Swedes at CB's; Cui Jan at Joe's Pub; Puny Human; the Whitney Sez "Chill"

Take Sweden, for instance. You think it's by accident that the Swedes spawned ABBA, Ace of Base and the Cardigans? Think again. They have their own organization, Export Music Sweden, dedicated to "initiating, assisting and facilitating the promotion and marketing of Swedish popular music worldwide." Export Music Sweden (ExMS) brings Sweden's major musicians' union together with record labels, composers and publishers in a way unheard of in the U.S. This week, ExMS carts in the best and brightest of Swedish talent to CBGB to see whom the Americans will dig.

This "Swedish Showcase" is no joke. It has the blessing of the New York Consulate General of Sweden and the Swedish Foreign Ministry. It's a two-day extravaganza with 10 handpicked acts at CB's on Sunday and Monday. Here's the breakdown on the Swedes.

Sunday night: Geller: Sounds like Paul McCartney's solo work backed by the Phantom of the Opera. Cardigan Crossover Potential: 0. Left Hand Solution: Mild Rammstein with female vocals. Cardigan Crossover Potential: 0. Citizen Bird: Hooky keyboard riffs with baritone crooning. Cardigan Crossover Potential: 4.

Monday night: Willowtree: Sounds like Marc Anthony singing lounge classics backed by a punk act. Cardigan Crossover Potential: 3. Sahara Hotnights: The Swedish Veruca Salt. Veruca Salt should've been Swedish anyway. Cardigan Crossover Potential: 5. The Jack Brothers: In 2001, these guys cranked out one CD for every month in the French Revolutionary calendar. Cardigan Crossover Potential: 0.

Swedish mania begins at CBGB (315 Bowery at Bleecker St., 982-4052) 8 p.m. on Sunday and Monday. Each night is $8 and hey?don't begrudge the Swedes evil songsmith Max Martin (Backstreet Boys, NSYNC, Britney Spears). We gave the world Michael Jackson; we knew we would one day face the consequences.

...While the Swedes take over CBGB, Chinese rock star Cui Jian occupies Joe's Pub this week. Pronounced "Shway Jin," Cui Jian is regularly referred to as Asia's biggest rock star and the "original creator of rock 'n' roll in China." His music sounds less like Chuck Berry and more like Prince, but who's quibbling? It has a great beat and Cui Jian deserves much respect for playing in a nation that unofficially bans his songs from radio and tv and "loses permits" for his concerts.

"Barechested I run into the wind and snow/I'm on the road escaping from the hospital/Don't stop me, I don't need any clothes/My sickness is I have no feeling," he sings in "Wild in the Snow." Maybe it's just the translation, but those are damn fine lyrics.

Cui Jian's rise to rock stardom didn't follow the Behind the Music party line. He had been playing trumpet in the Beijing Symphony Orchestra for seven years when he climbed onstage at the Beijing World Peace concert in 1986 and belted a version of "Nothing to My Name" that blew everybody away. (It has since become his signature song.) After that he had the balls to call his Chinese tour "Rock and Roll on the New Long March." He jammed Tiananmen Square, ducked out when the protests got ugly and hid in plain sight for a while. In 1994 he released his album, Balls Under the Red Flag.

Cui Jian can't sell many records in China, owing to the government's unofficial ban on rock music, but he fills arenas there. When he comes to the U.S. he ends up in Joe's Pub (425 Lafayette St., betw. Astor Pl. & E. 4th St., 539-8778), where he's performing this Sunday and Tuesday. He'll bring his band, including lead Malagasi guitar player Eddie Randriamampionona and saxophonist Lui Yuan, who is just about the world's coolest dude with his sax and red-star beret.

Who knows when Cui Jian will be back? They don't let him out of China too often. The Sunday show starts at 7:30; on Tuesday there are shows at 7:30 and 9:30. Each costs $25. The crowd will be Chinese people sprinkled with non-Chinese who got converted the last time Cui Jian came to town, in '99.

...From global, we turn to the local rock scene, where a nifty band named Puny Human deserves your love and support this week. Why? Well, first of all, they're called "Puny Human"?that's pretty unbeatable and it's a name you never came up with in high school. (Or if you did, your band sucked too much to make it stick.) Second, the cool names don't stop there: Puny Human has songs called "Stink of Two Men," "Jimbo the Hutt" and "Jesus Has My Leg." How is this possible?

"[Drummer] Iann and [guitarist Josh] and I went to Vegas on New Year's Day '99," explains bass player Jason Diamond. "We were staying at a friend's house, just bumming around, doing whatever, when we started coming up with all these song titles. We had two pages of song titles before we even had a song, just from weirding out in Vegas... When we got [singer] Jim in the band, we handed him the list of song names and said, 'Write whatever you want to whatever song title you want.'"

Those titles and lyrics back up fine, driving music?the aforementioned "Stink of Two Men" is the only rock song I've ever heard about baseball. Puny Human's Revenge Is Easy (2000) doesn't let up and the band turns in good covers?"Rock and a Hard Place" is a hidden track and CCR's "Travelin' Band" is slated for the Sucking in the 70's compilation later this year.

Puny Human comes to Northsix (66 N. 6th St., betw. Kent & Wythe Aves., Williamsburg, 718-599-5103) Thursday, March 7. The headliners are New York riff rock vets the Brought Low; also on the bill are Speedloader and Bantam, Gina-from-the-Lunachicks' new band. Doors open at 8 and the price-chizz is $7.

...Finally, in nonmusic news, the Whitney Museum's 2002 Biennial starts this Thursday. The Biennial is not a bicentennial, because after all, what happened in 1802? (The Factory Act was passed by British Parliament?) No, the Biennial takes place every two years; it's the Whitney's signature event.

This year co-curator Debra Singer is trying to marry lounge and museum culture ("culture" in a loose, loose sense) with weekly SoundCheck nights. Each Friday the lower lobby of the Whitney will be transformed into an atmospheric nightclub-type deal with cocktails, food and art available. While people shmooze down there, the rest of the building will remain open for viewing and private shenanigans. (You get a whole museum!)

Each Friday a different art scenester and/or DJ will pick music for SoundCheck. This week it's video artist Miranda July, whose sound installation "The Drifters" will play in the Whitney's elevators for the duration of the Biennial.

There's no cover for SoundCheck Fridays; they take place during the Whitney's 6-9 p.m. pay-as-you-wish time slot. The nights stretch deep into May but this week's will be one of the most packed. If you can't make it to whatever private party Whitney brass has scheduled for the Biennial opening, this is your best bet. At the Whitney Museum of American Art (945 Madison Ave. at 75th St., 570-3676).