Count Peacockula
In a truly bizarre and disturbing episode, a poor, innocent [peacock was savagely beaten] last week in a Staten Island Burger King parking lot by a seriously unhinged man convinced that the bird was actually a [vampire](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vampire). Yes, you read that right: A vampire, as in the tall, dark and handsome, sun-fearing, blood-sucking undead. The bird, which we can safely say was lost, was beaten so badly that most of its tail feathers fell out and authorities had to put him to sleep.
Witnesses say that the man grabbed the bird from its perch atop a car, threw it to the ground and proceeded to [kick and stomp on it] incessantly. When an employee questioned the feather fisting fiend about what he was doing, he explained, Im killing a vampire! The attacker fled the scene when police arrived, and is now on the loose. You could almost say that hes taken flight but that would be corny.