Prez Candidates HillRod and Barack "King of the Ring" Obama Battle it Out on Monday Night Raw. Oh and McCain, Too. We're Now Frightened

| 11 Nov 2014 | 01:58

    Now that the remaining presidential contenders showed up on [Monday Night Raw] begging for votes, it’s safe to say we’ve found a nadir for the election cycle. However, if it gets lower than “HillRod” and constant awkward references to the King of the Ring, the American people should have a serious discussion about calling the 2008 election off altogether. Observe the following visual evidence:

    Hillary’s mistakes: The primary elections are actually more like the Royal Rumble. The winner of the King of the Ring did not traditionally receive a title shot. The winner of the Rumble however, gets a title shot at Wrestlemania, which, in tortured wrestling analogies is much closer to the presidential election than SummerSlam. HillRod is a crappy wrestling name, and her gimmick, the awkward, spurned wife of a former President is the worst since Gangrel, the fat vampire. The People’s Elbow? Soooooo five years ago.

    Barack’s mistakes: Yet another King of the Ring reference. Not enough painful politics=wrestling analogies. “Am-I-done-now?” smile at the end destroys the perception he was taking the video seriously.

    McCain’s mistakes Obama got to the Rock’s catchphrases first. Can’t pronounce Barack right. References two of the oldest men in professional wrestling. Doesn’t follow up “To be the man, you’ve gotta beat the man” with “WOOOOOO” nor does he style and profile. “I’m gonna introduce Osama bin Laden to the Undertaker” spoken like he’s talking to his grandchildren. Completely loses focus a minute in. Jesus, how long does this go on for?

    Next up for the candidates: Guest appearances on the The Hills!