McConkey for Governor

Written by Taki on . Posted in Miscellaneous, Posts.

The first
and only time I met Gov. George Pataki was at Elaine’s, and I was under
the influence. He could not have been nicer. My friend John Mosely introduced
us, and Pataki graciously complimented me on my writing. Needless to say, I
was very flattered the Governor knew who the poor little Greek boy was. Mind
you, I had voted for him twice, and had met his wife at a Carolina Herrera fashion
show, and she, too, could not have been nicer.

This is
the good news. The bad is that as decent and honest a person as Pataki is, he
is not a conservative, and he has certainly not governed as one. A Republican
governor, unless he’s Nelson Rockefeller, does not join the phonies like
Robert Kennedy and Al Sharpton in opposing the bombing at Vieques, as Pataki
did. Being nice to Sharpton on television makes one look weak and opportunistic,
but George did it and was shameless about it.

budgets have increased at a faster rate than did those of Mario Cuomo, the man
who in my view really put New York in the hole for good. George has also caved
in to unions on state healthcare and is for casino gambling upstate, a surefire
invite to the mob. Last but not least, Pataki is pro-gun-control when he should
be pro-gun-owners’ rights. If governing as a Republican, that is.

Enter yet
another one-night dinner companion at Elaine’s, Phil McConkey. Again it
was John Mosely who made the introductions (some rich starfucker should hire
Mosely at a seven-figure salary) and, like Pataki, McConkey turned out to be
as nice a man as it’s possible to be. We talked politics–yes, for
once I was sober–and to my delight Phil turned out to be a lifelong conservative.
A U.S. Naval Academy graduate, NY Giant star, hero of 1987, McConkey is as good
as it gets. He doesn’t believe in forcing workers to unionize and opposes
increases in state spending. He believes in economic growth generated by tax
cuts. As Phil put it, "George Pataki governed like Ronald Reagan the first
four years and then morphed into Nelson Rockefeller." Finally, McConkey,
a former Navy pilot, sees the hypocrisy in Pataki when the Governor joins those
phonies in opposing the Vieques bombing.

Well, here
is this dream candidate: brave, honest, intelligent, a man who has proved his
mettle under pressure, someone who is sure to deliver, yet he’s nowhere
in the polls. This is because New York is a state that elects those who supposedly
represent aggrieved minorities, and as everyone knows, everyone is a minority
nowadays. This is the very bad news. The good is that in the past 25 years,
no Republican has won statewide in New York without the endorsement and nomination
of the Conservative Party. There are only about 150,000 conservative members,
but if 76,000 voted against Pataki he would be in deep shit. And if McConkey
were drafted and beat Pataki in a party primary, he would really endanger George’s
reelection chances. This, again, is the bad news. Because let’s face it,
I’d much rather have Pataki as governor than Andrew Cuomo, a big-spending
liberal who–like his bug-eyed father–thinks everyone should work hard
so he can redistribute their hard-earned money to those fellows inclined to
vote for him.

In case
the great McConkey refuses to run, I have another sneak candidate, Willy von
Raab. Now before you start shouting anti-German slogans, Willy is an ex-New
York University vice-president, an ex-Reagan administration official–he
was head of Customs–and he is married to one of America’s richest
women. (She owns the state of Georgia, but allows strangers to live there and
also to travel through it.) Willy is a hell of a fellow; among his other achievements
he was also my lawyer when I decided to cut my losses and separate from a fat
fool of a brother. There is even a precedent: Teddy Roosevelt served as a customs
official before becoming governor.

Gov. von
Raab has a cool sound to it. If it took Bloomberg 70 million big ones to become
mayor, it should take Willy 170 to become governor, a mere bagatelle in Lucy
von Raab’s piggy bank. Last time I spoke to Willy he was worried about
Ascot–that’s in Blighty–because I had not as yet applied for
my pass. When I mentioned his candidacy he pretended not to hear me, but when
a potential candidate pretends not to hear, he’s already running.

Phil McConkey,
a true hero, is my first choice, followed by Willy von Raab, a giant among the
midgets in Washington, DC. But I won’t be holding my breath. The system
is stacked against my kind, so I will just grin and bear it on my new yacht.

On a completely
different subject, I’ve had an enormous amount of mail on the subject of
Germany winning World War I. Most of it has been very positive, because let’s
face it: the horrors of the 20th century can mostly be attributed to that ghastly
war. One writer, Tom Coffey, I tried to thank but did not have his return address.
Coffey’s theory was a tour de force, blaming the effete and neurotic Austrians
for not reacting immediately after the assassination of the Crown Prince, and
pointing out how the war reflected the ancient and enduring enmity in the West
between the Gauls and Saxons. This is such a good topic I might return to it