I’m not going to beat around the artificial-potted-bush here: home décor is hard.
To all you bachelors out there – you may not care. You may think your lack of care is cool. Manly, even. And to some extent, you may be right. What you don’t realize, of course, is that certain decorating choices could be giving lady guests the wrong impression.
Let’s take an average night. You’ve managed to snag that demure (drunk) gal at the bar who shares your taste in books (90s pop) and lured her back to your place with the promise of first edition Proust (a Spin Doctors cassette). Either way, she’s there.
Now, lighting a candle is nice – you’re a sensitive guy, after all – but too many suggests you’re either holding regular séances or simply trying way too hard. Same goes for music. Maybe things are going well; Proust (Spin Doctors) is a hit! But wait. Your clap-on make out mix shows you’ve either done this a few too many times, or spent a lot of lonely nights programming that clapper.
Perhaps the biggest potential for disaster, however, lies on your walls. Hold off on hanging that aggressive modern piece someone at Art Basel told you was THE hot artist to buy, especially if it needs to be plugged in. Global warming, people. And for those who insist on hanging movie posters, please keep in mind: just because it is critically acclaimed doesn’t mean you should hang it over your bed.
The following is a list of movies that, while truly great, never belong in your apartment – especially not in the bedroom.
- Rust And Bone
- Great Expectations
- As Good As It Gets
- Boys Don’t Cry
- There Will Be Blood
- The Thin Red Line
- Fist of Fury
- Cool Hand Luke
- The Thing
- The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
- Raging Bull
- Easy Rider
- Annie Get Your Gun
- Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore
Stay tuned for the next installment, in which I’ll cover what to avoid in the bathroom, including such catastrophes as Hustle & Flow, Gone with the Wind, and Slumdog Millionaire.
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