Redford's Gas

As everyone who has had the bad luck to come in close contact with Robert Redford knows, the actor suffers from a terrible case of halitosis. My friend Jilly Cooper, the English novelist, almost passed out while interviewing him some time ago. The condition isn't a malady affecting only winos and smokers, it also affects windbags and humbugs, and Redford is tops in both categories.

He recently gave a radio interview in smelly old Blighty, and endlessly banged on in syntax resembling that of Idi Amin. Here's an example of Redford's syntactical brilliance: "We had to sit there and watch how the Supreme Court behaved in our country in the selection process and a lot of people who were knowledgeable about the roles of the Supreme Court, supposed to be the arbiter above politics, and we saw, never before we'd seen a body that was supposed to be above that so politicized. I think that scared a lot of people and the result of that was this administration coming into office with a mindset that is not only mean-spirited, incredibly ignorant but set 30 to 40 years ago at a time when the world is changing so fast, technology is moving so quick, the world is shrinking, resources are shrinking and it's happening so fast that if we don't get leadership in place pretty soon that knows to balance for the future there won't be a lot. So I think they are playing hardball right now..." This man should never be allowed out without a teleprompter, a muzzle and a lifetime supply of breath fresheners.

The interviewer was an obvious Hollywood groupie, not an unknown phenomenon in this tight little island. He allowed the trained seal to ramble on and on, not once asking him a hard question such as "Do you travel around in your stretch limo and private jet or by horse-drawn cart?" Redford is a witless bore, a ludicrous example of a Hollywood type taking himself extremely seriously. Preening before a camera has made him very rich and famous, but he should spare us the sanctimonious bullshit about the environment. Californians are worried about the blackouts and the price of gas?personally I'm delighted, let them sit in the dark for a while contemplating life without a car?and Redford is boring us to death with environmental poses.

Here's what phonies like Redford want us to believe. That Bush and Cheney are two venal dudes who couldn't care less about the national interest, but are instead devoting themselves to filling a few more hundreds of millions of dollars into the pockets of their rich Texan buddies.

Just because Bush happened to be in the oil business before he went into politics doesn't necessarily mean that he sold his soul to an oily Devil. Unlike Clinton, Bush worked for a living and then went into politics. The reason California is in trouble is because its crazed environmental extremists have not allowed the construction of a single new power plant or refinery for the past 10 years. Yet the ludicrous New York Times accuses the president of a lack of leadership because he flatly rejected Governor Gray Davis' pleas for short-term price relief. Davis is a weak opportunist who, facing political oblivion, is panicking. Bush owes Californians in general and environmental extremists in particular what I owe the Clintons. Tell them to shove it, Mr. President.

Deroy Murdock, a syndicated columnist, got it right when he wrote about the Eskimos. About the only people who were absent from the discussion over Bush's energy blueprint are the Eskimos. These hearty souls were given 92,000 acres within Alaska's Arctic National Wildlife Refuge by Congress to settle aboriginal land claims. The Eskimos will have the right to lease their territory for fossil fuel production if Congress decides to open up the rest of the Refuge. While politicians dither, the Eskimos are being held hostage by people who have never set foot in Alaska or ever seen snow. And as Murdock points out, since oil companies went to Alaska, the standard of living has increased dramatically.

Now I don't know many Eskimos who own private jets that pollute, but I do know many phonies who own private jets but insist on keeping Alaska underdeveloped and the Eskimos underemployed. The oil industry is the only economy within the Refuge. Perhaps Robert Redford could make a film about these greedy capitalist Eskimos who trample the environment in a desperate urge to own private jets and stretch limos like his own.

Or, a movie showing how an unscrupulous and vicious mayor of New York City avoided California-style blackouts this summer by championing the construction of 10 new natural gas electrical generators along the East River while telling the environmental extremists to shove it.

Mind you, the environment is the perfect issue for opportunists like, say, Robert Kennedy, to gain publicity. Everyone wants clean air and water, so the opportunist gets an easy ride. The trouble is few of us are willing to walk or ride a bicicle to work, wash our own clothes and go to sleep at dusk. Many of the opportunists like, say, Robert Kennedy, have lotsa moolah, so fragile economies and high gas prices do not concern them. Next time any of you hear people like Redford and Kennedy preaching about the environment, tell them to shove the gaz guzzlers, both in the air and on the ground, up their arse.