Rental Dementia: Rental Sex


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Her voice was sort of husky but soft and slow. She had been looking at some pictures and was wondering if we could meet. In fact, she was free that afternoon, and asked if I could make it then. I was in the middle of checking my fantasy football stats, but I figured they could wait. I agreed to meet her on the street corner in a half hour. A little civility and some decorum would warrant at least a brief introduction in the office, but this is the rental market. Sometimes when the price is right and the move-in date is reasonable, you jump.


Meeting clients on random street corners and taking them to vacant apartments at all hours of the day and on a moment’s notice is admittedly a little strange and probably a little sleazy. But it’s also kind of exciting—as a lot of sleazy things often are. All of a sudden, a routine day has a bit of urgency. It’s spontaneous, and the next thing you know you’re scrambling for keys and trying to figure out which train to take. It’s one of the things I really enjoy about this job. You’re never quite sure of where the day will take you or who you’ll meet when you get there.


We were standing in the apartment about 40 minutes later, and the sexy voice was still talking slowly, but it’s getting difficult to distinguish every word. Not only was she very attractive, she was also sort of street smart, got my attempts at humor and was really grounded. In other words, she was pretty much my perfect type. I’m not positive, but I was getting the sense that she wasn’t exactly repulsed by me either.


It was the middle of the day, and we were completely alone in a vacant apartment. We had only just met, so there was a lot of awkward energy flying around the room. She was slowly giving the place a look over and trying to imagine herself living there, while I leaned on the window sill and slowly looked her over. My imagination was fully engaged and working out a slightly different scenario. She wasn’t making any moves for the door, and I wasn’t about to rush her. It was all very casual. We talked about the apartment, her apartment at the time and how she was tired of her roommates. I answered her questions as best I could and was careful not to apply even a hint of pressure. I let her know that it was her choice, and that she was in control of the entire situation. I was wide open and would make myself available for anything she needed. She then asked for my honest opinion, so I told her to go for it. At that moment, things started to really heat up.


There was a long pause. Neither one of us said a word. I could tell she was seriously thinking about something, but at the same time, she was staring directly at me. There was little I could do but stare back. Another few moments passed before she finally snapped out of whatever she was lost in and walked over and leaned on the window sill next to me. I started to realize that it was on and that she was going to do it. All I had to do was sit back and let it happen. I love those moments more than the actual close. “Holy shit,” I thought, “She’s going to take this place.”


I took a deep breath. So did she. I smiled. She smiled back. She was nervous, and so was I. We both began to understand how bad she wanted it. It was only a matter of making sure she didn’t feel guilty afterward. They often do when it happens this quickly. But this is my favorite part. It can still go either way, and I’m not sure of what is going to happen next. I guess it’s the uncertainty that makes it so exciting. She finally nodded her head, “Yes.” I made my move, “Really? Great, let’s get ought of here. I’ll grab a cab, and we’ll head back to my … office.”


The cab rolled back to the office. Neither one of us said much. I knew not to try to reassure her. This late in the game, talking too much can only jeopardize it. Letting her work it all out, was the best thing I could do. I looked out of my window and began to feel a little guilty. When it was all over and done with, I would probably never hear from her again. I might even feel a little dirty afterward, but it wouldn’t stop me from moving on to the next one. I started to wonder if the quick thrill of it was really worth it. Maybe I ought to look for something with more long term potential, something more meaningful and with more commitment. I was already starting to feel a little empty when it hit me, “Forget this rental shit. I’ll try sales!”


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