Rental Dementia: Jeremy Shockey, The Rental Agent


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I have one New Yearís resolution this year: to become the Jeremy Shockey of rental agents. Iíve spent the last few years floundering between periods of hard work and total apathy. This half-assed approach to the business has yielded me only modest results, as Iíve spent a good deal of time and energy questioning the legitimacy of the entire industry.
Now, however, I have made up my mind. If I must be a rental agent, well then Iíll be the best damn rental agent this city has ever seen. My goal is to approach my rental career in the same intense, fearless, all heart, full-steam ahead, manner in which Jeremy Shockey approaches his career as a tight end in the NFL. Take no prisoners, make no apologies. Win at all costs. Look out rental world.

What a kick-ass rental agent Jeremy could have been had this whole football thing not turned out so well. Which, by the way, canít be said for some of his teammates. Take Eli Manning for instance; heíd never cut it as a rental agent. He should be grateful for his 6í5Ē frame as well as the Manning genes stuffed into it. While Eli may posses the acumen to read defenses and a powerful arm to go along with it, I have to question his desire. Eli tends to hang his head after throwing an interception while Jeremy sprints back to the huddle after being pounded by linebackers. This is precisely the attitude one needs if they are going to make it as a rental agent. In fact, itís all about attitude, and Jeremyís got it.

Verbose and brash, screaming and jumping on the sidelines, calling out his coach after a loss and pointing fingers occasionally at fellow teammates, is exactly the spirit a good agent needs to possess. Of course, this same unbridled passion would preclude him from working in almost any other professional environment. Yet, Iím certain this lack of employment alternatives would only motivate him as an agent. Try to imagine for a moment, Shockey as investment banker, or in a courtroom throttling the opposing attorney, or the judge for that matter. His greatest talents and gifts would go unrealized in almost any work setting, save the NFL and perhaps Manhattan real estate.

In the recent loss to the Eagles, when running across the middle, he stretched out vertically for a pass. An Eagleís defensive back literally leveled him; he was knocked parallel before hitting the ground. In slow motion, you saw his head get thrown sideways before his body eventually followed. Seemingly unfazed, he jumped up and was on his feet before the defender who had cracked him. Even if he was no longer conscious of where he was, he never showed it.
†This type of toughness is essential for rental agents. Youíre going to get hit out there when renting apartments. If you stick around long enough, youíll get the snot knocked out of you. And thereís only one way to handle it: Jump up and keep renting.

Along with attitude, youíve got to have some style in the real estate world. Heís clearly got the hair, which sort of sloppily yet fashionably covers his enormous head. More over heís an impeccable dresser. While being interviewed after the loss to the Eagles, I noticed Jeremy was wearing a tie underneath a colorful button-up vest. Heís got a nice relaxed look going there; itís not too up tight, and he stands out a bit, but not in a cheesy, real estate way. Itís this kind of attention to current fashion that will take him far in the business. I can easily picture him pitching lofts in Soho or Tribeca. Though, at 6í5Ē and roughly 260 pounds, he may want to stay clear of cookie cutter units, which would appear awfully small with him standing in the living room.

A healthy sense of humor is another crucial component, but can anyone doubt Shockeyís ability to crack up a room? The truth is, you wonít catch every ball, win every game, or rent every client, but you must want to. After a zero deal month, or a four-game losing streak, the real winners still love to play and love to win. Heart and determination arenít altered by outcome. And even though the Giants wonít make the playoffs, you can count on Shockey to play like itís the Super Bowl.

There is much we real estate agents can learn from Jeremy Shockey. So, Iím putting the offer out there. Mr. Shockey if you ever get tired of catching touchdowns for the Giants, or if the game and glamour of the NFL ever get you down, you will always have a place as a rental agent in my office. In fact, Iíll gladly teach you everything I know. Youíd make one hell of an agent.

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