WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 17



(READING)

CLEAN UP

Bring a quarter and a load of laundry: tonight’s reading goes down in a laundromat. Which is apropos, since the stories being told—Frances Madeson reads from her novel Cooperative Village and Suzanne Wasserman reveals the stories behind photographs of the neighborhood by Rebecca Lepkoff—exemplify the grit of days gone by on the Lower East Side. Klean and Kleaner, 173 E. 2nd St. (betw. Aves. A & B), dirtylaundryreadings.com; 8, free.



(FILM)

HONG KONG HEROES

The Film Society of Lincoln Center screens some of Hong Kong’s best films to honor the 10th anniversary of the establishment of the Hong Kong Special Administrative Region. Certain familiar directors are involved, with Wong Kar Wai (2046, Happy Together) and Johnnie To (The Mission, Election, Triad Election) well-represented. Several films by Andrew Lau and Alan Mak, creators of the Internal Affairs series that inspired Martin Scorsese’s The Departed, screen throughout the week. The Ten Years and Running series also provides an introduction to works by lesser-known Hong Kong directors. One film each by Susie Au (Ming Ming) , Peter Chan (Going Home), Ann Hui (The Postmodern Life of my Aunt) and Derek Yee (One Night in Mongkok) will shed some light on the immense pool of talented directors working in Hong Kong. Triangle, an exciting collaborative work directed by Johnnie To, Tsui Hark and Ringo Lam, opens the festival tonight in its New York premier. October 17-25, Lincoln Center’s Walter Reade Theatre, 165 W. 65th St. (at Amsterdam Ave.), 212-496-3809, filmlinc.com. (Benjamin Sutton)



THURSDAY, OCTOBER 18



(PERFORMANCE)

DO TELL

SpeakEasy: Stories from the Back Room blooms at the crossroads where comedy, spoken word and the ancient art of telling stories meet. It’s true stories told by real people who happen to be immensely talented. Tonight, Mike Albo, Michelle Carlo, Andy Christie (a New York Times contributer who also hosts), HR Britton, Tracy Rowland and Jon Levin. Biscuit BBQ, Park Slope, 230 5th Ave. (at President St.), 718-783-1197; 8:30, $10 drink min.





FRIDAY, OCTOBER 19



(THEATER)

ROAD MOVIE REDUX

Stage, cinema and sculpture merge in Welcome to Nowhere (bullet hole road), in which the daring theater company Temporary Distortion offer their take on the road movie. During the performance, a stream of video is projected above the cast. In scenes of prolonged silence doppelgangers of the characters navigate a hyper-real cinematic landscape as if lost in a dream. The Chocolate Factory, 5-49 49th Ave., Queens, 718-482-7069; 8, $15.



(COMEDY)

COMIC INTERRUPTIS

It seems like comedian Doug Benson is all over the place. “Last Comic Standing,” “Best Week Ever,” “The Comedians of Comedy,” plus he just finished wrapping a documentary called Super High Me. For him to get any more stage time, he’d have to just start performing in the midst of other people’s sets. Oh, but he already does that. The Benson Interruption, finds him in the audience, microphone in hand, interjecting his own quips and opinions into the routines of his high-profile friends, leading the show into hilarious and unpredictable directions. This month’s installment features Rob Huebel from “The Daily Show,” Human Giant’s Paul Scheer and Aziz Ansari, fellow Marijuana-loguer Tony Camin and perennial favorite David Cross. Upright Citizen’s Brigade, 307  W. 26th St. (at. 8th Ave.), 212-366-9176; Midnight, $5. (Ben Kharakh)



(COMEDY)

DYSFunction JUNction

Family Hour With Auntie Sara is a daring show with comedians talking about family in a way that’s not at all appropriate for actual families with actual children. Think The Aristocrats without any punches pulled. AND: free baked goods. Comix, 353 W. 14th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Ave.), 212-524-2500; 7, Free + drink purchase.





SATURDAY, OCTOBER 20



(COMMUNITY)

HARVEST TIME

Fall feels like it’s finally arrived and, with it, the Halloween Harvest Festival. That means art and free art-making and pumpkin-carving workshops, food from Once Upon a Tart and a free performance of Macbeth by the Red Door Theatre Company. Socrates Sculpture Park, 3201 Vernon Blvd. (at Broadway), Queens, socratessculpturepark.org; 11am-3pm, play at 3:30pm, free.



(FILM)

WARHOL’S WORLD

Over three weeks, the Museum of the Moving Image presents a 36-film Andy Warhol retrospective. Dating from between 1963-68, the films offer a better understanding of the American avant-garde that Warhol led in new directions during the 1960s. Redefining the artistic potential of film, his movies had a profound impact not only on experimental cinema, but also on the commercial cinema that they simultaneously praised and parodied. As a time capsule of ’60s youth culture, Warhol’s films offer a glimpse into an especially fertile era of artistic experimentation and production in New York. The retrospective also features a panel discussion on October 21 with curators Callie Angell and David Schwartz and film critic Amy Taubin, and close with the presentation of two documentaries on November 11 looking at life in and around Warhol’s Factory studio. Oct. 20-Nov. 11, Museum of the Moving Image, 35th Ave. (at 36th St.), Queens, 718-784-0077; movingimage.us, $7.50-$10. (Benjamin Sutton)



SATURDAY & SUNDAY, OCTOBER 20-21



(ART)

ALL YOU CAN SEE

At the Annual Gowanus Artists Studio Tour, the collection of media on display—photography, printmaking, video, ceramics, glass, installation, paintings, sculpture, clothing, jewelry—will be matched only by the variety of venues: Most of the studios are located in industrial buildings, some are also in smaller buildings, brownstones or warehouses surrounding the Gowanus Canal. Oct. 20-21, 1pm-6pm. Free. agastbrooklyn.com.



(EROTICA)

SUPERBOWL OF SMUT

Clear your schedule. This is the one weekend when you’ll get to schmooze with porn stars, check out the latest innovations from AstroGlide and snag the state-of-the-art butt plugs before they hit shelves. It’s the Gay Erotic Expo. 293 Lafayette St. (betw. E. Houston and Prince Sts.), gayeroticexpo.com; $25 per day or both days for $30.





MONDAY, OCTOBER 22



(BOOKS)

SCRIBE SCHOOL

Have you spent your life in cafes scribbling stories but still aren’t getting anywhere? Alison Baverstock, the author of Marketing Your Book: An Author’s Guide drops straight knowledge to help you figure out whether writing is the career for you and what to do once your book is published. McNally Robinson Booksellers, 52 Prince St. (betw. Lafayette & Mulberry Sts.), 212-274-1160; 7, free.





TUESDAY, OCTOBER 23



(PARTY)

IF TOLSTOY COULD DANCE

Celebrate the release of Lance Bass’ autobio Out of Sync. And, he is sooo cute!!!” Go for the mancandy, stay for the free vodka. Azza, 137 E. 55th St. (at Lexington Ave.), RSVP to RsvpLance@aol.com; 8, free.



ONGOING



(THEATER)

GIRLS WILL DO GIRLS

A stage adaptation of Ann Bannon’s groundbreaking lesbian pulp fiction of the 1950s and 1960s, The Beebo Brinker Chronicles, written by Kate Moira Ryan, follows the lives and loves of Laura, Beth and Beebo as they navigate uncharted territories of desire. Through Oct. 28 at The Fourth Street Theatre, 83 E. 4th Street (betw. Bowery & 2nd Ave), 212-352-3101. $20.



BRAVEST, MEANEST

Travel back to the gritty days of pre-Giuliani New York: 1848, when Canal Street was a festering canal and rents were dirt cheap. A Glance at New York, written in 1848 as a contemporary vaudevillian entertainment, follows a burly firefighter named Big Mose. Known as the toughest man in the nation’s toughest city, Mose spends much of his time beating everyone in his path, finally seeking redemption by rushing off to rescue a screaming innocent from a burning tenement. Through Nov. 17 at Axis Theatre, 1 Sheridan Sq. (just off 7th Ave.), 212-352-3101; Call for showtimes, $20.



EEKS AND CREEPS AND CHILLS AND…

Hold your breath but don’t cover your eyes: The Shortened Attention Span Horror Festival is in town with five very short plays guaranteed to scare the pants off even the most jaded theatergoers. Each week the audience will select a favorite with the three winning short horror plays to be presented on Halloween. Through Oct. 28, The Players Theatre and Loft, 115 MacDougal St. (betw. W. 3rd St. & Minetta Ln.), www.theatermania.com; Thurs.-Sat., 8; Sun. 3, $17.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 10



(BOOKS)

GOOD YARNS

Stephen King introduces readings of stories he chose for the The Best American Short Stories 2007 he edited—lit snobs be damned. Joanna Gleason reads a story by Karen Russell & Judith Ivey reads a story by T.C. Boyle. Symphony Space, 2537 Broadway (at 95th St.), 212-864-5400; 7:30, $24-$30.



(THEATER)

REVENGE IS SWEET

The National Theatre of Greece takes up our favorite revenge drama this week with a limited run of Electra by Sophocles. Think you have it tough? Check out the classic (directed by Peter Stein) and then you’ll shut up.

Oct. 10-14, NY CityCenter, 130 W. 56th St. (betw. 6th & 7th aves.), 212-581-1212; Wed-Fri. 8; Sat. 2 & 8; Sun. 3, $35-$75.





THURSDAY, OCTOBER 11



(POETRY)

ANTI-WALTS

In Poetics of the Condensery, Elaine Equi & Aram Saroyan reflect on their minimalist propensities and the work of influential practitioners of the spare aesthetic with discussion of Anti-Walt Whitmans such as E.E. cummings, Gertrude Stein, Louis Zukofsky and Joe Brainard will be discussed. Poets House, 72 Spring St. (betw. Lafayette & Crosby Sts.), 212-431-7920; 7, $7.



EEKS AND CREEPS AND CHILLS AND…

Hold your breath but don’t cover your eyes: The Shortened Attention Span Horror Festival is in town with five very short plays guaranteed to scare the pants off even the most jaded theatergoers. Each week the audience will select a favorite with the three winning short horror plays to be presented on Halloween. Through Oct. 28, The Players Theatre and Loft, 115 MacDougal St. (betw. W. 3rd St. & Minetta Ln.), no phone; Thurs.-Sat. 8; Sun. 3, $17.





FRIDAY, OCTOBER 12



(FILM)

MONSTER MAN

Director John Landis, in town for the NYFF premiere of his Mr. Warmth: The Don Rickles Project, appears in person for a special screening of his hilarious/horrifying classic An American Werewolf in London. Two Boots Pioneer Theater, E. 3rd St. (betw. Aves. A & B), 212-591-0434; 6:30, $6.50-$9.



(PERFORMANCE)

MAZEL TOV!

At a friend’s semi-traditional Jewish wedding recently, a 10-piece klezmer band kicked it just as the groom busted the glass. This explosion of pure joy sparked enough momentum to keep that marriage going for a lifetime. Today, a 75-piece klezmer band composed of klezmorim from around the world kicks off their 10-day tour with a free outdoor concert on the Lower East Side that Eastern European Jews called home back in the day. Seward Park (corner of Essex & Canal Sts.), no phone; Noon, free.





SATURDAY, OCTOBER 13



(DATING)

BYE BYE MEETMARKET

Ditch the InterWeb and the cruise bars. DateBait lets eligible creative professionals meet in a relaxed, structured setting. You introduce yourself, mingle, then tell a computer which guys give you the squishies. The Match-o-Meter2000 does the rest. The LGBT Community Center, 208 W. 13th St (betw. 7th & Greenwich Aves.), 206-337-1573; 8, $20.



(COMMUNITY)

SOUND AFFECTS

When was the last time you really listened to the ubiquitous music of the street, and thought about the often imperceptible ways they affect your mind and body? Take another listen during today’s sound walk, a guided listening tour through various New York City neighborhoods and parks, led by the New York Society for Acoustic Ecology. Meet at 2pm in front of Judson Church, 55 Washington Sq. South; call 888-749-9998 for a reservation, free.





SUNDAY, OCTOBER 14



OUT IN THE OPEN

Starting at Brian Tolle’s Irish Hunger Memorial—a Potato Famine-era cottage and surrounding garden of Irish plants that commemorate the events leading to the famine of 1845-52—the Battery Park Public Art Tour visits public art in Rockefeller Park and North Cove. Access at Vesey St.; 2, free.





MONDAY, OCTOBER 15



(NIGHTLIFE)

GOT RUM?

Not that you need an excuse to get hammered, but here’s a great one: Rum Fest 2007. Dozens of sugar cane-based spirits ripe for your dipsomaniacal delight—not just rums but rhums and cachaças from Brazil and Puerto Rico and the world over. Valbella, 421 W. 13th St. (betw. 9th Ave. & Washington St.); 5:30, Go to polishedpalate.com for tickets, which range from $40-$60.



TUESDAY, OCTOBER 16



CATCH UP WITH SLACKJAW

In this week’s Press, we present the glorious and triumphant return of beloved columnist and staff writer Jim Knipfel—in the Listings section. Tonight, old Knip will read from and sign copies of his new novel, a screwball caper tragicomedy called Noogie’s Time to Shine. Astor Place Barnes &  Noble, 4 Astor Place, 212-420-1322; 7, free.





ONGOING



(THEATER)

GIRLS WILL DO GIRLS

A stage adaptation of Ann Bannon’s groundbreaking lesbian pulp fiction of the 1950s and 1960s, The Beebo Brinker Chronicles, written by Kate Moira Ryan & Linda S. Chapman, follows the lives and loves of Laura, Beth and Beebo as they navigate uncharted territories of desire. Runs through Oct. 20 at The Fourth Street Theatre, 83 E. 4th St. (betw. Bowery & 2nd Ave), 212-352-3101; $20.



BRAVEST, MEANEST

Travel back to the gritty days of pre-Giuliani New York: 1848, when Canal Street was a festering canal and rents were dirt cheap. A Glance at New York, written in 1848 as  contemporary vaudevillian entertainment, follows a burly firefighter named Big Mose. Known as the toughest man in the nation’s toughest city, Mose spends much of his time beating everyone in his path, finally seeking redemption by rushing off to rescue a screaming innocent from a burning tenement. Through Nov. 17 at Axis Theatre, 1 Sheridan Sq. (just off 7th Ave.), 212-352-3101; $20.



(ART)

BRINGING IT HOME

On display through Oct. 28 in Long Island City overlooking the New York skyline, Takashi Horisaki’s Social Dress New

Orleans: 730 Days After is an awesome, eerie spectacle: a full-scale latex replica of a demolished Lower Ninth Ward shotgun-style home. Socrates Sculpture Park, 3201 Vernon Blvd. (at Broadway), socratessculpturepark.org. On display seven days a week; 10am-sunset, free.



EARLY STELLA

Through Nov. 17, five rarely seen paintings by American master Frank Stella. Culled from an early but pivotal phase in his development (1958-1965) they include “Your Lips Are Blue,” which is one of only two such paintings with text that still exist. Also on display: “Bafq,” an exotic dazzle of mixed orange, green and purple bands named for an ancient Iranian city. Peter Freeman Gallery, 560 Broadway (betw. Prince and Spring Sts.), 212-966-515;. Tues.-Sat., 10am-6pm.



ART OF ICK

Michael Whittle’s very finely wrought, somewhat icky pencil drawings are reportedly inspired by a Dylan Thomas poem. We don’t see it. What we do see is an almost scientific approach to imaginary organic or natural forms, like the blueprints for props in a David Cronenberg flick. “Cloud, Gland, Tributaries,” for instance, could be a river or a fleck of skin magnified a thousand times. Either way, you’ve been warned. The one-man show runs through Oct. 27. Daniel Cooney Fine Art, 511 W. 25th St. (betw. 10th & 11th Aves.), 212-255-8158; Tues.-Sat., 11am-6pm.



(PHOTOGRAPHY)

THE WRETCHED AND THE RADICAL

Since his immigration here from Canada in 1979, photographer Clayton Patterson has been a dedicated chronicler of the hippies, hipsters, outcasts and in-crowds that have made the Lower East Side arguably the most storied nabe in the city. The first-ever gallery exhibition of his photographs—they could be seen only in published anthologies and at this own Essex St. studio—is on display now, until Oct. 27 at Kinz, Tillou and Feigen, 529 W. 20th St. (betw. 10th & 11th Aves.), 212-929-0500.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 12



(FILM)

CATASTROPHE REDUX

The day after the worst anniversary of the year, lend a your ear and eyes to some fringe voices’ take on 9/11. The conspiracy short, “Ground Zero,” unpacks the event’s similarity to the Reichstag fire. The title of tonight’s feature, The Unrecovered, refers to the thousands of bodies that were lost in the tragic events of Sept. 11, 2001. Anthology Film Archives, 32 2nd Ave. (at 2nd St.), 212-505-518; 8, $5-$8.



(PHOTOGRAPHY)

SEEING THE CITY

Since his immigration here from Canada in 1979, photographer Clayton Patterson has been a dedicated chronicler of the hippies, hipsters, outcasts and in-crowds that have visited or lived on the Lower East Side. The first-ever gallery exhibition of his photographs— they could be seen only in published anthologies and at this own Essex St. studio until now—is on display now, until Oct. 27. Watch out, you may even catch a few freaks.

Kinz, Tillou and Feigen, 529 W. 20th St. (betw. 10th & 11th Aves.), 212-929-0500.



THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 13



(COMMUNITY)

UNIMPEACHABLE FUN

The Cosmopolity organization, which is renaming itself Living Liberally, is “dedicated to providing easy entrance into progressive involvement, using social interaction to promote political action and facilitating collaboration among progressive organizations.” There’s Laughing Liberally (savvy stand-up for Bush bashers) and Screening Liberally (the same only with movies), Eating Liberally (no foie gras!) and, tonight, Drinking Liberally. Get together, tip a glass and swap your favorite Cheney death fantasies. Every Thursday in the kinda grimy, kinda green backyard at Rudy’s, 627 9th Ave. (betw. 44th & 45th Sts.), drinkingliberally.org; 7:30, free.



(FESTIVAL)

HOLY CANNOLI

It started, eight decades ago this year, as a celebration in honor of a 4th-century saint, the patron saint of Naples. The Feast of San Gennaro has since grown into one of the biggest block parties of the year. Eleven days, from Thursday, September 13 through Sunday, September 23, of free music, parades and at least one cannoli-eating contest. And sausage. Lots of sausage. At some point, or so we’ve heard, there’s also some kind of religious ceremony. Along Mulberry, Hester & Grand Sts.; 11:30am-11:30pm (till 12am Fri. & Sat.), free.



FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 14



(MUSIC)

PICTURE MUSIC

The Either/Or ensemble performs works composed with graphic scores—that is, pictures and unconventional symbols instead of standard notation—by modern composers who pioneered the concept: Earle Brown, Morton Feldman, Christian Wolff and others. The Kitchen, 512 W. 19th St. (betw. 10th & 11th Aves.), 212-255-5793; 7, $10.



(FILM)

LAS PELICULAS FABULOSAS

The 6th Annual International Latino Film Festival kicks off tonight, and it’s way more than just Latino films. Vanessa Hidary (known by some as “the Hebrew Mamita”) reads from her novel in progress, Bodega Girl, and Juca, featuring Carol C., performs. For a full listing of events and screenings, go to LoisaidaCortos.com. At the Hip Hop Culture Center at the Magic Johnson Theater, 2309 Federick Douglass Blvd. (at 124th St.); 7pm, $20 donation. RSVP required: info@ loisaidacortos.com.



(ART)

WORKSHOP TILL YOU DROP

Heard of Draw-a-thon? If art’s your thing, you should have by now. Hosted by founding artist Michael Alan, it’s an eight-hour orgy for the inspiration-hungry artist, a drawing/painting/sculpting/writing/anything-goes workshop with music and nudes—as envisioned by Antonin Artaud. Every Friday night at Rebar, 147 Front St., Dumbo, B’klyn, michaelalanart.com; 8, $13.



SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 15



(COMMUNITY)

WEST SIDE SPIRIT

Everyone’s favorite demolished-elevated-railway-turned-urban-blight-but-soon-to-be-fantastic-public-space, a.k.a. The Highline, continues to drum up enthusiasm with cool arts festivals. All day today, it’s the Kitchen High Line Block Party, a free festival of sight and sound that’s 100 percent Chelsea. W. 19th St. (betw. 10th & 11th Aves.), no phone; 12-5pm, rain or shine.



(COMEDY)

KING OF COMEDY

Murray Hill, the razzle-dazzler, he who “makes polyester somewhat breathable,” the host with the most, appears for four shows only in September. And you’ve already missed one. Mo Pitkins’ House of Satisfaction, 34 Ave. A (betw. 2nd & 3rd Sts.), 212-777-5660; 10, $15/$18.





SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 16



(FESTIVAL)

A SALTY SALUTE

Bet you didn’t know that radishes, okra, cabbage, fish and meat, carrots, beans, onions, eggs, limes, mangos, peaches and beets can all be pickled, didja? That’s because the cucumber—that prideful and phallic fruit!—has hogged the barrel for too long. Today may be called International Pickle Day, but it’s also a day for those other brine-friendly foods to come out from behind the cucumber’s shadow. Orchard Street, 11am-4:30pm.





MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 17



(READING)

OUT AND ABOUT

What’s it like being gay in the Muslim world? Hint: it ain’t a picnic. Just ask Mike Luongo, who edited the book Gay Travels in the Muslim World. The anthology culls the best new writing on the topic, with dispatches from Iraq, Afghanistan, Egypt, Israel, Morocco—and suburban America. The author will read from and discuss his book tonight at Barnes & Noble Chelsea, 675 6th Ave. (at 22nd St.), 212-727-1227; 7, free.



TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 18



(CULTURE)

OPRAH FOR FANBOYS

The Comic Book Club is the city’s only live event dedicated to discussing comic books and all other things supervillain/superhero-related. Hosts Alexander Zalben, Justin Tyler and Pete LePage, fresh from their appearance at San Diego ComicCon, welcome Ron Richards of iFanboy.com and other guests. The PIT, 154 W. 29th St. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 800-838-3006; 8, $5.



(ART)

PUNK’S LICHTENSTEIN

Combining vernacular media and comic book textures with dark political and personal themes, Raymond Pettibon is best known as the guy who designed Black Flag’s four-bars logo and whose work adorns many of their album covers. Pettibon also did the cover of Sonic Youth’s Goo in 1990. But you won’t see any of that in this exhibition, Here’s Your Irony Back, so don’t go away disappointed. Through October 20, David Zwirner Gallery, 525 W. 19th St. (betw. 10th & 11th Aves.), 212-727-2070; Tues.-Sat., 10am-6pm, free.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 29



(COMEDY)

GROWING PAINS

In their two-woman show Asbestos for Breakfast: Tales of Surviving Childhood, Eileen Kelly takes you on a jaunt through memory lane to a simpler time when electrocution, accidental overdose and run-ins with child molesters were rites of passage. And Vijai Nathan lives to tell about facing death at Chuck E. Cheese, meeting Jesus, her dad’s addiction to “Three’s Company” and becoming one of Charlie’s Angels. The Tank, 279 Church St. (betw. Franklin & White Sts.), 212-563-6269; 7:30, $5.





THURSDAY, AUGUST 30



(FILM)

AS YOU WISH

The Princess Bride. You’ve seen it a thousand times; you’ve quoted from it twice as many times, much to irritation of your dates and co-workers. Take them to see it again and be vindicated—at least you’re not dropping lines from Reservoir Dogs. The lawn of the Empire-Fulton Ferry State Park section of Brooklyn Bridge Park, sundown. free



(PARTY)

RADIO FREE LES

Every month the free Internet radio station Diskull.com holds a sweet (and also free) dance-rock party with its DJs, who spin indie/hip tunes from around the world. This month it’s at the Slipper Room, 167 Orchard St. (at Stanton St.), 212-253-7246; 10, free.





FRIDAY, AUGUST 31

(INTERACTIVE MUSIC)

OUT OF THE SHOWER

Time to take your karaoke experience to the next level. Ditch the video screen, the bouncing ball, the skipping CD or song machine. Become a sex machine. Choose from a long list of your favorite new and classic rock songs, shoot a cheap shot at the bar and grab the mic:  It’s Rock Star Karaoke. Ars Nova, 511 W. 54th St. (betw. 10th & 11th Aves.), 212-868-4444; 8, $5.





SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 1



(COMMUNITY)

AS THE DOUGH FLIES

There’s Tiger Woods, Wayne Gretzky, Tony

Hawk—the guys who are so good they make it look easy. Then there’s Joe Carlucci. He’s a world champion pizza dough tosser, and he’ll be doing his thing in front of Grotta Azzurra Ristorante on the corner of

Mulberry & Broome Sts.; 4, free.



(BURLESQUE)

Saturday Spectacular

The tease begins on Thursday and continues until Sunday, but don’t miss the New York Burlesque Festival’s big Saturday Spectacular for the buxom beauties who like to (almost) show you their stuff. Whether you’re in it for the neo-feminist vibe or the titillating thrill, the best ladies in the business—including Jo Boobs, World Famous *Bob*, the World Famous Pontani Sisters (and Tigger)—bring the sexy vibe to its peak. And will leave you longing for more. Highline Ballroom, 431 W. 16th St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-414-5994; 8, $25/$30.



SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 2



(FILM)

ABOVE AND BELOW THE RADAR

Here’s an idea: Take an old classic, in this case Scorsese’s early crime drama Mean Streets, and show a few shorts by local up and comers beforehand. Come for the best, the Keitel and De Niro, stay for the brightest, the next wave of NYC’s finest filmmakers. Oh yeah, and make it free. In addition to Mean Streets, tonight’s screening will include Sloth by Peter D’Addeo, a short study of the chillest of the Seven Deadly Sins; and Barbara Hammond’s June Weddings, in which, on the way to his son’s wedding, a man stops in for a drink and talks about the past and the future with a lady who drinks champagne at noon. Galapagos, 70 N. Kent St. (betw. Kent and Wythe Sts.), B’klyn, 718-384-4586; 8, free.



MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 3



(TRAVEL)

VAMOS A LA PLAYA

All day today, the Circle Line ferries Labor Daytrippers—um, Day Laborers?—back and forth from Manhattan’s South Ferry to Sandy Hook beach in New Jersey. Now, we’ve never been, but a quick scan using Google Earth shows lots of white sand. Could this be one of the Garden State’s vacation best-kept secrets? There’s even a nude beach. Ferries leave from Pier 16 at the South Street Seaport at 9:20am, 11:20am and 1:20pm, with return trips 2:15 pm, 4:15pm and 6:15 pm; 888-9CLINE1. Advance roundtrip tickets are $29 for adults, $22 for kids, and $32 round-trip for adults and $22.00 round-trip for children day of.



(MUSIC)

A REUNION TOUR THAT DOES NOT SUCK, PART II

Hot on the heels of his appearance last night with his band Sebadoh, Lou Barlow continues his rampage of reunionness through the northeast with the band he was in before the doh’, Dinosaur Jr. They’re another band that scored a W with their return to the living: a critically acclaimed new album, “Beyond,” and the return of their frontman. J Mascis, to his well-deserved status as an indie rock guitar hero. He even has a Fender Jazzmaster named for him. Yes, it’s purple. With Dr. Dog, another one of Jeff Tweedy’s new favorite bands. Webster Hall, 125 E. 11th St. (btw 3rd and 4th Aves.), 212-353-1600). 8pm, $20.



TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 4



(THEATER)

SAYONARA, IL DUCE

The Billionaires for Bush are not happy. Their man’s party lost control of Congress. With Rove gone, their man—with the lowest approval rating in history—is due for a brain transplant. And everyone seems to be talking about the Democrats’ leading contenders. The Billionaires’ new musical revue, Billionaires Forever, attempts to answer the question, What’s going to happen to Billionaires For Bush once Bush is out of office?   With new music from composer Clifford J. Tasner (aka “Felonius Ax”), and directed by Follies Artistic Director Melody Bates (aka “Ivy League-Legacy”), Billionaires Forever offers a peek into the rarely seen inner sanctums of the Bush Administration—and the Billionaires who pull the puppet strings. Musical numbers include classics like “I’m a Texas Oilman” and new gems like the “Billionaire Blues,” “Landmines Are a Girl’s Best Friend,” and new age lullaby “Global Warming.” The show is a hilarious and pointed reminder that Bush is not the end of the story when it comes to the Billionaires’ quest for Government of, by and for the world’s glorious Corporations. Starts today, with performances through September 9. West 45th St. Theatre, 354 W. 45th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-352-3101; 7, $20.



ONGOING



(COMMUNITY)

PUSHCART HEAVEN

With probably the best pun I’ve heard in a while for a name, Lower Feast Side is just that: a festival of local culture and food that would warm the heart and tempt the tongue of the most demanding gourmand. Every Sunday from July 1 through September 9, on Broome Street between Allen and Orchard, the LES Business Improvement District is hosting this “interactive street fair” that reinvents itself every week. Plus, a free historic walking tour of the Lower East Side at 3pm each Sunday leaves from the LES Visitors Center at 261 Broome Street, located on the block of the Feast. free.



(PARTY)

WILD STYLE

Every Tuesday night, the proud and fabulous freaks at Lotus throw a party called The Factory. It starts with a performance by Little Brooklyn Burlesque at 10:30pm. Then, and this one we don’t really get but here goes: “THE MONEY CANON shoots money and a chance to win a bottle of booze at 2am with Flambeaux and the P Cult!” Then there’s a porn star search. Definitely not for the faint of heart, The Factory is hosted by Rainblo, Miss Guy, Michael Formika Jones and others. Lotus, 409 W. 14th St. (btw 9th Ave. and Washington St.), 646-467-8251. 10pm, free if you say “Formika” or “Michael T” at the door.



(FILM)

BEAUTY AND THE GEEK

Jørgen Lauersen Vig is a very eccentric, 82-year-old lifelong bachelor. He lives alone in the ramshackle Hesbjerg Castle in the Danish countryside and plans to donate his homestead to the Russian Orthodox Church to become a monastery. With his long, black overcoat and shock of unruly white hair, glasses perched on the tip of his nose, he’s been described as “a cross between Ebenezer Scrooge and Rasputin.” Sister Ambrosija, a spirited and attractive Russian Orthodox nun, arrives with a small entourage and begins to whip the place into shape. And it’s all a true story. Their battle of wills plays out in offbeat encounters that take unexpected turns in the haunting yet humorous documentary The Monastery: Mr. Vig and the Nun. Playing through Sept. 11. Film Forum, 209 W. Houston St. (6th Ave. & Varick St.), 212-727-8110, $5-$10.

ONGOING



(ART)

SOLAR NIGHT

If you’ve walked along the West Side highway at night, past 22nd Street, you may have been mystified by the appearance of a curious orb, glowing green and red and orange and white, near the top of the Pace Wildenstein building. Its artist Robert Whitman’s newest project, SUN, 2007, which uses a movie generated by the Yohkoh satellite —that’s Japanese for sunbeam—a project developed by the Institute for Space and Astronautical Science that obtains images of the Sun in wavelengths not accessible from Earth. Whitman modified the rotation, speed and color of the star, and the final result is a monumental artistic interpretation of the Sun projected onto manipulated fabric. Now you know what that strange and beautiful thing is, that more beautiful sun that rises when the familiar one goes down. Robert Whitman’s “SUN” screens daily from sunset to 10pm and will remain on view through September 1, 2007. PaceWildenstein, 534 W. 25th St. (betw. 10th and 11th Aves.).



(COMMUNITY)

PUSHCART HEAVEN

With probably the best pun I’ve heard in a while for a name, Lower Feast Side is just that: a festival of local culture and food that would warm the heart and tempt the tongue of the most demanding gourmand. Every Sunday from July 1 through September 9, on Broome Street between Allen and Orchard, the LES Business Improvement District is hosting this “interactive street fair” that reinvents itself every week. If you love the Lower East Side—and not just for its hipster cachet—or just want to find out what most of the fuss is about, all at once, go. Adorned with pushcarts reminiscent of ye olde LES, visitors can sample the best in food, clothes and accessories from a variety of sources on the Lower East Side and listen to the finest in local bands at the Living Room. Plus, a free historic walking tour of the Lower East Side at 3pm each Sunday leaving from the LES Visitors Center at 261 Broome Street, located on the block of the Feast. And, like we said, every Sunday it’ll be a little different—face painting for the kiddies one day, cooking demos from Whole Foods, a Green City Composting demo from the LES Ecology Center, and more. free.



(THEATER)

BOUND BY BLOOD

Their father dies, and his estranged children come together to try and forge a new relationship. No, it’s not “The Darjeeling Limited,” Wes Anderson’s new flick (that’s Sept. 29). This is bombs in your mouth, premiering to rave reviews at the NYC Fringe fest. Half-siblings Danny and Lilly haven’t spoken for five years. While Lilly pursued a lofty advertising career in Manhattan, Danny took care of their abusive, insane father in Minnesota, building up mountains of resentment in the process. The death of their father reunites Danny and Lilly, forcing them to hash out their differences in a beer- and Jell-O-filled kitchen. The play, written by Corey Patrick and directed by Joseph Ward, plays through August 24 at Cherry Lane Theatre, 38 Commerce St. (at Bedford), 212-239-6200. Fringenyc.org; $15.



(EXHIBITIONS)

 FIGHTIN’ IRISH

As anyone with even an elementary knowledge of New York history can tell you, the Irish helped make this city the gritty, pugnacious, feisty place it is today. The toughs who filled the streets just before the turn of the century became cops, robbers, firemen—and boxers. Lots of them boxed. Close to where thousands of Irish men and women first set foot on American soil—South Street Seaport—the new exhibition, Fighting Irishmen: Celebrating Celtic Prizefighters 1820-Present, features these Irish sportsmen not just as the scrappy pugilists they were, but as contributors to our popular culture, because before movies and television and computers, if you didn’t go to the theater, you went to the ring for entertainment. Everything you could ever hope to see as it relates to the history of Irish boxers in NYC is here: Not just archival photographs and leaflets, but Jack Dempsey’s blazer, a heavy bag from Gene Tunney’s gym and, yes, Dan Donnelly’s mummified right arm. Through Dec. 31. South Street Seaport Museum, 12 Fulton St., 212-748-8600; Fri.-Mon. 10am-5pm.



(GAMES)

WHADAYOUKNOW??

What crappy neo-garage band is named after two singers from a great Krautrock band? What did Jack White do before he became a rock star? When was the last time Devendra Banhart applied deodorant? If you think you’ve got the answers to these questions, you need a girlfriend/boyfriend, er, you’ve got what it takes to take on all comers at Rock Trivia Mondays. If you thought all that obscure knowledge was, in fact, useless, you haven’t been to Pianos on Mondays. Someone actually still cares, as it turns out, about the Eagles. Which is sort of cool, in its own way. OK, no it’s not. Not at all. (Answers: The Mooney Suzuki; furniture upholsterer; information unavailable at press time.) Pianos, 158 Ludlow St. (at Stanton St.), 212-505-3733; 8, free.



(PERFORMANCE)

A MAN’S BREAST FRIEND

Thank God for Feminism. We have this movement, along with the way it’s been taught and espoused in liberal arts colleges, to thank for the fact that nowadays, taking your clothes off in public is actually an expression of power. And, smart chicks can do it. Because of Feminism we have things like Suicide Girls, striptease classes at Crunch, and Thursday and Sunday Burlesque Nights at Rififi. According to their website, these nights offer “a variety of eye-popping striptease, magic, acrobatics and vaudevillean antics.” On girls with names like Veronika Sweet, Nasty Canasta and Creamy Stevens. I was in the area just the other night, and the line was around the street. Hey, call it whatever you like—I still get to look at boobs. Rififi, 322 E. 11th St. (betw. 1st & 2nd Ave.), 212-677-1027; Sun-Thurs. 10, $5.



WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 15



(MUSIC)

SOOTHE-POP

Badly Drawn Boy is one of the great post-Beatles British bands to go the McCartney, instead of the Lennon, route to crafting an excellent catalogue of pop gems and heartbreakers. For this writer, hearing the Boy, and especially the “About a Boy” soundtrack which made central songwriter Damon Gough famous, always takes me back to a very specific time and place: The living room of a very sweet, moderately pretty young woman whom I dated briefly while trying to get over the very beautiful tempest from which I had just barely managed to extricate myself some months before. Like that brief rebounding affair, BDB is kind of boring, but wonderful. Who says romance and its trappings have to knock you off your feet? Sometimes it’s fine to just massage you into the blissful forgetting of all your troubles. Spiegeltent, at Pier 17 (off Fulton St.), 212-279-4200. 10, $35.





THURSDAY, AUGUST 16



(MUSIC)

THE AURAL PHALLUS

If you’ve seen live any of the Hot NYC bands in recent months—bands like Deerhunter, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, the Secret Machines, even—chances are good that if you arrived at 8 when the doors opened instead of at 11 when the headliner went on, you had your mind fucking blown. Maybe because you weren’t expecting to have it blown so early, or maybe because if you like the fancypants sound of YYYs et al you may have forgotten the transformative power of the Riff. Yes, the Riff. The fancypants bands have plenty to recommend them; I have all three of the bands on my iPod. But what they don’t do well (if at all) tonight’s headliners do better than anyone else right now. Heavy Hands and Endless Boogie have pledged their undying fealty to the magic of the simple phrase, played over and over, at very high volumes. How lead singers and homoerotic stage play are nice, but for some—this writer included—nothing beats the aural equivalent of a tremendous phallus smacking you over the head. The Hands and the Boogie flex their prodigious riffscles tonight, with Black Cobra and MegaNeura at Club Midway, 25 Ave. B (at 3rd St.); 8, $8.



(READING)

VACATION, SHMACATION

Stripped down, user friendly and unpretentious in execution if not quite in name, KGB Bar’s Drunken! Careening! Writers! is the best reading series in town. Unlike many bookstores and reading venues—if not most, or so it seems—this one dispensed with vacation this year. Thank God. August is painfully slow for bookworms and lit lovers. Tonight, settle in readings from Robert Westfield, whose first novel, “Suspension,” won both the Gay Debut Fiction and Gay Fiction Lambda Literary Awards this year; Justin Courter, author of “Skunk: a Love Story,” in which “An obsession for skunk musk sends a young man on a picaresque journey”; and Robin Cloud, a Brooklyn-based comedienne who is not promoting a book but is hilarious and fantastic nonetheless. KGB Bar, 85 E. 4th St. (betw. 2nd Ave. and Bowery), 212-505-3360. 7, Free.



FRIDAY, AUGUST 17



(MUSIC)

YOU GUYS ARE WEIRD

Sleepytime Gorilla Museum brings the art of histrionic rock to new heights. (Or lows.) If you’ve ever heard the growls, hisses, whines, twists and turns of their recorded music, then you have some idea of what you’re in for tonight. Caveat emptor: Their faces will probably be painted, and there may be at least one white person onstage with dreadlocks. Tread, if you dare, the thin line between the avant-garde and the completely ridiculous. With Tub Ring and Made Out of Babies. Highline Ballroom, 431 W. 16th St. (betw. 9th and 10th Aves.), 212-414-5994; 8pm, $13.



(INTERACTIVE MUSIC)

BANG THE DRUMS

Djembe and conga drums, bells, shakers and sticks await you at Battery Park City Park Conservancy’s sunset drumming circles led by master drummers Maguette Camara, Pamela Patrick, and Mary Knysh (who also leads jams three August). The evenings begin with the teaching of traditional drumming patterns. After establishing a steady heartbeat pulse, individuals—young and old, novice and experienced—contribute their own rhythmic patterns as part of call and response chanting and drumming. Working together as a drumming village, everyone taps into his and her own creativity. All engage in cooperative, non-verbal communication, sharing the heady responsibility for creating beautiful, exciting sounds. It’s always incredible, one in a great series of summer events that bring the community together way downtown. Robert F. Wagner, Jr. Park (access at Battery Place). 6:30pm. FREE



SATURDAY, AUGUST 18



(FILM)

MYTHMAKING NYC

Was New York City before Dinkins and Giuliani really that bad? Was it ever that bad? My parents would say no, but they didn’t live in the Bronx or Harlem. At any rate, it’s fun to think that, even if it wasn’t, the City of the 1970s is at least the perfect backdrop for these two mythic tales of violence and power. Tonight’s double feature, “The Warriors” and “Superfly,” are well suited to each other. The action is stylish and groundbreaking, the characters are vicious anti-heroes who are tremendous fun to watch. And the city, dressed up with the potency of Homer’s Ilium in medias res, is a place you’ll love to visit but be thrilled to leave. Part of the NYC Noir series, continuing through Aug. 30, at Film Forum, 209 W. Houston St. (6th Ave. & Varick St.), 212-727-8110, $5-$10.





SUNDAY, AUGUST 19



(MUSIC)

REMARKABLY COMPETENT

The band Golden City, composed of defunct indie obscurities The 101 and Christie Front Drive, won’t change your life, or your perception of what Rock can do. (If anything, hearing them, a vast improvement of their constituent parts, will prove the point that you should beware bands with numbers or girls’ names.) But on a Sunday night, when all you want to do is cushion the blow before the impending work week with a few beers and some live pub rock in the background, you can’t do much better. Fat Baby,112 Rivington St. (at Essex). Time and price tba.



MONDAY, AUGUST 20



(BOOKS)

GARDENING FOR CHANGE

Author of Grassroots Gardening: Rituals for Sustaining Activism,

Donna Schaper is senior minister of Judson Memorial Church at Washington Square. She’s also the Jane Jacobs of gardening, a community-minded activist who argues that gardening is a great passion for many progressive, political, communal people. In 2003 she wrote an op-ed for the New York Times that told the story of her rejection from Coral Gables Garden Club because she was too liberal. In response to her article, dozens of garden societies across America contacted Schaper, inviting her to join their societies. Listen tonight as she addresses many of the same themes from Grassroots Gardening, in which she talks about how urban gardening sustains and foments community—and thus, activism and social change. McNally Robinson Booksellers, 52 Prince St. (betw. Lafayette and Mulberry), 212-274-1160. 7pm; FREE.





TUESDAY, AUGUST 21



(FILM)

SCOTTISH FILMMAKER REDISCOVERED

Before his death from cancer at age 54 in 1991, the Scottish filmmaker Bill Douglas amassed a small but impressive body of work. According to the scholar Rhys Graham, writing in his book “Senses of Cinema,” Douglas “should have become one of the most significant figures in modern cinema.” He made only four features—three of which compose a trilogy—and a handful of shorts, in which he transforms his personal dramas into cinematic poetry. Tonight, a rare screening of two 16mm films that Douglas lovers consider his best: “My Childhood (1972)” and “My Ain Folk (1973).” These intimate, autobiographical masterpieces—unjustly called “austere” and “confessional” by one critic—are not on DVD; and anyway, they deserve to be seen as light reflected into space. Anthology Film Archives, 32 2nd Ave. (at 2nd St.), 212-505-5181. 7, $8; $5, members; $6, seniors and students.