New Knicks Face New Celtics

Tonight’s preseason game against the Celtics will be a good
measure of how good or bad the Knicks might be this season. Sure, they’ll be
bad off the court; that goes without saying. After all, their coach sexually
harasses employees and their star offseason acquisition, Zach Randolph, likes
to punch teammates in the face, carry loaded handguns and was recently investigated
for sodomizing a stripper. I just don’t see them winning any Humanitarian
Awards.

But Head Coach and President of Basketball Operations Isiah
Thomas believes they might be good on the court. Randolph, a versatile 6-foot-9 forward, will
team up with center Eddie Curry (who has heart palpitations and hates defense)
and forward David Lee (who’s white), to form what Thomas hopes will be a
formidable front court.

Tonight at Madison
Square Garden,
however, the retooled Boston Celtics come to town with Kevin Garnett,
Ray Allen and Paul Pierce all sporting shiny green jerseys. With a waning fan
base becoming more disinterested following every losing season and every
off-the-court issue, the Knicks need to show they can compete on the hardwood. “They
got a great team,” Randolph
said, “[but] we got a good team, too.” They better be good, or else he, Isiah
and the rest of New York’s
overpriced stars will be looking for new jobs very soon.