Introducing the Mandate; a peek inside the male psyche for all the readers of New York Press. This column will attempt to bring light to all of your dating conundrums with thorough and brutally honest answers to your burning questions. You may not always like the answer, but the Mandate speaks the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Send your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org or via twitter @N_YPress.
Question of the Week: I’ve been seeing someone for almost six months now, and I think I’m falling hard. There’s one major catch…He’s had a girlfriend for almost three years. He keeps telling me he’ll break up with her, but nothing’s happened yet. What should I do?
Awww, c’mon man. Do you mind if I call you “man”? Because you are very clearly acting like one. Is the sex really that good? I have to imagine that’s what’s anchoring this thing down, because any dude that’s had a girlfriend he’s been cheating on for (at least) six months out of the three years they’ve been dating is not a “nice guy.”
Let’s go to the furthest hypothetical possible. Say he makes good on his word. He dumps his main squeeze for you, and everything is hunky dorey. You take walks around the West Village. Hit the Green Market and blow on hot apple cider together. Peachy. How long is it going to be before you piece together that this guy that you’re now exclusively dating, could very easily be cheating on you, as he did his ex? Sure, at first you’ll tell yourself it’s ridiculous. But soon the claws are bound to come out. Maybe he’ll be late for a dinner. Maybe he’ll go out with friends and come home in a black out state that wreaks of perfumed perfunctory. Think how simple the word rage is. It’s four-letters. That’s all it takes, four letters for a complete and total mental breakdown. Sick.
Now let’s go to the nearest (and most likely) hypothetical. He doesn’t break up with his lady love. You’re still seeing this dude, while he’s getting his from the gal next door. It’s gotta worry you that’s he’s been able to get away with it this long. I mean, damn, that’s some Dana Carvey “Master of Disguise,” type espionage. This dude’s gotta be a lying machine. If he’s able to lie to his girlfriend and say, “Naw babe, it’s the weirdest thing, my little nephew Tommy fell into the blue whale tank at the aquarium, and I just happened to pull him out and only stain the groin region of my pants in the pool!” Think how easy it is for him to say, “I’m going to leave her,” to you.
Drop him. I know right now it seems like you’re not going to find anyone as great as him (what?!), but think about all the other guys you’ve thought that about. Now try remembering how they turned out. Oy gevault. There’s nothing more baseless than a cheating lover. It means they are able to constantly deal with guilt. Adapt to it. Numb it. And big D or not, you’re gonna get hurt.
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