Comedy: Back of the Van

Michael Ian Black is the busiest man in cable television right now, and his uncanny ability to pop up everywhere at once is peculiarly Seacrestian. His great new book of essays, My Custom Van, hits stores this week alongside the premiere of Reality Bites Back, Comedy Central’s new reality show featuring Michael as its Jeff Probst. Within the last two weeks alone, Michael started an international literary feud with David Sedaris and challenged Internet celebrity Tucker Max to a fist fight with the following choice words: “So Tucker Max, you drunk, misogynistic motherfucker—I am officially calling you OUT! I am going to fist fuck every hole in your boozy little body until you crawl away like the sniveling little bitch that you are. YOU’RE DEAD!”

I covered all the bases when we spoke, but just to be on the safe side, I asked if he was working on anything else. To my delight, he dropped another new project in his response: “Isn’t it enough that I’ve written a book, I’m hosting a new series and am planning a State reunion? Why do you people always need more, more, more? I feel like all I do is give, but it never seems to be enough. But if you must know, me and my friend Michael Showalter are currently producing a pilot called, Michael and Michael Have Issues.

NYPress: When I open a book of essays, I usually skip to the shortest one first to get a feel of whether or not I want to read more. Should people do that with your book? Or do you recommend specific starter essays? Michael Ian Black: One of the many great things about my book is that all the essays are pretty short, so if you’re like me and just don’t have the time and energy for “reading,” this is the perfect book for you. You can pretty much open up anywhere, read an essay or two, have a hearty laugh and continue on your day. You could even read three or four if you wanted, although I don’t know if you’ll be able to handle that much mirth in a single sitting.

Did you enjoy the book-writing process? Will you try your hand at a novel? I actually enjoyed the writing very much. More than I thought I would. The fun thing about writing this kind of book is that I was able to take one comic idea at a time, mine it for what it was worth and then be done with it and move on to the next. I don’t know if I have the smarts to write an actual novel with “characters” and a “plot.” Plus, I write on a Vic-20 computer, and I don’t think my computer has enough memory to hold an entire novel.

Why don’t you pick a literary feud with David Rakoff instead of David Sedaris? Sedaris is probably too busy counting his advance money in some Parisian cul de sac. Because I don’t know who David Rakoff is. Aside from that, David Sedaris has had the unmitigated audacity to monopolize the best-seller lists for the better part of a decade. Every time he writes a book—zoom—right to the top of the lists, leaving no room for the rest of us struggling comic essayists. Just because he’s the best at it, that gives him the right to be successful? Bullshit.

Since these are two themes that come up in your comedy frequently, what are your favorite places for tacos and butt sex? As for tacos, I have always been partial to Mary Ann’s (either the 2nd Ave location or W. 16th St. location). I have literally been going there since the late ’80s. They have the best salsa and my favorite dish in the world (chicken soft taco, cheese enchilada and a chile relleno). Muy delicioso! As for butt sex, I have no comment, although if Mary Ann’s were to offer butt sex, I would probably try it just because everything else they have there is so good.

How could the writers of I Love the New Millennium forget to include the final Harry Potter book? You may or may not be aware of this fact, but I have nothing to do with what topics they decide to include or exclude from any of those shows. I just show up and spout off about whatever they throw my way. Had they asked me about Harry Potter, I would have told them the truth: I think it’s the devil’s book.

Given the success of the two sold out L.A. shows, is The State planning a reunion tour? No, but we are planning on reuniting for a special on Comedy Central later this year. Hopefully The State DVD will finally be released at the same time, although I make no promises.

What’s your Comedy Central show Reality Bites Back all about? It’s basically a spoof of reality shows that is itself an actual reality show. Ten contestants, 10 parodies of real reality shows like Big Brother, Rock of Love, So You Think You Can Dance, etc. and me as the host. I was actually pleasantly surprised how funny it turned out to be. With that kind of idea, it can go one of two ways: fortunately I think it went the good way. And I got to keep my clothes.

Michael Ian Black reads from My Custom Van July 16 at Bryant Park (betw. the back of the NYPL & 6th Ave.), 212-768-4242; 12:30-1:45 p.m., free.