Best Mom-and-Pop Café: 11th Street Café
327 W. 11th St. (betw. Greenwich & Washington Sts.), 212-924-3804
Forget Chipotle and the lunchtime rat race. Step into this adorably tiny West Village cafe for a long, delicious, anti-chain lunch. While you’re at it, get to know Maud and Philippe Bonsignour, the charming husband-and-wife team behind the operation. Maud hails from France’s Basque country, while Philippe has a proud Parisian pedigree. The two met as children somewhere romantic in France, and have been opening friendly cafés ever since they were married—Philippe in the chef’s role, Maud as manager extraordinaire. “I know every single customer,” Maud said. “I know their grandmothers. Everything.” For breakfast, the bacon, egg and cheese biscuit is an artery-clogging, hangover-busting delight—or, if you’re in a rush, get their eggs-in-a-coffee-cup to go (exotic toppings like pineapple and gruyère are optional). For lunch, the turkey sandwich with Danish blue cheese, frisée, lingonberries and honey mustard is simply brilliant.

Best Place to Have an Actual Conversation Over Coffee: Café Grumpy
224 W. 20th St. (betw. 7th & 8th Aves.)
www.cafegrumpy.com
In an era when entitled customers expect Wi-Fi, table service and an endless reservation on their chair, Café Grumpy’s no-laptop policy feels curiously antiquated. But while it does drive away über-achieving students and part-time bloggers, it brings in a much preferred crowd: the Chatty Cathys of the world. Eavesdrop on grad students explaining to clueless sorority girls why a Foucauldian reading of the text might be more insightful than a Marxian, start-up types chatting about plans to oust the CRO and the CFO and Chelsea boys plotting their sloppy conquests later. If you get desperate for some digital stimulation, discreetly check your smart (or dumb) phone or tap on an iPad under the table. Did we mention they have great coffee?

Best Place to Drink an Authentic Cup of Pakistani Chai for $1: Lahori Kebab
124 Lexington Ave. (betw. E. 28th & 29th Sts.), 212-400-1166
Craving a hot drink to wash down your dinner? Forget the redundantly named  $4 chai tea lattes and head over to Lahori Kebab to drink an authentic cup of chai. Any South Asian will tell you that a cup of chai is not made with frothed milk or nutmeg but a concoction of tea leaves boiled in water and cooked with milk, cardamom and sugar added to taste. Only $1 will get you a styrofoam cup of chai to go. The first sip brings warmth, the second sip brings contentment and the whole cup brings zen.

Best Free Popcorn: Holiday Cocktail Lounge
75 St. Marks Pl. (betw. 1st & 2nd Aves.), 212-777-9637
This East Village dive’s longtime owner no longer slings drinks, but Holiday Cocktail Lounge’s interestingly stocked jukebox, surprisingly decent beer selection and glorious popcorn remain. The new owners are Yankees-loving locals whose accents and propensity for buying barflies a beer every few rounds are welcome in a neighborhood where both comforts are no longer standard. If Mad Men teaches us anything, it’s that just about the only constant in this city is change. Don, Roger and the boys might not be saddling up to the Holiday’s U-shaped bar for an old fashioned any time soon, but it’s nice to know there’s a place where thirsty city dwellers can drink a pint and talk shit about A-Rod with a stomach full of free popcorn.

Best Gluten-Free Pizza: Pie
124 4th Ave. (betw. 12th & 13th Sts.)
www.piebythepound.com
With its quirky, no-frills decor and thin-crust, gluten-free options, Pie is the buzz among vegans jonesing for the perfect slice of grilled eggplant pie as well as the average pizza lover craving a plain cheese slice. Since you pay by weight, Pie is perfect for commitment-phobes who want to mix and match toppings. The way the pizzas are chopped up into small squares also makes sharing—and swiping—an easy option. Whether you want to devour a whole pound or just sample a couple of toppings, their inexpensive beer ($2 for Miller High Life; $2.50 for Budweiser) will help you wash it all down.

Best Cheaper than a Trip to France: Lyon
118 Greenwich Ave. (betw. W. 12th & 13th Sts.)
www.lyonnyc.com
You’ve stood in line at Ladurée for 45 minutes on your lunch break, but there’s an easier way to get your Francophile on. Lyon, a quaint and relaxed bouchon, offers all the greatest hits from the country’s gastronomic center. Enjoying an aperitif of méthode traditionelle champagne in a cozy wooden room peppered with red-checked tablecloths, you’d swear the restaurant was brought across the Atlantic board by board. The charcuterie is decadent enough to turn vegetarians into carnivores. Each barnyard friend is represented better than the next, including a Lyonnais riff on New York City’s beloved hot dog complete with salted pretzel roll. Adventurous eaters should try the tripe; the rest can find perfection in the standards: roast poulet, salad with bacon and poached egg and a rich onion soup of hearty broth, tender brisket and rich marrow jam. As the French do, wash it all down with a glass (or three) of their slightly chilled Beaujolais. Julia Child would surely be there nightly. Bon appétit!

Best Meal at a Michelin-Starred Restaurant Under $75: Aldea
31 W. 17th St. (betw. 5th & 6th Aves.)
www.aldearestaurant.com
The Michelin committee doesn’t screw around; they guide you toward your next superior meal of greatness. But unless you’re working with a trust fund, picking up the tab can be daunting. Unlike some of the other restaurants on the famed list, Aldea has an approachable attitude to fine dining. Chef George Mendes’ cooking pedigree will wow you, as will his fresh, modern Portuguese flavors. Iberian-inspired dishes, like their creator, are both sexy and unpretentious. Aldea’s interior is an organic foil for its cuisine—it shimmers with natural wood, light and sparkling glass. Your date will be impressed. The obvious way to sample the fare without breaking your piggy bank is to take advantage of the ever-present, three-course lunch for $24.07. But if you can find a way to make it for dinner, focus on the seafood and fish. The exception: a drool-worthy arroz de pato, with crispy duck confit and chorizo. To come in under budget, order it and share the Spanish octopus a la plancha starter. Your friend can order any of the mains and be happy. Or simply consume a liquid dinner at the bar by sampling three of Brian Block’s amazing cocktails. Either way, it’s a win-win.

Best Free Lunchtime Artisanal Food Sampling: New Amsterdam Market
100 Peck Slip (at Front St.), 212-766-8688
In a parking lot fronting the now defunct Fulton Fish Market, rows of plank and trestle tables are laden with the best chocolates, breads, cheeses and meats that money can’t buy—at least when you’re sampling the artisanal wares. This year-old reinvention of the Public Market has been a quiet success, perhaps because of its non-hip location or the high ratio of market fare to prepared foods. One could easily make a meal of dark Nordic bread, cucumber, and cheese, Mexican chocolates, bratwurst from well-tended piggies, smoked duck breast, Berkshire blue cheese and crisp slices of Bosc pears or Mutsu apples. All you need is a toothpick and no shame (when you circle back for more). And if you still feel peckish, purchase a porchetta sandwich ($6); succulent pork and crisp cracklings in a hard roll. Eat it on benches fronting the East River with a spectacular view of the Brooklyn Bridge.

Best Reason to Eat Standing Up Under the Manhattan Bridge: Xi’an Famous Foods
88 E. Broadway #106 (at Forsyth St., also 67 Bayard St.  at Mott St., 81 St. Mark’s Pl. betw. 1st & 2nd Ave.)
www.xianfoods.com
The Silk Road started in China’s Shaanxi province, in Xi’an, a city that melded Middle Eastern and Chinese foods to create a unique cuisine characterized by star anise and cumin-spiked lamb dishes, hand-pulled noodles and a distinctive white flatbread—like soft English muffins. Xi’an Famous Foods brought one family’s interpretation of this cuisine to Flushing and then to Manhattan, first at this simple kitchen/counter under the Manhattan Bridge. Too bad there are no seats, because the $3 lamb burger, stewed pork hand-ripped noodles or spicy and tingly “lamb face salad” will bring you to your knees. No worries. Walk to the Bayard Street Xi’an, this one with tables and chairs. Food is sloppy to share off one Styrofoam plate (especially when you dig a fork in and discover that it’s all one long noodle!), so get extra plates and lots of napkins. Cold flowery teas are great accompaniments to the more fiery dishes.

Best Way to Shut Californians Up About Mexican Food: Dos Toros
Various locations
www.dostoros.com
Californians who come to New York are always moaning about our lack of acceptable Mexican food. It’s one of those things we’re just supposed to accept as being wrong with New York. You can now safely tell these interloping West Coasters that they are dead wrong. Taco-obsessed brothers Leo and Oliver Kremer, originally from the Bay Area, opened the first branch of Dos Toros just below Union Square in 2009 and have since expanded their mini-empire to the West Village and Upper East Side, thanks to their simple, delicious tacos and burritos (the pork is especially outstanding and the quesadillas are a delight) and beautifully constructed spaces. This isn’t fancy Mexican with tableside guacamole preparation, but it’s certainly the sort of place to bring a friend for tacos and beers, especially if that person needs convincing that superb Mexican food can be found right here in Manhattan.

Best Place to Find Authentic Puerto Rican Food: La Taza de Oro
96 8th Ave. (at W. 15th St.), 212-243-9946
Though Chelsea has changed quite a bit in the last 50 years, this neighborhood staple has not. La Taza de Oro, a family-run eatery that has been in business for over 60 years, serves up traditional Puerto Rican dishes to neighborhood natives and curious tourists alike. Open Monday through Saturday for breakfast, lunch and dinner, this cozy restaurant offers finger-licking good menu items like stewed beef and fish, pollo al horno (roast chicken), ropa vieja (pulled beef) and chuletas fritas (fried pork chops). Daily specials, such as stewed codfish and goat stew, offer a healthy variety to the menu as well. Each entrée is served with a large helping of yellow rice and beans. The price is extremely reasonable, too—almost every dish is under $10. Whether you’re looking for a quick bite or craving that mofongo you tried on your trip to San Juan, La Taza de Oro will have something to sate your appetite.

Best Place to Pretend You’re on a Wong Kar-wai Set: Nom Wah Tea Parlor
13 Doyers St. (betw. Bowery & Chatham Sq.)
www.nomwah.com
It’s become more and more difficult to step into true time warps in Manhattan, but Nom Wah Tea Parlor is sticking to its mid-century guns. Originally opened in the 1920s, the honey-colored walls, red vinyl booths, Formica lunch counter (be sure to try one of their signature almond cookies on display) and 1950s appliances all act as a refreshing alternative to those faux-historic, taxidermy-happy restaurants that seem to be de rigueur these days. Wally Tang has kept the place running for the past 60 years and, although lovingly updated by nephew Wilson Tang (a former banker, ladies), the place still makes you feel you should dress in your brightly colored Sunday best and drink your tea slowly and seductively, à la In The Mood For Love. And oh, the dim sum is good, too. The steamed chinese greens in oyster sauce (updated with a “gluten free” identifier on the menu) and taro dumplings are delicious. Prices range from $1.25 to $9.95 and $5 Tsingtao beers only sweeten the highly stylized mise en scène—I mean, deal.

Best Fresh-Squeezed Juices that Don’t Cost Half Your Paycheck: Lite Delight
51 E. Houston St. (betw. Elizabeth & Mulberry Sts.), 212-966-4471
“Oh my God, I’m going on a week-long juice cleanse,” said a girl at a house party the other night. Really? So you’re basically going to pull $20 out of your purse and light it on fire for a week straight? Face it, “juice cleanse” means instant bankruptcy in this town, with many 12-oz. cups starting at $6 a pop. Deli Fresh, a holdout on Houston since the ’90s, allows the rest of us to attempt to be healthy without robbing us blind. Fresh combos like Hangover Helper, with beets, apples, cucumber and carrot, or the Warm Up, made with ginger, apple and carrot, are $3.50 for a regular or $4 for a “jumbo.” Their early bird specials from 7-10 a.m. knock the prices down to $2.50 to $3.75, allowing just about anyone to dabble in the raw juice cleanse movement. They’re only fruits and vegetables, after all.

Best Place to Catch Dinner and a Band: Pianos
158 Ludlow St. (at Stanton St.), www.pianosnyc.com
There are lots of great venues around town in which you can see great live music. There are also, of course, about a million fantastic places to have dinner. But if you want to do both of them in one place, where do you go? Pianos, of course. Serving upscale pub grub that’s just right before a rock show, the Lower East Side space manages to move its delicious food quickly, even when there’s a crowd packed in, and diners rarely feel rushed. Tuck into the Mediterranean nachos and one of the truly excellent (and affordable) burgers before seeing some of our brightest local talent or tomorrow’s hot new band today. If you’re around for happy hour, don’t miss the $5 appetizers and sandwiches or the famous margaritas that are a favorite among New York’s rock set.

Best New Place for Locals to Eat Near Times Square: Qi Bangkok Eatery
675 8th Ave. (at W. 43rd St.),
212-247-8991
Eating on 42nd Street, unless you’re grabbing something from a cart near Bryant Park or are lucky enough to frequent the Condé Nast cafeteria, is generally a horrifying proposition for New Yorkers. Thanks to Qi, chef Pichet Ong’s open-since-April Thai debut, that’s no longer the case. Qi features a menu of well-executed Thai dishes—mostly outstanding versions of those treasured standbys but with a few surprises, including outstanding and exotic curries (try the chicken and pumpkin) and eccentric desserts. Surprisingly for the neighborhood, the prices are exceedingly reasonable. Not to mention the restaurant, with a modern motif and a helpful staff, has the feeling of a place that’s much more expensive—and in an entirely different neighborhood.

Best Outer-Borough Import: Fatty ’Cue
50 Carmine St. (betw. Bleecker & Bedford Sts.), www.fattycue.com
Chef Zak Pelaccio is no stranger to Manhattan. He runs Uptown and Downtown branches of nouveau Malaysian favorite Fatty Crab as well as the traveling Fatty Snack food truck. Until recently, though, his newest restaurant, Fatty ’Cue, was only in Williamsburg. Luckily, in September a new branch of Fatty ’Cue opened on Carmine Street in the spot where Pelaccio’s restaurant Cabrito used to be. The food, a mash-up of classic barbecue and Malaysian ingredients, features unusual and finger-licking dishes like smoked lamb shoulder with house-made pita bread and goat yogurt (our favorite!) and a buttermilk-fried half-rabbit. If you want hip, Brooklyn dining without venturing to a poorly lit block beneath the Williamsburg Bridge, this is your chance.

Best New Restaurant for People Watching: The Dutch
131 Sullivan St. (at Prince St.), www.thedutchnyc.com
Chef Andrew Carmellini (Locanda Verde) opened The Dutch to much fanfare in April, and with good reason: the place is great. From the buzzy crowd to the delicious food (those oyster sliders are not to be missed), the restaurant became the place to eat this summer. Almost better than the eating, however, is the scene. From the windows that overlook both Prince and Sullivan streets’ stylish SoHo foot traffic to what’s happening inside the restaurant itself—first dates, business deals and every clued-in person below Houston Street piled in at the bar—the views are almost as exciting to consume as the striped bass with mussels in lemongrass curry broth. Space can be tight, so for optimal people watching grab a seat in the back room’s bar, where you can peek out the window and around the corner, or take advantage of the standing room to case the joint and check out the other patrons from every angle—you won’t be sorry you did.

Best Thai Food That’s Not What You’re Expecting: Zabb Elee
75 2nd Ave. (betw. E. 4th & 5th Sts.), www.zabbelee.com
Foregoing the same old items available at most of the five boroughs’ Thai restaurants, Zabb Elee instead focuses on the cuisine native to northeast Thailand, near Laos and Cambodia. Lively meat salads called larb are bright and delicious, mixing your choice of meat—we like the duck—with crushed peanuts, spices and toasted rice. An epic menu of grilled meats, well-stocked soups and more familiar all-day-special-type plates are also offered, though few are anything that even adventurous diners will be used to. In our experience, it’s best to order a cheap bottle of wine to kick off and then pick a variety of dishes—asking the supremely helpful staff for recommendations—to finish out the meal. Nothing we’ve had has been bad (though a fish dishes have been a bit too spicy—and that’s saying something), and some, like par ped moo krob, a mixture of eggplant, crispy pork, peppers, basil, ginger and curry, have been memorable enough to order on every following visit.

Best Place for Summer Drinking: The Beekman Beer Garden Beach Club
89 South St. (betw. Beekman & John Sts.), www.beekmanbeergarden.com
New to The South Street Seaport last summer, The Beekman offers a massive drinking area with unparalleled views of the Brooklyn skyline as well as a number of bridges, depending on how far you’re willing to crane your neck. Open from noon to 3 a.m. daily, the restaurant has a winterized indoor area, plenty of games (ping-pong, billiards, foosball) and a sand-filled outdoor space that’s perfect for warm—or even just warm enough—weather. In addition to a full bar and a healthy beer selection, there’s a menu of delicious and not-too-pricey food, including a Pat LaFrieda burger and a bratwurst served on a pretzel bun that make the trip east of the FDR worthwhile. The Beekman might not come into its own until summer, but why wait until the crowds swarm the place to make yourself a beloved regular?

Best Dollar Oyster Spot: Salt
29 Clinton St. (at Ave. B),
www.saltnyc.com
Dollar oyster specials have picked up steam in the city of late, though they are still few and far between. Salt’s been doing it for a while, though they recently cut back the hours. Never mind, it’s still one of the easiest places to do it, with cheap drinks and other appetizers to boot. There’s no long lines or crowded bars here. The ambiance is laid back and chill, with dark wooden tables and candlelight setting the perfect mood for oyster slurping. The oysters themselves aren’t going to bowl anyone over, but they’re pretty damn good for a buck each and still pack a good taste. Most importantly, we’ve sampled the wares many times and never once been sick, and that’s pretty much the be all, end all when it comes to cheap seafood.

Best Out of the Way Frozen Delights: Chinatown Ice Cream Factory
65 Bayard St. (at Mott St.), www.chinatownicecreamfactory.com
When you walk down Mott Street on the east side of Chinatown, ignore the Häagen-Dazs and instead turn onto Bayard Street, where you’ll find ice cream with a local twist. With flavors such as lychee, red bean and the sublime Zen Butter, a combination of peanut butter and ground sesame seeds, Chinatown Ice Cream Factory has some of the most exotic tastes this side of the Pacific. Philip Seid opened the shop some three decades ago and his daughters Christina and Katherine continue the family tradition. As its website proclaims, ice cream has been said to have been invented in China during the Tang Dynasty, but it’s taken a few thousand years to come up with this particular take on the dessert.

Best Place to Get Fried Crickets:
Rhong Tiam
154 Orchard St. (betw. Rivington & Stanton Sts.), www.rhong-tiam.com
To be honest, there really aren’t that many. But at Rhong Tiam, you can order the Thai popcorn, a few dozen lightly fried and seasoned inch-long crickets. In Thailand they’re considered a delicacy and are readily available on street corners, though the version here is a little more upscale and gourmet than the Thai street version. And while the novelty of eating giant bugs might wear off after one or two, rest assured that the rest of the food on the menu is more standard Thai fare and is pretty damn tasty. And while the crickets are not exactly great for date night, they are great for dining with your friends. Or you can get ’em to go, then hit the bars and dare strangers to eat them to enliven a dull night. Never fails. Just remember to remove the head and legs. Nobody wants to cut their night short because they got a thorax stuck in their throat.

Best Bar to Lure Your Brooklyn Friends In: Bar 169
169 E. Broadway (betw. Jefferson & Rutgers Sts.), www.169barnyc.com
If you’re like most of us, your friends are probably split between somewhere south of 14th Street and Brooklyn. This can make for some infighting when it comes to drinking decisions; thankfully, Bar 169 is perfect to unite all. Downtown enough to avoid frat boys and college kids, this ragtag dive features cheap drinks with generous pours, a raw bar, cheap dumplings till 4 a.m., loud music, a Bettie Page lookalike who sometimes dances on a pole and an attractive, friendly crowd. It’s tough to have a bad time. There’s just something about the New Orleans-inspired atmosphere, with all of the crap on the ceiling and the weird lighting and raw bar station, that leads to a sloppy, debauchery-filled fun night. It’s a complete sensory overload, and just the right mixture of unpretentious without attracting too douchey a crowd. It gets crowded, but never too crowded that you have to wait long for a drink. It’s close enough to the trains that go to north or south Brooklyn, and it’s got Brooklyn prices.

Best Way to Spend $1.25 After Midnight: Insomnia Cookies
405 Amsterdam Ave. (betw.  W. 79th & 80th Sts.), www.insomniaCookies.com
Step aside Mark Zuckerberg—the undergrads who created Insomnia Cookies are geniuses. A mere $1.25 gets you your choice from their warm mint chocolate, double chocolate, peanut butter or snickerdoodle cookies, to name a few. For a little bit more you can indulge in an ice cream sandwich, deluxe cookie or a glass of milk. And these whizzes are baking masterpieces to the tune of The Grateful Dead or Bob Marley until 2 a.m. So whether you’re studying hard or partying harder, this is the place to go for that late- night sugar craving. Too drunk or lazy to leave the house? They deliver, too! Genius.

Best Filipino Tapas: Kuma Inn
113 Ludlow St., 2nd Fl. (betw. Delancey & Rivington Sts.),
www.kumainn.com
If you’re looking for some sweet sangria, salty fried cod and fluffy yellow tortas—don’t come to Kuma Inn. But if you’re looking for some of the best Asian-inspired cuisine served up on dishes too big to be dim sum and too small to be entrées, check out the best Filipino tapas this side of the LES. Packed in a hustle-and-bustle space right by Delancey Street, the service is like the food: fast and good. Personal favorite: the eastern omelette—Chinese sausage, scallions and bean sprouts. Second personal favorite: their awesome BYOB policy. Great for a date. Best for a party.

Best Secret Part of Paris in New York City: Ansonia Hotel
2109 Broadway (at W. 74th St.),
212-721-0076
It’s really hard to divulge the location of this charming French patisserie tucked into the Ansonia Hotel—what if it becomes swamped and loses its sweet, secret allure? So you’re on your own when it comes to finding the doorway. With a narrow corridor of eight marble tables with two chairs each, this place is perfect for trysting lovers or longtime friends who want a quiet place to stare soulfully or just catch up. Even long-married couples will enjoy ignoring each other behind separate sections of the New York Times. But it’s not just the venue that attracts, it’s the victuals, like the excellent tuna salad and brie sandwiches or the hearty vegetarian soups like lentil or creamy mushroom. Of course, most people come for the baked goods. Some favor the coconut or almond croissants, while others crave the flaky layered Napoleons. Almost everyone agrees the coffee is “so-so,” but c’est la vie.

Best Inexpensive, Unpretentious, Three-Hour Meal: La Belle
973 Columbus AvE. (betw. 107th & 108th Sts.), 212-866-2355
Sharn, the jack-of-all-trades owner/maitre d’/waiter/chef, will take care of you just right. So what if he wears a Yankees cap and baggy jeans? With service this friendly, you’ll forget you’re in the heart of New York City. Just be sure to bring a few bottles of wine (the restaurant is BYOB), soak in the eclectic collection of classical figurines and antique clocks and be prepared to unwind from a long day while Sharn perfects the meal in a kitchen smaller than your grandmother’s.

Best Ukrainian Home Cooking: Ukrainian East  Village  Restaurant
140 2nd Ave. (betw. 8th & 9th Sts.), 212-614-3283
While the East Village is no longer the Ukrainian-centric neighborhood it once was, the cultural footprint remains, especially in the cuisine department.  One of the best and most authentic spots to hit for your pierogi fix is called, simply, The Ukrainian East Village Restaurant. Foregoing the slickness (and inflated prices) of Veselka, The Ukrainian is unassumingly tucked away inside a strange-looking office building, at the end of a hall that looks like something out of a DMV. But once inside, it’s like you took a trip back in time to grandma’s house, if grandma lived in Kiev circa 1930.  The usual suspects are the stars of the show here. Pierogi, blintzes, chicken Kiev and kasha varnishkes with mushroom gravy are the must-haves. And if you eat too much, don’t worry. You can always go have a shvitz around the corner at the Russian and Turkish baths afterwards.

Best Mars Bar Replacement: Sophie’s
507 E. 5th St. (betw. Aves. A & B),
212-228-5680
When the Bowery’s beloved—and infamous—haunt Mars Bar finally closed in August, the question on its regulars’ lips was, “Where can we go now?” Every year, the East Village sheds a few more dive bars only to add several more upscale speakeasies with velvet ropes and fancy cocktails. One option that kept coming up was Sophie’s, a nondescript watering hole on E. 5th Street between avenues A and B. Luckily for Sophie’s gentler bar staff, not every Mars ex-regular heeded the call, but there’s no question that—excepting weekend nights, when NYU flocks have been thicker on the ground lately—even the grizzliest Bowery type will feel comfortable bellying up to Sophie’s bar for its generous pours and static prices. While the jukebox isn’t quite as provincially exceptional as Mars’ (what juke could be?) it’s filled with old East Village anthems from the likes of the New York Dolls, the Velvets and David Bowie. And extra points for its well-kept pool table.

Best Hole-in-the-Wall Pakistani/Indian Food: Sirtaj
36 W 26th St. (betw. Broadway and 6th Ave.), 212-989-3766
For tasty Pakistani/Indian food, this is it! Inside it’s bare and funky and a bit dingy, but the food is consistently fresh, with some dishes as good as pricier places around the city. Try the chicken tandoori, chicken saag, navratan curry, or the chicken makhni—and don’t forget the naan. Deliveries can be slow at lunchtime because the neighborhood knows it’s a gem. Oh, and the prices are so low you’ll think they’re typos.

Best Macarons: Ladurée
864 Madison Ave. (betw. 70th & 71st Sts.), 646-558-3157
The mother of all Parisian macaron shops, the centuries-old Ladurée went international in 2011 with the opening of their first New York City location. Lest you think they would leave anything to chance, the macarons are flown in every day from France. At $2.70 apiece, the patisserie’s small, sugary confections are as much a price indulgence as they are a caloric one—not that you’d know it by the line that consistently forms outside the diminutive shop. Why? Because when it comes to macarons, none are as crumb-licking worthy as these. Also stocked in the shop are chocolates, pastries, sorbets and the brand’s collection of candles along with limited edition boxes (think orange/passion fruit macarons in a black box with gold trim for Halloween). Just remember, buy Ladurée’s macarons with caution—once you pop one, it’s hard to stop.

Best Restaurant Headed by a Top Chef: Catch
21 9th Ave. (betw. Little W. 12th & 13th Sts.), 212-392-5978
Restaurants run by former Top Chef contestants are a dime a dozen, and that’s not always a good thing—when was the last time you heard someone say they went to the Mondrian SoHo for the food? One sure fire bet amidst the mixed bag, however, is Catch. The latest venture from the owners of, among others, Abe & Arthur’s, Lexington Brass and Tenjune, the multilevel space dishes out seafood prepared by Top Chef winner Hung Huynh (formerly the executive chef at Ajna Bar), most of which is designed to be shared. Eats are prepared in several parts of the restaurant, including the raw bar, the open-air kitchen and by the central wood-burning oven (yes, the place is as big as it sounds). The sprawling eatery also boasts a sushi bar, a tapas station, a cocktail bar and a glass-enclosed rooftop lounge. Flavors are big—and so are the prices—so reach for your LBD and sky-high pumps and prepare to be pleasantly surprised by food that’s as good as the setting it’s served in.

Best Place for Breakfast 24/7: Veselka
144 2nd Ave. (at 9th St.),
www.veselka.com

Photo by Flickr user Food of the Future

Time was that one of the only restaurants where you could get a decent brunch in the East Village was Veselka, which has served just about the same fare—Ukrainian “soul food”—in the same location since the mid-’50s. What with seemingly several faddish new venues offering brunch popping up every year just skipping distance from Saint Marks Place, though, those days are long gone. It’s a testament to Veselka’s staying power that crowds still line up weekend afternoons for its breakfast standbys—buckwheat pancakes, thick strips of bacon, granola and its famous kielbasa—as if it was the only show in town. But the old eatery’s main appeal to neighborhood residents is simple: a 24-hour breakfast menu.

Best Place to Take Your Kids and Let Your Rainbow Flag Fly: Café Forant
449 W. 51st St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), www.cafeforant.com
Most former fag hags eventually marry and breed, but that doesn’t mean we leave our fab BFFs behind. If you’re stymied about where to take your 3-year-old and your own personal Stanford Blatch to brunch, hit the best-kept secret in Hell’s Kitchen. Chef Lea Forant serves up organic, postmodern interpretations of comfort food along with Parisian fare tony enough to elicit an “ahhh” from even the most jaded Isaac Mizrahi wannabe. Expect her wife Carolyn to introduce their son Eli and their terrier Jack, and don’t be surprised if the cabaret-star-cum-waitress belts out a show tune or two by the time you’re toasting with barista-worthy coffee drinks and house-made lavender lemonade.

Best East Village Underdog: Ray’s Candy Store
113 Ave. A (at 7th st.), 917-340-7855
This East Village institution, which opened in 1974, has survived recent run-ins with the city’s Department of Health and the neighborhood’s gentrification. Owner Ray Alvarez got a boost last year from his neighbors, who organized a fundraiser to help pay the space’s $3,000-per-month rent. Ray’s offerings include Belgian fries, milkshakes, burgers and egg creams, and it has become an icon of the area. In October, the artist Chico painted a tribute on Ray’s awning for Bob Arihood, an East Village photographer and blogger who recently passed away. Arihood’s portrait faces Alvarez’s, along with the motto “Truth, Justice and the Comics.” It’s not the first time the eatery has paid tribute—during the last presidential election, items were “Obamafied,” adding the candidate’s name to form “Obama coffee” and “Obama burgers.” No word yet if Ray’s will do the same next year.

Best Place for a Mad Hatter Afternoon Tea: Tea & Sympathy
108-110 Greenwich Ave. (betw. 7th & 8th Aves.), 212-989-9735
On most days at Tea & Sympathy, you will find troops of English girls in floral flocks navigating a small room, delivering steaming pots of tea to patrons squeezed into tiny tables. The digs might be cozy, but the blends are unbeatable. Opt for the Rosie Lee and the “afternoon tea” for one, which includes a tower of perfectly cut tea sandwiches (the cucumber, chicken salad and egg salad are the best), crumbly scones with clotted cream and jam and toothache-inducing cakes. With mismatched china, floral tablecloths, colorful teapots and an eclectic clientele, it is quintessentially English and therefore a bit mad.

Best Hotel Bar for Work or Play: Paramount Bar in The Paramount Hotel
235 W. 46th St. (betw. Broadway & 8th Ave.), 212-827-4134
There’s no lack of drinking establishments in Midtown, but if you’re looking for a place you could bring a client and perhaps have a special someone meet you there an hour later, well, there aren’t too many spots that fit the bill. Enter Paramount Bar. Open since April, this sliver of a space in the lobby of The Paramount Hotel is easy to miss (a friend recently bypassed the space and emailed us grumpily from a seat in the lobby, proclaiming there was no such bar in the hotel) but worth finding. Expertly made cocktails are served in a chic, calm room either at the bar or by a helpful if unobtrusive staff. Seasonal concoctions like the Dark and Stormy come and go, but there’s a solid menu of standbys and a helpful bar staff willing to whip up whatever you need. A small but sturdy wine list is also available. The only thing missing is a menu of small bites, considering that once you enter the bar, it’s unlikely you’ll want to leave for dinner.

Best Restaurant Headed by a Top Chef: Catch
21 9th Ave. (betw. Little W. 12th & 13th Sts.), 212-392-5978
Restaurants run by former Top Chef contestants are a dime a dozen, and that’s not always a good thing—when was the last time you heard someone say they went to the Mondrian SoHo for the food? One sure fire bet amidst the mixed bag, however, is Catch. The latest venture from the owners of, among others, Abe & Arthur’s, Lexington Brass and Tenjune, the multilevel space dishes out seafood prepared by Top Chef winner Hung Huynh (formerly the executive chef at Ajna Bar), most of which is designed to be shared. Eats are prepared in several parts of the restaurant, including the raw bar, the open-air kitchen and by the central wood-burning oven (yes, the place is as big as it sounds). The sprawling eatery also boasts a sushi bar, a tapas station, a cocktail bar and a glass-enclosed rooftop lounge. Flavors are big—and so are the prices—so reach for your LBD and sky-high pumps and prepare to be pleasantly surprised by food that’s as good as the setting it’s served in.

Best Block for Old-School Food Shops: Bleecker Street betw. 7th & 6th Aves.
On Bleecker Street, you’ll feel as if you dropped back in time or took a trip to Europe as you wander from one tiny food shop to another—no mega stores here. Make a list or be inspired by what is fresh and cook up a storm. Start near Seventh Avenue at Ottomanelli, where fourth-generation butchers really know their meat, from quail to rabbits and the best fresh turkeys in town. Cross to Faicco’s, where for over 60 years brothers have sold everything to concoct the perfect Italian feast: mozzarella, sausages and marinara sauce made fresh. Waddle a few doors down to Murray’s Cheese, only around for a couple of decades, and sample from over 250 different aromatic, creamy or pungent varieties. Luckily, there’s a bench out front where you can sit and look at the cakes in Rocco’s Pasticceria. If you cross the street and open the door, the aroma of anise and butter will seduce you. There is a green grocer at either end of the street, so you can find a veggie or two to round out your feast.

Photo by Flickr user star5112

Best Deep-Fried Hot Dog: Crif Dogs
113 Saint Marks Pl # 2 (betw. 1st Ave. & Ave. A), 212-614-2728
Whether you call them hot dogs, frankfurters or some kind of wurst, bun-wrapped, tube-shaped meats are hardly ever something to write home about, forget about line up for—and deal with tip-hounding moonlighting college kids—at 2 a.m. But whether you get one of their bacon-wrapped Tsunami dogs or a grilled, “cooked to order” (read: prepare to wait) veggie specials, Crif Dogs’ franks are indeed worthy of their good press. And for a graduate course in patience, you might want to queue up to wash your dog down with one of the elegantly mixed cocktails served at the “secret” next-door speakeasy, PDT (Please Don’t Tell). But for that, really be prepared to wait because, as every concierge and tourist guidebook will tell you, “Psst…the entrance is through the phone booth.”

Need a quirky gift but don’t have the cash? Fish’s Eddy is still your place. The store has been a destination for decades, but may have been forgotten with all the new boutiques and chain stores that have moved in to hawk their wares for the price-conscious. With beautiful votives for $10, kitschy coasters for $3.95 and sets of Japanese garden glasses for $20, you can stock up on distinctive stuff for your pals—and maybe even have a little left over to spend on yourself.

Best Place to Feel Like a Kid: Make Meaning
329 Columbus Ave, betw. W. 75th & W. 76th Sts., 212-362-0350

Remember when you were tricked into going with your friends to one of those pottery places where you had to plate while gabbing about your girlfriends? It’s back—kinda. Make Meaning opened up a few months ago in child-friendly Upper West Side and has somehow managed to balance the twee with the sophisticated. They have classes to teach you how to make items with glass, or you can try out candle-, jewelry- or papermaking. Sure, there’s always the chance that you’ll feel a little uncool sitting around while threading beads. But remember that whole knitting thing? Plus, getting your hands a little dirty is always fun.

Best Place to Place to Feel Like a Man: Hog Mountain
192 5th Ave., at Sackett St., Brooklyn, 347-725-4236

After logging 5 miles on the stroller and an afternoon of Daddy & Me classes, Park Slope guys can find refuge at Hog Mountain, the general store for men. Walk out with a silk tie, a brown leather wallet, a Carhartt jacket, a flannel shirt and a saw. It’s Americana for an urbane set that prefers a classic look that’s stylish. The store is stocked with a variety of Levi’s jeans—even skinny (if you must) and slim-fit. Men can treat themselves to Lucky Tiger grooming products, get a pair of cuff links and finally learn how to tie a bow tie from the store’s knowledgeable owner. Just make sure you park your stroller far enough from the tool section, out of Junior’s reach.

Best Place to Hawk Your Clothes: Buffalo Exchange
332 E. 11th St., at 1st Ave., 212-260-9340

Unlike certain consignment shops that seem to only want to take your most bizarre and ugly items of clothing (we’re looking at you, Beacon’s Closet), Buffalo Exchange will actually validate your sense of style by buying up the items in your closet you either don’t fit in, no longer wear or just never looked right on you. And instead of taking your things and having you wait around for them to sell in order to collect, they hand over the cash upfront. BE has outposts nationally, but the East Village outlet looks for trendy, seasonal pieces that are in good shape. It’s even a cute place to shop.

Best Tattoo Parlor for a Newbie: East Side Ink
97 Ave. B, betw. E. 6 & E. 7th Sts., 212-477-2060

Achieving legendary status as the leading tattoo parlor in New York in the 1990s, East Side Ink is a clean and unintimidating place, staffed by knowledgeable and exceptionally talented artists. The original shop was opened in 1992 by the highly regarded Andrea Elston, but nowadays, veteran tattoo-aficionados Josh Lord, Jen Terban and Yadira Mendez-Firvida run the show and include inking personalities big and small: Lord, Patrick Conlon, Mark Harada and Ethan Morgan. Over the years, some of the shop’s famous clientele has included Ozzy Osbourne, Woody Harrelson, Brian McKnight and Amy Winehouse. You might remember that about a year ago they got into a bit of trouble with the city for letting an unlicensed Rihanna tattoo her initials on to some of the shop’s eager artists—a health-code no-no that could have costed up to $2,000 in fines!

Best Shoe Repair According to a Drag Queen: Steve Express Shoe Repair
311 E. 14th St., betw. 1st & 2nd Aves., 212-228-9368

Sure, there are fancier shoe repair shops in the city, in trendier neighborhoods surrounded by fancy boutiques. But why would you want to pay an unnecessary $50 just to re-sole a heel? A hole-in-the-wall down a short flight of stairs, Steve’s is a secret favorite of shoe-abusing East Village drag queens. He can replace your soles, re-attach or straighten a heel (without using cheap glue—his work actually lasts) and perform all kinds of repairs for under $30 a pair. In fact, the only time our tipster paid more than $30 for a service was when the man crafted a high-heeled leather boot into a strappy sandal contraption, for a mere $60. Plus, he can fix watch bands and batteries, adjust your jewelry and even copy your keys! They don’t make ’em like this anymore.

Best Cheap Nail Salon That Won’t Give You Fungus: Tina’s Nail Salon
555 5th Ave., at 15th St., Brooklyn, 718-369-1908

Forget the red plastic covering the ceiling and the tacky hanging fixtures—Tina’s in South Park Slope is the best deal for mani-pedi pampering. For $12.50, you get a pedicure complete with a massage, and you can add on 10 more minutes for $10. Really, it’s just unheard of. Plus, the place is clean, the staff is friendly and the pedis are actually good.

Best Yuppie Marketplace: Eataly
200 5th Ave., at W. 23rd St., 646-398-5100

Once upon a time, the whole idea of grocery shopping was that you could buy and make food that would cost less than eating at a restaurant. That notion, dear reader, is completely outdated—but that’s not entirely a bad thing. At Eataly, the mammoth Italian grocery store and restaurant Deathstar in the shadow of the Flatiron building, owners Mario Batali and Joe and Lidia Bastianich stock the shelves with pricey pastas, sauces, meats and more, all designed for you to make a perfect meal at home, at only slightly less than it might cost to dine at a nice-ish Italian restaurant. While it’s not in our nature to pay upwards of $10 for a pound of fresh pasta or almost the same amount for a jar of sauce, there’s something about the store and what it promises that makes it seem (almost) OK. Perhaps it’s the bustling, authentic Italian feeling of what’s happening inside or maybe just the way that perfect-pasta guy grins while you try to decide if one portion of spinach ravioli is worth a night’s drinking money (it is), but spending too much on groceries here actually feels good. If you’re aching for the experience but don’t want to drop the cash, try going in for veggies—on a recent trip, they weren’t any more expensive than at the Associated.

Best Food Delivery: New York CSA & Organic Food Delivery

The locavore movement has annoyed us enough to yell at people who are perfectly nice—but want to keep us from eating our morning banana. But then there’s the idea of Community Supported Agriculture: cutting out the middleman and just buying fruit and veggies directly from the people making it. What could be wrong with that? It works by CSA members paying for an entire season of produce upfront as either “shares” or “half shares” and then showing up at a designated location and day to pick up your produce. Yes, it’s a little like hoity-toity peasantry, but it’s also a way to figure out how to experiment with strange tubers and other legumes you may never get up the courage to purchase on your own. And in the process of your 21st-century dietary explorations, you get to support people trying to make a living from the land.

Best Place to Buy CDs by Belgian Punk Bands: Generation Record
210 Thompson St., betw. Bleecker & 3rd Sts.

In an era when the definition of an album—does a download count?—is very much in dispute and even CDs are a vestige of the pre-Internet past, it’s nice to have a place where you can actually pick up music and hold it. While no record store—and Generation is not an exception—can compete with the encyclopedic variety (and low prices) of the Internet, its staff does an excellent job of culling through the new and old of obscure genres (Third Wave Ska, Psychobilly, Norwegian Death Metal), and you’re guaranteed to stumble on a record you didn’t know you needed.

Best Bespoke Bike Boutique: Adeline Adeline
147 Reade St., betw. Greenwich & Hudson Sts., 212-227-1150

Have bicycles really won the war of the city’s streets? While we still hate when they go the wrong way on the new bike paths, it has been great to see more and more people take to the roads and not end up roadkill. Now that we have bike-T-shirt collaborations and even cycle shops with coffee bars, it seems the trend may be here to stay. The cycle studs can have their testosterone-fueled havens; we’re throwing our support behind Adeline Adeline, a pleasant boite dedicated to bikes. Owner Julie Hirschfeld is in tune with what women want from bicycles. And it seems to be the cute accessories, along with the retro models (from $380 to $2,000—or more).

Best Place to Kick Your Tires: Downtown Auto Center
348 Bowery, at Great Jones St., 212-777-4848

What with always-heavy traffic, recessionary potholes, ever-diminishing free parking, battalions of quick-triggered meter maids and now floating bike lanes, Manhattan has become a little less friendly toward car owners—especially if they’re not blessed with a robber baron’s-size bank account. If you have been keeping a car anywhere near the East Village, however, at least you’ve been able to score quick and convenient servicing. Downtown Auto Center—which offers tire changes, inspections and minor repairs—has been operating from the same location, on Great Jones Street and the Bowery, for the last 50 years. But this charming patch of nostalgia has been reportedly purchased by a Miami-based luxury hotel chain—another victim of the Bowery’s super-gentrification. So you better get your oil changed quick.

OK, we admit that we’re certainly biased with this category since our editorial office is located right in the middle of the area north of Madison Square Park. We can totally go for grunge, but this neighborhood was a sad place to spend at least nine hours every day. We tripped over the haphazard hawkers lined up and down 28th Street, walked by the Oriental rug shops on Madison and eagerly awaited any new restaurant that tried to surface. We didn’t expect much to change in our daily work lives, but then the Ace Hotel opened and a bleak area of Manhattan finally became a destination. Unlike some dubious neighborhood titles, we even like the term Nomad for this unloved brown blot on the taxi map. With the recent inauguration of The Hurricane Club, a yuppie-Polynesian douche-pit, and the Gansevoort Park Avenue, however, we’re already feeling the gentrifier jitters. Could an area that had no identity suddenly cross over into a place to avoid so soon?

Best Magazine One-upmanship: Dueling New York and New Yorker Profiles

Maybe you trust the magazine awards and don’t question the absolute authority of our culture barometers, but this year gave thoughtful readers a chance to see what editors do and how easily a story can change when shaped with a different agenda in mind. New York magazine’s ongoing dark narrative promotes the seductive and destructive forces at work in the city, so Andrew Goldman’s July profile of David Koch in New York didn’t really do much in tearing him down. While Goldman revealed Koch’s moneyed schemes, like footing much of the bill for the Tea Party organizations (he called him “the Tea Party’s wallet”), it didn’t really press hard on his funding cancer research and hospitals while simultaneously creating the carcinogens that allegedly cause cancer. Then Jane Mayer’s Koch brothers story, titled “Covert Operations,” in The New Yorker, blew it away. That was followed by dueling Nick Denton profiles, with one side wallowing in vulgar exceptionalism and the other taking Denton to task while trying to locate a deeper motivation. As we continue to figure out the direction print media will go in a digital age, and the eroding of our trusted voices, we’ll need to continue to be more discerning readers, careful of the manipulation that is taking place. Now it’s your turn to decide which side to take.

Best Place to Freak Out Your Midwestern Friends: Sammy’s Roumanian
167 Chrystie St., betw. Delancey & Rivington Sts., 212-673-0330

This Downtown destination labels itself a “steak house,” but it’s really more of a vodka-soaked dinner-and-a-show kind of place. A safe haven for Eastern European Jews, Sammy’s combines schmaltz and kitsch with vodka frozen in blocks of ice and Kasha Varniskes. The live keyboardist holds sing-alongs throughout the night, and is happy to shout, “Goyim!” at any scared-looking WASPS. If you’re lucky, after the plates of liver and homages to Mel Brooks, the whole restaurant will break out in dance and your formerly scared pals will leave tipsy, happy and full. With stories to bring back home.

Best Place to Mourn Our Collapsed Economy: The Shuttered ESPN Zone in Times Square
Formerly at Broadway & W. 42nd Street.

Amidst one of the city’s densest tourist areas, the ultimate sports bar couldn’t survive. Where can one get a beer and a cheeseburger and check in on the game after dragging the kids through Toys R Us? Nowhere. The simplest of concepts was perhaps too simple for such a dollar-driven area. It’s a painful reminder that brand names mean nothing in this day and age. Perhaps ESPN should have thrown a few employees in Chris Berman/Stu Scott costumes or hired former NYC sports stars to sit in the lobby and spin yarns from the good ol’ days.

Best Second-Hand Surprises: Goodwill
217 W. 79th St., betw. Broadway & Amsterdam Ave., 212-874-5050

Unlike other city nabes, the Upper West Side isn’t flush with thrift shores, and in this economy, baby, we need ’em. You can go to Salvation Army on West 97th Street, which is, frankly, quite skanky, or Housing Works on Columbus—a bit too tony, but great steals on furniture and designer togs. Goodwill, however, offers a happy medium that won’t overwhelm. It organizes all clothing neatly by size and color, and you will always find surprises. To wit: a boy’s Gap dress shirt, perfect for bar mitzvah-hopping ($9.99); a green corduroy J. Crew jacket ($14.99); a chic gauzy girls’ top, great for wearing over leggings; a sterling bracelet with dangling hearts ($4.99); or six cheery red-and-white striped plastic popcorn holders, perfect for family movie night (50 cents each). And for those who haven’t abandoned the technologies of the 1980s, there are cassettes and classic VHS movies. In these tough times, one needs a reliable thrift store for last-minute Halloween costumes and expensive outerwear items like sweaters, jackets, snow pants and snow boots. Beat the chill at Goodwill and use the dollars you save to head someplace warm (they sell beach towels, too).

Best Untold Broadway Drama: Megan Mullally vs. Patton Oswalt

After her quickie appearance on Parks & Recreation, we were eagerly anticipating getting some quality Mullally time last spring in the Roundabout’s revival of Terence McNally’s Lips Together Teeth Apart. But she apparently didn’t feel the same way about co-star Patton Oswalt. The gossip blogs (and the New York Times) alluded to a Mullally ultimatum: Oswalt or her. Director Joe Mantello called her bluff and Mullally was out in a huff. Too bad the best thing to come out of last year’s Roundabout season took place behind the scenes.

Best Job We Didn’t Know Existed: Vegetable Butcher

Jennifer Rubell is the “vegetable butcher” at Eataly, according to co-owner Mario Batali. Didn’t know there was such a thing as a vegetable butcher? Neither did we. Rubell will peel your carrots for you. She’ll trim your artichokes (the only veggie that does make us feel like we’re tearing into something fleshy). She’ll make sure your pretty veggies that you’re paying a shitload for are even prettier, and you never even have to touch them. Who knew that New York could get that much crazier?

The Roof of Lincoln Center

Best Picnic Spot: Roof of Lincoln at Lincoln Center
142 W. 65th St., 212-359-6500

We don’t really plan to dine anytime soon at the super swanky Lincoln restaurant located alongside the reflecting pool and Henry Moore sculpture on the Lincoln Center campus. But the restaurant’s paraboloid roof is perfectly free. Planted with a special grass to compete with the swarms of visitors, the roof may seem like a gimmick, but the architecture firm of Diller, Scofidio + Renfroe understand how to create an enchanting space for people to enjoy on multiple levels (remember, they’re also behind the High Line). Take a walk on the roof and you’ll see that it is one of the most captivating and unusual views in the city. The best is at night, when you can peek into Alice Tully or Avery Fisher halls across 65th Street as the well-heeled promenade for you. Remember: They can’t see you.

Best Unusual Celebrity Spotting Destination: SPiN NYC
48 E. 23rd St., at Park Ave. South, 212-982-8802

While the ping-pong craze never fully materialized in other locations and the trend-that-never-was may have already passed, SPiN NYC remains the spot for table tennis enthusiasts and semi-pro diehards. It also continues to be the best place to have casual encounters with all sorts of celebrities on weeknights. It’s not uncommon to be sipping a drink at the bar and have co-owner Susan Sarandon saunter over, acting completely casual. Other TV actors and musicians are known to stop in for a quickie game or a chance to chill out, but it’s Sarandon who keeps us panting and wanting more.

Best Cool Space in a Meatpacking Building: Gasser & Grunert Gallery
524 W. 19th St., betw. 10th & 11th Aves., 212-807-9494

The starchitect development in the Meatpacking District may have slowed a bit, but there are still some bright spots to discover. Although Shigeru Ban’s Metal Shutter house is pretty much a snooze, the gallery located on the ground floor has proved to be a fascinating work in progress. Gasser & Grunert Gallery is still a large, raw concrete space that is just as much fun to visit as the exhibits on view. Artist Tim Roda took over the space earlier this year and created a strange world in the raw concrete play area. The subsequent exhibit, titled Games of Antiquities, was composed of photographs that showed the building populated in some sort of Roman spectacle with strange rituals, with some of the objects created on display. Sometimes it’s better to leave things alone and let the imagination take over.

Best Organization Making Downtown Cool: Lower Manhattan Cultural Council
www.lmcc.net

As much as we all want artists to prosper, it’s difficult for most to navigate the ins and outs of the city’s bureaucracy or figure out a way to gain any sort of traction if they do manage to surmount the many hurdles put in their way. That’s where an organization like the Lower Manhattan Cultural Council comes in. Keeping Downtown culture alive, LMCC provides grants for arts groups to collaborate with public education institutions as well as presenting work downtown to imbue overlooked spaces with vibrant energy. For example, choreographer Christopher Williams enacted his The Voyage of Garbhglas, based on Irish Faerie lore, at the Irish Hunger Memorial in Battery Park City. Even more ambitious, the 37,000-square-foot outdoor exhibition and performance space named LentSpace opened this summer and hosted rotating artworks commissioned by LMCC. The city is healthier (and wealthier) because of the hard work of organizations like this.

Ask any professional theater critic about the Fringe Fest, and you’re bound to get an eye-roll or a heavy sigh. The sprawling annual theater festival is increasingly a tedious exercise in public masturbation for its performers, most of which isn’t even titillating. The one-person shows are usually pretty dreary, but that’s not to say that shows with casts of two and up are much better. With some of the most reasonably priced tickets in Manhattan (and plenty of press every year), it’s no wonder that theatergoing dilettantes whose only exposure to theater is the Fringe don’t see more shows.

Best Contemporary Art Show: Anne Collier

New York-based artist Anne Collier lands this year’s best gallery show, hands down, for her eponymous exhibition this January at Anton Kern. The show was comprised mostly of photography, with books opened to pages with sunsets lining the gallery. There was also a black-and-white photo of an eye, with a frame resembling a tear duct and an image of a paper cutter slicing that eye. The show is a little aggressive in its demand that the gallery-goer contemplates the act of looking, but it’s an attribute we like. Looking at art shouldn’t always be easy.

Best Off-Off-Broadway Show: Now Circa Then

A comedy about historical re-enactors at the Lower East Side’s Tenement Museum, Carly Mensch’s two-hander is as close to theatrical perfection as you’re likely to find. The production at Ars Nova sparkled, from Jason Eagan’s direction to Lauren Halpern’s densely detailed set design to the hilarious and poignant performances from Stephen Plunkett and Maureen Sebastian. With even Off-Broadway shows increasingly overblown, what a pleasure it was to sit down and find the focus shifted from high concepts to just telling a great tale.

Best Usher: Jack Donoghue at Theatre Row

He’s there almost every night, taking tickets and directing you to your floor, and if you attend shows at Theatre Row with any frequency, chances are Jack Donoghue will remember you. His friendliness is never more welcome than shortly after being forced to interact with the bored and impatient ushers of Broadway theaters—particularly that nasty one at The Schoenfeld.

Best Indie Movie Theater: IFC Center
323 6th Ave., at W. 3rd St., 212-924-7771

Just over five years into its existence, the IFC Center continues to offer some of the best new art house releases along with an ever-expanding schedule of events. The latest addition to its repertoire is a full-on film festival: DOC NYC, a documentary showcase co-founded by Thom Powers, the documentary programmer for the Toronto International Film Festival whose other duties at the IFC Center include its Stranger than Fiction series. Also coming up: The 330-minute Special Roadshow Edition of Olivier Assayas’s terrorist chronicle Carlos and famed director Claude Chabrol’s final film, Inspector Bellamy.

Best Rescue Work: So Help Me God!

Whether Maurine Dallas Watkins’ lost 1920s play So Help Me God! is actually a great play or star Kristen Johnston elevated it to higher heights is beside the point: Few plays last year were as vicious, tart and unrelentingly cynical than The Mint’s production of this show about a bitchy theatrical diva and the up-and-comer who threatens to usurp her. With so many Off-Broadway plays enjoying unnecessary transfers to Broadway, this is the one that got lost in the shuffle. Again.

John Baldessari at the MET.

Best Museum Show: John Baldessari
The Metropolitan Museum of Art, 1000 5th Ave., at E. 82nd St., 212-535-7710

This show just opened at The Met last week, but having seen it already at the Tate Modern last year in London, we think this is an easy call. John Baldessari spent a lifetime establishing rules for his own art-making practice, and making art that followed those guidelines. In a time when the criteria for what constitutes good contemporary art seems increasingly vague, this show couldn’t offer a more timely antidote.

Best Venue For Parties: The Hudson Hotel

The era of the great disco dance palaces is long gone. Lately, some of the best parties have taken up residence at the Hudson Hotel. With the sprawling Good Units down in the bowels of the place, a monthly party like Susanne Bartsch’s Bloody Mary can pack in a huge crowd. Upstairs, there are regular weekly parties in the Hudson Library and the Hudson Bar, on the other side of the hotel. The Private Park is in the courtyard of the lobby and the setting for many a private party during the summer, and even better is the rooftop Sky Terrace on the 15th floor, complete with glittering views of the city. The security staff at the Hudson is over-zealous and even thuggish, but then again, a lot of drunks are wandering the hallways looking for a party.

Best Non-Profit Art Initiative: Triple Candie
500 W. 148th St., at Amsterdam Ave., 212-368-3333

Harlem’s Triple Candie offers perhaps the city’s most direct push back to the dominating force of the art market: Not only does the gallery refuse to sell art, it also no longer exhibits work. Owners Shelley Bancroft and Peter Nesbet focus instead on engaging a lower-income-class community typically located outside of fine art circles. A unique and laudable outgrowth of New York’s vibrant non-profit art scene.

Hudson Hotel

Best Comedy Series: Lasers In The Jungle

Producers Carol Hartsell and Sean Crespo and host Dan Wilbur have certainly outdone themselves with Lasers in the Jungle, their weekly comedy series on Thursday nights at Luca Lounge. Where else can you see SNL’s John Mulaney try out new material, Community’s Donald Glover do a last-minute drop-in set or The Daily Show’s Wyatt Cenac do 15 minutes of comedy in an audience member’s lap? All for free, no less.

Best NYC-Based Film Festival: New York Film Festival

After last year’s firestorm of criticism for offering up an insular program only accessible to diehard cinephiles, NYFF bounced back in style with a healthy blend of high profile premieres (The Social Network, The Tempest, Hereafter) and small-scale discoveries from the festival circuit. It’s still Lincoln Center, which means the prestige factor remains firmly in place with the latest offerings from Jean Luc-Godard and Abbas Kiarostami, but they now share the stage with the likes of Clint Eastwood and Jesse Eisenberg—a healthy cinematic diversity that should help sustain an image for the festival that’s aiming to feel both literate and contemporary.

Head west, young man (and woman), and you will find a gem of a wine bar. The Tangled Vine opened last March with wine director Evan Spingarn in charge of the heavy menu laden with organic, biodynamic and sustainable wines, mainly from France, Spain, Austria, Germany and Italy. Not only are the servers and bartenders eager to help you choose a drink, the book of wine is set up in such a way that it’s actually easy to translate. You have reds, whites, rosés and bubbly listed not by price or region, but by dryness. And, if you fancy a real adventure, sample something you’ve never heard of before, like the rueda or refosco.

Best Eatery to Trick You Into Thinking You’re In Middle America: The Pop Tarts Store
West 42nd St., betw. 6th & 7th Aves.

Just a stone’s throw from the trappings of Bryant Park rests a monument to convenience and processed food that seems better suited for Minnesota’s Mall of America: the Pop Tarts Store. So dubious they wouldn’t even let it into Times Square proper, this barren outlet exists, it seems, only to hoist the vile sushi-flavored pop tart upon the world.

Best Place to Eat Green: Blossom Restaurant
187 9th Ave., betw. W. 21st & W. 22nd Sts., 212-627-1144

A restaurant can’t get more self-righteous and preachy than local, organic, kosher, vegan fare offered at a 15-percent discount to members of the Woodstock Farm Animal Sanctuary. A crunchy version of upscale dining (no entrée clocks in at less than $18), Blossom Restaurant serves up good eating, even if you thought seitan was the lord of hell, not the vegetarian wheat meat. As you sign the exorbitant check, feel that congratulatory tingle of being more environmentally conscious then your fine-dining brethren.

Best, Worst and Only Burmese Restaurant in Manhattan: Café Mingala
1393B 2nd Ave., betw. E. 72nd & E. 73rd Sts., 212-744-8008

“Unpretentious” is not a word we normally find ourselves using on the Upper East Side, but the vibe at Café Mingala is just that. Since Burma is bordered by China, India and Thailand (among others), you can feel worldly without suffering through some horrific Pan-Asian yuppie echo-box ordeal. Try the addictively tangy Mango Chicken/Beef or the crispy Gold Sesame Chicken/Pork Stick with sweet chili sauce—and don’t skip dessert! If you can get past its soggy-cereal appearance, the Thousand Layer Bread, a sweet, scallion-free riff on Chinese scallion pancakes, is worth feeling like the fattest person north of 59th Street.

Best Place to Eat Before a Show, Manhattan: Benny’s Burritos
93 Ave. A, at E. 6th St., 212-254-3286

Pop Quiz: That show at Cake Shop doesn’t start for an hour and the opener kind of sucks, anyway. What do you do? If you’ve got half a brain, you’ll drag your lazy ass to Benny’s Burritos on Avenue A. If the restaurant just had $4 margaritas, that would be enough of a reason to go. But Benny’s also has something approaching real, reasonably priced food. It’s a revelation on the LES, which is otherwise stuffed with overpriced crap for condo-dwellers. By the time you sit down and enjoy a Chicken Mole Ole burrito and frosty beverage, you’ll be right on schedule to go back and enjoy the headliner.

Best Chinatown Greasy Spoon to Wait Behind Bums for Hangover-Killing Food: Wah Fung No. 1 Fast Food
79 Chrystie St., betw. Canal & Hester Sts., 212-925-5175

Benders usually leave us broke, broken men. But come red-eyed morning, we like to pull together a fistful of quarters and queue up behind downtown bums for Chinatown’s porkiest bargain. Just $2.50 buys a brick-size (and –heavy) portion of fatty, caramelized roast pork as crunchy as candy. It’s as much medicine as aspirin.

Best Way To Enjoy Fried Pastrami: Bea’s Empanadas
Eisenberg’s Sandwich Shop, 174 5th Ave., betw. W. 22nd & W. 23rd Sts., 212-675-5096.

We’ve had the pastrami egg rolls at FoodParc and heard all about the rye-and-pastrami croissant at Momofuku Milk Bar, but for our money, the best fried meat in town comes from Bea, the friendliest waitress at Flatiron lunch spot Eisenberg’s. She mixes pastrami, olives, peppers and onions, shoves it all inside of dough and serves the oversized, deep-fried gut bombs with a spicy garlic dipping sauce. It’s enough to leave you asking, Reuben who?

Best Street Meat Worth Waiting in Line Beside 25 Clueless Tourists: 53rd and Sixth Halal Cart
West 53rd Street & Sixth Avenue

We’re addicted to this corner cart’s creamy white sauce and tender chicken, which also attracts tourists like moths to light. Silently, and often vocally, we curse the Spaniards and French queued in front of us, until the moment comes when we can mutter these words: “chicken, rice, white sauce, hot sauce.”

Best Use of Carbohydrates, Chinatown Edition: A-Wah
5 Catherine St., betw. Division St. & Broadway, 212-925-8308

We’ve never had carbohydrates quite like this Hong Kong–style joint’s “world famous rice in casserole.” A heap of fluffy rice is tossed into a clay pot, crowned with toppings (we like the mushroom trio), then cooked till crisp, steamy and flavor-infused. Finish it with sweet soy sauce for a bowl-scraping feast.

Best Freebie Bar Snack: Bacon Maple Popcorn at South Houston
331 W. Broadway, at Grand St., 212-431-0131

Offering patrons free pretzels, nuts, wings and even tatertots is old hat. Enter brown sugar and bacon-coated popcorn, fresh from the kitchen and oozing sweet-savory goodness—and gratis to boot. At SoHo’s new sports bar South Houston, they treat you to a metal bucketful of this sinful snack, which is perfect to help coat your belly before you have too many of their potent cocktails, like the Grand Street Manhattan or the cool and refreshing Martini Cochon. You might not want to get seconds if you have meal plans later; you’re likely to ruin your dinner.

Best Place to Go After You’ve Been Dumped: The Donut Pub
203 W. 14th St., betw. 7th & 8th Aves., 212-929-0126

For those breakups that leave you too blue for even a bartender to psychoanalyze, plant yourself at a stool in this Formica bar and bury your woes in a red velvet donut and a cup of joe. Watch the light in the window to know when the donuts are fresh, and don’t worry if it’s difficult to pick just one: at $1.10 a pop, you won’t have to. Since 1964, the Donut Pub has been mending hearts and filling stomachs 24 hours a day. So stop in to satisfy some late night drunchies and maybe meet your next great love over a black-and-white cookie.

Best Hero to Make You Rethink Deli Meat: Torrisi Italian Specialties
250 Mulberry St., at Prince St., 212-965-0955

To us, a turkey sandwich is elementary-school sustenance. To Torrisi, it’s art. The herbaceous, mouth-stretching masterpiece begins with Parisi Bakery bread, which is stuffed with house-roasted turkey (glazed with garlic, herbs and honey), shaved lettuce, wisps of red onion, tomato, mayo and piquant sauce so good, we lick the wrapper clean.

Best Unfancy Sandwich: This Way from This Little Piggy Had Roast Beef
149 1st Ave., betw. E. 9th & E. 10th Sts., 212-253-1500

Piles of thinly sliced roast beef on a fresh, eggy bun with a slathering of Cheez Whiz for only $5.50 is exactly what makes this the best meaty sandwich around. Though This Little Piggy Had Roast Beef came at a time when Brooklyn’s Mile End was getting all the glory, the sheer convenience of this joint in the bustling East Village and its deli-like prices trump the Canadian competition. Of course, we aren’t surprised owners of the delicious fatty food havens Artichoke and Led Zeppole did their meat sandwiches right—they have the heart attack cuisine cornered and we’re forever grateful.

Best Popsicle: Chocolate Gelato at Popbar

5 Carmine St., at 6th Ave., 212-255-4874

Remember when you were a kid and your mom placated you with Jell-O Pudding Pops? The chocolate gelato bar at Popbar has the same rich, creamy texture and deep cocoa flavor, but unlike the corn syrup-filled treat of childhood, the pure, high-quality chocolate in this bar is imported from Italy and there are no artificial flavors added.

Best Dessert That Could Be a Meal: Crème Brulee di Parmigiano Peggiano at Perbacco
234 E. 4th St., betw. Aves. A & B, 212-253-2038

Hidden among classic Italian dishes like ravioli and risotto, Chef Simone Bonelli has included some gastronomic surprises in the menu at Perbacco in the East Village. Perhaps most stunning is the crème brulee di Parmigiano Reggiano, an appetizer that pretends to be a dessert that actually tastes like a savory meal. The dish is made with 18-month aged cheese, but, instead of caramelizing sugar on top of the mixture like a normal crème brulee, Bonelli uses a 12-year-old aged balsamic vinegar. When you dip into it, make sure to scoop from top to bottom so the burst of creamy cheese goodness will play off of the sweet crunch of the hardened vinegar.

Best Coffee Shop For Killing Time: Birch
The Gershwin Hotel, 5 E. 27th St., betw. 5th & Madison Aves., 212-686-1444

Sure, people crowd about Stumptown in The Ace Hotel, but only two blocks away lies the true hidden treasure of New York hotel caffeine dispensors: Birch. Between serving their own fair trade coffee and delicious baked goods (big ups to the goat-cheese-and-apple muffin) and doling out other fine drinks (like the best peppermint iced tea in town), the shop also lures us in with a menu of real food, plenty of seating and a big take-a-book, leave-a-book library on the second floor that could easily be one of the most magical rooms in town—there’s enough to do here to kill an entire day without working at all.

Best Burger And Drink In One: M&M Burger at Rare Bar & Grill
152 W. 26th St., betw. 6th & 7th Aves., 212-807-7273

While the fancy environs of Rare might not normally attract our sort, the meat mecca, which features a pretty kick-ass rooftop bar, is home to the $15 M&M burger, a gigantic hunk of meat that, just like us, is sloshed with Maker’s Mark (then cooked). The burger differentiates itself by hiding beneath carmelized shallots, cheddar cheese and applewood-smoked bacon, making it well worth braving the inside of a building called The Fashion 26 Hotel for this boozy beast of a burger.

Best Way to Beef Up For Winter: Baked by Melissa
7 E. 14th St., betw. 5th Ave. & University Pl., 212-842-0220

It only takes a bit of one of Baked By Melissa’s compact cupcakes to understand that the treat isn’t a gimmick, but a game-changer. Pop one of those frosting-topped babies, chew and just wait for it. The tiny-ness of Melissa’s cupcakes account for keeping them moist, more so than any of their full-sized competitors, and with a perfect butter-sugar ratio that always manages to surprise. Additionally, Baked By Melissa ensures at least one flavor that all your friends will like, without being flavor-happy like Crumbs; they only stick with what works.

The Best Real-Life Fish Story on Broadway: Jeremy Piven’s Departure from Speed-the-Plow
Was it the sushi? Or just a fishy story? No matter. The producers steamed, and the press had a heyday last December, when leading actor Jeremy Piven quit Broadway’s Speed-the-Plow. Piven was allegedly suffering from mercury poisoning, which may have been the result of large amounts of fish in his diet. True, Piven had the medical reports to document his mercury levels, and his doctor insisted that the actor’s physical health was at risk. But that didn’t cool the tempers of producers or playwright David Mamet. Mamet responded to Piven’s departure with: “My understanding is that he is leaving show business to pursue a career as a thermometer.” Good exit line, indeed. —DD

Best Broadway Boost: The First Couple See Joe Turner’s Come and Gone
When the First Couple hit Broadway on May 30, attention was paid big time. It seems that before the election, then-Sen. Barack Obama promised his wife, Michelle, that he would take her to see a Broadway show in the New Year. And being a man of his word, he did. Beyond safeguarding his marriage, however, President Obama sent out significant ripples when he bought the $96.50 tickets to see Joe Turner’s Come and Gone. Theater pundits, in fact, noted that he made a smart political move in seeing “JT.” Not only did our first African-American President keep it domestic with this show (he might have seen the British import Billy Elliot), but he shined a light on the late playwright August Wilson, who chronicled the modern African-American experience in his oeuvre. Symbolic, political, theatrical, romantic—the First Couple’s visit to Broadway was all that jazz. —DD

Best Anchor to Give Sue Simmons a Run for Her Money: Ernie Anastos, Fox Five News
We knew what Sue was up to when she accidentally let the f-bomb fly during a live broadcast of WNBC’s nightly news. She was ticked that her co-anchor was apparently talking while she read a promotion for an upcoming segment (she thought it was being taped, not aired live). But Ernie Anastos, the jolly Greek co-anchor of Fox Five’s 10 o’clock broadcast, was definitely in another place when he advised weatherman Nick Gregory to keep doing something to a chicken that is frowned upon by most legal, religious and moral codes. The quip was apparently a reference to an old Purdue chicken commercial. We’re not sure why his brain dug into the ad archives, or how the expletive slipped in. But the look on Dari Alexander’s face was priceless. —CE

Best Place to Hang—Literally: Swing-a-Ring
Lower level of Riverside Park (Hudson Beach) at 105th Street, www.swingaring.com
On a huge expanse of sand in Riverside Park, known as Hudson Beach, stands the only set of traveling rings east of Muscle Beach in Santa Monica, California. In fact, after reading about the California rings, Dorlene Kaplan decided New York City needed some too. Kaplan, who generously funded “Swing-a-Ring,” sold the idea to the Riverside Park Fund and the park administrator. In place for three years now, the rings are by far the coolest place to literally hang out in Riverside Park or, if you’re so inclined, to swing. There are two “Swing-a-Rings” now, one for adults and one for kids, with each metal support post holding eight to 10 hanging rings spaced seven to eight feet apart. Volunteers Ira Gershenhorn and David Scott, among others, are often on hand to help children, who stand on an upended trashcan to reach the rings. While the swingaring website talks a lot about the fitness value of traveling rings, one senses that people are drawn here because it’s just plain fun—for the neighborhood yentas who sit gabbing on the stone amphitheaters to toddlers pawing in the sand and kids flying through the air “with the greatest of ease” (sometimes). The annual “Swing-a-Ring” day on the first Saturday of May draws thousands to swing, juggle, sand sculpt, ride unicycles and try other circus arts. —NJB

Best Celebrity Construction Project: Madonna’s Upper East Side Renovation
As if the Second Avenue subway construction weren’t already enough, gird yourselves: Queen Madge is moving to the neighborhood. She hasn’t made public the extensive renovation plans for her new $32 million, 14-bedroom home at 152 E. 81st St., near Lex. It’ll be a tough job, though, since she has to make it habitable for her, the kids, various trainers, Kabbalah gurus, coffee-makers, the security detail, chefs, agents, stylists, make-up artists and, of course, her rock-hard biceps. But something tells us it won’t take as long as the new subway tunnel. —JG

Best Place to Smoke Indoors on the Upper East Side: Lexington Bar & Books
1020 Lexington Ave. (betw. 72nd & 73rd), 212-717-3902
For a quick trip back to the good old days when civilized folk wore hats outside and smoked indoors, step into Lexington Bar & Books. Lighting is low, drinks are stiff, and the distinguished yet convivial vibe is as palpable as the pungent tobacco that pervades the thick air. As the name alludes, books stock the wooden shelves but, unless you brought a flashlight, they are just for show or the occasional talking point (read: pick up line). The sleek mahogany bar matches the dark leather chairs, where mostly suit-clad, 40-plus gentlemen enjoy an after-dinner drink and smoke while listening to dulcet jazz melodies. Ladies are sometimes spotted in the company of their cigar aficionado hosts, and younger patrons, still lamenting the odious smoking ban, occasionally enter for the novelty. —CL

Best New Exploited Image in Lower Income Neighborhoods: Michael Jackson RIP T-shirts
In the early ’90s, “X” baseball caps suddenly cropped up in lower income neighborhoods across the nation. They represented Malcolm X, of course, and they were a reminder of the struggle for racial equality, and how there’s still a long road ahead. Fast-forward almost two decades and dozens of fashion trends later, and those same neighborhoods are now drenched in Michael Jackson imagery. Found at bodegas, street vendors and even Target, these T-shirts represent the predictable, bland hum of the en masse, “I was a fan back in the day,” that every super-idol gets post-mortem. Someone’s making a mint on these trashy tees, and it sure as hell isn’t MJ. If you’re tempted to don a wearable tribute to the King of Pop, put on Off the Wall instead and, as Michael’s friend in the White House once admonished, just say no. —JP

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Nancy J. Brandwein, Deirdre Donovan, Jordan Galloway, Christina Livadiotis, Josh Perilo

BEST OF MANHATTAN: ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

BEST OF MANHATTAN: EATS & DRINKS

BEST OF MANHATTAN: CITY LIVING

BEST OF MANHATTAN: SERVICES

BEST CHEESY BROADWAY HIT

Legally Blonde
Legally Blonde isn’t a very good musical-you can’t hear the lyrics because it’s amplified to death; you see every plot twist coming from miles away (even if you don’t know the film); and the acting might best be described as resembling Aunt Mildred’s meatloaf-totally overdone. But there’s something about the journey of Elle Woods’ character that somehow makes a sucker out of even the most emotionally vacant of us. And if you watched just one episode of that immortal tearjerker, The Search for Elle Woods, you’ve got to root for Bailey Hanks, who was chosen to replace Laura Bell Bundy in the lead role. So we say bend…and snap!

BEST OFF-BROADWAY SHOW THAT BELONGS ON BROADWAY

The First Breeze of Summer
Signature Theater Company, 555 W. 42nd St. (betw. 10th & 11th Aves.), 212-244-7529
Off-Broadway’s Signature Theatre Company devotes each season to one playwright-or, in the case of this season, one group: the Negro Ensemble Company. Its first production revives one of the Ensemble’s least-remembered works: Leslie Lee’s The First Breeze of Summer, a dramatic, dynamic drama starring Tony-winner Leslie Uggams. It’s a tight, gorgeously written, emotionally cauterizing work that tells the story of three generations of an African-American family-a true precursor to the rightly cherished oeuvre of August Wilson. If there’s a theater god, Breeze will bow on Broadway not too long after its off-Broadway run ends on Sept. 28.

BEST NEW VENUE

Santos Party House
100 Lafayette St. (betw. Walker and White Sts.), 212-584-5492
Opened in May by a group of investors including party rocker Andrew WK and downtown impresario Spencer Sweeney, Santos is a dark, open space that boasts a million-dollar sound system and a weekly schedule of parties that put it to good use. WK calls the space “a perfect physical representation of freedom,” and says the club harkens back to the glory days of such legendary spots as the Cat Club in the 1980s and Life in the ’90s. When we were there recently for a late-90s-themed bash, skuzzy nu-ravers with dreads, rocker chicks with peeling nail polish danced to New Order. The projectionist played a continuous loop of PiL-era John Lydon above the stage. If the coolest kids you know opened a club, this would be it-though in this case beer isn’t free.

BEST UNDERAPPRECIATED INDIE THEATER COMPANY WHOSE WORK YOU SHOULD GET YOUR ASS TO

The Flux Theatre Ensemble
People who know him call him Gus, but his formal name is August Schulenberg. And as the artistic director and one of the primary playwright-directors of the Flux Theatre Ensemble, he’s among the visionaries behind one of off-off-Broadway’s fastest-rising groups. The company’s mission might lean be a bit toward the bathetic (“the transformative freedom of theater to re-imagine the boundaries of human connection”), but it’s the product that really matters. From its startlingly original summertime revival of A Midsummer Night’s Dream to Schulenberg’s latest play, Other Bodies, a Fringe Festival hit, this group isn’t destined to be in flux for long.

BEST QUIET NIGHT OUT

Phantom Disco at Spiegelworld
South Street Seaport, Pier 17,
212-732-7678
Even with thousands of nightlife choices at our fingertips, it’s easy to get stuck in a rut when it comes to a line-up for weekend activities. Our advice: ditch the crummy bar you’ve been wasting your hard-earned money on and get ready to jam out, thanks to Spiegelworld. Picky when it comes to the beats that get you bumpin’? Not an issue at Phantom Disco, where dancers can turn up their iPods and let loose-sure, you can do this in your bedroom, hairbrush microphone in hand, but this way you get to see other people bust out some of their best moves, which is so much more entertaining.

BEST BROADWAY SHOW THAT BELONGS OFF-BROADWAY

[title of show]
Lyceum Theater, 149 W. 45th St. (betw. Broadway and 6th Ave.), 212-239-6200
There are only a few possibilities: Disney, after all, would never permit its precious productions to plop down anywhere but Broadway, and play lovers are only too excited for Daniel Radcliffe to wear his Equus birthday suit or wave his magic wand. The fact is, while [title of show]  really is the little musical that could. An alumnus of the New York Musical Theatre festival; it conquered off-Broadway and then, following a YouTube campaign, lured enough investors to arrive at the Lyceum Theatre. This musical about writing a musical is full of downtown ‘tude, not Midtown mojo. Off-Broadway is its natural home.

Fabiola at Hispanic Society of America Museum and Library.

BEST FREE MUSEUM YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO

Hispanic Society of America Museum and Library
Audubon Terrace, Broadway (betw. 155th & 156th Sts.), 212-926-2234
In a city that offers so much access to museums and galleries, most of us just decide to stray into a bar that may have some suspicious art on the walls and call it a day. If we need a quick fix of culture without much hassle, it’s easy to plunk down a dime (or even a penny) and get whisked through the halls of the Met. Otherwise, checking out art can be a costly undertaking-with many of the main draws charging $20 on average. That’s one reason it was such a revelation to discover the Hispanic Society of America’s Museum neglected outpost way uptown in rapidly gentrifying Washington Heights. While no one piece of art stands out, it was an unexpected pleasure to find works by Spanish greats El Greco, Velasquez and Goya mixed in among ancient sculptures and craft pieces. The institution is dedicated to the study of the arts and cultures of Spain, Portugal and Latin America and is located in a mysterious compound of Classical Revival stone buildings (one of which houses the American Numismatic Society!) and is not too far away from the much more famous Cloisters.
We were tempted to venture there, however, by Dia Art Foundation’s recent collaboration, in which they installed close to 300 portraits of Christian Saint Fabiola collected by Francis Alÿs in an exhibition titled Fabiola. The exhibition was unusual and fascinating, and energized what is usually a musty, tired collection. After closing down their Chelsea gallery and deciding not to erect a new museum along the High Line, Dia sadly has no permanent presence in New York City beyond the Walter de Maria installations they maintain in Soho. But a planned three-year collaboration with the Hispanic Society of America Museum and Library may be the best thing that ever happened to a forgotten museum that deserves some recognition.

BEST OVEREXPOSED NIGHTCLUB THAT’S ACTUALLY A GOOD TIME

The Beatrice Inn
285 W. 12th St (betw. W. 4th St. & 8th Ave.), 212-243-4626
Yes it’s nearly impossible to get in. And drinks are expensive. And nobody’s excited to see Kirsten Dunst in a headband trying desperately to be noticed while not being noticed. But really, with the feeling of a high school party while someone’s parents are out of town, a night at the Beatrice is something to look forward to. The music is generally excellent-solid soul and good rock akin to early ’90s mod parties like Tiswas-and if the crowd seems a bit snooty, just turn your nose in the air (even if everyone else’s seems to be runny and red) and act like they’re the plebes. After all, this is Manhattan in 2008, everyone’s just pretending.

BEST ON-AIR GAFFE

Sue Simmons Says the F-Word
Sue, we feel for ya. This past May, the longtime WNBC news anchor was caught saying the f-word during a live promotion for an upcoming segment (“What the  $#*% are you doing?!?”). The reason, it was later revealed, was that co-anchor Chuck Scarborough was allegedly reading something on the computer screen embedded in the news desk, rather than paying attention to Sue. So Sue, probably tired of taking his crap-wheedling his way into the best stories, taking the last Danish and stealing her make-up brush-just totally lost it. Wouldn’t we all? The difference is that Sue was caught on camera and then raked over the coals by the tabloids for a few days. After interviewing some restaurant employees who claimed she liked to get loaded before newscasts, the New York Post called her “Boozy Suzy”-then reminded us of the time she fell off her chair during another newscast. Sure, there’s something amusing about exposing the cracks in a buttoned-up public persona. But Sue’s gaffe was especially touching to those of us who ever wanted to curse out a co-worker, or felt the need for stiff drink to face the day.

Morrissey Night at Sway Lounge

BEST SUNDAY NIGHT MAINSTAY

Morrissey Night at Sway Lounge
305 Spring St. (at Renwick St.),
212-620-5220
Sure, this Sunday-night mopester dance party has been around forever, but so has Morrissey… and do we love him any less? Also just like with Moz, we can all agree things used to be a bit better, but it sure beats the imitators. In fact, there is almost nothing that soothes the angst-filled teen within like writhing to “Hairdresser on Fire,” drinking an overpriced vodka-soda and sneaking a cigarette on the dance floor. Beware the Sunday night of a three-day weekend, the place gets packed with the 9-to-5 crowd, but sometimes you just want to see people and you want to see life.

Smoke Jazz & Supper Club Photo By: Hai Zhang

BEST PLACE TO HEAR LIVE MUSIC ON THE UPPER WEST SIDE

Smoke Jazz & Supper Club-Lounge
2751 Broadway (betw. 105th & 106th Sts.), 212-864-6662
Former Augie’s bartenders Paul Stache and Frank Christopher are approaching their 10th anniversary as owners of what has since become one of the best jazz clubs in the capital of jazz. What makes the cozy, intimate space unique is that here the music really takes center stage. From the sophisticated audio system to the Steinway grand, Stache and Christopher spared no expense to ensure that the artists sound as good as they play. It’s no surprise that greats like Dr. Lonnie Smith and Cedar Walton, who never performed at Augie’s, keep coming back to Smoke. With an opening act like the legendary George Coleman Quartet, Stache said, the bar was set high from the get-go.

BEST COMEDY TROUPE

Drink at Work
The term “troupe” seems a bit too narrow for the Drink at Work crew. They are in fact a full-fledged production company that branches out with video sketches, blogs and stand-up shows. They certainly know how to diversify. Also, given the crumbling financial infrastructure, their moniker just seems like sound advice.
During a drive upstate to attend a wedding, core member Carol Hartsell explains via cell phone that she first took notice of Sean Crespo because of his award-winning short film I Am Drugs. The success of the crew is also a testament to the magic of the Internet, since they acquired writer and cartoonist Corey Pandolph through something as unceremonious as an email. “Corey is just amazing,” Carol exclaims. Guess you never know what talent just might pop up in the old inbox. The group is performing next on Oct. 18 at Comix (353 W. 14th St., 212-524-2500).

BEST REMINDER TO CALL YOUR GRANDMOTHER

Louise Bourgeois exhibit at the Guggenheim
1071 Fifth Ave. (at 89th Street),
212-423-3500
We first saw one of Louise Bourgeois’  Mother sculptures-a giant, creepy metal spider that looks like it might be a spacecraft from outer space-and easily fell for the nonagerian’s wit and talent for reinterpreting basic assumptions about gender and sexuality. This year’s retrospective at the Gugg proved she was so much more than a one-liner with family issues. Having lived and participated in most of the avant-garde art movements of the 20th century-including Surrealism, Abstract Expressionism and Post-Minimalism-this grand lady has seen and done it all. While our granny was never this cool, it does make you appreciate your elders and hope that she’ll have another decade of productivity and powerful influence on an art world that is sorely in need of more than marketable trifles.

BEST FILM FESTIVAL

New York Asian Film Festival
www.subwaycinema.com
It seems there’s some sort of film fest in the city every week to cater to every sort of cinema taste. But the guys who program that New York Asian Film Festival have managed to scrape together funds (most of it on their credit cards) for seven years to offer some of the most exciting and eclectic films from across Asia. This year they spruced things up by screening films at the IFC Center in the Village and Japan Society on East 47th Street. We can only hope next year will prove to be even more lucrative, with a slate of unusual, creative and great films from the East.

BEST VIDEO STORE

Champagne Video
1577 1st Ave. (at E. 82nd St), 212-772-2058
213 W. 79th St. (at Amsterdam Ave.),
212-873-4600
While Netflix seems to have converted most everyone to mail-order movie watching, Champagne Video, a good ol’ fashioned rental palace, endures-which speaks volumes about this business. The recipe is pretty simple: Champagne employs people who actually know film, plus it boasts a user-friendly layout of DVDs that helps indecisive browsers make selections, rather than overwhelming visitors with endless rows of films. In fact, Netflix subscribers sometimes visit Champagne while waiting for their next shipment or if they’re not quite in the mood for whatever’s sitting at home. Plus there’s something so comforting and old-school New York about all that pink neon-like a little slice of Times Square, minus the live nudity.

BEST PLACE TO FEEL WELL-HEELED

State of the Art Shoe & Leather Repair
2449A Broadway (betw. W. 90th & 91st Sts.), 212-877-7787
At his tiny, tattered storefront on Upper Broadway, Uri Zilkha has tended to the soles of well-and unwell-heeled Upper West Siders for more than 20 years. In the 1980s, he re-dyed their leather motorcycle jackets. In the ’90s, he re-heeled their strappy stiletto sandals. Now, he rebuckles their statement designer handbags. But that’s not all. For $4, he will shine the shoes of their offspring. For $50, he will put new zippers in their winter boots. And for $60, he will take their favorite pair of footwear, the one with the holey lowers and the threadbare uppers, and make it new again. Because Zilkha knows that nothing fits quite like an old shoe.

FINEST (AND NICEST) SALES TEAM ON THE UPPER EAST SIDE

Alvin Ingram & Patrick Dawes at Stubbs & Wootton
1034 Lexington Ave. (betw. 73rd & 74th Sts.), 212-249-5200
Clearly the nicest and most stylish sales crew on the Upper East Side, Alvin Ingram and Patrick Dawes not only know their brand of European handcrafted shoes, slippers and accessories inside and out, they go above and beyond when it comes to customer service. Walk in the door and you are automatically greeted with a smile and a hello. Both Dawes and Ingram will gladly run up and down the store’s stairs searching for your size-and they are great with style suggestions, too. Primarily made of embroidered velvet, the shoes and accessories at Stubbs and Wootton are fashionable and fun. Embroidered coin purses for $60 make great gifts.

BEST PLACE TO SMOKE FOR FREE

Nat Sherman
12 E. 42nd St. (betw. Fifth & Madison Aves.), 212-764-5000
It seems that thanks to Mayor Mom, smoking indoors has been relegated to divey bars and your apartment when you’re too lazy to step outside. Not so! At the Nat Sherman store on East 42nd Street, smokers can sit back and relax with one of the luxury brand’s nine varieties of cigarettes or cigars. For those with undeveloped smoking palates, the tobacconists will even crack open a pack and let you try a smoke on the house (we’re partial to the MCD’s and Hint of Mint). Downstairs in the Johnson Club room-where membership gets you a private humidor and invites to all sorts of smoky events-you can relax with a cup of specially blended Sherman coffee and laugh at all the suckers who have to stand outside for their fix.

BEST BRA FITTING

Bra Tenders
630 Ninth Avenue, Suite 601
(betw. W. 44th & 45th Sts.), 212-957-7000
If you wear a bra (or should), this is the place to go since no one in the city knows more about giving women a properly fitting bra. Ask Bette Midler, Nicole Kidman and Melanie Griffith. Bra Tenders has been working with costume designers, wardrobe professionals and actresses for more than 30 years and has converted many to their customized, over-the-shoulder-boulder holders-even ’60s holdouts who hated wearing bras.
Call and make an appointment for a fitting. When you arrive, you’ll be shown into a spacious private room for a consultation. You’ll be amazed at how well they fit and feel-and that you really do look so much better in a sweater. Although they carry bras from Calvin Klein to Cosabella-size AA to L-you can also find things as pedestrian as Playtex. And there’s no charge for the attention. Lori Kaplan, co-founder with her husband, says, “We’ve never let a customer walk out of Bra Tenders without the right-fitting bra for her body-and we never will.”

BEST PLACE TO SHOP FOR A LAST-MINUTE GIFT

Museum of Sex
233 Fifth Ave. (at E. 27th St.), 212-689-6337
If you’ve ever had the pleasure of perusing the merchandise at the Museum of Sex gift shop, you know that it’s impossible to walk out without mentally putting together a wish list for your loved one’s next special day. The gift shop boasts an assortment of gift ideas with a surprising variety of price points (including the good ol’ standby: penis pasta). From your standard sex shop novelty items (erotic dice, vibrators, flavored lubes) to inappropriate twists on old standards (naughty balloons, naughty doorknobs, naughty playing cards) to high-end designer options by Jonathan Adler and Cynthia Rowley. And if, upon opening, the giftee has the audacity to become scandalized, just tell them to relax-it came from a museum.

BEST JEWELRY REPAIR

Murrey’s Jewelers
1395 Third Ave. (at 80th Street), 212-879-3690
Murrey’s Jewelers has been around for so long that the grandchildren of its earliest customers are now getting married. And when they do, they buy their rings from the same shop their grandparents did. The quaint family-owned store has been the go-to place for jewelry repair since 1936, and does everything from restringing pearls to retooling watches. The store’s employees are so good at what they do-together, their experience adds up to 150 years-that those in the biz have nicknamed Murrey’s the “jeweler’s jeweler.”

BEST DRY CLEANERS

Ernest Winzer Cleaners
1828 Cedar Ave., Bronx, 718-294-2400, www.winzercleaners.com
To find the best dry cleaners, you’ll have to leave Manhattan and travel to the Bronx. But that’s no problem since Ernest Winzer Cleaners’ radio-dispatched trucks pick up and deliver anywhere in the tri-state area, especially near Broadway and Lincoln Center, as they’ve been cleaning costumes for Broadway productions since 1908 and now the New York City Ballet, too. They’ve cleaned costumes for George M. Cohan, Helen Hayes, the Barrymores and Ziegfeld. When we had a Burberry cashmere sweater with a nasty stain (long story), Mr. Winzer sent it back as good as new.
Mr. Winzer is a wizard: clothes will never come back with broken or missing buttons, or with leather buttons that are torn, cracked or discolored. This isn’t the cleaners you go to because they’re cheap, but because they’re good. And anyhow, it’s cheaper than having to throw the garment out when it’s ruined by lesser craftsmen.

BEST PLACE TO GET TARTED UP (VEGAN STYLE)

Polished Beauty Bar
250 W. 78th St. (betw. Broadway & West End Ave.), 212-933-1830
This bright new spa, recently opened by sisters Micki and Susan Nam, is a working girl’s dream. After their first visit, returning customers are routinely greeted by name. Here, they can browse through the entire 240-plus Essie color collection to find the perfect match for that fuchsia dress. Or they can go “vegan” and opt for one of more than 300 vibrant hues by Zoya, favored by health-conscious women for its lack of harmful chemicals. At Polished, high-end sterilizing equipment keeps tools and surfaces germ-free, and tricked-out pedicure chairs offer full back and bottom massages. While their nails dry, patrons can peacefully leaf through dozens of unspoiled gossip and fashion magazines, watch classics on the flat-screen TV, or simply sit back and enjoy their complementary mini-shoulder rub. The salon stays open until 9:30 p.m. on weeknights, so there’s plenty of time after work for both a bite and a mani-pedi before heading home to TiVo.

BEST USED BOOKSTORE

12th Street Books
11 E. 12th St. (betw. 5th Ave. & University Pl.), 212-645-4340
Rumors continue to swirl that this little basement bookstore is threatening to close or move location, but it all seems to be baseless twittering. And if it ever does disappear, we will almost give up trying to find quality used books in the city. While others cater to rare book tastes or overpriced selections-complete with misanthropic proprietors-this short-aisled shop continues to stock hard-to-find titles without the perplexing penchant of charging almost-brand-new prices. Organization is just right: Alphabetical by sections, but still disorganized enough to make you feel like you’re discovering some lost jewels. You won’t get rich on trying to re-sell your books (don’t even try, just head over to the nearby Strand for that). The selection of lit, architecture, art and criticism is so fine, however, that you won’t mind the little inconveniences.

BEST BOOKSTORE, EAST SIDE

Logos Bookstore
1575 York Ave. (betw. 83rd & 84th Sts.),
212-517-7292
In a neighborhood in which Barnes & Noble operates two stores within two avenues of each other on 86th Street, it’s nice to throw some business to the little guy. Though Logos isn’t a superstore, it’s certainly not lacking in selection. The shop, part of a 24-store nationwide trade association, boasts a large Judeo-Christian specialty section and is also well stocked with the less pious fare of contemporary fiction, children’s literature and history. For those customers who find themselves paralyzed by the choice, owner Harris Healy runs reviews and suggestions on the store’s website, http://logosbookstorenyc.com. Should nothing there suit, the site invites patrons to call for a personal recommendation. Try getting that kind of help at Borders. Its book club, Kill Your TV, meets on the first Wednesday of every month.

BEST NEW GROWNUP TOY STORE

MUJI Flagship Store,
New York Times Building
620 Eighth Ave. (at 40th St.), 212-382-2300
We don’t follow the cult of MUJI-we enjoy being organized but don’t need everything in a muted palate of Japanese design-but we were more-than-excited to finally have the designer store at the base of the New York Times building. Not only can you pick up your collapsible cardboard speakers, nifty wall hangers and transparent plastic organizers in one big ode to style, you’re in a vortex of black, white and tan that includes the media behemoth that could crush you from above. Watch out!

BEST MIDDLE-OF-THE-NIGHT HAIRCUT AND PEDICURE

Hair Party 24 Hours
76 Madison Ave. (at E. 28th St.),
212-213-0056, www.hair24hours.com
You didn’t know you needed to get your hair cut at 4 a.m.? Well, of course you do! And luckily the crew at this 24-hour glass box dedicated to cutting, styling and painting are there to pamper and primp at all hours. Just imagine: you’re out late at a cocktail event and suddenly your coif falls flat. Well, just hop in a yellow cab, hightail it to just north of Madison Square Park and hop in a comfy seat to get a blowout so you can head on over to the next soriée. OK, maybe it seems silly, but can you imagine scheduling a facial for the middle of the night so you can wake up feeling nice and clean? Or how about a mani-pedi after a Friday night of drinks so you can relax with your toes bathed in bubbly? The possibilities are pretty endless and, in a city that claims to be running on all cylinders at all hours, it may now actually be becoming a reality.

BEST SIGN THAT RECORD STORES AIN’T DEAD

Hospital Productions
60 E. 3rd St. (betw. 1st & 2nd Aves.),
212-614-9652
A record label, music store, mail-order business and soon-to-be performance space, Hospital Productions is evidence that weightless iPods have yet to eclipse bulky, colorful albums that used to be carted around in milk crates. Owner Dominick Fernow has actually expanded recently, stocking his store with more than 1,000 cassette tapes (remember those?), CDs and vinyl. Fernow specializes in bands like Burning Star Core and Akitsa-noise and black metal bands. “I came to New York because I wanted to fill what I saw a void with a truly underground store,” Fernow said. We’re not giving up our iPods anytime soon, but we’re happy to go down to Fernow’s store and buy some music with actual heft. We reveled in something we’d forgotten about long ago after we made our purchase: liner notes.

BEST MASSAGE ON A BUDGET

New You Again Chinese Bodywork
205 W. 80th St. (betw. Broadway & Amsterdam Ave.), 212-721-5437
At New You Again, don’t expect a lavish waiting room to lounge in pre-massage while sipping cucumber water and enveloped in a plush terry cloth robe. Masseuses at this basement-level establishment usher clients through a small entryway adorned with Chinese scrolls and acupuncture charts to a dimly lit back room where thin white curtains separate the three massage tables. The operations are bare bones, but the prices can’t be beat: an hour-long massage at New You is $48, whereas most city spas charge upwards of $100.
The slight awkwardness of having to discreetly disrobe in such close quarters quickly fades as you relax into the freshly laundered sheets and take in the soft instrumental music playing overhead. The massage therapists apply pressure to just the right spots gently-but persistently-to work out all your kinks, putting the massage on par with the best chi chi spa. The back massage includes a hand and arm kneading, a neck and shoulder rub and a relaxing scalp massage; it ends with a warm towel on the back. Stop in for a quick, 10-minute back rub ($10) or stay for longer; 20 minutes is $18, 30 minutes is $26. A 40-minute foot rub costs $36. Credit cards are accepted and, after 10 visits, clients get a free massage. As your treatment draws to a close, the timer next to your table will ding and your masseuse will ask if you want more time. Saying “no” will be a struggle.

BEST MASSAGE, UPPER EAST SIDE

Mimi Nail & Spa
1541 Second Ave. (at 80th Street),
212-327-1358
1540 First Ave. (betw. 80th & 81st Sts.),
212-452-0004
David at Mimi Nail & Spa wins hands down (no pun intended) as the finest masseuse on the Upper East Side. He truly is the best in town. Some people just know what to do and are meant to do this kind of work-he’s one of them. David intuitively knows which areas need focus, and his handiwork is topped off with a hot towel press. If David happens to be busy, just walk one block east to Mimi’s second location, on the corner of First and 80th, and ask for Mike. He’s a very close second. Prices start at $15 for 10 minutes and run up to $80 for a full hour.

BEST LITTLE LINGERIE SHOP

Only Hearts
386 Columbus Ave. (betw. W. 78th & 79th Sts.), 212-724-5608
Owner and designer Helena Stuart’s intimate boutique stands out for its elegant-yet racy-high-quality lingerie. The friendly employees are even better for their eagerness to help you look and feel your sexiest. You’ll spend more on Stuart’s made-in-NY delicate lace panties, beautiful bras and comfy cotton and silk cami-boy short sets than on your run-of-the-mill undergarments. The pieces are well made, however, and reasonably priced for luxury lingerie. A delicate white lace bra costs $62 and sheer white panties $32. Shopping at the store is also a pleasure compared to the chaos of some of the larger, chain lingerie stores.
If you’re on the prowl for something fetching to unveil during an intimate evening with that special someone, splurge on one of the store’s scented Tocca candles or chocolate body frosting to truly sweeten the night. Only Hearts also carries cute cotton dresses, slinky slips, nightgowns, Italian-made leather shoes and jewelry (many designed by New York artisans).

BEST COFFEE FROM A PLACE THAT WOULDN’T APPEAR TO HAVE GREAT COFFEE

The Million Deli
1624 Second Ave. (at 84th Street),
212-535-7800
The Million Deli is a true diamond in the rough of the Boar’s Head deli set. At first glance, it strikes you as little more than a place to buy your morning paper on the way to Dunkin’ Donuts, which is where you get your coffee, right? Wrong. This is where you should be getting your coffee. Rich, creamy and perfectly sweetened, the Million’s cup puts to shame the aforementioned coffee chain’s efforts. (It is important to note that at the Million, one should not dictate the amount of cream and sugar to be added to your coffee; this is wholly unnecessary and will cause your coffee to be delayed by as much as 15 seconds in the ensuing confusion.)
First time visitors to the Million should also be advised that the line for the cash register runs parallel along the counter and continues along the deli case for as far as need be. It does NOT extend out perpendicular from the cash register counter. This invariably causes a tragic breakdown in the Million’s checkout system, and you will be verbally corrected by those waiting in the proper manner for their inexplicably excellent coffee.

BEST SURF & TURF

Leonard’s Seafoods and Prime Meats
1385 Third Ave. (at 79th St.), 212-744-2600
At Leonard’s Seafoods and Prime Meats, there are no stacked refrigerators lining the walls-every piece of seafood and cut of meat arrives fresh in the morning. The store has been on Third Avenue since 1910 and is still family owned. John and Peter Leonard handpick the seafood every morning, just like their grandfather did in the early 1900s. Back at the store, expert butchers are ready to help customers pick and prepare their selections, whether it’s a tuna fillet or lamb chop.
Note: in late October, Leonard’s will be moving to 1437 Second Ave., between 74th and 75th streets.

BEST DOWNTOWN VIBE, UPTOWN

Vai Restaurant & Wine Bar
225 W. 77th St. (betw. Broadway and Amsterdam Ave.), 212-362-4500
There’s a hip new vibe emanating from West 77th Street-and it’s not coming from that boutique hotel. What was once the Pita Grill, lost on an uninviting block between Broadway and Amsterdam, has morphed into a stylish little restaurant that’s been packed since its late June opening. But don’t be fooled by the flattering candlelight and the club-like soundtrack. This is not merely one of those see-and-be-seen kinds of joints. Executive chef and principal owner Vincent Chirico, who worked at Aquavit, Daniel and JoJo, is dead serious about his food. Appetizers like seared foie gras with fresh fig, and entrees like ricotta ravioli with truffle cream show that his focus is on the plate. To complement his modern Mediterranean cuisine, Chirico offers a diverse list of wines, among them a dozen whites and as many reds by the glass. The popular flights of three or five different pours allow diners to explore different regions without having to spend on full bottles. In short, Vai has brought a welcome dash of downtown attitude uptown.

BEST TRADITIONAL PUB

Biddy’s Pub
301 E. 91st St. (At Second Ave.),
212-534-4785
With subway construction currently turning the Second Avenue sidewalks into some sort of cruel human-size lab-rat maze, it’s easy to miss the humble awning of Biddy’s Pub hanging just east on 91st Street. Though the watering hole’s typically small crowd probably doesn’t mind this too much, it would be a shame for any pub connoisseur to overlook it. It keeps a namesake brew on tap, has a healthy relationship with the dimmer switch, offers a fair amount of seats and employs barkeeps who keep their patrons’ glasses full. In other words, the one-room space is a pub done right. With an Internet jukebox and well-used dartboard, you’ll stay long enough to numb yourself to the ordeal of walking through a construction site on your way home.

BEST BOILED-TO-ORDER DUMPLINGS

Zheng’s Lanzhou Handmade
Noodle Shop
144 E. Broadway (betw. Pike & Rutgers Sts.), 212-566-6933
When urges attack for plump and cheap dumplings, we thumb our noses at Chinatown’s perpetually packed Dumpling House and Anita Lo’s costly Rickshaw Dumpling Bar. Instead, we hit this sign-less, fluorescent-lit shop that’s as stylish as a torture chamber. Ignore the surly, skinny man stretching dough and request the boiled-to-order pork-and-chive dumplings. Eight translucent, bone-white treasures arrive steaming, begging for a bath of house-infused ginger soy sauce or incendiary chili oil. Each bite sends greasy pleasure cascading down our chin, the fatty pork packets cut with chunks of chives. It’s a trip to culinary nirvana for just two bucks.

BEST BLEND OF ADDICTIONS

Sixpoint Craft Ales’ Gorilla Warfare Coffee Porter
Our days are bookmarked by vice. Morning coffee is capped by countless pints of evening beer. It’s a balanced relationship, one in which each addiction understands its role. Then Sixpoint unleashed Gorilla Warfare. The burly, rusted-brown porter is steeped with Gorilla Coffee’s equally strong Ethiopian Yirgacheffe beans, resulting in a morning-evening hybrid we don’t know when to drink. The full-bodied blend is redolent of java and raspberries, which meld with chocolaty flavors of porter and, oh yeah, an electric caffeine jolt. Our slippery slope to full-fledged drunkard just got slipperier.

BEST CLASSIC DINER

EJ’s Luncheonette
1271 Third Ave. (at 73rd St.). 212-472-0600?
447 Amsterdam Ave. (betw. 81st & 82nd Sts.), 212-873-3444
When anyone asks me where I want to meet for breakfast, lunch or dinner, I tell them EJ’s, on 73rd and Third. It’s not that I’m unimaginative or lazy (EJ’s is extremely close to home); it’s just that their menu is great for every meal. I love the waffles with real maple syrup, the onion soup has no shortage of melted Gruyere cheese, the burgers are superb and so is the grilled cheese on rye with tomato. Don’t forget the meat loaf with real mashed potatoes and gravy. And the desserts: ice cream sodas, chocolate cake, key lime pie, rice pudding.
EJ’s isn’t giving their food away, but the portions are so generous an appetizer is often enough for a meal. Friends visiting from out of town have come to realize the wonderfulness of this place and they always ask to go there. I have a great collection of EJ coffee mugs, too (that I paid for).

Tiffin Wallah Photo By: Justin Richards

BEST INDIAN RESTAURANT TO APPEASE YOUR VEGETARIAN GIRLFRIEND

Tiffin Wallah
127 E. 28th St. (at Lexington Ave.),
212-685-7301
When dining out with my vegetarian girlfriend, we hit this flesh-free Curry Hill gem. The spicy Gujarati curries are swell (our heart pounds for the potato-and-onion sukhi bhaji), but more winning are the cracker crisp, forearm-size dosas. Select one filled with spicy potatoes soaking in luscious, buttery ghee or perhaps one packed with cheesy paneer. Our favorite, however, packs gunpowder. A cilantro-flecked dosa is stuffed with soft potatoes and incendiary gunpowder chilies. Each bite is a five-alarm blast that, for a hot second, makes us as happy as our girlfriend that we’ve gone veggie.

BEST COMFORT FOOD, UPPER WEST SIDE

Good Enough To Eat
483 Amsterdam Ave.
(betw. 83rd and 84th Sts.), 212-496-0163
For nearly three decades, Carrie Levin has been transporting diners back to their childhoods with what she calls “cozy, recognizable and comforting” fare at this farmhouse-style mainstay. Homey staples like macaroni and cheese or fried chicken are simple pleasures, but Levin’s food is hardly simplistic. Her famous meatloaf recipe calls for no fewer than 18 ingredients, including the finest ground veal and Campbell’s cream of mushroom soup. Yes, the lines already go down the block during weekend brunch. But sink your teeth into Levin’s buttermilk biscuits with strawberry butter and you too will want to move in and call her “Mom.”

BEST PLACE FOR BELGIAN BEEF STEW AND A BEER

B. Café
240 E. 75th St. (betw. Second & Third Aves.), 212-249-3300
Properly called Carbonnade Flamande, this Belgian beef stew, made with dark beer and served with pomme frites, makes a meal hearty enough for even the chilliest of winter days. Enjoy it with one if the 40 of international beers available, five of which are on tap. With a slightly cavernous, yet European feel, B. Café is a great place to meet for drinks after work, or to relax over the weekend. The garden patio is open for dinner as long as weather permits.

BEST $1 BEER

Underground Lounge in Murray Hill
613 Second Ave. (betw. 33rd & 34th Sts.), 212-683-3000
Murray Hill is a neighborhood favored by Phi Kappa guys and sorority sweethearts filled with college-like bars that encourage loutish drunkenness and grind dancing. But when our cheap-bastard urges overcome common sense, we find ourselves at the rundown Underground Lounge. From 4 p.m. to 8 p.m. nightly, the dude-heavy bar dispenses Yuengling and Bud Light drafts for one buck. That’s a hundred pennies, 20 nickels, 10 dimes-cheaper drunkenness does not exist.

BEST DIRT-CHEAP BEER IN A TRENDY SPOT

The Old Man at The Rusty Knot
425 West St. (at 11th St.), 212-645-5668
The nautically themed Rusty Knot is as trendy as a hipster dipped in Nike Dunks. The Hudson River hangout is chock-a-block with kitschy model ships, saucy murals and sugary tiki drinks that are a one-way ticket to Hangoverville. Combine that with a packed house of air-headed models and Euro-trash sausaged into $300 jeans, and you have every reason to run away. But early in the afternoon, before the hepcats come running, the sun-drenched Knot is downright ideal to slurp a dirt-cheap beer. A Busch pint is $3, while a five-ounce “Old Man” beer is $.99. It almost redeems Rusty. Almost.

BEST FIERY CHAAT

Indus Express
48 W. 48th St. (betw. 5th & 6th Aves.),
212-221-7952
We’re loco for chaat. Loosely translated as “to lick or taste,” this Indian snack is a riot of cool and spicy, crunchy and soft. Our most darling chaat depot is this Diamond District gem. Nearly a dozen assembled-before-your-eyes chaat are available, ranging from spicy alutikki patties to fat samosas to our fave, the papri. Garbanzo beans, potatoes and a sprinkling of onions, nuts, mango and fresh cilantro join crunchy bread chips and lentil dumplings, with the whole mess topped with minty chutney and creamy yogurt. As the name suggests, you’ll want to lick clean every last savory dollop.

BEST PLACE FOR HEALTHY EATING-AND INSPIRATION

Candle Café, 1307 Third Ave. (betw. 74th & 75th Sts.), 212-472-0970
Candle 79, 154 E. 79th St. (betw. Lexington and Third Aves.), 212-537-7179
A 14-year veteran on the Upper East Side, this vegetarian café is the only vegan place in the neighborhood. But don’t be scared if you’re not into the vegetable thing-Candle Café offers fantastically delicious edibles for both non-meat eaters and meat eaters alike. Using all natural ingredients, each item on the menu is scrumptious and good for you, desserts and shakes included. Proprietor and self-proclaimed bon vivant Bart Potenza recently released a book, Look Two Ways on a One-Way Street: Food for Thought from the Founder of Candle Café and Candle 79. The tome is a compilation of 20 years worth of affirmations and aphorisms he uses to inspire his crew, like, “Life can be a bowl of cherries, but you might have to bring the fruit and probably the bowl, too.”

Van Leeuwen Artisan Ice Cream Photo By: Hai Zhang

BEST WAYS TO BLOW YOUR DIET, ON WHEELS

Van Leeuwen Artisan Ice Cream
(For truck hours and locations visit www.vanleeuwenicecream.com), 718-701-1630
Wafels & Dinges
(For truck hours and locations visit www.wafelsanddinges.com), 866-429-7329
New Yorkers are taking to the streets in their quest for the perfect sugar rush: first came dessert restaurants, now come sweet trucks. By parking at various locations throughout the city, the owners of these little shops-on-wheels avoid expensive rents and are free to spend their money on first-rate materials. Ben Van Leeuwen splurges on Michel Cluizel chocolate, Sicilian pistachios and other expensive ingredients for his all-natural ice cream, which he sells out of a custard-colored van. All of his 10 flavors-from Peppermint & Chip to Coffee-are made without milk powder or other common stabilizers. They also contain around 20 percent less sugar than most brands. The result is a cold and creamy delicacy that’s neither cloyingly sweet nor overly thick.
Those who prefer their snacks hot and crunchy should be on the lookout for the black, yellow and red truck of Thomas DeGeest. His “wafels” are the most authentic Belgian waffles in all of New York, and not just because DeGeest was born and raised in Belgium. He imports both the pearl sugar and the dough for his chewy Liège waffles directly from his native country, where he also bought his 65-pound waffle irons. For the lighter Brussels waffles, he has a variety of toppings on hand, including whipped cream and Belgian chocolate fudge sauce. Health nuts should think of all the calories they will burn on the walk over and indulge without guilt.

BEST FOOD-BLOG SMACKDOWN BY WHINY BRATS

Eater vs. Down by the Hipster
Food blogs have become battlegrounds, with foodies fighting to post pics of plywood-covered construction sites, scandalous chef gossip and reviews of eateries that have been open eight hours. This OCD idiocy reached its apex this spring when the ever-bitchy Eater.com revealed Scott Solish as the furious fingers behind Down by the Hipster. What followed was a back-and-forth, name-calling snarkfest perpetrated by grown men acting like a catty clique of high school cheerleaders. Remember the days when food blogs actually, you know, wrote about food? Here’s an insider scoop: Grow up.

BEST INSIDIOUS CHARGE ON YOUR BILL AT BARS

Charging Tax on Wine or Beer at Bars
When we pony up to bars and buy a $5 beer, we expect that brewski to cost $5, tax included. Why mess with change when you’re getting messed up? Lately, though, owners at hoity-toity drinkeries including Terroir, Clover Club and Pegu Club have begun adding tax to bills. Paying $10.83 for a $10 cocktail is now the ridiculous norm. Look, we empathize: it’s a Sisyphean struggle to run a successful New York City business. But do us a favor and round up, instead of saddling us with bills requiring dimes and pennies. What’s next, a dirty-water-dog vendor charging $1.08 for a frankfurter?

BEST LAMB & FETA BURGER

Niche
1593 Second Ave. (betw. 82nd & 83rd Sts.), 212-734-5500
The lamb and feta burger at Niche is melt-in-your-mouth good. It’s such a delicious combination of flavors that after your first bite, you’ll be craving more. Added bonus: this lamb and feta delight is available at a cool new place to relax and hang out. Niche, the sister restaurant to the Bar@Etats-Unis and Etats-Unis restaurant, also hosts a tasting hour from 5 to 7:30 p.m. The complimentary apertivos allow you to taste samplers of other menu options for free, including charcuterie meats, artisanal cheeses, homemade pizzas and finger sandwiches. Don’t miss the nightly wine specials, either.

BEST TV-INSPIRED DISH

Gossip Girl Grilled Cheese at Gilt (in the New York Palace Hotel)
455 Madison Ave. (betw. E. 50th & 51st Sts.), 212-891-8100
“You know you want it,” says the menu entry for the Gossip Girl grilled cheese at Gilt, and, oh yes, we do, we do! At $30, this sandwich is over the top: a thick wedge of Fontina cheese and brioche sprinkled with black truffles-”Originally white truffles,” the manager explains, “but as you know, the white truffle season lasts only so long.” There was no sign of Serena, Chuck or their gilded friends during a recent visit to the restaurant bar, a setting for early episodes of the hit CW show; instead, it was crowded with a much older demographic, a cruel irony since only a teenager’s metabolism could efficiently process this very buttery slab.

BEST NEW MIDTOWN RESTAURANT

Brasserie Cognac
1740 Broadway (at W. 55th St.),
212-757-3600
Since we studied abroad a semester in Paris and subsisted on nothing but cheap wine and Gauloises, we were thrilled when a new French restaurant gave us a good reason to venture into Midtown. Brasserie Cognac’s menu includes such French staples as “Soupe a L’Oignon,” “Salade Nicoise” and “Steak Frites,” all done to perfection. After trying out our rusty French accent on the waiter, we ogled the modern yet ostentatious décor-a zinc bar, vaulted ceilings and a dramatic, runway-like entrance that’s a little more Sex and the City than “City of Lights.” Sipping a $10 glass of Pinot Noir, though, we quietly reminisced about those dirt-cheap bottles of red that kept the youth hostel interesting and toasted ourselves for making it out alive.

BEST PIZZA, EAST SIDE

Luigi’s
1701 First Avenue (betw. 88th & 89th Sts.), 212-410-1910
Is there a more abused and ultimately futile small talk topic in New York City than best pizzeria? Nearly all of these great debates end in some serious neighborhood homerism, or demonstration of arcane pizza knowledge. Forget the opinion of that guy at work who would have you trek to a basement kitchen in Coney Island for the world’s greatest slice. Luigi’s is delicious and does not require cab fare. Buffalo chicken and grandma’s slices are more recent additions to the menu, but, as with any truly great pizza joint, the basics are where the shop makes its mark. Perhaps the best indicator of the neighborhood’s love affair with the restaurant is the after-work crowd that forms most days, where cops and button-downs, high schoolers and moms with strollers, all line up for slices. The people have spoken, and you now have a brand to tout the next time someone dares ask about the city’s best pizza.

BEST NEW DINER, WITH THAI FLAIR

Vynl
1491 Second Ave. (at 78th St.), 212-249-6080
With a mirrored disco ball, mosaic tabletops and black LPs glued to the walls, Vynl looks like an average American diner. But open the menu, and be prepared for a little culture alongside your comfort food: mac and cheese and buffalo wings are found just across the page from traditional Thai entrees like pad thai and red curry. Prices are reasonable, too, making Vynl the perfect place to go when you can’t agree on a cuisine.

BEST NEW DESSERT SPOT

Dessert Studio
ABC Home & Carpet, 888 Broadway
(at W. 19th St.), 212-477-7335
Hidden in the back of ABC Home & Carpet is a literally sweet surprise: a dessert café bar-cum-chocolate and tea shop smack dab in the middle of the house wares institution. Dessert Studio, with desserts by Will Goldfarb (of gone-but-not-forgotten Room 4 Dessert), seats about 35 people but rarely seems to have more than a handful of customers, even when the store around it is bustling. Sit at the small bar or among the low-slung tables and enjoy treats such as bubbly chocolate ganache with espresso jelly and milk foam or recently added items like white coffee sabayon with passion fruit sorbet and cocoa nibs. A PacoJet is employed to make the frozen concoctions, which allows for some particularly vibrant sorbets-the bracingly tart banana is a personal favorite. Goldfarb has reined in some of his more outlandish tendencies; there isn’t a blindfold or a syringe to be found, though one early dessert did pair caviar with the outstanding vanilla ice cream. His lack of presence is a bit troubling though, since half the fun is having the bespectacled mad foodist explain the process behind the dishes, let’s hope Goldfarb starts stopping by a bit more often. There’s a wide selection of products to take home such as SerendipiTea and Caffe Terzi beverages, Cuizel and Amadei chocolates, or impeccable brownies and straightforward cupcakes from Seth Goldberg.

BEST FREE BAR SNACKS

davidburke & donatella
133 E. 61st St. (betw. Lexington & Park Aves.), 212-813-2121
You don’t have to be a hedge-fund manager or media tycoon to enjoy Upper East Side fine dining at its best. Just grab a stool at davidburke & donatella, a stylish New American restaurant in the posh East Sixties, and wait for the bar snacks to arrive. On a recent evening, crispy breadsticks were dipped in mustard seed oil and perched atop a salt brick platform. Bite-size short rib strudels arrived in a little red wagon with Amarillo sauce and a Moroccan glaze, and a pair of grapes fried in cornflakes were skewered and suspended above a foie gras marmalade. The playful menu is suited to the restaurant’s whimsical, white-washed décor, and for only the price of cocktails, you, our cash-poor but desire-rich friends, can fit right in.

BEST DEAL AT A FANCY RESTAURANT

$29 Lunch Special at Jean-Georges
1 Central Park West (at W. 60th St.),
212-299-3900
Our two main food groups may be gyros and pre-packaged sushi, but sometimes even our sad palates deserve the strange culinary concoctions those celeb chefs dream up on TV. Conveniently located where so many subway lines intersect at Columbus Circle, Jean-Georges, helmed by kitchen star Jean-Georges Vongerichten, offers plebes like us just that chance. Instead of dropping another $30 on a party dress at H&M, we saved our pennies and went hungrily uptown for the restaurant’s ridiculously cheap, fixed-price lunch. After a complimentary amuse bouche (we know what this “one bite” appetizer is because we love Top Chef), we chose two plates from the lunch menu. Our scallops were divine and the gnocchi was delectable. Sure it cost more than a Styrofoam box full of street meat, but when we found ourselves chatting about Jean Georges and his use of spices and sauces on our ride home, we realized that the chance to sound like a know-it-all foodie is priceless.

BEST LOUNGE

Auction House
300 E. 89th St. (At Second Ave.),
212-427-4458
Most Friday and Saturday nights, it feels like the fresh-from-commencement crowd (and the ensuing ruckus) is inescapable in the bars of the Upper East Side. Seek sanctuary behind the permanently curtained windows of Auction House. The two-room bar space is decorated with morose, oddball paintings and plush seating options. It feels a bit like what the inside of Anne Rice’s head must look like. Cuts from the more gothic end of the post-punk musical spectrum serve as a soundtrack for the whole affair. Almost as welcome as the moody aesthetic is the fact that the crowd doesn’t appear to be a roving game of flip cup. Of course, the heady mix of low lighting, ample booze and Robert Smith vocals can also induce the occasional public make-out session, but there are plenty of less uncomfortable designs elements to stare at as well.

BEST PLACE TO FILL A GROWLER ON THE CHEAP

Whole Foods’ Bowery Beer Room
95 E. Houston St.
(betw. Bowery & Chrystie Sts.), 212-420-1320
Nowadays, beer lovers must sell a pint of plasma to buy a pint, which can cost upward of $6 or $7. Balderdash. Thankfully, Whole Foods is an unlikely ally in low-cost intoxication. The Bowery locale fills growlers (sealed 64-ounce jugs; buy one for $3 or bring your own) with delectable local suds from the likes of Brooklyn, Sixpoint and Blue Point. Each refill costs just $7 or $8. Do the math, Einstein: with growlers containing four 16-ounce pints, that makes the per-pint cost about $2. Whole Paycheck? That’s a whole lot of nonsense.

BEST PLACE FOR A LAST DATE

El Quinto Pino
401 W. 24th St. (at Ninth Ave.), 212-206-6900
This tapas bar in Chelsea is great for a first date but even better when the fantasy ends and you’re looking to sever ties. The plates are delicious (you’ve suffered enough, so enjoy), but there’s no need to, ahem, “commit,” since the portions are so small. The space is standing room only, which facilitates a rapid exit should you find yourself on the receiving end of a bottle of grappa or well-aimed Spanish port. And once you’ve said your good-byes, drown your sorrows and look for a rebound in the West Chelsea club district, just a few blocks away.

BEST VIRGIN TAKE ON AN ALCOHOLIC DRINK

The Dark and Stormy Ice Cream Float at Five Napkin Burger
630 Ninth Ave. (at W. 45th St.), 212-757-2277
While the burgers at this new Hell’s Kitchen hotspot are nothing to write home about, there is one thing on the menu that’s so tasty we would use it to wash down anything we could: The Dark and Stormy Ice Cream Float. A take on the Bahamian national drink-ginger beer with Gosling’s dark rum floating on top-this sweet, foamy drink uses bracing ginger beer but subs rum-raisin ice cream for the booze. We normally don’t see the point in drinking things that don’t get us drunk, but, when presented with such a loving homage to such a fantastic cocktail, what choice do we really have?

BEST DESSERT, UPPER WEST SIDE

Flourless chocolate cake at Gennaro
665 Amsterdam Ave.
(betw. 92nd and 93rd Sts), 212-665-5348
If you’re the type that never skips dessert, you better get in line-pronto-at Gennaro Picone’s neighborhood Italian eatery. Picone is drawing such crowds to his casual, family-friendly eatery that he recently decided to expand for the second time. Many are lured by the short-but-sweet list of timeless treats like tiramisu and semifreddo. The most popular among them is clearly Picone’s flourless chocolate cake: his regulars like it so much, they frequently order it out for special occasions. Made from fresh Piedmont hazelnut paste and bittersweet Callebaut chocolate, the mousse-like confection is chilled, cut into slices and served with a mound of fresh whipped cream. It’s rich enough for two, but you won’t want to share it.

BEST OF THE NEW UPPER WEST SIDE FINE DINING SCENE

eighty one
45 W. 81st St. (betw. Columbus Avenue and Central Park West), 212-873-8181
With the opening of Ed Brown’s eighty one earlier this year, dining on the Upper West Side has reached a whole new level of sophistication. Sure, Brown himself is the first to point out that other excellent chefs present seasonal market menus, extensive wine lists and elegant settings elsewhere in the area. Yet none of them gave done it in quite so grand a style. His lavish dining room glows in rich reds and creams. His skillful cooking shines through in fluke a la plancha with green tomatoes and poached duck with chorizo. Everything from the mouth-watering amuses-bouches to the finger-licking petits fours oozes classiness. But don’t reach for that coat and tie. As longtime resident Brown puts it, “jackets required” just doesn’t fly in this neighborhood. Turns out he hates getting dressed up for a good meal as much as the next guy.

Anthos's lamb burger Photo By: Katherine Bryant

BEST UPSCALE MIDTOWN LUNCH

Anthos
36 W. 52nd St. (betw. Fifth and Sixth Aves.), 212-582-6900
Greek has gone haute. At Anthos, chef-partner Michael Psilakis takes the humble cuisine from its peasant roots and elevates it to Michelin-starred heaven. Take the marvelous things the self-taught Psilakis does to an old Greek standby like lamb: he grinds it, sears it, slaps it on a bun and turns it into the best burger you will ever eat. Thank the gods that he decided to put it on his three-course prix-fixe lunch menu-such a steal at $28 it’s no wonder half the midday crowd goes for it. This being Midtown, said crowd is heavy on the suits, but they must be the ones shelling out the big bucks for the big wines, which makes it possible for the rest of us to worship at the altar of culinary genius without breaking the bank.

Photo By: Justin Richards

THE GREAT BAGEL TASTE-OFF

New Yorkers put up with a lot-overpriced and under-spaced apartments, traffic, the MTA-but in exchange for these inconveniences we get access to things like the Metropolitan Opera, 24-hour bodegas and the perfect bagel.

Few food items elicit more passionate opinions from New Yorkers than these carb-heavy wheels of boiled dough. So we decided to conduct a blind taste-test, involving three of Manhattan’s bagel heavyweights-Daniel’s Bagels, H&H and Tal Bagels, to see which reigned supreme. Noshers evaluated each entry on appearance, taste, texture and overall appeal. Some opted for cream cheese, while others went for the plain, unadulterated bagel.
Results were surprising and overwhelmingly tilted in favor of the winner: Tal Bagels (fortunately, also the store with the most locations).
“That’s a damn good bagel,” one taster said.
“Firm on the inside, but not doughy,” said another-although one person complained that Tal’s was, “a little hard to chew.”
H&H seemed to be the second-favorite, although those who favor soft bagels may prefer this variety over Tal’s.
As for Daniel’s, the panel was underwhelmed. “Better than a coffee cart bagel,” one taster said with a shrug.

Tal Bagels
333 E. 86th St. (betw. First & Second Aves., 212-427-6811
1228 Lexington Ave. (at 83rd St.), 212-717-2080
979 First Ave., (at 54th St.), 212-753-9080
2446 Broadway (betw. 90th & 91st Sts.), 212-712-017
54 First Ave. (betw. 3rd & 4th Sts.), 212-753-9080

H&H
2239 Broadway (at 80th St.), 212-595-8000
639 W. 46th St. (betw. 11th Ave. & West Side Hwy.), 212-765-7200

Daniel’s Bagels
569 Third Ave. (betw. 37th & 38th Sts.), 212-972-9733