It Can't Possibly Be Worse Than “Make Believe,” Right?

Back in 2005 when Weezer released Make Believe, expectations were still high despite the fact that Maladroit was a bit of a let down for most fans. Indie tastemakers Pitchfork gave the album a rating of 0.4 and pointed out the similarities between the melody of “We Are All on Drugs” and the “Diarrhea” song. Maybe such a low rating was a bit harsh, but those of us who grew up with Weezer knew what the band was capable, and despite a few good songs, Make Believe was trash.

A few years have passed, and that bad taste is finally gone, but the expectations are still incredibly low. When the artwork for Weezer’s latest album leaked earlier this year, no one was quite sure if it was a joke. The band had returned to the cover art theme of their brilliant debut “Blue Album” and immensely popular “Green Album.” This untitled album quickly referred to as the “Red Album” features a simple portrait of the band in which Rivers Cuomo is decked out in cowboy attire, and sporting a pretty white trash ‘stache. Along with the news of the new record was the announcement of the new single “Pork & Beans.” Again, it seemed like Cuomo and Co. were playing with the music media, and all of this would be revealed as a hoax.

But here we are weeks after the album release, and the art is exactly what they said it’d be, and “Pork & Beans” is streaming on countless iPods everywhere.

At 25 years old, I am from the generation who most fully experienced the best days of Weezer. Their debut was one of the first modern albums that I owned and could sing every word of every song. It was easily one of the defining albums of the ‘90s. Each song was a perfect pop rock gem, and it hasn’t lost any of that magical feeling after all these years. Then came Pinkerton which was a life-changing record, and really introduced us to the dark side of Rivers Cuomo and his love for the young Asian girls. When the “Green Album” came out, it seemed that Weezer had become the biggest band on the planet, and despite lacking the depth of Pinkerton, it was still a great pop record. I fondly remember the day I bought Maladroit, the day of it’s release. It was one of the first times I had ever hung out with my former long-term girlfriend, and we planned our entire day around getting to the record store to purchase the cd. As much as a lot of fans seemed down on Maladroit, I was a supporter from the first listen, finding quite a lot to like about it. Then came Make Believe, and it seemed to crush most of us diehard fans. We wanted it to be great, but with every listen came endless pain.

So today, I have listened Weezer’s 6th studio album a total of 4 times, hoping that the band has returned to old form. It starts good enough. “Troublemaker” is a decent opener taking a riff similar to Pinkerton’s “The Good Life” and adding a stadium worthy sing-along chorus. “The Greatest Man That Ever Lived” could be terrible, with Cuomo rapping with some pretty ridiculous lyrics and the song turning into a Queen-influenced rock opera, with multiple stylistic shifts, but somehow it actually works and ends up being one of the few highlights of the record. Despite its name, “Pork and Beans” is actually a pretty great song. Three songs in, and it seems as though Weezer is on the path towards redemption. The nostalgic ballad “Heart Songs” is nice, but hardly memorable. “Everybody Get Dangerous” is pretty much a terrible ‘late ‘90s-sounding rocker. Luckily the Zombies-influenced simple, charming pop of “Dreamin’” washes away that bad taste. More than halfway through the album, and it’s nowhere near as great as classic Weezer, but also probably not as offensive as “Make Believe.” Soon enough the familiar sound of Rivers’ voice is surprisingly replaced on “Thought I Knew.” It’s nice that Cuomo has given his bandmates a chance to shine, but shine they do not. The Beatle-esque track is incredibly dull. Bassist Scott Shriner takes control of the mic on “Cold Dark World” and the result is no better than Bell’s attempt. If 2 straight tracks sung by members other than Cuomo wasn’t enough, drummer Patrick Wilson sees his opportunity on the rocker “Automatic.” Three straight Weezer songs with lead vocals by someone other than Rivers and all of a sudden Make Believe no longer feels like the low point in Weezer’s career. Thank god Rivers closes out the album with the strong ballad “The Angel and the One.”

It takes 41 minutes to listen to the “Red Album” in its entirety.  Time is not something that can be refunded, so if you’re a big Weezer fan and like me cannot help but feel you at least owe this one one good listen (thanks to all the good fortune you’ve received from Weezer’s first couple albums), do yourself a favor and when a song starts off sounding terrible, skip it. It’s not going to get any better, it’s just going to make you irritable.

If you’ve already put yourself through the torture that is the low-points of the “Red Album,” don’t try to spin the “Blue Album” in order to wash that pain away, it’ll only make it hurt worse.

While hope seems lost for Weezer, great indie pop rock still exists. Chicago’s [Unicycle Loves You] will soon infiltrate the blogosphere with their incredibly catchy, eclectic self-titled debut, which will be released nationwide tomorrow. They’ll be in NYC this weekend—Friday night at Union Hall in Park Slope, and Saturday night at Pianos. They may very well wash away that stale aftertaste left by Weezer’s 2nd straight major disappointment.