5 Foolproof Schemes to Bypass Security at Obama’s Big Fundraisers

Written by NYPress on . Posted in News Our Town Downtown, NY Press Exclusive, Our Town Downtown.


By Paul Bisceglio

 

Obama knows how to attract star power. Though his opponents accuse him of spending more time as a celebrity than a politician, the President continues to enjoy the limelight as the guest of honor at super high profile fundraisers organized for him by some of America’s most famous.

In February actor George Clooney welcomed Obama to his home, and tonight “Sex in the City” star , Vogue editor and singer will entertain him in New York City. Parker and Wintour are hosting a 50-person, $40, 000-per-guest dinner at Parker’s place to support the Obama campaign, and Carey is performing in a second  at the at , this one with 250 people at $10,000 a ticket.

You may not have $50K piled in your bathtub to swim in on lonely days like tonight’s guests, but here are five ways you still might be able to slip by the tough looking security guys in suits and sunglasses who stand between an average Thursday night and waking up tomorrow with a hangover and pictures on your phone of you trying to make out with Mariah Carey:

1.Walk in on the arm of a celebrity

There’s no way the security guards know every face on the guest list, so just hide right around the corner from the entrance and latch on to the first free famous arm that passes. You can explain once you’re in. Oh, I’m sorry, beautiful famous lady, I mistook you for my equally beautiful and also famous girlfriend.

2. Connect with one of the guards on a personal / spiritual level

It worked on bouncers all the time when you were younger, right? You forgot your ID at home and look about 15, but the big, burly secret service guy at the door is suddenly your best friend after you share a cigarette and realize that you both love Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

3. Dress up weird and say you’re Lady Gaga

You never know what this pop superstar will show up wearing at big events, and neither do security guards. Wear jet black make up, put a cardboard box on your head, cover yourself entirely in McDonald’s cheeseburgers – do whatever, just make sure that no one can really see your face and that you call whatever you’re doing fashion. (N.B. You might want to check to see if Lady Gaga is actually on the guest list.)

4. Pretend you’re part of the catering staff

This one’s easy because it’s in the movies. Pull some unsuspecting event staffer into a hidden room, make a lot of crashing and bonking sounds, throw in some cartoon smoke and lightning effects for comedy, and walk out 30 seconds later perfectly attired in the staffer’s clothes. Grab a tray of oeurs d’oeuvres and proceed to famous person mingling.

5. Find an invisibility cloak

Rumored to be made from the hair of Demiguise, this magical cloak conceals whoever wears it from site. It only exists in Harry Potter. Sadly, it also is the only option on this list that might actually get you in.

(By the way, if you read this article for real advice, you might want to try contacting this couple.)

 

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