Blue Jays’ Suckage Reaches New High

Written by Jason Singer on . Posted in Posts, Sports.


The New York Yankees benefited from some much-needed luck last night, when Toronto reliever Jeremy Accardo did his best Chicken Little impression and balked home the game-tying run in the bottom of the ninth. Then, one inning later, a wild-pitch by Casey Janssen moved Alex Rodriguez to second, before Robinson Cano delivered a walk-off single to give the Yankees a 3-2 win and cap the wild ending.

The Toronto meltdown came just one inning after Kyle Farnsworth paraded his own shortcomings, when he allowed an Aaron Hill double that broke a 1-1 tie in the eighth. In a mind-boggling statistic, Farnsworth has now failed to retire the side in 18 out of his last 19 appearances. How is that possible? More perplexingly, how does Farnsworth still have a job? A six-year-old girl could underhand the ball toward the plate, and—at least twice out of 19 times—all three batters would line out to the defense. According to the Transitive Property of Equality, Farnsworth is actually less effective during this latest stretch than a six-year-old girl.

On the plus side, New York moved within eight games of the AL East’s first-place Boston Red Sox and within seven games of the Wild Card-leading Cleveland Indians, after both teams suffered losses. If the Yankees could only face Toronto’s bullpen every night, they might actually be able to get back in the postseason race.

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