Laughing All the Way to the Bank
So let me get this straight. [In your endorsements, (Sept. 9-15)], [y]ou cite Bill de Blasio’s effort to “be an aggressive watchdog on development, making sure that affordable housing, landmarks and neighborhood context are given adequate consideration in the approval process” as a key reason you are endorsing him for public advocate. At the same time, you endorse Mayor Doomberg and his spineless crony Christine Quinn?! Was this a simple misprint or is there some kind of mind-altering gas leaking into your offices over there? If it’s the latter, you should really take care of that.
All joking aside, I know this maniac pays a decent amount for his adorable full-page ads showing everyone how well he can give himself a hand job. But please don’t for a second think that anyone takes the nonsense seriously of whoever puked these endorsements onto the page. Because, honestly, it’s fucking laughable at best.
Look, obviously he’s gonna buy his way in again. I’m sure Quinn will weasel her way in as well.That’s not the point. I’m just saying to you, NYPress, please get a fucking clue.
I almost feel sorry for you.Almost…. (Please print this so the majority of your readers can read what they are already thinking.)
Message in a Bottle?
Another anonymous web commenter, wrote: “I’m shocked and surprised; I read everyone of the [endorsement] blurbs thinking there would be a funny sarcastic joke at the end. I reread it thinking maybe the humorous dig is buried in the text, and I’m skimming through it too fast. I reread it again thinking maybe there’s a hidden code made of the first letter or maybe hidden sentences made up of every other word. Maybe there is a video of this being written up by the “editors,” with them signaling “Help!” in sign language or S.O.S. by blinking their eyes. I can’t believe this was written by the NYPress. Both NYPress and the Village Voice have turned into corporate media rags unsuitable for birdcage lining. What used to be two well-written alternative media outlets have sold out into a moneymaking advertising bulletin. There’s no way these endorsements were created by squintyeyed calloused New Yorkers filled with doubt and distaste for the status quo.What’s next? Condo endorsements? Fluff pieces about the newest handbag to have in Jan. 2010? Where to find the best caviar? … Go update your Facebook and Twitter accounts in the name of Journalism while I go vomit!”
Endorsing of the Shrew
Another anonymous commenter wrote: “Praising Bloomberg is bad, but after all, I remember reading this paper when I was in law school in the late ’80s, and it was libertarian/conservative and therefore pro-business. But, oh the endorsement of Crocker-Snyder! What an egregious insult to your readers. She is a vile law-and-order shrew who is feared by her old mentor Morgenthau. She wants to throw most of us in jail.We are alt-weekly readers! Pot-smokers and the like. Do you feel no responsibility toward our interests? Or care what we think?
You Did Bad All By Yourself
Armond White’s review of Tyler Perry’s I Can Do Bad All By Myself,“Don’t Scare the White Folks” (Sept. 9-15), stirred up a different sort of opinion among readers, with one writing, “You lost me after the first sentence where you used the phrase ‘previous opus’ to describe Madea Goes to Jail. Do you always have to be such a troll, Armond?” another defending Perry with: “Armond, you misunderstand Tyler’s understanding of storytelling.While it is true that Tyler does like to provide entertainment for his demographic, the older churchgoing African-American crown, he also understands that he does not need to cater to stereotypes. If you think Tyler does not want to scare Caucasians, you may be right. With hideous stereotypes like Kanye West hurling himself onto the stage and snatching a microphone away from a Caucasian performer or Serena Williams threatening to kill an Asian line judge during a tennis match, it is not hard to understand why Tyler might want to tone down his cinema. It is incidents like these that undo all of the work that Barack and Tyler have done for the African-American community. It would be appreciated if you would eventually do an article on the state of black entertainment since it is ripe for analysis.”
Homeless for Hire
Please, you must rid your pages of Armond White. He is not only a fool who understands nothing about the way cinema works and how it relates to our lives and pop culture (but seems to think he has a greater comprehension of it than God himself), but he is constantly contradicting himself, calling films like Dance Flick culturally relevant where 500 Days of Summer is apparently an unrealistic exaggeration in his mind.
Now, don´t get me wrong, I love hearing the opinions of those who disagree with my movie tastes and those of the general populace; they often have very interesting points. But Armond is just a useless waste of type. Go outside your office, grab the first homeless man you see and throw him in Armond’s desk. Then you’ll have someone with better writing talent.
—Christopher Sherwood, Ergo Pictures