Organi-zoo-tion

Kangaroos aren’t usually recruited to protect your property, and considering this one doesn’t even have arms, it will actually only store your things, rather than guard them. Made by theArgentinean designers, Vacavaliente, from handcrafted bonded leather, The Amigo Leather Desk Accessories form a menagerie sure to snazz up your home office or corporate workspace. But they don’t travel in packs, so choose from a catchall Caterpillar ($30) or a coin-pooping Piggy ($45)—you know, just in case you’re not a fan of kangaroos. I hear they throw a mean left hook. ------

Hello Dolly It can be difficult to keep a doll in your house that won’t beappropriated by the first entitled little child to catch sight of it.Fortunately, Montreal artist Dana De Kuyper has created some grown-up toys that the young ’uns will avoid like the plague. Handmade and 5-inches tall, Damned Dollies (www.damneddollies.com, $35) are snarling little creatures equipped with knives or bottles of booze—or with cigarettes dangling from their drawn-on mouths.

Dark under-eye circles and untamed hairdos round out the effect, and make the delicate works of art more likely to scare kids away than tempt them. But for an adult, their retro outfits and nasty habits make them a more fitting friend than the aggressively wholesome American Girl Dolls preferred by today’s tykes.

Set them on the included display stand, and let them stand guard over your other non child-friendly belongings. (Francesca Levy) ------

Unicorn Wars Perhaps the War on Terror feels all too current and in your face at the moment. If you’re nostalgic for an older enemy of the state, try acting out your global frustrations with Archie McPhee’s Cold War Unicorn Play Set (www.mcphee.com, $9.95). The duo of “Freedom” and“Commie” are a comforting reminder of a simpler time when there was no doubt about who the bad guys were. Right? These little, hard-vinyl fantasy creatures have articulated joints that allow you to pose them in various configurations. Maybe if you use a unicorn tableau toillustrate your political ideas, people will actually listen. (Francesca Levy)

Whistling DixieNever SoundedSo Good Those who’ve been around kids long enough know that they can’t always handle the truth. Lucky for us, because it’s way more fun to tell Junior that a giant bird dropped him off on the front stoop and you’re the bad man who took him before his parents could answer the door. But suchfalsehoods have become trite and ubiquitous, which, instead of lending credence to them à la Santa Claus, just makes them boring. Soon enough, your kid will be slinging more shit than you can muster. But to beat him at his game, pick up a copy of Loads More Lies To Tell Small Kids (www.penguin.com, $11) by Andy Riley, the sequel to Great Lies To Tell Small Kids. Since most small kids can’t read yet, you’ll surely have the upper hand.

Written by a sadist for sadists, this illustrated guide to fucking up your offspring includes such shocking tall tales as, “If they name a hurricane after you, you have to pay for all the damage it causes,” “Bowling balls have retractable eyes” and “If you rub two redheaded kids together, you can make fire.” And then there are the occasional truisms that may even scare you to see in print: “Uncle Paul has a zip where his bumhole should be but you can’t ever mention it to him.” (Kari Milchman)