Bash Compactor: Toys R Not Us

If you’re feeling guilty about not getting to the gym enough during the holiday season, forget cutting back on carbs. You should’ve come out to the ever-popular David Barton 10th Annual Toy Drive last Friday night. Held smack dab in the middle of the David Barton Gym on Astor Place, instead of doing some Cardio Groove or Xpress Cycle, you could’ve boogied across the dance floor or downed vodka cocktails, all very painless activities. The Stairmasters, exercise bikes and weight machines were handy, but I didn’t see anyone making use of them.

Thanks to the connections of Barton and hostess Susanne Bartsch, a couple that recently announced their divorce, The Toy Drive party has always been a fashion event, and this year was no different: guests included Calvin Klein, photographer Stephen Klein, Marc Jacobs and Narcisco Rodriguez. I even spotted legendary blonde bombshell Diane Brill prancing in the crowd. Meanwhile, having missed the so-called “red carpet” portion of the evening, the public relations girls were on the warpath. “You can’t stand there!” one shouted at me as I was lurking alone in a corner, waiting for my friend who’d jaunted downstairs to the coat check. “No, you can’t bring your camera in here!” another chided me with a cold fury. I’d not been forewarned that photographers were criminals, so I reluctantly checked my two Nikons and tucked a small point-and-shoot into my underpants. Luckily, upstairs at least 40 guests and photographers were snapping away with abandon

“Hey, look at those broads over there,” my friend said, jabbing me in the elbow. I’ve been terribly remiss in my TV watching for the last 30 years, so I didn’t even recognize Dina Manzo of The Real Housewives Of New Jersey or Kelly Bensimon from The Real Housewives of New York City. I did, however, notice controversial artist Andres Serrano making his way across the floor with his girlfriend Irina. “What’s going on with your book, Andres?” I queried. I’d posed in the nude for him back in the early summer. “We’re looking for a new publisher,” he grimaced. I knew he’d find one soon, though.  I hear the magazine Christian School Teacher is looking to spice up their magazine and who could do a better job than the creator of "Piss Christ"?