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A Stiff Upper Lip

Josh Saul — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 00:00:00 +0000

Nothing is more inspiring than a man who devotes his life to a cause or ideal: men like Gandhi and Nelson Mandela. Now, another hero joins their ranks. But instead of equality or freedom, filmmaker Jay Della Valle works tirelessly to save the elusive mustache—that much-maligned mouth muff usually associated with pedophiles and porn stars. In his documentary, The Glorius Mustache Challenge ($14.99, gloriusmustache.com), Della Valle records the month-long journey experienced by a group of men under 30 as they each grow their very own flavor saver. The newly mustachioed guysruminate on both the benefits of the push broom and the challenges of growing a cookie duster. One disappointed lip cultivator bemoaned his nose neighbor: “The two girls in my life have both abandoned me, and they actually did say it was because of my mustache…Granted, I cheated on both of them.” Ah yes, life with a mustachio isn’t always fun and games. One musician with a’stache à la Dalí warns, “If someone is really confident about their mustache, go into a truck-stop bathroom and hang out for about 20 minutes. Then see how confident you are about it, ’cause it can get prettyfucking creepy.” Not only does the oft-hilarioius film gather more soup strainers in one place than the average man sees in alifetime, it comes complete with free fake face fur and a whole hour of extra features, including Della Valle’s adventures on CNN, “The Today Show” and (of course) “Geraldo.”

I’d Know That Butt Anywhere

With the Cat Butts magnetic mini kit ($6.95, www.runningpress.com), you’ll never mistake one breed of feline for another again. The extremely detailed illustrations on these handy die-cut magnets make it easy to distinguish the subtle differences between various cat asses. As a bonus for those of you unsure how to identify that which spews forth from the other end of your pussy, there’s also a hairball magnet. The Educational North American Cat Butts Field Guide completes your education. At 32 pages, it’s chock full of everything you ever wanted to know about the rear ends of five specific cat breeds—Persian, American Shorthair, Siamese, Siberian and Black and White—and useful advice like, “It is not recommended to touch a Siamese on the anus directly.” (Jane Warshaw)

I Didn’t Inhale

“Once upon a time, cigarettes weren’t bad for you.” So begins These Things Ain’t Gonna Smoke Themselves: A Love/Hate/Love/Hate/Love Letter to a Very Bad Habit ($12.95, www.atomicbooks.com), Emily Flake’s hilarious and candid account of her tumultuous relationship with cigarettes—from that first sweet, satisfying drag to failed attempt after failed attempt to nix the habit. The critically acclaimed writer and illustrator’s brilliant little book is always honest and never preachy, and will have both addicts and their naysayers laughing (err, coughing) out loud. Whether you’ve been adevoted fan for decades or you just want to understand what drives seemingly intelligent folks to savor deadly cancer sticks, this 112-page gem is for you. (Jill Colvin)

Freak Show & Tell

As Coney Island enjoys its last hurrah before transforming into a glitzy Vegas-style resort, Archie McPhee has come out with the perfect line of keepsake toys to help you preserve the history of the great land of carny sleaze in your very own living room. TheLi’l Sideshow Frog Girl & Lobster Boy play set ($13.95, www.mcphee.com) features two half-human, half-animal creatures: he is plagued with red pincers and a tail, she with green webbed feet. Standing 2 1/2 inches tall, mini freak and freakette also come complete with a plastic stage and vinyl banner featuring an old-school sideshow illustration for added realism. And if you’re really feeling nostalgic, you can make your home circus complete withLi’l Sideshow Strong Man, Li’l Sideshow Bearded Lady andLi’l Sideshow World’s Tallest Man & World’s Smallest Man—of course, that last one’s all relative so theyreally only have each other to prove theirclaim to fame. (Jill Colvin)

TGIW: New Comics Hit The Docks

Josh Saul — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 12:28:57 +0000

It’s that time of the week again, and today some exciting titles smashed onto shelves. World War Hulk is a relatively new series that follows Hulk as he’s banished to outer space by Earth’s heroes. Long-awaited World War Hulk #3 hit stands today, chronicling the big green guy’s return to Earth and his epic battle with Dr. Strange (pictured). Ant-Man #11 also came out today, written by Invincible’s brilliant Robert Kirkman. This comic is a fun one, and since it takes place in the Marvel Universe, you get to see one of Kirkman’s creations interacting with Marvel characters, like Iron Man and S.H.I.E.L.D. Then there’s American Virgin #17, one of the strangest comics on the market. Who exactly is the target demographic for this one? American Virgin follows the life of Adam, a teenage evangelical who travels the world looking for the Islamic terrorists that beheaded his missionary girlfriend, all while trying to hold onto his, er, pants. I bought the first 10, but the later issues have started to freak me out.

TGIW! New Comics Hit The Docks

Josh Saul — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 14:38:16 +0000

Another Wednesday is here, which means this week’s new comics hit shelves this morning. As we speak, excited nerds clog the aisles of comic book shops the city over to collect their favorite titles, arguing the virtues of the new Invincible cover the whole time. (I’m a huge fan, but I don’t like the new cover. It’s not scary enough, plus her boobs looks unnatural.) Other new titles this week include The Walking Dead (same writer as Invincible, Robert Kirkman) and Batman and Robin, which is written by Frank Miller of Sin City and 300 infamy. Wherever you work and live in Gotham, you’re not far from a comic shop. Here are some of the best.

West Village: Sleep of Reason Comics
Union Square: Forbidden Planet
Midtown: Midtown Comics
Brooklyn: St. Mark’s Comics
Staten Island: Jim Hanley’s Universe

Pineapple So Cheap It’ll Make You Giddy

Josh Saul — Thu, 19 Jul 2007 17:58:46 +0000

Produce takes too much effort. Who has time to spend 40 minutes in line at Whole Foods, and then pay $3 for an onion? Slightly sketchy street stand to the rescue! On the East side of Seventh Avenue between 27th and 28th Streets, a man named Patty rules over a stand selling fruit and vegetables for insanely low prices. The stand itself has been there probably since you were born, but Patty is relatively new…and he runs a tight ship (don’t even think about swiping a plum on the go). The food is cheap because it is very, very ripe, and you should probably eat it the same day you buy it. That said, it’s good quality, much better than anything I can find out in Crown Heights. And, like I said, the prices are unbelievably low. Check it out:

Plums: 6 for $1
Bananas: 6 for $1
Avocados: 2 for $2
Cherry tomatoes: 3 boxes for $2
Strawberries: 2 boxes for $1
Red peppers: 3 pounds for $2

Except for the strawberries, everything was fresh and looking good when I stopped by yesterday. According to Patty, all of the produce is from Hunt’s Point Market in the Bronx. See, this stuff really doesn’t fall off a truck. He also wants to emphasize that he is very honest, saying “We don’t rob people! I will drop dead before I rob somebody!” when a customer counted his change.

Jews at Woodstock?

Josh Saul — Thu, 19 Jul 2007 14:16:41 +0000

It’s been 40 years since the summer of love, and Heeb magazine is ringing in the anniversary with its Diamond Days Festival—a four-day indie extravaganza that starts tonight at Rock Star Bar in the ’Burg. Heeb was launched in 2001 to provides Jewish hipsters with investigative reporting into such lofty topics as Bob Saget’s trip to Israel and why Jewish women give great head. Here’s the schedule of bands for Diamond Days, yarmulkes not required.

Rock Star Bar in Williamsburg. Thursday July 19, 7 p.m. to midnight ; Titan, Teeth of The Hydra, Warmth, Monark, Tournament, Wet Nurse, Dead Unicorn and Satanized. BYOB!
Church of Messiah in Greenpoint. Friday July 20, 7 p.m. to midnight; Coydogs, Marissa Nadler, TK Webb (Solo), Pale Hoarse and The Joints. Saturday July 2, noon to midnight; Sunburned Hand of the Man, Plastic Crimewave Expanse, La Otracina, These Are Powers, Assemble Head in Sunburst Sound, Mythical beast, Roxy Pain, Heavy Hands, Spires That In The Sunset Rise, Women and Children, D Charles Speer (members of No Neck Blues Band), Golden Ball, Alana and the Rough Gems, Empty Shapes, Brightside, Khoutek, Weird Owl, Woodwose, Necking, Captain Captain and Olives.
Union Pool in Williamsburg. Sunday July 22, 3 p.m. to 9 p.m.; Fresh Kills, Livefastdie, Psychedelic Horseshit, Golden Triangle and Clean Teens.

Shows are $10 each; $25 for a four-day pass. Buy ’em here. Shalom.

$1,100 for an iPhone?

Josh Saul — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 14:48:46 +0000

The first iPhones will go on sale tomorrow, but the lines at Apple stores started forming on Monday. They must be pretty long by now, since there’s a Craigslist ad selling a prime spot (Thom is seventh in line at the SoHo Apple store!) for $500, cash only. Thom says you’ll need to show up at 5 p.m. tomorrow, hand over the cash and then wait in line yourself until the store re-opens at 6 p.m. to sell the iPhone (for an additional $600). No word yet as to what Apple fanatics will think of profit-hungry posers selling their spots. The first guy to get in line was Greg, who started camping out Monday morning at the Apple store on Fifth Avenue—now that’s dedication. So is the iPhone worth it? Here are two different reviews: one from an enthusiastic David Pogue at The Times, and the other from Glenn Fleishman at the Post (sounds like Fleischman took a few shots of hater-ade before he got his hands on his iPhone). Who knows, maybe this will be the last time Steve Jobs brings one of his creations down from the mountain.

Bloomy Is Carnegie’s Mystery Man

Josh Saul — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 12:21:55 +0000

Mayor Bloomberg is the 44th richest man in the country, but at this rate, he won’t stay there for long. Yesterday, the Carnegie Corporation announced that “somebody” gave them $30 million to distribute among 500-plus charitable groups, but almost every paper in the city has reported that the “anonymous donor” is definitely Bloomy. Since 2002, the Mayor has donated $115 million to the Foundation, which was started by old Andrew himself in 1911 with a capital fund of $135 million. Among the groups receiving money are the Gay Men’s Health Crisis and BAM, and included for the first time is a Brooklyn needle-exchange program. Not all of Bloomberg’s donations are made anonymously; he was public about both the $15 million he gave for the WTC memorial and the $125 million he spent on a world-wide campaign against smoking. The big question lately is whether or not Hizzoner will run for president, but Bloomberg has repeatedly said that he in fact will not, instead choosing to focus on philanthropy full-time when his term as mayor ends in 2009.

Cash for Construction Workers

Josh Saul — Fri, 22 Jun 2007 09:42:05 +0000

The city and one of its construction unions announced a deal that will give the union $90 million to split among its 1,000 workers. The back-pay settlement will mean that every worker will be getting an average pay-off of $90,000, and the workers will also receive large hourly pay increases to equalize their wages with that of private sector workers. Construction worker Neron Banks told the Daily News, “It’s like hitting the Lotto, I’m going to Disney World for my vacation, [then] to Brazil. I’m traveling the seven seas.” The deal between City Hall and District Council 37 was first reported by the Chief-Leader, and in one month you’ll be able to read their story. (The Chief-Leader only allows subscribers access to its articles, but after four weeks anyone can peek into their archives.)

Photo courtesy of Daquella manera on Flickr

Journal for Sale?

Josh Saul — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 13:08:22 +0000

Rupert Murdoch is trying to buy The Wall Street Journal, and starting today he can negotiate directly with the paper’s board of directors. For almost two months now, Murdoch has been hoping to make a deal with the Bancroft family, which controls 64 percent of the paper’s voting shares, but the deal had been held up by their concerns about editorial quality. Murdoch’s media empire includes conservative Fox News and the tabloid New York Post, and there have been worries about what The Journal might look like if he gains control. But a deal could be reached much faster now that the paper’s board is taking the lead in the negotiations and the Bancroft family is stepping back. Also trying to buy a chunk of the paper is MySpace founder Brad Greenspan, who has offered to buy 25 percent of the company for the same per-share price as Murdoch. Apparently, there’s still some money to be made in newspapers. Then again, The New York Times just announced that on July 16 the price of a paper will shoot up to $1.25, and the Sunday paper will go up to $4.

Photo courtesy of Katayun on Flickr

‘The Office’: The Game

Josh Saul — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 13:05:23 +0000

If you’ve watched every episode of “The Office” and even read Dwight’s blog, there’s not much else you can do to feed your Michael Scott addiction. At least there wasn’t until NBC sold the show’s video-game rights to a company that’s making a game out of the show. In the game, the show’s characters will look like bobble-head dolls, and the point will be to complete jobs (boooring) and play pranks on your co-workers (sweet!). What kind of pranks? Well, there’s the standard stapler in jello, that’s always a good one, but here are plenty more if you’re trying to get fired.