Infidelity Abound: NYers “Ousted”

Written by NY Press on . Posted in NY Press Exclusive, Sex & Relationships.


by Mike Vidafar

Married UES, TriBeCa Residents Among Those Who Have Begun Seeking NSA Partners

As if it wasn’t bad enough already, bedroom talk just got a little more uncomfortable. And as for those pure golden rings and glistening rocks fastened tightly around your left fourth digit? You don’t even have to bother taking it off anymore.

For those of us who aren’t aware, the dating scene (like everything else) has made a steady transition onto the computer screen in the past decade. Let me be clear: all of the dating scene.

That’s the sleazy guy who haunts the same corner of that bar, and it’s the shy-natured 30-something that says no the first time you ask her out. It’s the steady-“NSA” lurkers, and…it’s the surprisingly large number of people who are looking to escape the people they’re in relationships with.

And for each of these types, there are places to frequent in cyber space. Ashley Madison is one of those spaces. A site dedicated to adultery, the website boldly encourages visitors on its homepage: “Life’s short. Have an affair.” Yet the staining stigma hasn’t caused New Yorkers to bat an eyelash. While it may seem like taboo, consider that since its launch in 2002, the site has garnered a staggering 8,000,000 members in the U.S. alone.

But where do New Yorkers fit into this? Surely, none of the well-to-do wives or mild-mannered husbands of our fine city have memberships? Not so fast, says a recent survey.  But just to point the proverbial finger a little closer to the heart, Avid Life Media, the managing company of Ashley Madison has released a top ten list we should all take notice to.

The list is the ten highest gross memberships in New York neighborhoods. Upper East Side? Busted at #3. TriBeCa? Caught Red handed at #5. And the surrounding area doesn’t get much better, with three Queens, one Brooklyn, and two Long island neighborhoods generating the majority of traffic for New Yorkers.

But where did the infidelity come from? After all, unlike our romanticized (and seemingly antiquated) views of intimacy, infidelity sites like Ashley Madison are born out of a desire for discreet encounters. They thrive on secrecy and closed doors. So why are New Yorkers bothering?

Originally appearing in USA Today, sociologist Diane Kholos Wysocki of the University of Nebraska-Kearney, says “People are going to cheat regardless of whether Ashley Madison is there or not,” Wysocki, who has surveyed the site’s members for her latest research, continues “There’s a bigger social issue going on — people aren’t taking care of their marriages.

“It’s not so much that they’re going to these cheating websites because the sex is greater or the person is more beautiful. It’s because the person is giving them attention they’re not getting at home.”

According to USA Today, “Kholos Wysocki, who since 1992 has studied Internet relationships, sexting and cybersex, says her latest analysis looks at 5,187 adults who took her survey when visiting Ashley Madison during three months it was posted in 2010. Though she acknowledges this kind of survey has limitations, she says 68% of men and 61% of women reported cheating, either physically or virtually, while in a serious relationship.”

And that is a major danger to the neighborhood. When you’re talking about the “cities within The City,” the numbers begin to speak for themselves. After all, we’ve been socially trained to think that money means a happy marriage — yet the fact that The Upper West Side, Tribeca, and Garden City all make this list are proof that our assumptions aren’t so safe.

With nowhere left to hide, it may be time to start wondering where the romance has gone. And whether it takes one date, one question, or one kiss — if your marriage still means something, it may be time to prove it. The alternative is sad to consider: you might find yourself sleeping next to a cheater…and not even know it.

Tags: , , , , ,

Trackback from your site.

..