Sanchez Keeps on Slipping Slipping Slipping into the Future!

Sympathetic Sanchez pities
his poor Sister and must admit that in less controversial times, he’d be
happy to discuss Eminem busting poor Neckney’s bubble, besting her
and BSB by selling 1,760,000 CDs and scoring the superglamorous second-best
first-week-sales-of-all-time prize! "‘Second-best first-week sales
of all time!’ enthuses the smiling Sister of Sanchez!" the smiling
Sister of Sanchez enthused. "Who can possibly be worried about Napster?
The Sister of Sanchez can’t help herself but to quote a joke headline from
The Onion: ‘Kid Rock Starves to Death: MP3 Piracy Blamed.’"

Ah, but wise Sanchez advises
his excitable Sister that the bands who can afford to litigate against the San
Mateo-based Internet company are superhuge artists like Metallica
and Eminem’s producer Dr. Dre, but the artists who suffer will be
the little tiny arty ones, for their audiences are the college students who
use Napster. Hypothetical Sanchez asks his Sister to picture a band, young,
self-possessed and arty–the sort of band young enough to believe the reason
that Stereolab never had a hit single is simply because the forces of
darkness have thrust Don Henley down the throats of a public too stupid
to protest. That young band also probably thinks that it’s possible to
sell lots of records without having a song on the radio. Now, to keep that band
touring long enough to establish an audience and tour profitably on its own,
furthermoring Sanchez continues, their label is going to have to shell out for
a van, a sound guy, a tour manager, hotel rooms and per diems so the sensitive
artistes don’t starve to death. Mathematical Sanchez estimates this
to be roughly $4500 a week–and that’s budgeting for Red Roof Inns,
and a sound guy who’ll work for so little money that he probably will have
to be taught which parts of the mixing board are the knobs. If this band spends
nine months on the road promoting the record, that’s $162,000. Though the
label will start making a profit long before the band recoups its advance, it
still will have to sell 50,000 or so records to make the venture worthwhile
for the label. And if those kinds of records lose half their sales due to Napster
piracy, what label is going to bother with that kind of math?

"‘Sanchez can’t
possibly be suggesting something so horrifying as a world in which there will
never emerge a new G. Love!’ cries the shuddering Sister of Sanchez,"
the shuddering Sister of Sanchez cried. But Sanchez fears it’s true.

Now, fairminded Sanchez
allows that Napster simply isn’t going to go anywhere, and the artists
will naturally evolve in the new, harsher world. There will always be 18-year-olds
willing to sleep on floors and sell plasma for gas money to stay on the road.
And being that a youngster of a musical disposition these days is more likely
to get a Pro Tools or Logic system and work with a whole spectrum
of sound–instead of simply learning one instrument and finding a bunch
of other young stoners to fill out the other roles in the band–file-sharing
technology may very well lead to an environment that idealists who have no interest
in making music for a living might find quite attractive–an environment
in which the bulk of non-pop artists are, by necessity, amateurs. Deejaying,
for which a single individual can travel with a satchel of records and make
a living, will surely become even more prevalent–speeding up the economic
inevitability that one guy playing records supplants the bulkier, more expensive
four guys playing guitars, which in turn supplanted the bulkier, more expensive
20 guys playing horns. And already-established touring artists aren’t going
anywhere. But new bands? Forward-thinking Sanchez suggests they’ll go the
way of the TRS-80 even quicker than he expected.

Which would explain the
smugness with which noted populists Limp Bizkit accepted a $1.8-million
tour sponsorship from Napster–enough money to give the band a profit, while
enabling them to make this tour free for the fans. How lovely a publicity opportunity
this is for Napster, which gets to look even more like a technological extension
of Youf Revolution and not the private, profit-seeking company whose CEO is
a former entertainment lawyer that in fact it is. And why shouldn’t Fred
Durst be grinning? His job isn’t in danger. In the Napster future,
kids will still be able to be rock stars when they grow up. What they won’t
be able to be is mere musicians. Unless they’re content simply to
be hobbyists.

"The concerned Sister
of Sanchez is puzzled: Does Sanchez seem a bit melancholy in predicting a future
in which the hipsters have only boy bands from Orlando to listen to?" puzzled
the concerned Sister of Sanchez. And Sanchez must say his Sister’s right.
What fun will there be for contrarian Sanchez when all the cool kids are down
with the cheese? Still, Sanchez relishes the opportunity to make fun of such
mookish pundits as MTV newscaster Brian McFayden, who forces Sanchez
into the very strange position of objecting to someone in show business
being the real-life equivalent of William Hurt in Broadcast News.

"‘This is getting
almost psychedelic,’ gasps the amazed Sister of Sanchez," the amazed
Sister of Sanchez gasped. In an online chat excerpted by MTV online, McFayden
brilliantly asserts, "I don’t think Napster is hurting sales…people
love to buy CD’s." Breathless Sanchez agrees! Take all Sanchez’s
money now! Get that free stuff away from him! Later, McFayden does his
part to make CD purchasing hip and groovy for the kids: "I don’t know
about you, but it’s so much cooler to have a CD in your collection, to
have the tangible item than a digital file." Besotted Sanchez wishes he
were just like Brian! And when a viewer with the screen name "ilovebrian"
asks him, "Don’t you think Napster will help raise sales?" our
hero sagely responds: "There might not be a lawsuit against Napster if
we knew." Recognizing genius when he sees it, admiring Sanchez begs his
editors to fire him now!

NEXT: Congratulatory
Sanchez enthuses over Rolling Stone’s choice of Douglas Rushkoff
as an advocate for the future; for in a piece in RS’ "NetBookers"
supermodern insert, in which Rushkoff supposedly "survey[s] the digital
landscape," the guy says: "I’m trying to wean myself off non-analog
sound, because I just want to remember what music was." Cheering Sanchez
hopes their next forecast for tomorrow endorses the Victrola!