I have been seeing this guy for the past month. He is great in bed, but I worry that he thinks we are in a quasi-relationship and is getting a little too attached. He wants to tell our friends about us, but I have just been avoiding the question. To make matters more complicated, he is the brother of one of my roommates so he drops by all the time unannounced. How do I get him to stop coming over all the time? And how should I respond to his emotional intensity?

Congratulations! You just asked the million-dollar question. If only I knew the answer to that one…

I must admit, you really do need help. Not only are you stuck in the “my booty call is getting too attached” dilemma (which by the way you just proved happens to girls also) but you got to deal with a major complication as well!

His freakin’ sibling is your roommate? I think you just set a new standard for fucked up shit.

I’ll be honest: my instinct is telling me to tell you that you are pretty much screwed. Up to your neck in some kind of unidentified green goo. But that wouldn’t be very nice. So, being the (cough) gentleman that I am, I’ll do my best you give you some pointers.

What you want to establish first is, is he worth it? Because to me, the obvious solution would be to dump him. But if he’s really that great in bed, or if you think that maybe you could fall for him eventually, you should probably consider the alternatives first.

Speaking about alternatives, it’s not like you have that many to chose from. But worry not! After a very painful brain-rattling session, I came up with two (!) possible plans to make that guy understand that you need your space.

My first brilliant idea: Talk to him (any ungrateful reaction vaguely resembling a “thanks captain obvious” will be met with severe punishment.) Wait, there’s more.

So you talk to him, and try to explain in the nicest possible way that he is slowly draining the life energy out of you. Thankfully, you’re not the first person this has happened to, which gives you an abundance of clichés to chose from. Here’s an arbitrary selection:

“I need my space”

“I’m not looking for a relationship right now”

“I feel like I have no privacy with you dropping by unannounced all the time”

“I think I may have pinkeye?”

“What has a tail, a head, is brown and has no legs?” * (Granted, that last one will probably just buy you some time)

Seriously though, once you’ve jumped in, the conversation should flow by itself. The hard part is bringing it up. I guess you could just pout all day until he asks you what’s up. That’s what I would do. Or get really drunk with him, but that can always backfire.

Ok so, brilliant idea number two: Let’s say you really want to avoid the whole “let’s talk” thingy. You could always go for subtlety. Just grow increasingly distant. Don’t reply to texts that often, tell him you’re busy, especially when he drops by to “see his brother.” In theory, he should get that he’s being too involved. In theory. Then again, men are pretty clueless creatures…

In the end, whether you go for the direct or indirect approach, your success will largely be determined by a factor you can’t really control: His reaction. Of course, chances are that he is a mature, reasonable individual who would rather see a little less of you than lose you completely, and he’ll start putting effort into not being so clingy.

OR he’ll just go into a nervous breakdown, cry like a baby and beg you to stay with him, because you see, he loves you. If that’s the case, we are pretty much back to square one: You’re screwed.

Send your questions to mmaier@manhattanmedia.com or via twitter @N_YPress.

* Yes, you curious scoundrels, there is an answer to that riddle: A penny! Good one, no?

I’ve been dating this guy for 5 months. we spend every weekend together and talk everyday but neither of us refer to the other as “boyfriend” or “girlfriend.” at first it started as a joke that we just call each other friends. how do i bring this up without sounding like I’m in high school?

What’s wrong with high school? At least you knew where you stood in your relationship. If you were hooking up with a guy, he was your boyfriend. He knew it, you knew it, everyone knew it. That was it. Wasn’t life so much easier?

Behind an apparently childish attachment to terms ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’ lies the extremely relevant question of exclusivity. As long as you don’t name it, there is in theory nothing stopping you or your guy to go poke your noses around elsewhere. When you are “just friends”, it is implied that the both of you can do what you want. You don’t do it because you don’t want to, or maybe you do and just stay quiet about it. But as soon as those words are pronounced, both parties enter an implicit contract of exclusivity.

Now, for an unknown and mystical reason that can probably be traced back to the genetic make-up of our cavemen ancestors, hearing the words “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” tends to freak most guys out. I know many men (me included) who can have a drama-free relationship for 5 months no problemo, but as soon as the words are pronounced, will seriously start to consider moving on to greener pastures.

I can’t really explain it, but there you have it. Once its official, we start looking for problems. Because if there are no problems, we might stay with you forever! That is not a thing many guys like to think about.

This is by no means a universal statement. There are many guys out there who love relationships as much as you do, they are just a minority. But in this particular case, being “just friends” after a 5 months relationship seems to indicate that your man isn’t a fan of commitment.

So how to approach the question of exclusivity without uttering the words “boyfriend” or “relationship”? How can you subtly broach the topic of whether you are allowed to have sex with other people without seeming like you’re trying to tie him down for a lifelong commitment? Here are a few pointers:

1. Make him jealous. Let other guys flirt with you at a party or something. Chances are, if he is the jealous type, he will bring up the subject himself eventually.
2. Get drunk and throw a fit. Catch phrases such as “you don’t love me as much as I do” or “what’s the bitch’s name?” are almost guaranteed to make him flee faster than a kitty on steroids. But hey, at least you’ll have talked about it.
3. Innocently change your relationship status on facebook, and see what happens.
4. Casually drop the BF-bomb during a conversation. For example, tell an anecdote of when you went shopping with a friend, and she wanted to buy a kayaking helmet, and you were all like “oh my god, my Boyfriend loves kayaking!”. Observe his reaction.
5. Talk about it like adults. Sit him down, give him a beer and confront him. (WARNING: There is a strong possibility that this will end like 2.)
6. Just make him jealous already. He’ll bring it up.

Seriously though, words are just words. I know it’s reassuring to know where you stand, but don’t attach too much importance to it and let it ruin your relationship. If you see him starting to check for exits when you say “we need to talk”, it’s probably best to let it go and see what happens.