About Earth Day, well, fighting everyday health perils got short shrift when only 22 of the many thousands of apartment house dwellers whose health is affected showed up at the CIVITAS forum on the Upper East Side’s super-dirty air problem. The focus was on one major, but little publicized pollutant, the burning of number 4 and 6 boiler oil by most buildings because it is cheapest. Yup, fortunes are spent on new lobbies but converting to cleaner oil or natural gas heat remains on the proverbial back burner until the new law makes it mandatory by 2015. I was truly troubled by the meeting’s low attendance with so much at stake and with such expert information offered on how best to convert and even cooperate with nearby buildings for more reasonably priced number 2 oil or natural gas. And so I wrote to CIVITAS executive director, Hunter F. Armstrong, “I’ll bet if the meeting notice had warned how number 4 and 6 oil damaged and aged complexions and skin tone. rather than respiratory and cardiovascular systems, there might have been standing room only.” He agreed that “a different marketing approach was needed.” Til the revolution, let those concerned with the very real damage these dirty oils inflict on the community’s lungs and hearts contact your local elected officials and also Hunter Armstrong at 212-996-0745.

About Mother’s Day, again I’m strongly recommending Kate Stone Lombardi’s book, The Mama’s Boy Myth. Of course, it’s important for mothers of sons, but even more for those social policy-makers who still excuse sons’ non-involvement with families of origin, excusing it as typical male behavior, not a cultural thing that needs to be challenged.

Let’s celebrate those adult sons who stay vitally connected to their mothers and fathers and other elder kindred like JaRon Eames, noted jazz vocalist and music historian, who has requested a copy of “My Mother’s Eyes.” Willie Nelson has a wonderful rendition.

And so deserving of support is The Amsterdam Boys and Girls Choir Spring Concert at Church of the Heavenly Rest (90th and Fifth Avenue) on May 18 at 4 p.m. This 26 year-old group founded and directed by James Backmon also tutors and mentors the young singers. I so hope they again perform my son Jeff’s song, “Happy Birthday to a Little Girl” about a repentant absentee daddy who longs to get back into the life of his now 6 year-old daughter. This message needs to go viral and mainstream.

dewingbetter@ao.com

“Go about your usual business, but be vigilant,” was essentially the mayor’s message to New Yorkers after the horrific bomb-caused murder and maiming of innocents at the Boston Marathon last week. The terrible maimings, even now, don’t get the coverage they deserve, especially the long-time support needed in a time of small, dispersed or fragmented families. Help is especially needed with communities ever less communal, which does relate to small neighborhood businesses displaced by luxury high-rises, or impersonal chain stores and banks.
Now, incidentally, the splendid seven story City University headquarters building on East End Avenue where countless civic meetings were held will be replaced by a new luxury apartment high-rise. The nearby Hunter School of Social Work suffered a similar fate.
Maybe you too would vote for anyone who says, “Let the new ‘business as usual’ mean being more community-minded and protesting the extinction of ‘public gathering places.’ They are also safe havens. And may neighbors, at least, exchange smiles.”
Even more connecting would be a candidate’s promise to revive Hubert H. Humphrey’s core belief that “The impersonal hand of government can never replace the helping hand of a neighbor.”
“New York, the Neighborly City”? Its neighborhoods have made it a great place to live. Security experts say neighborly connections are vital in a crisis. Mental health experts say they’re vital to mental health. No man (woman or child) is an island.
And here’s to infinitely more civic involvement with, say, monthly police precinct Community Council meetings designed for citizens to share concerns and solutions with the police. Residents should urge more concern with combating the everyday dangers, which I call “crimes of traffic,” especially the most dangerous one – drivers failing to yield when turning into a crosswalk. Other civic groups also need to make safe traveling a major goal.
And how ironic that at the 22 year-old East Sixties Neighborhood Association’s annual meeting, attended by leading elected officials, its founding president, Barry Schneider, now needs a walker to get around since his leg was injured by, yup, a car’s failure to yield turning into his crosswalk. And Barry, who has served so long and admirably on Community Board 8, and always a traffic safety champion, said nothing about his traffic crime-caused injury in his talk urging greater civic involvement.
While acquiring green space is surely important, acquiring safe passage to get there would seem to take precedence. Traffic crime-incurred injuries as well as fatalities need prominent and ongoing coverage.
And maybe you’d vote for anyone who believes that New York should be noted for its safe travel and good neighborliness.
So, let it not be business as usual, on so many fronts. And maybe nobody said it better than philosopher Edmund Burke: “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.”

dewingbetter@aol.com

Yes, the city lost more of its soul on Easter Sunday and it happened almost next door to St. Monica’s Church on East 79th Street. And if not for a call from neighborhood preservationist, Ellie Sanky, I’d not have known the East River Diner on 79th and York was closing for good that evening. Correction: “closing for bad!” Reportedly, the diner’s entrepreneurs took a generous buy-out offer, and a bank will take over the premises, which for nearly 30 years housed an invaluable part of the city’s soul – a congenial and affordable place to break bread.
Although the greatest loss was felt after its original owners, John and Peter, most reluctantly closed what was then called the East 79th Street Café/Restaurant, after 22 years. Word had it that a satisfactory lease could not be negotiated because, the landlord wanted them out. It was the last thing the community wanted – to lose this most compatible place with all-booth seating and a staff who were really like, well, good neighbors. Oh, yes – the food was right fine, and so was the lighting.
Naturally, the community rejoiced when another restaurant came in, even though much of its all-booth seating was replaced with tables and chairs which you can’t slide in and out of. To quote Russell Baker, “Progress strikes again!” But, of course, the community-at-large, including the St. Monica’s church congregation and the A.A. group housed in its lower level, were grateful to have this place next door to share a meal together after services and meetings. Its 24 hour service also made it a reassuring safe haven zone.
But, as you know all too well, these losses are the rule, not the exception, and not only in Manhattan. When I called the papers and NY1 to ask for coverage, the Times news desk reporter ruefully recounted numerous recently lost places in all five boroughs. So then a closing is not news? But where are the editorials and columns protesting this loss of everyday places which make ours a city of neighborhoods that meet everyday needs? Above all, where are the elected officials and wannabees?
Of course, losing small businesses, in general, is an incalculable loss, and the ongoing installation of protected bike lanes limits delivery access, which, incidentally, is also a concern of San Francisco merchants. (Los Angeles Times 3/26/13)
Luxury high-rise apartment houses keep replacing all manner of other “people places,” including those for worship, learning, healing, civic discussion, amusements and recreations like movie houses and bowling alleys and on and on.
And doesn’t all that relate to the Biblical warning, “What does it profit a man (a city) if he (it) gains the whole world (bottom-line dollars) if he (it) loses its soul (self sustaining neighborhoods)?
Related as well is the solemn reminder Senator Liz Krueger’s chief aide, Alice Fisher, gave at the end of this years’ forums on Boomer and Senior concerns. “The greatest threats to older people are falling and isolation!” How true, but to stay with the isolation, losing these neighborhood places breeds a climate for isolation, and not only for older age people. How long, dear Lord, how long?

dewingbetter@aol.com

The public advocate calls on the administration to find alternate solutions for struggling schools

By Public Advocate Bill de Blasio

If something is broken – fix it. Sadly, Mayor Bloomberg adheres to a different philosophy where our city’s education system is concerned. The Administration’s default response to struggling schools has been to close them, without first investing enough time and resources into turning them around. And instead of laying out a thoughtful plan for multiple schools to share facilities in the same building when they “co-locate,” the Administration turns a cold shoulder to community input. Clearly, we need a new approach for our city’s one million students.

There is a time and place to close a troubled school. But that should not be treated as an end goal in itself, nor an accomplishment to boast about. When all other options are exhausted, it should be the last resort. In 2011, the Department of Education (DOE) proposed for Canarsie’s P.S. 114 to be phased out. Yet the unwavering voices of students, parents and teachers of P.S. 114 were eventually heard, and the DOE resolved to work on lifting the school back up. Collaborating with community members like this – and really listening – should serve as a prerequisite for potential school closings. Too many of the schools doomed for closure have not been given the tools to improve, or the time to apply them.

Students at low-performing schools need the most support. But the Administration constantly misses the opportunity to pinpoint troubled schools, invest in them and turn them around. Too often, the Administration opts for the easier route, which is ultimately school closure. DOE’s policies have actually amplified the core problems that contribute to chronic poor performance. Adding more high-need students to poorly resourced and already underperforming schools is just one example. The end result? Performance results for our highest-need students have hardly budged, and educational disparity continues to besiege our city.

We see the same heavy-handedness in the way the City often shoehorns charter schools into existing public schools, without a well-considered strategy for both institutions to thrive. Co-location can be – and has been – successful in this city. Students at four high schools in the Brandeis Educational Complex, on the Upper West Side, learned beautifully side-by-side – until the DOE squeezed a charter elementary school into the building, despite staunch resistance from the school community. Successful sharing of space and resources can only be carried out through meticulous planning and input from all key stakeholders – students, parents, teachers, administrators, community activists and education advocates. Instead, the DOE has alienated school communities by neglecting their input and depriving them of a venue for meaningful engagement on educational policy.

As a public school parent, I know the difference of being involved in your children’s education can make in their academic success and self-confidence. That’s personal to me, and that priority is reflected in the recommendations my office put forth in 2010 to modify Educational Impact Statements and boost parental engagement. But the Administration failed to take our recommendations on community involvement and use of physical space seriously, resulting in a co-location process that is consistently divisive and poorly attuned to the physical demands of mutually-sited school communities.

That’s why, following Mayor Bloomberg’s latest announcement on school closures, I called on the Administration to freeze school closures and co-locations for the rest of the Mayor’s term. Until we can offer a comprehensive, community-driven plan for co-locations and school turnaround, I urge you to join me in pressuring the mayor to put a one-year moratorium on these divisive tactics. After years of disruption instead of progress, inequity instead of opportunity, haste instead of prudence. Enough is enough.

How we should be hearing reality during a needless bus strike

By Helen Rosenthal

As we now know, New York City spends more than twice as much busing our kids to school compared to any other city. The mayor’s plan to bid the contracts to lowest-bidder bus companies who keep their costs down by hiring the newest, lowest-salaried employees—is not likely to have much of an impact on the $1.1 billion the city spends annually—nor is it structurally sound. Eventually workers’ salaries will increase again with longevity.

Real budget savings will happen when the routes are managed more efficiently.

Parent coordinators on the Upper West Side say that it’s not unusual to have two kids who live on the same block come in two separate buses with fewer than six kids on each bus—buses that are meant for 20 kids. The reason that New York City spends so much money on buses is because they are used inefficiently. It’s not about the union drivers and matrons asking for job protections—and frankly it is in our best interest to have drivers and matrons with experience, especially when they are helping our special needs kids get to school.

We count on city government to spend our tax dollars wisely and efficiently. How efficient are the 7,700 bus routes that are devised by the Department of Education? According to the DOE, nearly 400 routes have fewer than 6 children, and 27 routes have just one child. How many routes are filled to 90 percent capacity? What incentive does the DOE have to maintain efficient routes?

Meanwhile the strike, going into its fourth week, is having a real impact on kids, their families, and the workers.

One Upper West Side family struggles daily to get their son to his special needs school in Brewster, 23 miles away, along with their two other children who attend local public school. After a harrowing year identifying the right school, he finally settled into a routine with a bus driver and matron who are extremely kind and attentive. Needless to say, all of that is turned upside down again.

Maria, a bus driver who lives in the Bronx, is striking because she has seven years of experience, makes $34,000 annually and is mother to three young children—asking her to give up her “seniority” would have too great an impact on her family. As a taxpayer and parent, I appreciate her seniority—her commitment—to the kids she safely brings to schools.

Our children deserve experienced drivers, matrons, and mechanics—we count on them every day.

At issue is the RFP (Request for Proposals) that the mayor plans to issue this week so bus companies can bid for these contracts. Unlike the previous contract, the RFP does not include the employee protections that give workers with seniority first dibs on available jobs.

ATU 1181, the union representing the striking bus workers, recently asked Mayor Bloomberg for a “cooling off” period which allows them to go back to work with the understanding that the Mayor would hold off on putting their contracts out to bid. This would give time for the two sides to come to an understanding about employee protections; it would also give the DOE more time to properly analyze how many bus routes are needed.

Most importantly, a “cooling off” period would end the disruption in the lives of the 150,000 children and their families who count on the bus each day. It would allow parents, drivers, matrons, and mechanics to get back to work. Our New York City economy needs this to happen.

Helen Rosenthal is former Chair of Community Board 7 and is currently a candidate for NYC Council, the Upper West Side District 6.

Preventing aching backs and most physical woes demands that we stand up every 20 minutes or so and move around. For some, age-related problems and waning strength make that difficult or impossible. Ah, but these aging symptoms need far more general understanding. However, to reduce the sitting time this week, I did a kind of stream-of-consciousness column that didn’t require poring over reference material. It was almost finished when I remembered to get up—again—and when I turned on the news, I learned that former Mayor Ed Koch had departed this life.

So much for the column just written. I worried when last night’s news said our three-term former mayor was on a respirator in New York Presbyterian’s intensive care unit. The reporter also recalled the 88-year-old’s last decade of major illnesses: a stroke, a heart attack and heart and prostate surgeries. That’s a lot, but not uncommon at that age.

Koch was famous for asking “How’m I doin’?” Now I wish that in recent years, he had talked about how he was really doin’ with these critical, often age-related diseases. It would have helped raise awareness and find better ways to prevent and treat them. And above all, it would have given the public at large more understanding and maybe more empathy for what it’s like to be old, even for someone as renowned, active and advantaged as Ed Koch.

We need more old people out there in the public eye. Koch was a regular on an NY1 weekly political panel; he was a player; he went every day to his law office, maybe even by subway or bus. But I doubt that the new documentary Koch says much about his late years.

His late years have been largely ignored in the lengthy obituaries that have appeared, which is something I am really trying to change. Another glaring example of this type of oversight was in the tributes to Pauline “Dear Abby” Phillips, whose last ten years of suffering from Alzheimer’s disease got little more than a mention. Ten years! Who knew? Obits mentioned she’d supported the civil rights, women’s rights and gay rights movements. But has her family worked for more research for the still-underfunded brain-failure cause?

Are they protesting the really offensive Betty White NBC sitcoms depicting elders as dirty old women and dirty old men playing disgusting pranks on young people? Is anyone? In one relatively mild “prank,” two elder women asked young men on the street to settle the argument of who’s the best kisser. The young men quickly backed away and burst out laughing.

Real-life elders often try to help young people, but that’s not something the media ever show. Even the president’s grandmother got little mention at the Inaugural ceremony, although many approving comments were made about the Obamas’ daughters standing next to her. Nothing was said about the need for close grandparents. These are some reasons why I so often write about elder inequities, which some say I do too often. In truth, it is not done often enough.

And so we will miss you, Ed Koch, and we’ll miss seeing an old face on the tube, and hearing an old voice of experience (not that many of us left). And you did love New York, and New York is a better place for it. And we are grateful.

dewingbetter@aol.com

by Kristine Keller

These days, when a flame sputters and fades out, we’ve got an armful of friends ready to peel us off the floor with the margarita blender, limes and coconuts. You’ll do the proverbial dance around the blender while Jose Cuervo wafts through the air and spend the night yelling aspersions aimed at the opposite sex. Your army of comforting friends succors you with “you deserve better!” and “you do you tonight!” over the humming of the blender. You then delete said flame from your phone, take down the pictures of the two of you basking in La Esquina Park last summer and do your best to forget. But just when you think your heart can’t break into any more pieces, another memory seeps through and you grab your chest in disbelief that it’s happening again. Another perilous pang from the omnipotent organ that oxygenates us, protects us and makes us feel alive and in ruin at the same time.

For most of us, situations like this are fleeting. Most make a full recovery from those stumbles in the capricious dance of love and life, but for 5 percent of the population affected by a condition called limerence, heartbreak feels like an indefinite December night pierced by the strings of Joni Mitchell’s Blue album. Psychologists characterize this unique ailment as an involuntary and incessant state of compulsory and unrequited longing for another person. Usually both parties remain dejected for a period of time after a flame-out, but when one half of the couple moves on and the other remains in a state of constant longing and obsessive thoughts and feelings, limerence has the ability to take a serious toll on one’s already heavy heart.

During one’s initial descent into attraction, it’s healthy and quite fun to feel life’s natural euphoric high and the ascent of pleasure-activating hormones like dopamine and oxytocin. You’ll nod and smile while friends tell stories about their day, while the only thing you can think about is his mouth on yours or her bare back in your bed. You’ll shrug off the busy deadlines or running late to the subway only to find the doors shut in your face; these annoyances don’t matter when you’ve got someone waiting for you at the end of the day. Naturally, you want these honeymoon feelings to last forever, but for our productivity and sanity, we actually need these reward-seeking hormones to dissipate. And thankfully they do, after six to twenty-four months.

For those who suffer from limerence, however, these intense feelings never ebb. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. But what these universal idioms surrounding love neglect to mention is what can happen when separation causes one’s heart to desire too much. Patients who suffer from limerence describe their thoughts and feelings as obsessive and compulsive; it shouldn’t come as much of a surprise, then, that one of the only medications to treat those suffering from limerence, Lexapro, is the same one used to treat obsessive-compulsive disorder. Lexapro, a type of antidepressant, thaws the part of the brain that is responsible for the obsessive thoughts. Patients report difficulty concentrating, constant rehearsal and replay of shared interactions, and loss of control over one’s actions.

Although research on this condition is nascent, medication and cognitive behavioral therapy are providing promising results. Leading experts on limerence suggest that patients don’t ever forget the breakup entirely, but that if taken care of properly, symptoms can decrease after a few years. But, future empirical research and brain-imaging techniques are currently under way to yield a more comprehensive understanding of this evolving condition. What we do know is that a bad breakup or unrequited love can trigger the onset and that it can happen to anyone—limerent individuals can be found in all age groups, both genders and the full range of socioeconomic classes. So, if all it takes is a chant to “put the lime in the coconut” to get you over your heartbreak hump, then you’ve found your silver lining, and it’s looking more like a bubbling gold on the rocks.

Kristine received her master’s in psychology from NYU. She currently works at Vanity Fair. E-mail her at StreetshrinkNYC@gmail.com for questions.

Bette Dewing

“Together we can change the face of our culture” was the subtitle chosen by editor Allen Houston for my previous column. Allen, who left this company shortly after that, chose a lot of good headlines in his two-plus years editing the paper, and we thank him and wish him great success in his new workplace.

But I regretted my main headline choice—“Unnatural Disasters the Worst,” about the school massacre that made America weep—because such unnatural disasters are more preventable than the “natural” kind like superstorm Sandy. The cultural climate needs changing in either case, by continuing the work to overcome the causes and help the afflicted, especially those alone in their loss. It’s the business of the media too, to keep government’s feet to the fire; in a recent edition of the Daily News, for example, concern with Sandy’s countless victims was found only in the letters to the editor.

Ah, I shouldn’t say “only.” Letters to the editor often have insights that get to the heart of the matter better than other reports. And thankfully, a resident of Peter Cooper Village shared a letter to the editor by local psychologist Richard Orbe-Austin about the emotional toll felt by residents there. Even though losses were minor compared to the massive kind felt elsewhere, they were substantial enough to cause emotional problems for 20 to 30 percent of the residents. They are the ones who often “suffer in silence, since others have moved on with their lives.” Elders often lack work communities. The psychologist urged residents to look out for vulnerable neighbors. And while the 1-800-HELPLINE resource was included, I thought of Democrat Hubert H. Humphrey’s belief that “the impersonal hand of government can never replace the caring hand of a neighbor.”
Don’t misunderstand; I think Humphrey would be appalled at the unconscionable delay in getting federal relief to superstorm Sandy victims. But he would also be concerned that “social service hands” increasingly take the place of caring hands of neighbors, civic and faith group and even family members. There just isn’t time to give “caring hands.”

Several recent Times pieces aired research on how elders with disabilities, especially, are the most vulnerable in times of disaster, including fire-caused deaths and injuries. But, while never forgetting the massive needs of superstorm Sandy victims, attention must be paid to traffic calamities, too. Charles Komanoff’s Streetsblog reported recently that five pedestrians were killed locally in four days of the holiday season, mostly as a result of the deadly “turning into a crosswalk” circumstance. How disastrous that government, whose first duty it is to protect the public, still ignores Komanoff’s 1998 manual “Killed By Automobile,” which has all the stats to support this hazardous “turning violation” claim, along with ways to prevent them. So here’s praying a copy recently given to the East 79th Street Neighborhood Association will prompt this highly effective 25-year-old civic group to make it their number one mission.

While Betty White’s TV program Off Their Rockers features elders playing outrageous pranks on youthful strangers encountered in an urban street setting, real-life collisions between elderly pedestrians and vehicles are no laughing matter. So we should heed Jim Battaglia’s call for “a video camera to be mounted above and on the rear wheels of a bus or truck to supplement the regular rear-view mirror which might not give an adequate view of pedestrians.”

Change can be accomplished if enough of us try—meeting the massive needs of Hurricane Sandy’s victims and overcoming traffic behaviors that routinely claim the lives and health of innocent victims with little or no media coverage. And we sure could use a leader like Martin Luther King Jr., whose birthday we celebrate Jan. 21.

dewingbetter@aol.com

What a struggle to write this column about the 20 first-grade children and six women educators shot to death by a 20-year-old male assailant, in a true safe haven—an elementary school in the low-crime town of Newtown, Conn. The Daily News’ front-page headline “The World Weeps” said it all.

Yes, the world weeps and now must work to prevent these unnatural, heinous and heartbreaking disasters where even young children and their teachers are shot to death by weapons which enable such cataclysmic acts of violence. Something must be done—whatever it takes to control and strictly limit their use—and we have to be willing to try the solutions.

Indeed, it would help if the world wept a little over every taking of innocent life, whatever the victim’s age—and if we heeded the research that finds that the violence so appallingly rife in today’s entertainment and arts does affect real-life behavior and attitudes.

Lamentably unheeded was how murder rates surged a generation after television was introduced. An American Medical Association report appeared in the July 27, 1992, New York Times Editorial Notebook piece, “The Television Time Bomb: Violence on the Tube, a Public Health Issue.” And murder and other fictional mayhem then were relatively mild compared to today’s standards. Standards? Yes, prevention means real concern about standards.

So let’s stop watching those low-standard programs, stop listening to low-standard music, too. Although it could use some Chanukah songs, 106.7 FM’s all-Christmas-music programming gets high ratings and is singable and peaceable. And something comparable is surely a year-round need.

And oh-so-critically needed is the heeding of experts such as former New York Medical Examiner Dr. Michael Baden, who warned that “everywhere medical examiners look—whether it’s automobile accidents, drownings, homicides, suicides, falls and fires—alcohol consumption is in the picture.” And on the evening of Saturday, Dec. 15, was it suicide that ended a woman’s life when she was struck by a car after falling from John Finley Walk onto the FDR Drive? I learned about this very nearby tragic event from an apartment house staff member. Radio traffic news only said, “Avoid the impassable FDR Drive”—and neither NY1 nor the papers has reported this violent death.

To “stop the madness”—and, in suicides, often great sadness—every act of violence should be reported, preferably in the paper of record. And reporters, editors and columnists must always note whether alcohol or other mind-altering drugs were involved.

The 19th Precinct Community Relations Officers haven’t yet gotten back to me on this case, but preventing such tragedies means knowing what caused them and, as a general warning to the public, making it known whether alcohol use on a holiday-season Saturday evening made this woman’s problems seem insurmountable.

Alcohol overuse can indeed cause temporary insanity, and a recent Times op-ed piece was right to say that Alcoholics Anonymous should not be so anonymous, because it can prevent so many human disasters. So the number to call is 212-406-0749—and you policy makers, especially, you must attend “open meetings” to learn how the sober life is infinitely saner, safer and, yes, even joyful.

And in working to overcome the madness that has the whole world weeping, we do not forget to help overcome the unprecedented and continuing hardships and losses inflicted by that natural disaster, Hurricane Sandy.

’Tis the season to be especially caring—and let’s take that care forward into the new year.

By Jeanne Martinet

Just to set the record straight: In spite of what the characters may say in my novel Etiquette for the End of the World, I myself do not believe the Apocalypse is happening this week. But end of the world obsessions do intrigue me. There is obviously a reason people like to toy with the idea of “the End.” Whether this human tendency is related to our fear of death, our fear of change or just an inherent addiction to fear itself, it certainly seems to be eternally seductive. Perhaps it’s not so much a fear of change as it is a wish for change, for a shake-up. I mean, why would everyone be so focused on the end of the world if we didn’t secretly wish something would happen? Maybe we want a do-over. An erasing of the blackboard. After all, times of change are when we grow and learn, even when it is painful.

I believe New Yorkers are more practiced at dealing with endings than most folks.

Things change so quickly here. Our favorite restaurants and stores are always disappearing (for me, the hardest was Docks on the Upper West Side, where for years I took my houseguests for lobster and martinis). We are always saying goodbye to something in our city, in our neighborhoods. CBGB. Tavern on the Green. H&H bagels. Lenox Lounge. I recently heard the Stage Deli has closed, and there are rumors that the Ziegfeld Theater may close soon. How often do we walk down the street and think, “Wait, wasn’t there a wonderful mom-and-pop sandwich shop right here? Where did it go?” It seems to happen in the blink of an eye. As New Yorkers, we are always saying goodbye, grieving the loss of memory-filled parts of our environment.

A couple weeks ago I read in the Times that Steinway Hall on 57th Street might be shutting its doors, because of the building being sold. And so (happily, as it turned out) last week I decided to take the time to go there. I was struck at once by the beauty of the building itself—a Beaux Arts landmark, featuring a 19th-century Viennese crystal chandelier and a high ceiling decorated with allegorical scenes of lions, elephants, goddesses and nymphs. The atmosphere is hushed and solemn, the gleaming pianos made more thrilling because of the expectation of sound they can produce. I was meditating on all this magnificence when suddenly a man seemed to “apparate” from behind a door.

He was wearing a crazy clown tie, one that stuck out stiffly into the air in front of his chest and was twisted like a corkscrew. This person, it turned out, is the amazing “Lynx,” the visual artist-in-residence at the Steinway factory, who paints abstract paintings on pianos—textured finishes that utilize a technique he calls “Atmospheric Refractionism.” Lynx gave me a personal tour of some of the back rooms, and explained how he paints to music, imbuing the piano with the notes as he works. It was a magical encounter. It put me in a good mood for two days.

If this particular “ending,” the closing of the Steinway showroom, had not been looming, I probably never would have gone there that day; I would have missed this wonderful adventure. The moral of the story is that endings often present opportunities—if not for new beginnings, at least for new experiences. This is a concept that is in fact much closer to what the Maya actually believe about 12/21/12—that this year’s winter solstice marks a time for renewal, the beginning of a brand-new 5,125-year age.

On the other hand, there’s still time to purchase a $48,000 steel and fiberglass survival pod from Chinese farmer/inventor Liu Qiyuan. Do you think he’ll take MasterCard?

Jeanne Martinet, aka Miss Mingle, is the author of seven books on social interaction; her latest is the novel Etiquette for the End of the World. She can be reached at JeanneMartinet.com