Who knew that 40 years after we put a man on the moon, a woman’s love hole would still be as mysterious to some as the bottom of the fucking ocean? With orgasms going missing left and right and scientists insisting there’s no such thing as the G-spot, the world’s in need of some serious sex ed. Luckily for lovers everywhere, the owners of Babeland have put out an erotic manual, the release of which they celebrated with a party at their Soho location last Thursday.
Prominently displayed at the front of the store, the book’s title proclaimed its helpfulness: Moregasm. “Because why settle for less-gasm?” Crowds of admirers clamored for copies, which authors Claire Cavanaugh and Rachel Venning signed affably with phrases like “Vibe on!” A cake shaped appetizingly like things you stick in your orifices stood guard over many tiny cupcakes, which patrons munched as if practicing for their next performance. Nearby, a man fingered a rubber vagina, musing. “I just saw one of these on TV.The texture’s weird. I prefer the actual equipment, you know?” Kathi Ko, the store’s bespectacled manager, sipped a pink drink. Which was her favorite act in the manual? “I know it all,” she responded, “I work here.”What did she think of the recent controversy regarding the G- spot? “You can’t just find it by poking in,” she sighed. “You have to be aroused and you have to listen to your body.” To help with the first part, there was a tableau vivant of real live couples (one boy-girl, one girl-girl) making out and caressing one another.
A fauxhawk-sporting store employee named Lauren talked up the book, calling the positions “pretty doable.” Were she and her co-workers tenth-level fuckmasters by now or what? “Yeah, we’re really good at sex,” she said with a laugh. “We’re certainly good at talking about it.”
To drive home the point of sexual openness, a girl dressed as a giant, sequined vulva danced to The Pussycat Dolls.“It’s a company costume for events like these,” she explained. Had she volunteered to be the mascot tonight? “Kind of,” she replied. “Once it was assigned to me, I embraced it.”
I couldn’t leave without speaking to the benevolent matriarchs of the franchise. “It’s been an amazing experience,” said Venning. “I feel like we’re on a lifelong sexual journey… in my 20s it was all about experimenting, and now I’m in a relationship and have a kid!”