachers don’t know the best ways to handle the problem.

“Teachers and school administrations need to be prepared to notice both the child who bullies and the child who is being bullied,” said Nancy Silberkleit, a former educator who has launched her own anti-bullying campaigns. “I have seen, too many times, teachers pushing children away for ‘tattletelling’ instead of encouraging them to come forward and dealing with their concerns.”

Upper West Side Assembly Member Daniel O’Donnell has been working for years to pass legislation that would help teachers become better equipped to handle bullying. Last year, after many years of pushing the bill, the Dignity for All Students Act passed the state Legislature and was signed into law. It will take effect July 1.

“It requires training of professionals; there needs to be somebody onsite who understands that bullying is not just kids being kids,” O’Donnell said. The law also requires localities to report bullying to the state Department of Education so effective strategies can be compared and tracked.

O’Donnell, who said he has faced plenty of bullying himself, finds it especially important to protect kids in an age when bullying is ever-present—kids don’t escape harassment when they leave the school building anymore and can be driven to despair by a particularly pointed Facebook post.

“I think the changes in the culture, the changes in the exposure to information and the ability to immediately communicate without thinking, which is what 13- and 14-year-olds do, creates this explosive environment,” O’Donnell said. Since the Dignity Act passed, he has also authored an amendment that addresses cyberbullying.

He also said that kids are exposed to sex, and are thus defining their own sexual and gender identities, at earlier ages, making young children who identify as gay or somehow different potential targets.

“This was the first time in New York State history that gender identity and expression were written into state laws,” O’Donnell said. “I know all too well that those children who violate gender stereotypes are the first targets.”

While the law will expand the requirements for how teachers and administrators address bullying, some say that it will be difficult to implement if parents and communities don’t also get involved.

“Teachers are overwhelmed with outside requirements to get students through tests and standards,” said Silberkleit. “There is very little time and energy left to deal with the social aspects of the students’ lives. Bullying occurs primarily before and after school.”

Kat Eden, communications director for Education.com, which works on anti-bullying issues, said that according to the results of a nationwide survey they conducted of 1,000 principals, many schools don’t have the resources they’d like to have to combat bullying.

“Principals surveyed reported a lack of resources to prevent and manage bullying—only 38 percent of principals report that they have sufficient resources to effectively implement bullying programs, curriculum and policies in their schools,” Eden said.

O’Donnell acknowledged that that is a particular challenge for many cash-strapped school districts, but insists that changing behavior is mostly a matter of awareness and education for current educators.

“We need to get rid of the idea within school environments that kids will be kids with regard to bullying,” O’Donnell said. “That’s just not OK.”

Bully follows five children, and their families, bullied throughout the school year received the R rating due to the inclusion of six expletives. Weinstein Co., who produced the documentary, tried to appeal the decision and lower the rating to PG-13.  The debate rages over whether or not Bully should be granted exemption from the MPAA’s guidelines due to the potential benefit of its subject matter.  Currently, the filmmakers can either bleep or edit out the offending dialogue to receive the desired rating, but Hirsch claims that doing so would damage the artistic integrity of the film.

Because the MPAA denied Weinstein’s appeal, the bullied are taking it upon themselves to get the ratings board to act. Katy Butler, at 17-year old activist from Ann Arbor, MI, spearheaded an online petition on change.org that has already gained well over 200,000 signatures in a little over a week. Butler, who was bullied and taunted as a 7th grader, wants the movie’s message to reach its intended audience.

Bully follows five children, and their families, bullied throughout the school year received the R rating due to the inclusion of six expletives. Weinstein Co., who produced the documentary, tried to appeal the decision and lower the rating to PG-13.  The debate rages over whether or not Bully should be granted exemption from the MPAA’s guidelines due to the potential benefit of its subject matter.  Currently, the filmmakers can either bleep or edit out the offending dialogue to receive the desired rating, but Hirsch claims that doing so would damage the artistic integrity of the film.

Because the MPAA denied Weinstein’s appeal, the bullied are taking it upon themselves to get the ratings board to act. Katy Butler, at 17-year old activist from Ann Arbor, MI, spearheaded an online petition on change.org that has already gained well over 200,000 signatures in a little over a week. Butler, who was bullied and taunted as a 7th grader, wants the movie’s message to reach its intended audience.