“Until you stop hiding things, you’re hiding things, and hiding things is not healthy,” Council Speaker and mayoral candidate Christine Quinn told the New York Times last week. “I just want people to know you can get through stuff.”

Quinn was speaking about her past struggles with alcoholism and bulimia, but her statement on getting things out in the open could be applied to many areas of life. We all need to stop hiding things. Only then can they possibly be overcome. Unlike Quinn, I believe A.A. should not be so anonymous, and stories of intervention, which First Lady Betty Ford so blessedly brought out of the closet, should also really “get out there.”

Instead of the photos and stories of those who commit terrible crimes, we should see more photos and stories of their innocent victims and those who mourn them, and tell about life-changing injuries inflicted, for example, by the ruthless killers at the Boston marathon. Those victims’ stories are needed – so we can help, but also as a deterrent to criminal deeds.

Old people in general, must stop being hidden and invisible, especially when ill or disabled, especially by customs- and views-shaping mediums. Now 84-year-old Barbara Walters is retiring from The View, which for better or worse, gets top ratings.

While the 80-plus population is the fastest growing age-group, it’s still the least represented in those influential mediums. So these often age-related problems aren’t adequately addressed or researched – and worse, don’t get the caring and empathic attention they need.

There were so many to salute in the recent City & Suburban Homes 100th birthday event, planned by indomitable civic leader, Betty Cooper Wallerstein and held at Shaaray Tefila Temple. But why had I not heard that one of the honored guests, former state senator Roy Goodman, was now confined to a wheel chair and unable to speak? In the mid 1980s, he was a tireless supporter in saving the City & Suburban Homes complex from becoming four gigantic up-scale high-rise apartment houses. Hundreds of affordable homes were saved along with a number of small businesses. Of course, it’s a city-wide problem, including now saving City & Suburban Homes York Avenue Estates.
Again, this column needs to address how few knew that this senator of 30 plus years had become disabled. And how he loved to sing in the complex’s annual Christmas Carol event, Singing is so good for our health. and to lose the ability is no minor loss. Infinitely more must “get out there” about all these commonplace major and minor losses. Senator Goodman reportedly has Parkinson’s disease. Disabled persons must become very very visible and included whenever possible.

Wallerstein also knows that many of us need to sit down at these occasions. The population is aging, and incidentally, outdoors, my cane should really be replaced with a walker. But my walk home at 8:30 p.m. that night should not have been threatened at every crossing and on the sidewalk by food delivery bikes breaking every law on the books. May 19th is the 29th birthday of my New York Times op-ed piece. “New York Bikers – Too Free-Wheeling, And a Public Menace!”

As I’ve said countless times before, I’d vote for anyone who would address this public problem once and for all.

dewingbetter@aol.com

About Earth Day, well, fighting everyday health perils got short shrift when only 22 of the many thousands of apartment house dwellers whose health is affected showed up at the CIVITAS forum on the Upper East Side’s super-dirty air problem. The focus was on one major, but little publicized pollutant, the burning of number 4 and 6 boiler oil by most buildings because it is cheapest. Yup, fortunes are spent on new lobbies but converting to cleaner oil or natural gas heat remains on the proverbial back burner until the new law makes it mandatory by 2015. I was truly troubled by the meeting’s low attendance with so much at stake and with such expert information offered on how best to convert and even cooperate with nearby buildings for more reasonably priced number 2 oil or natural gas. And so I wrote to CIVITAS executive director, Hunter F. Armstrong, “I’ll bet if the meeting notice had warned how number 4 and 6 oil damaged and aged complexions and skin tone. rather than respiratory and cardiovascular systems, there might have been standing room only.” He agreed that “a different marketing approach was needed.” Til the revolution, let those concerned with the very real damage these dirty oils inflict on the community’s lungs and hearts contact your local elected officials and also Hunter Armstrong at 212-996-0745.

About Mother’s Day, again I’m strongly recommending Kate Stone Lombardi’s book, The Mama’s Boy Myth. Of course, it’s important for mothers of sons, but even more for those social policy-makers who still excuse sons’ non-involvement with families of origin, excusing it as typical male behavior, not a cultural thing that needs to be challenged.

Let’s celebrate those adult sons who stay vitally connected to their mothers and fathers and other elder kindred like JaRon Eames, noted jazz vocalist and music historian, who has requested a copy of “My Mother’s Eyes.” Willie Nelson has a wonderful rendition.

And so deserving of support is The Amsterdam Boys and Girls Choir Spring Concert at Church of the Heavenly Rest (90th and Fifth Avenue) on May 18 at 4 p.m. This 26 year-old group founded and directed by James Backmon also tutors and mentors the young singers. I so hope they again perform my son Jeff’s song, “Happy Birthday to a Little Girl” about a repentant absentee daddy who longs to get back into the life of his now 6 year-old daughter. This message needs to go viral and mainstream.

dewingbetter@ao.com

“Go about your usual business, but be vigilant,” was essentially the mayor’s message to New Yorkers after the horrific bomb-caused murder and maiming of innocents at the Boston Marathon last week. The terrible maimings, even now, don’t get the coverage they deserve, especially the long-time support needed in a time of small, dispersed or fragmented families. Help is especially needed with communities ever less communal, which does relate to small neighborhood businesses displaced by luxury high-rises, or impersonal chain stores and banks.
Now, incidentally, the splendid seven story City University headquarters building on East End Avenue where countless civic meetings were held will be replaced by a new luxury apartment high-rise. The nearby Hunter School of Social Work suffered a similar fate.
Maybe you too would vote for anyone who says, “Let the new ‘business as usual’ mean being more community-minded and protesting the extinction of ‘public gathering places.’ They are also safe havens. And may neighbors, at least, exchange smiles.”
Even more connecting would be a candidate’s promise to revive Hubert H. Humphrey’s core belief that “The impersonal hand of government can never replace the helping hand of a neighbor.”
“New York, the Neighborly City”? Its neighborhoods have made it a great place to live. Security experts say neighborly connections are vital in a crisis. Mental health experts say they’re vital to mental health. No man (woman or child) is an island.
And here’s to infinitely more civic involvement with, say, monthly police precinct Community Council meetings designed for citizens to share concerns and solutions with the police. Residents should urge more concern with combating the everyday dangers, which I call “crimes of traffic,” especially the most dangerous one – drivers failing to yield when turning into a crosswalk. Other civic groups also need to make safe traveling a major goal.
And how ironic that at the 22 year-old East Sixties Neighborhood Association’s annual meeting, attended by leading elected officials, its founding president, Barry Schneider, now needs a walker to get around since his leg was injured by, yup, a car’s failure to yield turning into his crosswalk. And Barry, who has served so long and admirably on Community Board 8, and always a traffic safety champion, said nothing about his traffic crime-caused injury in his talk urging greater civic involvement.
While acquiring green space is surely important, acquiring safe passage to get there would seem to take precedence. Traffic crime-incurred injuries as well as fatalities need prominent and ongoing coverage.
And maybe you’d vote for anyone who believes that New York should be noted for its safe travel and good neighborliness.
So, let it not be business as usual, on so many fronts. And maybe nobody said it better than philosopher Edmund Burke: “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.”

dewingbetter@aol.com

Yes, the city lost more of its soul on Easter Sunday and it happened almost next door to St. Monica’s Church on East 79th Street. And if not for a call from neighborhood preservationist, Ellie Sanky, I’d not have known the East River Diner on 79th and York was closing for good that evening. Correction: “closing for bad!” Reportedly, the diner’s entrepreneurs took a generous buy-out offer, and a bank will take over the premises, which for nearly 30 years housed an invaluable part of the city’s soul – a congenial and affordable place to break bread.
Although the greatest loss was felt after its original owners, John and Peter, most reluctantly closed what was then called the East 79th Street Café/Restaurant, after 22 years. Word had it that a satisfactory lease could not be negotiated because, the landlord wanted them out. It was the last thing the community wanted – to lose this most compatible place with all-booth seating and a staff who were really like, well, good neighbors. Oh, yes – the food was right fine, and so was the lighting.
Naturally, the community rejoiced when another restaurant came in, even though much of its all-booth seating was replaced with tables and chairs which you can’t slide in and out of. To quote Russell Baker, “Progress strikes again!” But, of course, the community-at-large, including the St. Monica’s church congregation and the A.A. group housed in its lower level, were grateful to have this place next door to share a meal together after services and meetings. Its 24 hour service also made it a reassuring safe haven zone.
But, as you know all too well, these losses are the rule, not the exception, and not only in Manhattan. When I called the papers and NY1 to ask for coverage, the Times news desk reporter ruefully recounted numerous recently lost places in all five boroughs. So then a closing is not news? But where are the editorials and columns protesting this loss of everyday places which make ours a city of neighborhoods that meet everyday needs? Above all, where are the elected officials and wannabees?
Of course, losing small businesses, in general, is an incalculable loss, and the ongoing installation of protected bike lanes limits delivery access, which, incidentally, is also a concern of San Francisco merchants. (Los Angeles Times 3/26/13)
Luxury high-rise apartment houses keep replacing all manner of other “people places,” including those for worship, learning, healing, civic discussion, amusements and recreations like movie houses and bowling alleys and on and on.
And doesn’t all that relate to the Biblical warning, “What does it profit a man (a city) if he (it) gains the whole world (bottom-line dollars) if he (it) loses its soul (self sustaining neighborhoods)?
Related as well is the solemn reminder Senator Liz Krueger’s chief aide, Alice Fisher, gave at the end of this years’ forums on Boomer and Senior concerns. “The greatest threats to older people are falling and isolation!” How true, but to stay with the isolation, losing these neighborhood places breeds a climate for isolation, and not only for older age people. How long, dear Lord, how long?

dewingbetter@aol.com

Bette Dewing

“Together we can change the face of our culture” was the subtitle chosen by editor Allen Houston for my previous column. Allen, who left this company shortly after that, chose a lot of good headlines in his two-plus years editing the paper, and we thank him and wish him great success in his new workplace.

But I regretted my main headline choice—“Unnatural Disasters the Worst,” about the school massacre that made America weep—because such unnatural disasters are more preventable than the “natural” kind like superstorm Sandy. The cultural climate needs changing in either case, by continuing the work to overcome the causes and help the afflicted, especially those alone in their loss. It’s the business of the media too, to keep government’s feet to the fire; in a recent edition of the Daily News, for example, concern with Sandy’s countless victims was found only in the letters to the editor.

Ah, I shouldn’t say “only.” Letters to the editor often have insights that get to the heart of the matter better than other reports. And thankfully, a resident of Peter Cooper Village shared a letter to the editor by local psychologist Richard Orbe-Austin about the emotional toll felt by residents there. Even though losses were minor compared to the massive kind felt elsewhere, they were substantial enough to cause emotional problems for 20 to 30 percent of the residents. They are the ones who often “suffer in silence, since others have moved on with their lives.” Elders often lack work communities. The psychologist urged residents to look out for vulnerable neighbors. And while the 1-800-HELPLINE resource was included, I thought of Democrat Hubert H. Humphrey’s belief that “the impersonal hand of government can never replace the caring hand of a neighbor.”
Don’t misunderstand; I think Humphrey would be appalled at the unconscionable delay in getting federal relief to superstorm Sandy victims. But he would also be concerned that “social service hands” increasingly take the place of caring hands of neighbors, civic and faith group and even family members. There just isn’t time to give “caring hands.”

Several recent Times pieces aired research on how elders with disabilities, especially, are the most vulnerable in times of disaster, including fire-caused deaths and injuries. But, while never forgetting the massive needs of superstorm Sandy victims, attention must be paid to traffic calamities, too. Charles Komanoff’s Streetsblog reported recently that five pedestrians were killed locally in four days of the holiday season, mostly as a result of the deadly “turning into a crosswalk” circumstance. How disastrous that government, whose first duty it is to protect the public, still ignores Komanoff’s 1998 manual “Killed By Automobile,” which has all the stats to support this hazardous “turning violation” claim, along with ways to prevent them. So here’s praying a copy recently given to the East 79th Street Neighborhood Association will prompt this highly effective 25-year-old civic group to make it their number one mission.

While Betty White’s TV program Off Their Rockers features elders playing outrageous pranks on youthful strangers encountered in an urban street setting, real-life collisions between elderly pedestrians and vehicles are no laughing matter. So we should heed Jim Battaglia’s call for “a video camera to be mounted above and on the rear wheels of a bus or truck to supplement the regular rear-view mirror which might not give an adequate view of pedestrians.”

Change can be accomplished if enough of us try—meeting the massive needs of Hurricane Sandy’s victims and overcoming traffic behaviors that routinely claim the lives and health of innocent victims with little or no media coverage. And we sure could use a leader like Martin Luther King Jr., whose birthday we celebrate Jan. 21.

dewingbetter@aol.com

What a struggle to write this column about the 20 first-grade children and six women educators shot to death by a 20-year-old male assailant, in a true safe haven—an elementary school in the low-crime town of Newtown, Conn. The Daily News’ front-page headline “The World Weeps” said it all.

Yes, the world weeps and now must work to prevent these unnatural, heinous and heartbreaking disasters where even young children and their teachers are shot to death by weapons which enable such cataclysmic acts of violence. Something must be done—whatever it takes to control and strictly limit their use—and we have to be willing to try the solutions.

Indeed, it would help if the world wept a little over every taking of innocent life, whatever the victim’s age—and if we heeded the research that finds that the violence so appallingly rife in today’s entertainment and arts does affect real-life behavior and attitudes.

Lamentably unheeded was how murder rates surged a generation after television was introduced. An American Medical Association report appeared in the July 27, 1992, New York Times Editorial Notebook piece, “The Television Time Bomb: Violence on the Tube, a Public Health Issue.” And murder and other fictional mayhem then were relatively mild compared to today’s standards. Standards? Yes, prevention means real concern about standards.

So let’s stop watching those low-standard programs, stop listening to low-standard music, too. Although it could use some Chanukah songs, 106.7 FM’s all-Christmas-music programming gets high ratings and is singable and peaceable. And something comparable is surely a year-round need.

And oh-so-critically needed is the heeding of experts such as former New York Medical Examiner Dr. Michael Baden, who warned that “everywhere medical examiners look—whether it’s automobile accidents, drownings, homicides, suicides, falls and fires—alcohol consumption is in the picture.” And on the evening of Saturday, Dec. 15, was it suicide that ended a woman’s life when she was struck by a car after falling from John Finley Walk onto the FDR Drive? I learned about this very nearby tragic event from an apartment house staff member. Radio traffic news only said, “Avoid the impassable FDR Drive”—and neither NY1 nor the papers has reported this violent death.

To “stop the madness”—and, in suicides, often great sadness—every act of violence should be reported, preferably in the paper of record. And reporters, editors and columnists must always note whether alcohol or other mind-altering drugs were involved.

The 19th Precinct Community Relations Officers haven’t yet gotten back to me on this case, but preventing such tragedies means knowing what caused them and, as a general warning to the public, making it known whether alcohol use on a holiday-season Saturday evening made this woman’s problems seem insurmountable.

Alcohol overuse can indeed cause temporary insanity, and a recent Times op-ed piece was right to say that Alcoholics Anonymous should not be so anonymous, because it can prevent so many human disasters. So the number to call is 212-406-0749—and you policy makers, especially, you must attend “open meetings” to learn how the sober life is infinitely saner, safer and, yes, even joyful.

And in working to overcome the madness that has the whole world weeping, we do not forget to help overcome the unprecedented and continuing hardships and losses inflicted by that natural disaster, Hurricane Sandy.

’Tis the season to be especially caring—and let’s take that care forward into the new year.

But first to say thanks to our political leaders for being up to this Herculean task, which won’t let up anytime soon. And to the armies of people who continue to risk life and health, evacuating the stranded, keeping the peace as best they can, providing shelter, food and water, restoring transit and so much more. And to the record number of volunteers, including some marathon runners who used their training to run up and down stairs to give aid to the homebound.

Bravo to those who struggled for hours to get to nonessential work, such as offering to help out in unscathed apartment houses like mine. You provided assurance to the anxious and alone, and got more residents interacting. That relates to a maxim found in the East Sixties Neighborhood Association Fall Bulletin: “When strangers start acting like neighbors … communities are reinvigorated.”

They’re safer and healthier, and civic and faith groups should make “good neighborliness” a primary long-term goal.

But now priority attention must be paid to the countless thousands of victims of this unbelievably widespread and destructive natural disaster and those also threatened by pathological human nature, which terrifies and loots even in low-crime-area buildings and shops. In times of disaster, such dastardly deeds should be considered acts of treason.

Although protecting public safety is government’s first duty, was the hurricane-spawned lawlessness assailed in the last days of the election campaigns? There’s no greater good than making peace on the home front a bipartisan priority with election winners and losers working together. Everyone wins if they do.

And let’s revive faith group protests, like Monsignor Harry Byrne did in high-crime times against the violence that threatened his own congregation; we can at the very least revive his “First Civil Liberty” essay protesting the widespread threat of crime.

The standing-room-only crowds in places of worship seen after 9/11 did not reappear this time, although some regulars were doing recovery work at Madison Avenue Presbyterian Church last Sunday. Faith groups help, in general, far more than most people who walked right by the church are aware. I went needing comfort and strength—and yes, giving thanks for being spared.

And I was righteously angry to learn later that nearby Central Park was “awash with tens of thousands of runners from all over the world running around the loop and marathon levels of spectators too.” Again, those who joined the recovery effort are the winners.

Ah, and bless the countless who share their homes with the new homeless. Long overdue in the myriad style, home and food sections and programs, not to mention our formal education system, are lessons in communication skills to help “the getting along”—in general. Hallmark Channel dropped reruns of The Waltons, about the only TV fare role-modeling such behavior, and where people took helping their neighbors for granted.

Related is the Museum of Natural History’s exhibit of how New Yorkers coped in World War II. If ours was called “the greatest generation,” it’s due to a Waltons-type ethos then found in ethnic and faith groups nationwide—not to mention movie and radio fare. And, if ever something needs reviving, it’s that in our primary educators—TV and music and now cyberspace.

But now the most immediate and ultimate need is helping storm-decimated communities and individuals survive and revive—it can be done if enough of us try. Keep trying as never before.

Always a lot to talk about, and though I do the talking here, thankfully some of you email a response. (Response is so important!) And, much as I wish cyberspace hadn’t been invented (TV was bad enough), I worry that many in the 70-plus age group are being left out of society’s mainstream even more because they don’t have access to the internet.

Overcoming “being left out” takes a whole lot of doing, so let’s do some immediate good and help prevent a whole lot of falling. I’ve just learned www.icanwalk.com or 1-888-667-4046 can tell you about the revolutionary Sure Step cane that strangers stop me on the street to ask about, as I myself use it.

When I was waiting to get into the Vince Giordano Jam Session at the Kaye Playhouse at Hunter College, Jane Russo of the American Heart and Stroke Association stopped to ask about the cane, remarking that a family member could use the extra stability.

So check it out, and—oh, how good for the heart and whatever ails us (especially those allergic to post-swing-era music) are the Sidney Bechet Society concerts? Special guest, music legend George Wein, now 82, needed a helping hand getting to the piano at the Giordano Jam Session, but not in getting his moving musical message across. Songs about elderhood are also needed; about family, friendship, love and even the “blues.” (Such liberating themes also belong in 85-year-old Barbara Cooke’s repertoire.) Check out www.sidneybechet.org for information about the November 5 “Sidney Bechet and the New Orleans Trumpet Greats” concert.

Here’s to making this happy pre-rock-era music part of election campaigns’ musical mix, along with bipartisan promises to get it back on the charts. And here’s to making elder people visible on those campaign trails and platforms—especially those needing canes and walkers and wheelchairs. But where is that first grandmother who takes such incomparable care of the first daughters? And where are the challenger’s elders? They must exist, since Mormons are known for leading healthy lives.

But critical elder problems are woefully missing from mainstream view; how many Yankee fans knew Joe Girardi’s dad suffered from Alzheimer’s disease for many years before his recent departure from this life? And this only made the news because his son, “with a heavy heart,” managed the first game of the ALS playoffs only 24 hours later.

And here’s to mainstreaming this grieving son’s tribute to Joe senior for teaching him “the value of hard work and making a living, and being a good husband and father.” He added, “If I could be half the father and husband he was, then I’m doing something right.”

That’s all-important, but now this son must teach the world about being, yes, a good offspring, but above all, describe the suffering, like no other, caused by this dreaded disorder, with no known cause or cure or truly effective treatment. And protest how it’s often hidden with even a stigma attached! Is this why so little was said about the late George Steinbrenner’s failing brain power? Attention must be paid.

With Halloween upon us, we might also pay attention to the spiritual elements of the holiday. There’s comfort and hope in this passage from the Litany of Commemoration that Madison Avenue Presbyterian Church used to print in its All Saints Day Sunday bulletin: “For dear friends and kindred ministering in the spiritual world; whose faces we see no more but whose love is with us forever … for every hallowed memory and our abiding hope that where they are, we shall be also.”

dewingbetter@aol.com

Still hoping clergy who blessed the animals on St. Francis of Assisi’s birthday will pick up on the following little poem of mine. Set it to music; it has a lot to do with love.

Why can’t a people (sic) be more like a dog or cat?

They don’t care how old, pretty or witty you are,

They’re always there for you

Why can’t a people (sic) be more like that?
Add a verse about the need to overcome age apartheid. Old people, who especially need these animal friends, should be able to have them.

Music has power … and Glen Campbell’s concert at Carnegie Hall on Oct. 13, which will show how he and his band perform as brilliantly as ever despite Campbell’s battle with Alzheimer’s disease, needs utmost support. So does pushing for “sing-along” places, so that this therapy to treat and prevent the disorder is widely prescribed and provided. Check out Charles Gourgey’s Music is Hope website.

And now the strongest of words, music and deeds are needed to save the city from the mayor’s proposed Midtown zoning change to permit a veritable jungle of huge new office towers to replace many grand old human-scaled buildings like the Commodore Hotel. All for corporate business—you know, with no thought for the city’s livability level or still incomparable skyline. Concerned preservation and civic groups and elected officials like Councilman Dan Garodnick need massive support. Garodnick warns about “the impact of thousands of new office workers … with implications for transportation, sanitation and public safety.”

Distinguished writer, playwright, lyricist, native New Yorker and longtime friend Sherman Yellen urges young people to also beat this drum “to save this city from this horrific cultural vandalism. The old stepped-back skyscrapers are as much a part of our heritage as the leaning tower is to Pisa. And taking the sky away from our 1930s skyscrapers is an insult to this great architecture, which requires the sky and cloud setting to show off its beauty.” These and Yellen’s other concerns with the obvious overcrowding and stress effects, deserve major attention—and a song!

On a smaller scale, but significantly altering a neighborhood landscape and public walking conditions, are the controversial designs for the replacement of the deteriorating stairs at East 81st Street and the East River walkway. The American Disabilities Act requiring wheelchair access means a more elevated two-block-long ramp with 8-foot-high side fencing. Numerous Community Board 8 members and some aware neighborhood residents find this design too conspicuous and “industrial.” They believe cyclists must be required to walk their bikes to protect pedestrians. Surveillance cameras are also requested for a walkway more hidden from public view and without an “emergency exit.”
The ramp replacing the aesthetically pleasing, wide concrete steps connecting the John Finley walk and the East 81st Street cul de sac will wind further into the area where 33 East End’s front entrance and 45 East End’s service entrance are located. How will this, and also the year and a half construction operation, affect these neighbors?
The East 79th Street Neighborhood Association, a key player in saving the City & Suburban Homes complex, explores all this at the Thursday, Oct. 11, public meeting starting at 6 p.m. in the City University building at 80th and East End.

I’m all for doing a Paul Revere, going around the nabe singing that old ballad reminder, “You know your happiness lies right under your eyes, right in your own backyard.” And adding, “Your unhappiness too, if you don’t demand the most visually pleasing and safest design possible!”
dewingbetter@aol.com

This column is in part prompted by Yom Kippur and readers who thoughtfully responded to the unexpected death of my dear unofficial goddaughter, Janie Villiers. It’s also about the often-ignored link between alcohol and violent and other aberrant behaviors.

In much the same way as Christians who have wakes as well as funerals, the Jewish custom of sitting shiva helps to further honor the departed and, above all, comfort the mourners. While the departed and those who mourn them are reverently noted in the Sunday service prayers of Protestant and Roman Catholic churches I attend, no specifics are given on what “love one another” actions congregations might take. Nor do prayers that name the ill or confined in nursing homes. Maybe consider adding some specific suggestions in, for example, the post-Sabbath-service “fellowship hours”?

I strongly believe that things go better with the involvement of—dare I say it?—God and faith groups. When I participate, I do feel better and I resolve to do better. But I question how forgiveness without repentance and atonement can be redemptive. The wondrously successful 12 Step programs require repentance and atonement.

Ah, but something to repent, all right, is how little is publicly said about these enormously effective programs—even in houses of worship where their meetings are often held. Even less is said about the intervention process, not only in substance-abuse cases but also with ailing relationships. Intervention also shows people don’t have to get ready “all by themselves” to seek treatment. Betty Ford is the most blessed first lady for becoming a foremost intervention force after her family prevailed upon her to seek help for prescription drug and alcohol dependence.

Contact the Freedom Institute to learn about intervention at 212-838-0044. And Alcoholics Anonymous (212-647-1680) has certain meetings that are open to the public, where any interested person can learn firsthand how alcohol adversely affects behavior. Policy-makers in every field need such education, especially those who ignore or deny that alcohol abuse by one or both parties is a major factor in domestic abuse. Let’s hope it’s stressed and not slighted in the Tuesday, Oct. 2, “Shine the Light on Domestic Violence” event sponsored by Manhattan Borough President Scott Stringer and the New York state Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence. Many other concerned groups and individuals are involved, including playwright Eve Ensler, who will be the keynote speaker, in this event that’s part of Violence Awareness Month. The time is 6:30 p.m. at Military Island at Broadway and Seventh Avenue at 34th Street, and everyone is urged to wear purple. (Incidentally, purple was the color worn for September’s Alzheimer’s Awareness Month, which received minimal coverage. Did major officials attend? Shine the light on that!)

And let’s urge the Borough President’s Office to really shine the light on the alcohol abuse factor, and the fact that men too are domestic violence victims.

Sermons on substance abuse, especially the alcohol kind, are surely in order because—wow!—such abuse can lead to the breaking of every single one of the Ten Commandments. The cost to society is sinfully high.

Twelve Step programs importantly offer a kind of community so missing in today’s society. And so does Logos Bookstore, which is holding its monthly “Kill Your TV Book Club” gathering on Wednesday, Oct. 3, at 7 p.m. All are welcome. If only TV producers would resolve to kill the ever more violent programming and revive the shows in which role models resolved problems rationally and peaceably. Logos is located on York Avenue between 83rd and 84th streets.

dewingbetter@aol.com