What’s a grown up city kid to do to replace pastoral Easter egg scavenges?
By Meredith Russo
I’ve never spent an Easter in the city, but the thought of it makes the kid in me sad. It’s no wonder they (not I, but they) say kids here grow up to be jaded. The Easter Bunny visits all their country bumpkin cousins, more often than not wearing a snazzy vest, while the only furry creatures here are either scurrying across apartment floors or creeping amongst the waste in subway stations.
The truth is, it’s hard to hide delightfully decorated eggs when you’re scurrying. And no one should be fetching eggs precariously balanced atop subway tracks anyway. Growing up in New York City has its advantages, so instead of feeling sorry for ourselves simply because the Easter Bunny will likely avoid the city and all its perils – taxis, dogs, stilettos – I say we find some uniquely New York ways to celebrate Easter.
It’s no secret that the thrill of most Easter egg hunts relies on exploiting nature’s nooks and crannies. Eggs perched in the elbow crack between two branches, delicately placed within a blooming flower, or tucked away inside a hollowed moss-covered stump, even the smallest backyard is transformed by the promise of hidden pastel-colored treasures on Easter. I know because up until a few years ago I still participated with my younger cousins, and while I’d like to say it was “so cute to watch them” I got pretty involved myself. And it was certainly not cute.
Not only can age (and agility) be an obstacle in the traditional Easter egg hunt, but city ordinances don’t help either. Why fight the city’s littering laws, or attract rodents, by attempting to make an egg hunt work in the city? Why not make the city work for the hunt instead? Or something like that.
I’ve listed a few ideas below to get you started, but I think you’ll find that once you get going the trash – I mean ideas, will be popping up all over the place.
Colorful Condom Hunt: See who can pick up the most used condoms off the sidewalk! The variety in color, texture, and size makes this not-so-hidden treasure just as fun to hunt as Easter eggs. Just be sure to remind kids that there are absolutely no “surprises” to be found inside. Also similar to Easter eggs, said condoms must be handled with the utmost care, and disinfectant.
Note: Should you doubt that your charming neighborhood will have an ample supply of used condoms on its fair sidewalks, rest assured. It will. Should you worry that the chilly weather will keep condom usage off the sidewalks this year. It won’t. Even in the midst of winter, my dog manages to rustle up at least a condom or two on Sunday morning. Quite impressive, really.
This brings me to our next hunt – latex gloves! Besides your own potential (and recommended) use for the aforementioned hunt, this city is a goldmine for used latex gloves on every corner. Why? I don’t even want to know. But have fun with that one!
I like to think of this final option as an Easter piñata of sorts. And this piñata just exploded, showering the city with trash – I mean treats. There’s bound to be something for everyone here, even your dog can join in! From chicken bones to McDonald’s bags to rain soaked tampons, you simply grab whatever you can fit in your city garbage receptacle, aka Easter basket. Just remember, NO PERSONAL TRASH in there or it’s a $100 fine.
Yes, there are rumors from the country that some parents – I mean bunnies – put money in their Easter eggs. If you do insist on attempting a traditional egg hunt, at least fill the plastic eggs with useful city treasures, like some hand sanitizer. Especially if you plan to try any of the alternative hunts above.
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