Author Archive

Sanchez Ponders Sisqo’s Painted Head!

Written by Dirty Sanchez on June 27, 2000. Posted in Posts

"‘Furthermore,’ coos the sympathetic Sister of Sanchez," the sympathetic Sister of Sanchez cooed, "Sanchez might take comfort in the reunification of Weezer, or that Sammy Hagar is in the studio–despite a most perplexing decision to shelve a box set." The former best thing to have ever happened to Van Halen has started his own label,
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Sanchez Keeps on Slipping Slipping Slipping into the Future!

Written by Dirty Sanchez on June 13, 2000. Posted in Posts

Sanchez Keeps on Slipping Slipping Slipping into the Future! Sympathetic Sanchez pities his poor Sister and must admit that in less controversial times, he’d be happy to discuss Eminem busting poor Neckney’s bubble, besting her and BSB by selling 1,760,000 CDs and scoring the superglamorous second-best first-week-sales-of-all-time prize! "‘Second-best first-week sales of all time!’ enthuses
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Sanchez Saves the Starving Rock Star!

Written by Dirty Sanchez on June 6, 2000. Posted in Posts

Sanchez Saves the Starving Rock Star! Thankful Sanchez must express his gratitude that he lives in the same world as Ann Powers–as long as she’s writing, he’ll never go hungry! "‘Perhaps Ms. Powers is just as thankful for the continued existence of Jon Pareles,’ comments the pithy Sister of Sanchez," the Sister of Sanchez commented
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Humble Sanchez, Mouthpiece of Keening Teens!

Written by Dirty Sanchez on March 21, 2000. Posted in Posts

Sanchez in Teen Hysteria! Superlucky Sanchez stumbled through Times Square last week, only to find himself smack in the middle of the crowd gathered outside 1515 Broadway for NSYNC’s appearance on TRL. But, oh, the pain! For wretched Sanchez has been scolded time and time again by his editor, who thoughtlessly insists that sycophantic Sanchez
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John Lydon’s A Leathery Faker

Written by Dirty Sanchez on February 15, 2000. Posted in Posts

Rotten Rottener Weary Sanchez is dismayed to report that, well past 30 days into a new century, the world of show business consists of more or less the same collection of faces and names that comprised show business in the last months of the last century! Outraged Sanchez rails at the media powers that be,
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DMX Digs Weed and Fine Asses!

Written by Dirty Sanchez on February 1, 2000. Posted in Posts

Piggy Don’t Bungee! Bulging-eyed Sanchez was absolutely floored by Voice house mook Eric Weisbard’s recent piece on DMX the week before last! Salivating Sanchez invites his devoted public to sample this tantalizing opening remark: "What follows is…outtakes and stray threads from my DMX feature in the new GQ." What a fabulous gas! Sanchez swears that
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Ozzy’s Wife Trashes Billy Corgan!

Written by Dirty Sanchez on January 25, 2000. Posted in Breaking News, Posts

Let pedantic Sanchez first say that he would question the judgment of Corgan for hiring a manager prone to talking shit about her clientele in public, regardless of their relative levels of brattitude. And, secondly, confused Sanchez must admit he has no idea what qualified her for the job in Corgan’s eyes, excluding hauling an
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The Top Blank of 90-Blank!

Written by Dirty Sanchez on January 11, 2000. Posted in Posts

The Top Blank Of 90-Blank! Helpless Sanchez, whose only source of sustenance is the Burger King on Delancey, writes this to you 11 hours before Y2K and two hours after his deadline, so he is simply assuming that the world will not end, and it’s worth his time to type out his copy rather than
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Sister Goes CoBo!

Written by Dirty Sanchez on January 4, 2000. Posted in Posts

"‘I should pummel you for purloining my Pikachus,’ pffts the Sister of Sanchez as she punches him in the gut," the punching Sister of Sanchez pfft-ed, "but frankly I’m too glad to have been granted a week without your blatherings." Upon saying this, the Sister of Sanchez gathered up what was left of her Pikachu
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Baby Oil Island

Written by Dirty Sanchez on December 21, 1999. Posted in Posts

Lip-licking Sanchez was superenthused to learn that the placid world of New Metal has been jarringly interrupted by a beef brewing between Slipknot singer Corey Taylor and the pudgy, misunderstood Fred Durst, about whom self-improvement-oriented Sanchez shall soon make a New Year’s resolution to not make fun of twice in the space of a single
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