Are you a top or a bottom? Or maybe you like it sideways? I suggest you figure it out by going to Susanne Bartsch’s new weekly Tuesday night party On Top at Le Bain on the roof of The Standard Hotel.
If last week’s opening bash was a bellweather for future events, wear as little clothing as possible because it was jampacked. And then there’s that hot tub filling the back of the room, puffs of steam wafting through the air and partiers in various stages of undress cavorting in the water. "Hey, come on in!" the beauteous sultry blonde Anna Evans, wearing a skimpy bikini bottom and nothing else, called out. Her partner-in-crime, host Kayvon Zand, was wading through the pool in a black leather corset and a black fur hat bedecked with feathers. Jordan Fox, dressed as some guy named Jesus Christ with a crown of thorns, danced in the water instead of walking on it.
Unfortunately, I was not in an aquatic mood. I attempted to dance sandwiched in between a hockey-masked Gazelle Paulo and the elusive Narcissister, her false face obscuring the top half of her head. The Dingy Disco trio, Zac Weiss, Jarrett Edward and Rhyan Hamilton, were landlubbers, in their characteristic crazycolored hair and outfits, black painted rivulets decorating their face. Where was Bartsch? I saw her from a distance dancing wildly, but it would have been almost impossible to dive through the crowd.
The artist Kenny Scharf, wearing a Panama hat and undershirt, was perched in the corner by the window looking at the breathtaking Hudson River views. "What’s going on out in L.A.?" I asked him. "I have something in the Art in the Streets show Jeffrey Deitch put on." He painted and glued toys to a 1960 Coupe de Ville for the show at the Los Angeles Museum of Contemporary Art. Club kid Richie Rich, wearing a jaunty cap, gave me an elegant air kiss and swiftly cut in line in front of me to the toilet.
To get some fresh air, I climbed the stairs up to the Astroturfed retro rooftop bar, where bunches of costumed nightlife creatures were clustered on the pink beach chairs and waterbeds.
I might not have dipped so much as a toe into water that night, but On Top had my head positively swimming.