Rangers Hit All-Time Low


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Through eight games this season, the New York Rangers offense has been about as offensive as an episode of Barney & Friends. Their offense ranks [dead last] in the National Hockey League in goals per game (1.86); they rank dead last in total goals (13); and last night, they reached a level of ineptitude never before seen in the organization’s 82-year existence.


The Pittsburgh Penguins [downed New York 1-0] on Tuesday at Mellon Arena, marking the first time in franchise history that the Rangers have suffered back-to-back 1-0 defeats. It’s a dubious feat, a true testament to their offensive putridity, but it’s inexplicable given their talent. “It’s tough to take,” Rangers center Chris Drury said. “You feel for your goalie and you feel for your ‘D’ that’s playing solid. It’s our job to put some goals in the net.”


Who you really fell for is the Rangers’ ownership, which shelled out [some serious cash] this offseason to acquire some high-priced superstars and probably feels like they’ve been swindled. Center Scott Gomez signed a seven-year, $51.5 million contract, but has scored just two goals this season. I guess that’s what you get for investing in a Mexican hockey player.


Meanwhile the aforementioned Drury, who inked a five-year deal worth $31.25 million, has netted just one goal. I’m pretty sure a paraplegic could score one goal if you offered him $31 million. Why is he being paid so handsomely to do a job that [Christopher Reeve] could do if we wheeled his deceased, crippled ass onto the ice? I think Gomez and Drury should voluntarily give their money back.


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