The New York Knicks’ newest acquisition, Zach Randolph, is a
changed man. The 6-foot-9 forward, who has a history of punching teammates
in the face (that’s not a typo, this actually happened), played
nicely with his new Knicks cohorts on Monday, taking time away from his busy schedule
of assaulting and sodomizing strippers (allegedly) to lead New
York to a 101-92 victory over Philadelphia in their preseason opener.
joined his partner in crime, head coach Isiah Thomas, for the win, something Thomas needed badly after losing his sexual
harassment case against Anucha Browne Sanders last week.
shooting, and forward David Lee, who broke the organization’s pattern by not committing
any crimes this offseason, led the team with 18 points.
In non-game news, center Eddy Curry, who was diagnosed with
a labrum tear in his sore, right shoulder, will not need surgery. The
injury has two sides: It sucks, because he’s one of
they need him healthy to win. But on the bright side, he probably can’t shoot a
gun because of the pain, so at least we know he won’t get arrested for that
particular crime. As for any type of sexual assault crimes, well, let’s just
hope he doesn’t learn any tricks from his coach and teammates.