Free Summerhouse On Craigslist!

Written by Josh Saul on . Posted in Posts.

A summerhouse sounds pretty good, right? Too bad you’re poor. But wait, why not use the “free stuff” section on craigslist to put together your own vacation home? And the Press has already done the legwork for you—the only job left is for you to choose where you want your free summer mansion!

The first thing any beach house needs is a beach, so head out to Bayside and pick up some free sand. There’s about a ton of it, so bring a few friends (and a wheelbarrow).

The best part of summer is staring at all that tan skin, and you’ll have room for plenty of g-stringed foxes in your free 30-foot pool. Thanks, Craig!

Hmm, now we need to find those cuties to fill up your pool (and maybe your free bed, too.) Craigslist can even handle that job for you, whether you’re looking for Cutenbusty or a She-male Playmate.

What about grilling and drinking? Step right up to claim your free gas grill and beer pong table. Unfortunately, nobody on craigslist is giving away any actual booze, but they can at least help you out with the platform on which to rest your addiction.

And later on you’ll probably want to have a bonfire on the ‘beach,’ so you’ll need some free firewood. Just make sure you bring an axe, ’cause right now the firewood is in the form of a large oak tree.

After all that beer ponging and bonfiring you’ll be ready for some serious shut-eye, so just nail together your beach house right quick and you’ll be ready to pass out. It should be easy, considering you already picked up free lumber, screws and windows.

And if you feel like paying the Press back for helping you with your new summer house, why not invite us out for a swim? Hell, we like beer pong and she-males as much as the next guy.

Photo courtesy of Alan Light on Flickr