Preventing aching backs and most physical woes demands that we stand up every 20 minutes or so and move around. For some, age-related problems and waning strength make that difficult or impossible. Ah, but these aging symptoms need far more general understanding. However, to reduce the sitting time this week, I did a kind of stream-of-consciousness column that didn’t require poring over reference material. It was almost finished when I remembered to get up—again—and when I turned on the news, I learned that former Mayor Ed Koch had departed this life.

So much for the column just written. I worried when last night’s news said our three-term former mayor was on a respirator in New York Presbyterian’s intensive care unit. The reporter also recalled the 88-year-old’s last decade of major illnesses: a stroke, a heart attack and heart and prostate surgeries. That’s a lot, but not uncommon at that age.

Koch was famous for asking “How’m I doin’?” Now I wish that in recent years, he had talked about how he was really doin’ with these critical, often age-related diseases. It would have helped raise awareness and find better ways to prevent and treat them. And above all, it would have given the public at large more understanding and maybe more empathy for what it’s like to be old, even for someone as renowned, active and advantaged as Ed Koch.

We need more old people out there in the public eye. Koch was a regular on an NY1 weekly political panel; he was a player; he went every day to his law office, maybe even by subway or bus. But I doubt that the new documentary Koch says much about his late years.

His late years have been largely ignored in the lengthy obituaries that have appeared, which is something I am really trying to change. Another glaring example of this type of oversight was in the tributes to Pauline “Dear Abby” Phillips, whose last ten years of suffering from Alzheimer’s disease got little more than a mention. Ten years! Who knew? Obits mentioned she’d supported the civil rights, women’s rights and gay rights movements. But has her family worked for more research for the still-underfunded brain-failure cause?

Are they protesting the really offensive Betty White NBC sitcoms depicting elders as dirty old women and dirty old men playing disgusting pranks on young people? Is anyone? In one relatively mild “prank,” two elder women asked young men on the street to settle the argument of who’s the best kisser. The young men quickly backed away and burst out laughing.

Real-life elders often try to help young people, but that’s not something the media ever show. Even the president’s grandmother got little mention at the Inaugural ceremony, although many approving comments were made about the Obamas’ daughters standing next to her. Nothing was said about the need for close grandparents. These are some reasons why I so often write about elder inequities, which some say I do too often. In truth, it is not done often enough.

And so we will miss you, Ed Koch, and we’ll miss seeing an old face on the tube, and hearing an old voice of experience (not that many of us left). And you did love New York, and New York is a better place for it. And we are grateful.

dewingbetter@aol.com

Janette Sadik-Khan, the DOT commissioner, released a statement saying that “for the first time in generations, we are systematically updating our streets to eliminate the signs that don’t work and improve the signs we actually need. While honking signs have been around for decades, there’s no sign that they do anything except add clutter to our streets.”

To bolster the case, the DOT argued that over the past five years, honking complaints have decreased 63 percent. But there are plenty of residents on both the Upper East and West sides who do not hear things quieting down.

“Whenever there’s a sudden blast of a horn, it creates road rage. Its very hostile,” said Bette Dewing, an Upper East Side resident, traffic safety expert (and columnist for Our Town). “I’m a great believer in signs. I don’t know why they’re so concerned with clutter. I am more interested in traffic safety rules.”

Dewing, also an activist for elder rights and safety, added that for older New Yorkers, a sudden horn honk can be jarring to the heart, which is unpleasant for anyone, but potentially dangerous for older pedestrians.

Council Member Gale Brewer said that in her district on the Upper West Side, there are several horn-honking problem areas, including the intersection of Riverside and 79th Street, where drivers coming off the highway tend to loudly announce their presence. She also said that congestion and noise occurs near schools like Columbia Preparatory School at West 94th Street. When school lets out, cars and buses idle in front of the school, causing frustration and honking.

Brewer said she is puzzled by the DOT’s decision.

“The neighbors want to be able to point to a sign and say, ‘do you see that sign? that’s the law,’” she said. “We’re in a city; we like noise but not excessive.”

Arlene Bronzaft, a noise expert and psychology professor, said that she does not buy the DOT’s explanation of de-cluttering the roadways. She said that where she lives at 79th and York, there are four signs telling people to cross at the green light.

“Why do we need four signs to tell us that?” she said. “You’d think we were smarter than that.” She also said that keeping the no-honking signs will guilt people into following the law.

“It’s simple psychology,” she said. “The signs are prompts for good behavior.”

Speaking of low-tech, King, who would have been 84 this month, would likely approve of my favorite Christmas card, which has Burl Ives singing the following neighborly advice from the “Holly Jolly Christmas” song: “And say hello to friends we know, and everyone we meet!” The great humanitarian leader would no doubt say “Amen!” to that, and also to my “everyone smiling” mission, because it’s good for our health and helping one another. His help is sorely needed in these uphill endeavors.

At the New Amsterdam Boys and Girls Choir concert on King’s birthday held at All Souls Unitarian Church, the song choices often reflect the dreams of this great American patriot and prophet. But today’s pop songs and entertainment often reflect something quite different, which might well have spurred King to remind us that “there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but one must, because our conscience says it is right.”

And surely reflecting King’s dream is how these young New Amsterdam singers will be helped get to and from school by this long-standing nonprofit organization, which also mentors and tutors the youngsters. It needs our support.

Next year, weather permitting, how fitting it would be if part of this concert were held outdoors on Park Avenue, where the illuminated Christmas trees and Chanukah bushes remain until after King’s birthday is celebrated. And just as this serenely beautiful row of trees and bushes is there to honor all who gave and are still giving their lives in this nation’s wars, so they now rightly pay tribute to this martyred civil rights leader. Thank you, Park Avenue Memorial Tree donors, for enabling this blessed New York City tradition.

But singing together is a year-round need, and future columns will note other grass-roots groups you can either join or support. Sometimes singing is better than talking, because no one is left out. We need to learn to talk, inclusively, about things that really matter. If ever a mission needed King’s help …

And he’d likely worry that the high-tech gadgets often take the place of the person-to-person, voice-to-voice communication people need most. And indeed, this anti-violence leader would consider that sometimes the lack of social interaction is among the risk factors to be overcome in the renewed war against awful crimes of violence. May they not be in vain and serve the cause of non-violence and justice as King’s wrongful death has done so magnificently.

And may it be strongly considered that the education we need most from childhood on is how to relate to one another—to do and say the just and helpful thing, including speaking the truth in love. And where kids, especially, will do more smiling, singing and talking than texting! It’s not an impossible dream!

dewingbetter@aol.com

Surely, seeing really is believing and is bound to generate more empathy and tangible help. And just being there helps the tens of thousands afflicted, literally in our own backyard, know they are not forgotten and it’s not business as usual elsewhere. It’s up to the media, especially, to keep showing the ongoing devastation and telling the heartbreaking stories.

Before my dinner companion made this most telling remark, the column in progress began with the televised Rockefeller Center tree lighting extravaganza and how I thought calls for Hurricane Sandy aid should have been center-staged and not occasional, relatively low-key requests. And before they performed, the featured artists could have showed some sympathy and brought attention to the massive hardship and loss in places only a few miles away.

But mostly it was showbiz as usual, with too much spectacular background décor. The magnificent tree is all we need, and indeed less is more when it comes to its lighting. As always, I wished the performers had asked the adoring crowd there to sing along, but with fewer ho-ho-ho songs and no “can’t live without you” lyrics. Include family, close friends and good neighbors in the lyrics of the wildly popular “All I Want for Christmas Is You.” And “a home” is what tens of thousands in the tri-state area now most desperately need.

On a closing note, the Park Avenue memorial trees are the most meaningful and serenely lovely of all the city’s December traditions. Once again, this parade of illuminated fir trees are in hallowed memory of those who gave their lives in this nation’s wars. This blessed tradition was started in 1945 by several Manhattan mothers whose sons perished in that war, which so tragically was only a taste of more to come. As the holiday season hits full swing, don’t forget that above all, we must pray and work to prevent this most awful of all human-made disasters!
Dewingbetter@aol.com

By Bette Dewing

I’m with those who feel official help with this epic hurricane has not been epic enough. It sure would help if the unaffected were exposed to Nova’s Pulitzer-worthy documentary “Inside the Superstorm,” which I so providentially caught when taking a TV break from writing this column. Regrettably, the paper of record’s short review, which I later checked, in essence concluded that we’d seen all this before. Ah, but what we desperately need is reminding of this heartbreaking, mind-numbing devastation and the need for epic long-term help from every last one of us who was not affected.

This and two other related documentaries help us remember what the president said on his visit to local disaster areas: “We are bound together and must look out for each other. … We’re going to have to put the turf battles aside.” (New York Times, Nov. 16.)

And put those political partisan battles aside, too; Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan, with their considerable smarts and resources, should be on the front lines of this Herculean rescue, clean-up and restoration effort. So should other losing candidates. Then everyone wins.

The Times has provided much valuable storm coverage, but its Nov. 17 front-page story “Helping hands also expose a New York divide: Storm volunteers in poor areas stir resentment” should have run at a much later date.

But do remember the Times Nov. 16 story reporting how the president gave a big hug to Debbie Ingenito of Staten Island and said he understood about her husband not being there because he had to protect the house and the block. Ah, comforting hugs like the president and the first lady frequently give should be widely prescribed, and role-modeled in entertainment mediums instead of affections that get high-profilers in very big trouble.

Although faith groups are among the most dedicated helpers, let sermons and also Sabbath school lessons continue to be about meeting the needs of this epic disaster. Isn’t that what “Love one another” is all about?

Here’s to the hugely popular Thanksgiving Day Parade also getting this urgent message across—like a Charlie Brown balloon saying, “Helping is what Thanksgiving is all about this year.” And say this over the Thanksgiving dinner plates too, and include the Nova documentary in any TV viewing that day. As for Black Friday shopping, shouldn’t all holiday buying and entertaining, in part, help storm-ravaged business places and people?

Maybe this sounds dumb, but I often ask how people made out in the storm. The Cherokee Post Office clerk said, “I lost my car—but my home is okay.” She seemed glad I asked and wished me a “very happy Thanksgiving.” A 79th Street bus driver replied, “Luckily, I live far enough inland, but other family members were hit really hard.” But another 79th Street driver said brusquely, “Like everyone else!” Maybe an idea for all us unscathed ones to adopt?

And here’s to musicians getting people in hard-hit places to sing together! More so than just talking, singing gives health and hope and brings people together.

And, of course, we keep giving in orthodox ways: Bless the army of volunteers and all who labor in this arduous and even dangerous rescue and recovery work.

Meanwhile, Sen. Liz Krueger’s roundtable for boomers and seniors on longevity challenges took place on Nov. 15, and the New York Council on Cooperatives and Condominiums conference included a workshop on helping seniors “age in place.” Keep an eye out for our upcoming coverage of these.

dewingbetter@aol.com

But first to say thanks to our political leaders for being up to this Herculean task, which won’t let up anytime soon. And to the armies of people who continue to risk life and health, evacuating the stranded, keeping the peace as best they can, providing shelter, food and water, restoring transit and so much more. And to the record number of volunteers, including some marathon runners who used their training to run up and down stairs to give aid to the homebound.

Bravo to those who struggled for hours to get to nonessential work, such as offering to help out in unscathed apartment houses like mine. You provided assurance to the anxious and alone, and got more residents interacting. That relates to a maxim found in the East Sixties Neighborhood Association Fall Bulletin: “When strangers start acting like neighbors … communities are reinvigorated.”

They’re safer and healthier, and civic and faith groups should make “good neighborliness” a primary long-term goal.

But now priority attention must be paid to the countless thousands of victims of this unbelievably widespread and destructive natural disaster and those also threatened by pathological human nature, which terrifies and loots even in low-crime-area buildings and shops. In times of disaster, such dastardly deeds should be considered acts of treason.

Although protecting public safety is government’s first duty, was the hurricane-spawned lawlessness assailed in the last days of the election campaigns? There’s no greater good than making peace on the home front a bipartisan priority with election winners and losers working together. Everyone wins if they do.

And let’s revive faith group protests, like Monsignor Harry Byrne did in high-crime times against the violence that threatened his own congregation; we can at the very least revive his “First Civil Liberty” essay protesting the widespread threat of crime.

The standing-room-only crowds in places of worship seen after 9/11 did not reappear this time, although some regulars were doing recovery work at Madison Avenue Presbyterian Church last Sunday. Faith groups help, in general, far more than most people who walked right by the church are aware. I went needing comfort and strength—and yes, giving thanks for being spared.

And I was righteously angry to learn later that nearby Central Park was “awash with tens of thousands of runners from all over the world running around the loop and marathon levels of spectators too.” Again, those who joined the recovery effort are the winners.

Ah, and bless the countless who share their homes with the new homeless. Long overdue in the myriad style, home and food sections and programs, not to mention our formal education system, are lessons in communication skills to help “the getting along”—in general. Hallmark Channel dropped reruns of The Waltons, about the only TV fare role-modeling such behavior, and where people took helping their neighbors for granted.

Related is the Museum of Natural History’s exhibit of how New Yorkers coped in World War II. If ours was called “the greatest generation,” it’s due to a Waltons-type ethos then found in ethnic and faith groups nationwide—not to mention movie and radio fare. And, if ever something needs reviving, it’s that in our primary educators—TV and music and now cyberspace.

But now the most immediate and ultimate need is helping storm-decimated communities and individuals survive and revive—it can be done if enough of us try. Keep trying as never before.

Use Your Horse Sense

My country horses (“Horses Can’t Cope,” April 26) have never been in an air-conditioned or heated building; they don’t have sprinklers in the field, nor do they have fan-waving slave boys to feed them bonbons while they lounge in their hay beds and fret over the next week’s weather forecast. They are coping just fine living pretty much as horses have for a long, long time—only without the fear of being dinner to a saber-toothed tiger.

Horses grow a thicker coat in winter and shed it in spring; come summer, they sweat. They accept weather without questions or self-pity. So stop projecting. When horses are not visible near Central Park, it does not mean that they are now riding around in air-conditioned taxicabs.

—Sarah Bellepeppa

Stalwart Fighter

At the risk of sounding like a mutual admiration society, I want to thank Bette Dewing for her kind words about me in her March 15 column (“Trails That Need Following”). Given that she has been a tireless, stalwart advocate for pedestrian and bike safety for decades, I am humbled by her praise.

I also want to add two comments to her discussion of bike safety, particularly delivery bikes.

First, I spent over an hour watching food delivery bikes go back and forth in the West 80s, after sundown. Not one single bike had a headlight. Not one. And less than half had any bell or other warning device. Although this may be “low-hanging fruit,” this certainly gives police officers something concrete on which to write summonses on an ongoing basis.

Second, with respect to the motor-assisted bicycles and fully motorized moped-style delivery bikes that are spreading like kudzu—and are dangerous not only because they make no sound (and have greater weight with which to cause injury), but also because their riders are engaging in illegal practices such as going through red lights and traveling the wrong way on one-way streets—these bikes are already illegal under Section 19-176.2 of the New York City Administrative Code. And the NYPD Legal Department is about to make formal ruling as to whether they can be used at all. If they rule that those bikes cannot be used, I strongly urge the NYPD to engage in a concerted campaign to not only summon those who use the illegal bikes—as well as the restaurant owners who allow their use—but to actively confiscate them. A few weeks of serious crackdown, including summonses and confiscations, is the only thing likely to get restaurant owners to cease using these silent menaces.

—Ian Alterman

Upper West Side

The writer is president of the 20th Precinct Community Council

Ian Alterman
President of the 20th Precinct
Community Council

Letters have been edited for clarity, style and brevity.

“Looking better” does get our attention. But it’s the lighting, stupid (not you), that can make or break our appearance. Only a few—including Rep. Michele Bachmann—protest the so-called energy efficients for making us, our clothes and furnishings look rather, well, lifeless.

To save lighting energy positively, sharply reduce the excess wattage that has so unhealthfully become the exorbitant norm. If fluorescents must sometimes be used, the warm white tubes and bulbs give off some life-giving rays. The cool whites take it away.

The Lenox Hill Neighborhood House redecorators recently installed obligatory banks and banks of the cool whites, which made the boomers and seniors gathered there look rather weary and wan. Ironically, we were there for expert information on how best to get older.

Don’t get me wrong, kudos galore for these roundtable forums initiated by State Sen. Liz Krueger and her chief aide, Alice Fisher, in 2010. The information from various experts in the field of aging was just invaluable, and every official and wannabe should pick up this torch—pronto! For information about 2012’s final forum in March, call 212-490-9535.

Now if only some 20/20-visioned philanthropists would fund the replacement of those cool white tubes with warm whites, this wonderful old neighborhood house would instantly become aesthetically neighborly. That white blight should be banned. Incidentally, white walls also accent the negative, unlike friendly, flattering, warm earth tones. Yup, all of this will make us look better.

Back to the recent roundtable forum called “Planning Ahead: Boomers and Seniors Living in the 21st Century,” where thirtysomething Council Member Jessica Lappin dropped by.

Now, Lappin heads the City Council’s Committee on Aging and hopes to be the Manhattan borough president. I wished she’d stayed longer and spoken about lifelong family importance. If only she’d repeated her tweet this paper’s editor found fit to print: “Really miss my boys today. First day back after a long weekend is always hard.”

Ah, mama Jessica, now think of the boomer and senior women and men whose sons and daughters are almost always away. Even some mental health professionals tell them, “Just be glad they see or call you at all.” So join my Families Forever movement, Jessica, where the generations stay vitally connected—forever.

Incidentally, do go and see The Iron Lady. It shows how difficult elderhood can be, even for world-renowned and financially secure people like Margaret Thatcher (Brooke Astor was not immune, either). And be most aware of how Thatcher’s Africa-based son has little time for her, even now. Like most parents of adults (grandparents, elder aunts, uncles and cousins too), she doesn’t protest this heartbreaking, socially acceptable indifference.

If ever a screenwriter deserved an Oscar, it’s for The Iron Lady for bringing all-too-commonplace preventable elder life woes out of the closet.

And how we need films, lyrics and forums to overcome our age apartheid system, which undergirds so many of these miseries. It would help inordinately to have more celebs like Stephen Colbert—when his mother fell ill, his show did not go on! Bravo! And amen to Cardinal Dolan for not forgetting his mother since becoming the world’s most likable priest.

Ah, but I do not forget the many mid- and late-life people without children: An intergenerational interdependent culture is one absolute must.

To be continued most surely.

dewingbetter@aol.com

By Bette Dewing

Hey, journalists Jeff Greenfield and Mark Barabak, don’t call yourself “old fogies” because you think that televised debate audiences shouldn’t react verbally, and chuck that ageist label. It implies that decorous behavior in an era of loud mouths is somehow regressive.

This comment was made in reference to Newt Gingrich benefiting from strong audience reaction in one debate but not in another where the audience was told to hush up. Gingrich is a never-at-a-loss-for-words facile speaker, and we fallible humans often value style over content.

Although I have countless ideas, words often fail me, especially when speaking in public. My Norwegian-dominant ancestry and being born left-handed likely account for my nonverbal right brain dominance. Ah, but right-brainers are very intuitive. They also see the big picture more clearly than left-brainers—and don’t we need that!

Well, I surely see the big picture on safety. Although my traffic safety “trailblazing” was officially recognized in 2006 by Upper East Side federal, state and city elected officials, I’m never consulted. Nope, the bicycling group Transportation Alternatives is the chief adviser for the city, even on planning safe streets for seniors.

No matter that TA members don’t know the elder experience or worry that bicyclists’ strong aversion to the laws of the road is what scares these vulnerable walkers the most. And why isn’t the most deadly traffic crime, motorists’ failing to yield when turning into a crosswalk, a TA priority? And if it’s true, why doesn’t TA protest how the Daily News, with its new British editor, seems to be slighting local traffic tragedy news.

Ah, but I don’t have a big mouth, charisma or chutzpah. And my anti-ageism work hasn’t yet reduced the bias against my being old. Anyway, my generation was taught that hogging the talk was selfish and boorish. Now it’s de rigeur if you want your ideas to be heeded—or even heard!

But please, you who agree with me, never call yourselves “old fogies” or “old-fashioned,” but rather recount how countless civil, common-sense and democratic ways of life were tossed out with the bathwater of ill-advised change—mostly by those without big-picture vision.

Remember my inaugural column’s quote from Ogden Nash’s New York magazine piece: “Progress was all right once, but in my lifetime, too much seems headed in the wrong direction. I think it started in Kitty Hawk when two Wrights made a wrong.”

Consider how that “wrong” sure did uproot us and ripped up the train tracks that safely connected every city and town. Traffic tragedies soared as private wheels became the land travel norm. So here’s to ordering our leaders to lower the speed limit pronto and giving all-out support for the infinitely safer and more democratic mass transit.

And while I mostly assail terrorist wheeling, kamikaze walking has got to go; thus this respectful reproach to Lorraine Duffy Merkl:

Your last column told how happy you were that your favorite wallet was eventually returned (albeit without any money) after it had slipped from your purse as you crossed a busy intersection wearing earphones. Dear Ms. Merkl, you have a mother, a daughter and a husband who need you. You also influence readers. The next time you go walking, unplug those ears. Need music? Then whistle or sing, and join my safe traveling brigade!

dewingbetter@aol.com.