Bash Compactor: How Not to Crash a Holiday Party

Note to the holiday party planners of this city: Don’t invite guests to a party you’re not hosting. That’s what happened Sunday as I attempted to attend a holiday bowling party for the strangely butch Broadway show Lombardi. When I arrived at Bowlmor in Times Square, I was informed of some sort of miscommunication between the people organizing the party on the show’s side and those representing Bowlmor. The former wasn’t cool with me coming in, the latter had thought that it would be fine. You mean to tell me I weaved through the parking lot of Times Square just to be told I can’t drink, bowl or eat with the cast and crew? I thought to myself, annoyed that I’d hopped the train from faraway Brooklyn.

It’s too bad my dreams of partying with Lombardi title role-player Dan Lauria, still best known as the dad on The Wonder Years, and his on-stage wife Judith Light—Who’s The Boss’ Angela Bower, still rocking feathered bangs in 2010—were so savagely dashed. But I don’t think they’d be too keen on mingling with me anyway: A Bowlmor employee practically had to beg them for their autographs on two big-ass souvenir pins.

The purpose of the party was the same as any company holiday party, I guess: for the people to let loose and relax. I have no idea whether that goal was achieved, though, because I was made to wait outside the party room and could barely see in. They had private lanes and some food, it seemed. I’m assuming the crew was there, because the cast was there, and so was the producer and director, so it’d be kind of tasteless for them not to invite the crew. But they invited me and then made me stand outside, so who really knows what these people are capable of.

Not completely devoid of holiday spirit, Lombardi’s people did bestow on me the gift of two milquetoast interviews. Apparently Dan and Judith are wonderful to work with, according to director Thomas Kail. “It was what every director hopes for. They come into work, they know what they’re doing, and they have a great affection for each other, so it really made my job very easy.” Producer Fran Kirmser echoed, “Oh, it was phenomenal. They’re real stage creatures. They’re really of the stage.” Would that I could only have seen whether their stage magic translated into bowling finesse!

Kail, who sports a baby face and Justin Guarini-esque curls, told me he’d started his career with celebrated Washington Heights musical In The Heights. And now Lombardi, a Middle America football coaching drama? “They’re both stories of being taken from where you’re from,” he said, “and having to go to another place and make it your home.” Unless, of course, they won’t let you in.