Oy to the World!

Unconvinced by the limited stereotypes of the Chosen People, the New York Press got in touch with our some of our fave local Hebrews to find out what they think about Christmas and just what it is they do while others chug eggnog and wear silly hats.

Gideon Yago, Host, The IFC Media Project

“I usually wake up and start drinking because I think it’s OK for Christians to be hammered at 11 a.m. Then I spend most of Christmas Day hanging out with my other Jewish, Hindu, Muslim, Celestial or Satanist buddies playing video games. And then I go out for Chinese. Winsome anecdote: Last year I ended up getting seated at an enormous table at Joe’s Shanghai with N.Y. Senior Senator Chuck Schumer! Clichés are clichés for a reason!”

Ed Koch, Former Mayor of New York City

“For the last 40 years I’ve gone every Christmas Eve to midnight Mass at the invites of Cardinals Cooke, O’Connor and Egen.”

Jackie Hoffman, Actress

“Scraping the Bottom: Special Holiday Edition” “Don’t you get hanged in this town if you say you loathe it? I have nothing against celebrating Jesus’ birthday, I just don’t like getting it shoved down my throat for several weeks.

My sister is in town, so we’ll probably hit one of the kosher “meat” restaurants in Manhattan. She lives in Virginia, so a kosher restaurant is a big deal.”

Eugene Mirman, Comedian

“I definitely go see a movie, [have] food. I’ve also dated people who celebrate Christmas so I’ve gone to Christmas with their families—I don’t want to start a religious war. This year I’ll be spending Christmas with my girlfriend’s family.”

Rabbi Burt Aaron Siegel, Rabbi, Founder, Shul of New York

“Christmas Day is just a day off for me. I usually read and/or write on spiritual matters.”

Amanda Stern, Host, The Happy Ending Reading Series

“Every year I go to my mom’s house on MacDougal Street where I eagerly await my stocking and then open presents. And I watch them open presents from me and then tell them where I bought everything so they can return it on the 26th. And then, we will go see a movie and order Chinese food in an effort to erase any trails of Christianity we might have left behind.”

Shalom Auslander, Author, Foreskin’s Lament: A Memoir

“What an old cliché. We illegally download movies, and then we go out for Asian fusion. People have been after me to teach my son about religion, so this year, on the day before Christmas, I’m going to go to Home Depot to buy lumber, rope and some lag bolts. I’ll work in my garage all through the night, and then, on Christmas morning, after he wakes up, I’ll take him downstairs, tie him to our new Christmas rack and compel him to accept Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior. Then, the Pear of Anguish.”

DJ Nita Aviance, Nightlife Personality

“I celebrate Christmas, believe it or not: I’m a real life Pizza-Bagel, [so I’ll be] visiting my grandparents, hopefully catching some snow, and relaxing before the insanity of New Year’s week begins.”