College Survival Guide: Seven Ways We Know You’re From Out of Town

With homeless people dressed in wedding gowns and the most eclectic and diverse people in the world living here, you might think it’s difficult to stand out in New York. Wrong. It is really obvious to anyone who has lived here for more than a year that you (yes, we mean you, freshman class of 2010) are not quite acclimated to life in New York yet. So here are the seven mistakes you must avoid if you ever want to look like you actually belong.

You’re Walking Around Without Shoes. Ladies, we get it. You’ve had some drinks at a bar on the Lower East Side that accepts the bad fake ID you bought on St. Marks Place and your feet hurt from traipsing around in heels. But when we see you stumbling barefoot down East Houston at 2 a.m. on a Saturday in September, only one word comes to mind: Freshman.

You’re Hitting on Our Gays. We know you’re probably from some town where boys like girls… but you don’t live there any more. If you are telling some really nice, cute guy about your problems, and he’s being really sweet and actually listening to you, he is not straight.

You Take the Subway One Stop. Here’s a tip: You don’t actually need to take the subway from 14th Street to 23rd Street. So when we see you and your group of loud friends pile onto the 6 for a night on the town, and then get off the train one stop later, we know you’re not from here.

Your Entourage Can’t Fit in the Restaurant. Did you ever notice how most New York restaurants are small, and have tiny tables and chairs that seat about four people, which they cram together into a teeny little space? That means when you show up with a party of 13, half the restaurant can’t eat there. Thanks.

You Think You’re “A Carrie.” You’re not. Sorry. You are also not a Miranda, a Samantha or a Charlotte. Also, Sex and the City hasn’t been good since 2003, and you were probably in 8th grade then. It’s time to move on.

You Have a “Going Out” Shirt. We don’t know how, but we can just tell that is the shirt you bust out every time you go “trolling” for “ladies.” (It’s usually some weird mix of Jersey Shore and Banana Republic.) Not only can we tell you’re not from here… we can tell you’re a try-hard.

It’s Your First Office Party and You’re the Drunk Intern. Dude, everyone already thinks you’re a joke or isn’t sure if it’s actually legal to give you a beer. There is a difference between downing 40s with your broke buddies and actually being invited to hang with employed people. So, leave the boozing to your 50-year-old boss. He has kids and a mortgage.