Knicks Set To Open Season

Written by Jason Singer on November 2, 2007. Posted in Posts, Sports

The New York Knicks open their season tonight, and Isiah Thomas’s team will quickly discover just how good (or bad) they really are. The Knicks will travel to Ohio to battle the defending Eastern Conference champion Cleveland Cavaliers, who will be hungry after getting embarrassed by Dallas in their season opener Wednesday night. During the
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Mets Bring Back Alou

Written by Jason Singer on November 1, 2007. Posted in Posts, Sports

The New York Mets exercised their option on ageless outfielder Moises Alou yesterday, ensuring the 172-year-old slugger will rejoin the Kings of Queens in 2008. Alou will make $7.5 million, although that figure doesn’t include the large doses of Ginkgo biloba and Viagra that will be necessary to keep Alou functional and happy at his
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Coles Out With Concussion

Written by Jason Singer on October 31, 2007. Posted in Posts, Sports

If you thought the New York Jets were bad the first eight weeks of the season (they are currently the third worst team in the NFL), then wait until you see them Sunday. The Jets are starting Kellen Clemens at quarterback, a kid who’s had more success at cattle farming in his lifetime than playing
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Baseball’s Drug Policy Takes Hit

Written by Jason Singer on October 31, 2007. Posted in Posts, Sports

Breaking news: Major League’s Baseball’s drug-testing policy is a joke. OK, so it’s not exactly, groundbreaking, earth-shattering news, but it’s worse than you think. Apparently, the league’s “random, unannounced” drug tests aren’t so unannounced after all. In fact, they’re completely announced, as loudly and as clearly as Al Gore’s message that the world is crumbling
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Torre To Manage Dodgers?

Written by Jason Singer on October 30, 2007. Posted in Posts, Sports

The Los Angeles Dodgers are hoping there’s truth to the old proverb, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.” Just one day after the New York Yankees got rid of Don Mattingly by not offering him their managerial job, and just a few weeks after they threw out Joe Torre by offering him an “insult”
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Girardi To Manage Yanks

Written by Jason Singer on October 29, 2007. Posted in Posts, Sports

The New York Yankees were so tired of Joe Torre, they decided to not even hire his bench coach and loyal lieutenant. In yet another slap in the face to the Torre regime, the Yankees passed over Don Mattingly and offered Joe Girardi their managerial job early this morning. Girardi is expected to accept. The
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Giants Enjoy London Calling

Written by Jason Singer on October 29, 2007. Posted in Posts, Sports

The Miami Dolphins may be the dumbest team ever. Earlier in the week, Dolphins linebacker Channing Crowder confessed that he didn’t know what language they spoke in England. He definitely couldn’t find the country on a map. And he was sure they didn’t have any black people there, wherever it was. Clearly, he’s never heard
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A-Rod Opts Out

Written by Jason Singer on October 29, 2007. Posted in Posts, Sports

The New York Yankees are such an undesirable destination these days that they can’t even give their money away anymore. Ten days after Joe Torre turned down at least $5 million from The Pinstripers, Alex Rodriguez opted out of his contract, walking away from the remaining three years and $72 million left on his deal
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Giants Playing Dumbest Team Ever?

Written by Jason Singer on October 26, 2007. Posted in Posts, Sports

How unimaginably stupid are the New York Giants’ football opponents this weekend? The G-Men will play the Miami Dolphins in London on Sunday and Dolphins linebacker Channing Crowder—one of the team’s best players—didn’t even know they spoke English in London; he didn’t know they spoke English in England. Here’s him elaborating on that subject: “I
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Jets Sticking With Chad

Written by Jason Singer on October 25, 2007. Posted in Posts, Sports

Benjamin Franklin once said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” While it’s official: The New York Jets are fuckin’ crazy. Head coach Eric Mangini named Chad Pennington his starting quarterback yesterday for Sunday’s game against Buffalo, hoping Pennington and Gang Green can turn it around
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